WAHEY! It's a JOKE thread : Enter at your own risk.

[Qwpzxjor1]

I bet Emmanuel Adebayor didn't run the length of a pitch to celebrate in front of the Gunners this time...

I think I've had that texted to me four times today. More than any joke I've ever received I reckon.

It is a brilliant one though.

[rjw63]

My girlfriend just asked me: "What's for tea?"

I said: "Come on now, we've been here for nearly three years; in Portuguese, please."

[rjw63]

In my Biology test today one of the questions asked me to name 2 things you'd find in a cell.

Scousers and blacks is probably wrong.

[rjw63]

What have Babestation and the hunt for Bin Laden got in common?

Spend as much money as you like, you'll still never see the word removed.

[Brumerican]

Good times on sickipedia today Rob? As you might know, 90% of my facebook status updates are just stolen from sickipedia, but even I stay clear of the Racist, Kiddy stuff, rape and maddy Jokes!!! I have too many close family members in my friends list unfortunately!!

I did like this one from today as well.....

I've been sat on my arse looking at the web all day.

I hate being a spider.

[Brumerican]

I wonder who posted this on sickipedia?

Every time I go to Villa Park I wear my lucky pants, I've had them for 10 years and I'm sticking to them.

[ClaretMahoney]

That doesnt even make sense.

[Brumerican]

That doesnt even make sense.

Pants mean underwear here, not trousers. If you had the same lucky pants for ten years they would probably be stuck to you. What I dont quite get is, whether it's a pro or anti Villa joke , or just completely random.

[knoppy1987]

Parents gave birth a boy who was slightly unfortunate, born with just a head.

Anyway, he grew up, just as a head and his parents tried to make life as good as possible for him.

Reaches 18, and his Dad decides that it would be a great idea to take him the pub for his first pint. So anyway, the Dad gets the first round in and his son starts drinking. Next minute his son sprouts a torso. Obviously they had found a cure so the Dad started buying him drinks and the son started downing the pints. After not so long he had limbs and was just like anyone else all be it intoxicated.

It was about that time he called it a night so he told his dad he was off home and he would see him tomorrow, so the son left.

Next minutes, the Dads mate came in the pub frantic "Your sons dead, been knocked over by a car"

Barman over hears and says "Should have quit while he was a head"!

[ClaretMahoney]

That doesnt even make sense.

Pants mean underwear here, not trousers. If you had the same lucky pants for ten years they would probably be stuck to you. What I dont quite get is, whether it's a pro or anti Villa joke , or just completely random.

Yea I kinda figured it meant underwear, and i got the sticky reference, but yea, it didnt make sense in that i didnt see if it was a dig at Villa or what...

[ClaretMahoney]

....come to think of it, it was probably just a filler for the joke, the beginning part. And it was written by a Villa fan who THINKS he has a future in comedy....

[ClaretMahoney]

Parents gave birth a boy who was slightly unfortunate, born with just a head.

Anyway, he grew up, just as a head and his parents tried to make life as good as possible for him.

Reaches 18, and his Dad decides that it would be a great idea to take him the pub for his first pint. So anyway, the Dad gets the first round in and his son starts drinking. Next minute his son sprouts a torso. Obviously they had found a cure so the Dad started buying him drinks and the son started downing the pints. After not so long he had limbs and was just like anyone else all be it intoxicated.

It was about that time he called it a night so he told his dad he was off home and he would see him tomorrow, so the son left.

Next minutes, the Dads mate came in the pub frantic "Your sons dead, been knocked over by a car"

Barman over hears and says "Should have quit while he was a head"!

[YLN]

My girlfriend just asked me: "What's for tea?"

I said: "Come on now, we've been here for nearly three years; in Portuguese, please."

I jumped to this being a Maddie reference, am I wrong?

[ClaretMahoney]

I don't think you are..

[YLN]

It's pretty vague isn't it?

[NulliSecundus]

I think it's supposed to be a Madeline reference!

[YLN]

I wonder who posted this on sickipedia?

Every time I go to Villa Park I wear my lucky pants, I've had them for 10 years and I'm sticking to them.

But if you wouldn't be going to Villa Park every day. At most you'd be going once a week if we were in all cups and europe, or maybe if you were watching the reserves you'd go more often, but they could easily be washed in the interim.

Maybe he's sticking to them because he creams himself with the football we play, or he shits himself because we're often hanging on in games

[knoppy1987]

Many Local Councils throughout the UK are trying to keep young children off the roads and pavement in such bad weather.

So they have brought out a new machine.

The Gary Gritter.

[knoppy1987]

Man was driving to work one morning on busy roads whilst trying to light his cigarette.

Suddenly he slammed on the brakes and dropped the cigarette on the arm of his jumper which then set on fire. Frantically he was trying to put it out as he drove past the police who in turn noticed him and began to follow.

The driver being a honest guy stopped and got out of his car assuming the police were going to help him put the fire out.

The Police Officer got out and said ' Stop right there, you are under arrest for possession of a firearm'

[duncandares]

The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

'Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the

Harp Pub in County Clare , Ireland .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you.

We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty.'

'Well, Paddy,' Sarkozy replied, 'This is indeed important news. How big is your

army?'

'Right now,' says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, me

Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eleven.'

Sarkozy paused. 'I must tell you, paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.'

'Begoora!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!'

'And what equipment would that be paddy?' Sarkozy asks.

'Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor..'

Sarkozy sighs amused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000

armoured personnel carriers.

Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.'

'Saints preserve us!' says Paddy. I'll have to get back to you.'

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne!

We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as

well!'

Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Paddy,

that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes.

My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites.

And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000.'

'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!' says paddy, 'I will have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. 'Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy.

I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.'

'Really? I am sorry to hear that,' says Sarkozy. 'Why the sudden change of

heart?'

'Well,' says Paddy, 'we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and packets

of crisps, and we decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.'