kingphil Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 it is the joke thread Rob. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarry Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 Before the Battle of Rorke's Drift did the British Army have to go to Ante-Natal classes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted February 12, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted February 12, 2010 Before the Battle of Rorke's Drift did the British Army have to go to Ante-Natal classes?(....desperately tries to think of a good "Isandlwana" pun. Fails.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarry Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 Before the Battle of Rorke's Drift did the British Army have to go to Ante-Natal classes?(....desperately tries to think of a good "Isandlwana" pun. Fails.) Who threw that spear? Assegai over there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 bought one of the Alexander McQueen shirts today neck's a bit tight but it hangs well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidlewis Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door. It's opened by a little twelve year-old boy who has a lit cigar in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked under his arm. The salesman say, "Hello, son. Is your mum or dad home?" The little boy responds, "What the **** do you think?" that is a Jack Dee Joke, berry berry good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gringo Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 18,000 noses meet in the sty for a 'Blosers Are Not Stupid' convention. Rom Toss addresses the crowd. 'We are all here today to prove to the world that Blosers are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer please?' Lee Carsley gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. Toss asks him 'What is 15 plus 15?' After 15 or 20 seconds Carsley says, 'Eighteen!' Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the Blosers start chanting 'Give him another chance! Give him another chance!' Toss says: 'Well since we have a capacity crowd, world-wide press and global broadcast media here, I think we can give him another chance. So he asks 'What is 5 plus 5?' After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, 'Ninety?' Toss looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone is disheartened and Carsley starts crying. But then the 18,000 Blosers begin to yell and wave their hands shouting ' Give him another chance! Give him another chance!' Toss, unsure whether he is now doing more harm than good eventually says, 'What is 2 plus 2? ' Silence hangs over the stadium. Carsley closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, 'Four?' Pandemonium breaks out throughout the stadium as the noses stand to a man, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream 'Give him another chance! Give him another chance!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VillaEire Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? HUSBAND: Definitely not! WIFE: Why not - don't you like being married? HUSBAND: Of course I do. WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry? HUSBAND: Okay, I'd get married again. WIFE: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face). HUSBAND: (Makes audible groan). WIFE: Would you live in our house? HUSBAND: Sure, it's a great house. WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed? HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep? WIFE: Would you let her drive my car? HUSBAND: Probably, it is almost new. WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers? HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do. WIFE: Would she use my golf clubs? HUSBAND: No, she's left-handed. WIFE: - silence - - HUSBAND: F * ck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted February 17, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted February 17, 2010 After the tragic luge death at the Winter Olympics, the Irish bobsled team are refusing to compete until the course is gritted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Designer1 Posted February 17, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted February 17, 2010 How do you circumcise a SHA fan? Kick his sister in the chin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted February 17, 2010 Moderator Share Posted February 17, 2010 After the tragic luge death at the Winter Olympics, the Irish bobsled team are refusing to compete until the course is gritted. I love it (and you'll notice I've nicked it for elsewhere ). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 "Hi Mom, How are you?" "Hi Sally, where are you? I thought you were with your father at the hardware store?". "Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they've let me make one phone call." "Oh my God - what happened!?" "Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the head." "What on earth? Why did you do that!!?" "Well it wasn't my fault. Dad told me to find a Black & Decker..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olboydave Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 After the tragic luge death at the Winter Olympics, the Irish bobsled team are refusing to compete until the course is gritted. I love it (and you'll notice I've nicked it for elsewhere ). :oops: not sure?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted February 18, 2010 Moderator Share Posted February 18, 2010 Huh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olboydave Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Huh? I don't get the joke. Could you explain?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted February 18, 2010 Moderator Share Posted February 18, 2010 The track is too slippy/dangerous cuz someone died, so the Irish want the ice to be gritted - like you'd grit an icy road. Making a mess of the whole thing On another level it pokes fun at our inability as a nation to drive on anything other than a perfectly good road but that's more an 'inside' joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villahero Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 Hey, guess who i just saw at the petrol station ?, that ' Human Torch ' bloke from The Fantastic Four movies....i tried to get his autograph but he just kept rolling around on the floor screaming a lot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villahero Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 I've been seeing a retarded girl for a few weeks now and we're keen to take it to the next level....anyone know where i can get some window flavoured condoms from ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claretman Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 Edit: Double Post! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claretman Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 Two couples go away on holiday and the two hubands Paul and Dave decide to try and get their ladies to wife swap for one night. Amazingly the ladies agree but Paul knows full well his wife is on the blob so he has got one up on Dave. They agree that at breakfast they will tap the spoon on the table however many times they have shagged the others wife. The next morning Paul grins and taps the table twice. Dave stops, thinks, and then taps his spoon once on the jam and three times on the Nutella! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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