StanBalaban Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 My favourite joke of all time Bloke goes for a job at a blacksmiths, blacksmith says "have you ever shoes a horse?" the bloke replies "no but I told a donkey to **** off once" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted June 3, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted June 3, 2012 Would have been funnier if he hadn't misspelled the most important word in the joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claretman Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 Two prostitutes talking to each other. One says "Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" The other replies "No, but I've been swung round be the tits a few times." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gillz Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 A young knight called Sir Robert set on his journey to become the greatest knight of all time. He decided the best way to do this was to travel to Camelot and receive a quest from king Arthur. So he saddled his white horse, put on his red cloak and sliver armour and set off to follow his dreams. Whilst travelling through the forest he came across another knight who challenged him: "who goes there?" shouted the knight "it is I, sir Robert." replied our young hero "You are not Sir robert, I am sir Robert" cried out the knight "oh" the young knight sheepishly replied "I have been a knight for 30years and completed many dangerous quests and killed many foul beasts. I will no let you steal my name!" bellowed the knight "Fair enough, i shall call my self sir Robert of the white horse." suggested Sir Robert The two knights agreed and were both on their way. Continuing upon his journey Sir Robert of the white horse entered a mountin pass where once again he found his path blocked by another knight. "who goes there?" shouted the knight "it is I, sir Robert of the white horse." replied our young hero "You are not Sir Robert of the white horse, I am sir Robert of the white horse" cried out the knight "oh" the young knight sheepishly replied "I have been a knight for 20years and completed many dangerous quests and killed many foul beasts. I will no let you steal my name!" bellowed the knight "Fair enough, i shall call my self sir Robert of the white horse and the red cloak." suggested Sir Robert The two knights agreed and were both on their way. Once again Sir Robert of the White horse and red cloak set off on his journey to Camelot when he came across a river. Eventually he found a bridge but alas there was another knight blocking his path. "who goes there?" shouted the knight "it is I, sir Robert of the white horse and red cloak." replied our young hero "You are not Sir Robert of the white horse and red cloak, I am sir Robert of the white horse and red cloak" cried out the knight "oh" the young knight sheepishly replied "I have been a knight for 10years and completed many dangerous quests and killed many foul beasts. I will no let you steal my name!" bellowed the knight "Fair enough, i shall call my self sir Robert of the white horse and red cloak with the silver amour." suggested Sir Robert The two knights agreed and were both on their way. what horrid luck our young knight had however he thankfully found his way to Camelot without any further disturbances. He waited many days for an audience with the king but was finally granted a meeting. "My King, I am sir Robert of the white horse and red cloak with silver amour. i have travelled long and far to meet you and would have the honour, if you deem fit, to be a knight in your service. Please, M'lord grant me a quest and i shall not fail you!". The king was quite moved by the young knight but was uncertain of the Knights worthiness. "Young knight, Your desire and passion do you proud but i fear i cannot help you. i have no quests suited for you currently. the only quest i have at the moment is to kill a dragon that has been terrorising a village. A deed to great for your first quest i fear." The King said. "Please Your grace, grant me this quest and i shall not fail you!" sir Robert begged. "Fair enough, your words have moved me. Complete this quest and bring me proof of your victory young knight and you shall be famed throughout the land and able to pick any name you desire!" The King declared. Sir Robert was overcome with Joy and the prospect of getting a better name. He set out on his horse immediately to slay the dragon. He crossed perilous lands until he eventually arrived at the village which to his dismay had been burned to a crisp. no fuelled by further passion and a sense of vengeance he climbed the mountain the the dragons liar . Here a battle of epic proportion took place that no words can do justice to. After several hours of endless battle the knight emerged victorious and the dragon was dead. The knight was tired and exhausted but the Kings words ran through him "Bring me proof of your victory." Realising he could not bring the entire dragon back to Camelot he decided to cut of the dragons ear to serve as proof of his victory. The knight's journey back was long and arduous as his battle had taken it's toll. however he eventually made it back to Camelot were he sought the King to tell him of victory. Upon entering the King's hall he marched down the centre towards where the King sat. With great pride and dignity he set down his proof of victory at the king's feet. The knig rose and moved closer to the knight looking bemused and confused. He looked a the Knight and asked "What's this here?" I fully understand if you all want to kill me now considering this doesn't make as much sense written down as when you say it But trust me next time someone asks you to tell a joke tell this tale, make it as long as you want and you shall have so much fun at their expense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted June 4, 2012 Moderator Share Posted June 4, 2012 Right. That's it Gillz. You're on 'the list'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
briggaman Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 I wasted a couple of minutes of my life on that. I will never get that back... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG_Villa_Fan Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 I knew I had to check the comments after the long joke before reading it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gillz Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 Right. That's it Gillz. You're on 'the list'. hahaha. Im sorry i just can't help telling that 'joke' and waiting for people reactions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StanBalaban Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 Right. That's it Gillz. You're on 'the list'. I scrolled past the joke, read your comment BOF, took in the information yet still couldn't keep myself from reading Gillz's post. I don't deserve your pity. :cry: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villaajax Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 Gillz, I'm going to find you and cut you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted June 4, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted June 4, 2012 i only read the joke after reading the comments. Still hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharkyvilla Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 I got accused of cheating on Countdown the other day but it was just their word against mine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 Top work Gillz, glad I read the comments first so kind of knew what to expect but bravo sir! top stuff! Pissed myself at the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gillz Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 Top work Gillz, glad I read the comments first so kind of knew what to expect but bravo sir! top stuff! Pissed myself at the end. thank you haha. I think its right up there with the best of them. Another painful one for you all: i was at a dinner party the other day but there was a bit of a cue for the punch. I went for a walk and talked to some guests and when i came back there was no punch line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villaajax Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 Careful Gillz, I live in Oxfordshire :? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StanBalaban Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 Top work Gillz, glad I read the comments first so kind of knew what to expect but bravo sir! top stuff! Pissed myself at the end. Youre of my list too now. After reading your reaction I went back to the 'joke' thinking that I must have missed something. I hadn't! Now I've read it twice. I'm disgusted with myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted June 5, 2012 Share Posted June 5, 2012 Shit! Just had to go back and read gilz joke fuuuuuuuuu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted June 5, 2012 Share Posted June 5, 2012 I don't get the joke... the King says, "What's this here?" I assume since it's supposed to be spoken it's meant to sound like, "What's this ear?" Right? But I still don't get why that's funny. It reminds me of the guy walking into a bar with a giraffe, getting it so drunk it collapses on the floor and the guy goes to walk out when the barman shouts at him, "Oi! You can't leave that lyin' there!" To which the man replies, "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe." So shouldn't the above joke be that the knight cuts off the dragon's nose, takes it back to the King who then says, "What's this here?" To which the knight says, "It's not an ear, it's a nose." Or have I completely missed something? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted June 5, 2012 Share Posted June 5, 2012 You've completely missed something. It's more of a 'trollface' type thing as the joke goes on for ever and the pay off is terrible next to non existent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted June 5, 2012 Share Posted June 5, 2012 So what did I miss? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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