PieFacE Posted December 26, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted December 26, 2014 Don't know where else to put this, My wife said she loves someone else. It's killing me. They are my kids I have raised them, she is a career woman. She want's half custody, but she has been a crap mum. She has all the money in her accounts. Whatever happens my kids will lose out. It's the end, Oh god. 26 years and 1 month together Sorry to hear that fella Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colhint Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 don't know what to do, don't know how to go on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVTuco Posted December 26, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted December 26, 2014 Mate, I don't know what else to say than that you really need to talk to someone. The sooner the better. All the best to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brommy Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 Don't know where else to put this, My wife said she loves someone else. It's killing me. They are my kids I have raised them, she is a career woman. She want's half custody, but she has been a crap mum. She has all the money in her accounts. Whatever happens my kids will lose out. It's the end, Oh god. 26 years and 1 month together I hope you are managing. What age are your kids? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colhint Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 I'm not coping very well at the moment. The kids are a 12 year old boy and a 14 year old girl. I found out about the affair when I opened my xmas present,in a room full of the family, aunts and uncles etc. she had done me a collage of my kids photo's unfortunately she left the receipt and with the proofs of the other photo she did of her for this other man in it. Now I just managed to control it for the day. It turns out she has rented another place. She will move out in a day or so. Can she take the kids? I really hope not there must be some legal standing, this is the family home to prevent this. Anyway a bit of background, she is a bit of a high flier and so for the last 10 years I have been a stay at home dad, and she has gone to work, all over the world often in China for a week or 2. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr_Pangloss Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 (edited) Well, given the nature this, i.e. that she's the one who has undergone a pretty elaborate affair, and that you're the one who has looked after the kids, I think you will probably hold more cards than usual (when it comes to a custody battle) in a court of law. If I were you I'd stop her from taking the kids with her. I'm sorry you have to go through this, sounds like she's pure scum. Edited December 27, 2014 by Dr_Pangloss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colhint Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 She's not real scum, but she always puts herself before the family, well in all the little ways, like the kids will get the basic entry level nexus and she gets the new I pad and I phone when it comes out, or she has missed family holidays because of business, biut could always get a week away with her friends. Now we have just told the kids, so many tears, so so many Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MakemineVanilla Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 (edited) I'm not coping very well at the moment. The kids are a 12 year old boy and a 14 year old girl. I found out about the affair when I opened my xmas present,in a room full of the family, aunts and uncles etc. she had done me a collage of my kids photo's unfortunately she left the receipt and with the proofs of the other photo she did of her for this other man in it. Now I just managed to control it for the day. It turns out she has rented another place. She will move out in a day or so. Can she take the kids? I really hope not there must be some legal standing, this is the family home to prevent this. Anyway a bit of background, she is a bit of a high flier and so for the last 10 years I have been a stay at home dad, and she has gone to work, all over the world often in China for a week or 2. There's not a lot you can do about the grief right now and you will just have to work through it but you have my total sympathy. But I definitely think you need to get some legal advice as soon as possible, so you can at least reduce your dread and uncertainty. Be assured that in today's so-called 'no-fault divorce' settlements, you should be given at least half of the shared assets, and I think once you can hear this from a lawyer, you will feel more confident about your ability to rebuild your life. She should pay child support. When it comes to custody the family courts do tend to favour the mother but being that your kids are of a certain age, their preferences should be take into account. It is very difficult to discuss these things sensibly when you have had your guts kicked out but it might be possible that your wife may in fact not actually want custody, especially if her motives are more to do with life-style ambitions, driven by some menopausal madness . But ultimately it should be the welfare of the kids which should be your priority and burdening them with a corrosive conflict of loyalty should be best avoided, if possible. Trying to make it less of a big deal than it actually is, is probably the best you can do for your kids, even if that verges on the impossible when feeling so emotional. Believe me, as many guys who have been in your position will attest, it is possible to rebuild your life and it definitely is not the end, even if things won't be the same. Do not leave the family home. At some point you will arrive at a position where you can see things rather clearer than you do now, and so in the meantime just hang in there and don't do anything daft or desperate. Edited December 27, 2014 by MakemineVanilla 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 From how you describe her, you sound like you're better off without her. I know that's little comfort, or probably none at all, but you never know, this whole experience might be a blessing in disguise in a few year's time. Sucks you have kids involved though. She sounds like a piece of work and a very selfish one at that, if you don't mind me saying so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 Wow, don't know what to say colhint apart from I really feel for you. It is going to hurt like hell for a while and the fact there are kids involved makes it worse. Least she is moving out and the kids will probably want to stay with you, as you have been the stay at home Dad and also she is the one in the wrong. I'm assuming the kids know she is the one in the wrong? You need to stay strong, surround yourself with your friends and your family and plan what you are going to do. What is going to happen to the family home? If you are a stay at home Dad can you afford to live there? Do you need to get a job? I know it sounds horrible to have to be thinking of these things now but you have to be prepared. All the best buddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 What a shitty chrissmuss present. I feels for ya, colhint Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 terrible news colhint, hope everything works out one way or the other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 (edited) Its things like that that make me hate humanity sometimes. Fight for your kids colhint and don't let her get away with getting the upper hand or anything. Don't give her an inch. Look after yourself, I hope you are alright and spend as much time with the kids, family and friends as is possible. It'll hurt but in time you'll see it as an escape from something worse. All the best and take care of yourself. Edited December 27, 2014 by Ingram85 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colhint Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 thank you all for your support Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbie09 Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 Sounds like the kids need you more than they need her. Focus on them and you'll get through this. God bless you fella Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 As was said before, as you're the main care giver to the children in this relationship I would guess you would be in a stronger position than the usual father in a custody battle. Fight for them, don't let them leave even if she has to call the police. I hope it goes your way, horrible situation to be in, my worst nightmare in fact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ismail-villa Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 Very sorry to hear the bad news mate, we just have to keep our fingers crossed that you get what you need, which is custody of the kids. Hopefully down the line life will be much better for you. All the best mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post tinker Posted December 27, 2014 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted December 27, 2014 Go to a solicitor ASAP, take all the facts written down, not why it broke down, the financial facts. Your job before you gave it up for the kids, her pension, her income, equity in any property and all the other facts. Try and separate the emotional facts from the financial. Join a gym, seek new hobbies, meet new people and don't, or try not to feel bitter. Life is a journey and sometimes it goes in directions you don't want it to, accept it and move on. You are at the start of new chapter of your life, grab it with both hands and kick the shit out of it while you can. PS good luck 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Colhint, You will be angry, you will be feeling anything but reasonable but yours and the kids sake you need to be strong and make the separation as amicable and stress free as possible. It will do the kids no favours at all to see mummy and daddy in court fighting over who loves them the most. The age your children are at will mean that their opinion of who the want to live with will carry a huge amount of weight, its their choice and needs to be respected. Go and get legal advice asap if you can sort out division of assets by mediation do it. I don't know your financial circumstances but legal aid is no longer available for divorce cases and the fees will easily add up to £25k if this all ends up in Court. I'm so sorry for you. Stay strong. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted January 5, 2015 VT Supporter Share Posted January 5, 2015 Hit the gym! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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