rjw63 Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 I was shocked to hear the Home Secretary say that Britain's prison population has been ballooning for the past ten years. My God, has the world gone mad? Those people are there to be punished, not to be given 'thrill of a lifetime' experiences that most law abiding citizens can only dream of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 I recently bought a fridge freezer from Curry's, and after I had paid for it, they asked me for my address to arrange delivery. I told them that I lived between Gateshead and Hexham, and if they rang me a week next Tuesday between 8am and 7pm, I might be able to give them a six hour slot when I would be able to take delivery. When they rang me, I told them that my house was out of stock and they should ring back on Saturday. The shoe's on the other foot now, isn't it, Curry's? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted March 12, 2010 Moderator Share Posted March 12, 2010 Roses are red, but there are also pink, white and yellow varieties Violets aren't blue, they're violet, hence the name I've got OCD And my poetry skills are also lacking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Are you drunk yet though? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted March 12, 2010 Moderator Share Posted March 12, 2010 No Have to drive soon :cry: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Bad times. In other news, I am pretty much getting to drunk-ness Good times! :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Mmmmmmmmmm drunkness Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Aye,,,, got abottle of vino to open yet! Sorry that's a bit OT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Still on the beer this end! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oaks Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 If Carlsberg sponsored football teams, they'd probably be the worst in the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarewsEyebrowDesigner Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 What did one lager drinker say to another? "I'm gay as fuuckk." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC-Prideofbrum Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 Chat-up line that I found funny. Motion with your finger for a girl to come over. When she gets there say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YLN Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 Chat-up line that I found funny. Motion with your finger for a girl to come over. When she gets there say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum." Oo.....er.. missus....? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted March 15, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted March 15, 2010 A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.' The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.' The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love , but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.' The wife and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old. The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cizzler Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 Chat-up line that I found funny. Motion with your finger for a girl to come over. When she gets there say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum." Oo.....er.. missus....? Or you could have said 'if i brought you over here with one finger, imagine what I could do with my fist?' :| Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarewsEyebrowDesigner Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 Or you could have said 'if i brought you over here with one finger, imagine what I could do with my foot?' | Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaretMahoney Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 Chat-up line that I found funny. Motion with your finger for a girl to come over. When she gets there say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum." How's that one crude chat lineup go that I may of heard on here first?? something like - Walk up to the girl "Can I smell your fanny?" If she says yes, you're golden, if she says No then it's something like "Oh must be your feet then" Have i got it right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted March 16, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted March 16, 2010 Duno, but that's quite funny even if you've got it wrong Another good one: "I bet you a quid I can move your tits without touching them" Then proceed to fondle her breasts to your heart's delight, say "oh well" and hand her a quid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kingphil Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 Duno, but that's quite funny even if you've got it wrong Another good one: "I bet you a quid I can move your tits without touching them" Then proceed to fondle her breasts to your heart's delight, say "oh well" and hand her a quid. You would probably end up getting arrested for something like that these days ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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