What is your experience of mental health?

[A'Villan]

Had to leave uni after an hour of arriving last week and took yesterday off work with the advisory board. Just needed some downtime to myself.

As I posted earlier in the thread, I was diagnosed as schizophrenic some years ago. It's incredible to reflect on how I was when I was in the midst of all that.

I don't really want to go in to the details, but something happened last week which made me question if I was having my first positive symptom in years.

I have explained the situation to friends and professionals and the feedback I have received from everyone is that it does not appear to be a positive symptom.

Some things in this world are truly far-fetched. Truth can be stranger than fiction. I am talking about MK-ULTRA type psychological operations.

It's no wonder my clinician friends in the psychiatry department think I'm bonkers, they are so sheltered in some regards. How could they understand?

I don't expect anyone on here to understand or relate to this post, because it's pretty vague. Deliberately so.

I guess it's been a pretty amazing experience to come out of schizophrenia with a sound mind. I was in a lot of trouble in those years. Trauma got the better of me.

Having a bit of a weird week. The thought of having a positive symptom and slipping into another nightmare was terrifying. I'm certain death would be kinder.

You never know what some people have been through. You never know what some people have put others through.

To finish I'll remind people to be kind to yourself and those around you and take care in the way. The casualties of war don't have a share in the spoils.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good people to do nothing.

[A'Villan]

12 hours ago, StefanAVFC said:

I feel flat. No idea why. Last night I felt like I could burst into tears. And it's affecting every aspect of my life atm.

Not trying to downplay your experience, I can only gather so much from a single line of text over a computer screen.

But what you're describing to me sounds like you have a condition most commonly known as 'human'.

People burst into tears all the time. Grown men do it when they are observing other grown men put a leather ball into the back of a net.

We get down sometimes.

But honestly if you're concerned about it open up to someone with a little more insight than myself. Could be the end of it right there.

Sorry to read that it's affecting your life in all areas.

[kurtsimonw]

It's hit me like a train again.

I thought I'd gotten over the breakup, I was definitely improving and starting to feel normal again. I woke up on Saturday morning and couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't do anything.. The same on Sunday. Then again yesterday, and today. That's 2 more days of pay I'm missing, and I won't be shocked if I don't feel like going in tomorrow.

I think it's the realisation, at least in my mind, that I'm never going to be happy again. Reaching my age having never had a date is quite hard to deal with in the first place. Having such a connection with someone so instantly was a nice feeling, a feeling that lead to friendship and then more. Over a year with that person, you'd think you'd have some impact on them. But it's been 2 months since the breakup and she hasn't reached out at all. I've not messaged her because I don't want to bother her. But she told me that we'll always be friends, I've been the best friend she's ever had and that I did nothing wrong in the relationship - that it just didn't work. And yet, here I am without having any contact from her. What does that say about me? That despite doing nothing wrong, she doesn't want a trace of me in her life? The first person I ever had close to me feels this way about me. It took me this long to find someone, I've tried the whole online dating thing, I've tried the apps, I've tried joining social things, but none of it worked. The loneliness I'm feeling now is how I felt before I met her. The worst part now is that I know I feel so depressed due to being that lonely, and I know that it may very well be an ever lasting feeling as I don't think I'm capable of finding a partner.

I can't get out of bed. I don't want to get out of bed. I'm so sick and tired of feeling this way. Seeking help is so entirely pointless. Just a string of doctors telling me to see a bunch of therapist who subscribe me with various meds. All of which is a complete waste of time.

[lapal_fan]

49 minutes ago, kurtsimonw said:

It's hit me like a train again.

I thought I'd gotten over the breakup, I was definitely improving and starting to feel normal again. I woke up on Saturday morning and couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't do anything.. The same on Sunday. Then again yesterday, and today. That's 2 more days of pay I'm missing, and I won't be shocked if I don't feel like going in tomorrow.

I think it's the realisation, at least in my mind, that I'm never going to be happy again. Reaching my age having never had a date is quite hard to deal with in the first place. Having such a connection with someone so instantly was a nice feeling, a feeling that lead to friendship and then more. Over a year with that person, you'd think you'd have some impact on them. But it's been 2 months since the breakup and she hasn't reached out at all. I've not messaged her because I don't want to bother her. But she told me that we'll always be friends, I've been the best friend she's ever had and that I did nothing wrong in the relationship - that it just didn't work. And yet, here I am without having any contact from her. What does that say about me? That despite doing nothing wrong, she doesn't want a trace of me in her life? The first person I ever had close to me feels this way about me. It took me this long to find someone, I've tried the whole online dating thing, I've tried the apps, I've tried joining social things, but none of it worked. The loneliness I'm feeling now is how I felt before I met her. The worst part now is that I know I feel so depressed due to being that lonely, and I know that it may very well be an ever lasting feeling as I don't think I'm capable of finding a partner.

I can't get out of bed. I don't want to get out of bed. I'm so sick and tired of feeling this way. Seeking help is so entirely pointless. Just a string of doctors telling me to see a bunch of therapist who subscribe me with various meds. All of which is a complete waste of time.

I think out of all the things you have posted, the thing that really sticks out to me is just how little value you place on yourself.  I think you must (try) and get out of that mindset.  90% of people out there lack self-awareness, and to be honest, it's quite a good thing to have, because they don't critically evaluate yourself, like you obviously do. 

I'll ask you what I asked Chindie - what do you see or perceive as "happiness" or "success"?  What to you, do you think "value" is, in reference to a person?  

What is it about yourself that you find not good enough, or not valuable enough for other people to find attractive? 

Hardly anyone out there is a "looker", hardly anyone out there has enough material goods to offer complete dependency, so what are they offering that you aren't able to? 

Very little I imagine. 

You seem thoughtful, caring and very considerate - all very attractive qualities.  

Something that may not be perceived a attractive is just how little you value yourself.  

You're in a hole without a ladder, but it's very important you don't stop looking for the ladder to get yourself out.  The hardest thing to do right now, is lifting that big heavy head up from the pillow, and planning something in the not so distance future to give yourself something to look forward to.  

Once you get out of the "getting out" stage, then you can begin to start thinking more broadly.  Go to the Villa (it's great at the moment), go fishing, go for a walk, drive somewhere you wouldn't normally go, go see your parents, ask your friends to go out for a meal or the cinema - live a little. 

Life is great, beautiful and there's so much to do to see, feel and experience - don't lose your vitality! 

Don't do anything you don't want to do, focus on you and things you enjoy - you're allowed to be "selfish", you're allowed to feel shit, but by the same token, you're definitely allowed to try and be happy. 

Keep going bud, even Milan aren't looking too shitty these days!  Forza Milan! 

[Rodders]

break ups are always complicated and moving on to a place where you can re-find friendship is tricky. There are often the best of intentions, but the reality is that in re-orienting a relationship questions or concerns will float up about how a new dynamic begins. She may well think it's too difficult to view you as just a friend, certainly right now - 2 months is still a short time - or she may worry that being friendly might inspire some misplaced hope in you that the relationship can be saved. You might immediately disagree and say that you know the relationship is over, rationally, I'm sure you know that, but emotionally transitioning from what appears to have been an intense time ( certainly from your end ) to a looser form of friendship requires effort and patience, and being in a mental place to do that can take a long time. 

And relapses of emotion are so utterly standard, normal, part of the process please don't try to be anything other than compassionate to yourself in that respect. Everyone oscillates, some more wildly than others, in response to emotional changes. It very well might not happen - this friendship thing. That's a harsh reality. But she may also be thinking the best thing is to wait until you get in touch? A vague message saying something like "Hey, how are you? Not sure where you are in terms of wanting to meet up, and  but if you do feel like a coffee at some point, just to catch up for 30 minutes, let me know, but I respect it if you'd rather have space for now, all the best " would be ok

 

It did take time, but you DID find someone. You've also got that monkey off your back and you CAN DEFINITELY do it again. There ARE other fish!  I know it sucks, and many of us have been in that dark place of loneliness, of simultaneously wanting and not wanting to move on.  At the moment that anticipated 'other life' of a potential 'other partner' seems clouded and unclear but it IS there. 

As lapal says, I think  you've got to learn to love yourself a bit more. That doesn't mean becoming some cocky bellend, but adjusting away from a sort of defining happiness solely by whether you're in a relationship. Obviously life is more fun with people in it, to share experiences, but it isn't everything, though I accept it may very well feel like that right now, and it is always easier to give cheap advice from a more stable position! I know this is all easier said / written.   Enjoy your passions and try something new now and then, just for your own personal sense of curiosity and enjoyment. Put the longer goal of meeting new people for relationship purposes to the back of your mind for a moment and just try and embrace some general activity, ones where you can build up social confidence. I mean, I apologise if I'm under-selling you mate, but you seem a bit down on the self-confident thing. 

 

If you don't want to see a therapist, that's ok, but finding an outlet you can get yourself lost in, and absorbed by the focus of an activity, whether it's running, modelling, games, preferably with other people, might help. 

Sorry if this is missing the mark and all that, I don't know you other than what you post on here, maybe you feel you've already tried everything, but the bottom line is you're not alone in feeling this way, and there is always a way out somewhere. First steps,  find a way to be kind to yourself. You're worth more than you think you are. 

[kurtsimonw]

9 minutes ago, lapal_fan said:

I think out of all the things you have posted, the thing that really sticks out to me is just how little value you place on yourself.  I think you must (try) and get out of that mindset.  90% of people out there lack self-awareness, and to be honest, it's quite a good thing to have, because they don't critically evaluate yourself, like you obviously do. 

I'll ask you what I asked Chindie - what do you see or perceive as "happiness" or "success"?  What to you, do you think "value" is, in reference to a person?  

What is it about yourself that you find not good enough, or not valuable enough for other people to find attractive? 

Hardly anyone out there is a "looker", hardly anyone out there has enough material goods to offer complete dependency, so what are they offering that you aren't able to? 

Very little I imagine. 

You seem thoughtful, caring and very considerate - all very attractive qualities.  

Something that may not be perceived a attractive is just how little you value yourself.  

You're in a hole without a ladder, but it's very important you don't stop looking for the ladder to get yourself out.  The hardest thing to do right now, is lifting that big heavy head up from the pillow, and planning something in the not so distance future to give yourself something to look forward to.  

Once you get out of the "getting out" stage, then you can begin to start thinking more broadly.  Go to the Villa (it's great at the moment), go fishing, go for a walk, drive somewhere you wouldn't normally go, go see your parents, ask your friends to go out for a meal or the cinema - live a little. 

Life is great, beautiful and there's so much to do to see, feel and experience - don't lose your vitality! 

Don't do anything you don't want to do, focus on you and things you enjoy - you're allowed to be "selfish", you're allowed to feel shit, but by the same token, you're definitely allowed to try and be happy. 

Keep going bud, even Milan aren't looking too shitty these days!  Forza Milan! 

I've always had therapists ask me similar kinds of stuff, the suggestion being I don't value myself or that I'm overly critical of myself, but I really don't think that's the case.  I also believe that this "loving yourself" has little real relevance to how I feel. I'm actually happy with who I am. I do overthink a lot, which can be quite stressful at times, but it also makes me aware of everything I'm doing, all the time. I look after myself, I go running, go to the gym and eat well. I don't drink alcohol, don't smoke, don't do drugs and rarely have caffeine. I make an effort to put a smile on at work, to be funny, to try and put a smile on the faces of my colleagues. I know I'm good at my job, I work hard. I think I'm a decent person, I try not to judge others, I always make an effort to be kind and help out if I can. I'm moving in to my own house at the start of next month, a beautiful new build and I never thought I would own a home, certainly not on my own, but I've worked hard for it. Overall, inwardly, I'm happy with who I am. I don't think there is a whole lot I would change, that can be changed, otherwise I would want to look entirely differently. I would like to be a bit more confident, and I would like to get rid of my anxiety issues - though medication has already helped in that area. But overall, I do think I'm a decent person.

But what does it matter? I hardly have any friends. I've had 3 or 4 best friends throughout my life, all of whom found me very disposable and seemed to drop me out of nowhere to go off with their new social group. I've had 1 girlfriend, who also found it easy to just drop me like that and remove me from her life. How can I possibly feel I have value? It doesn't matter how highly I feel in myself when nobody else does. It's like having a degree in something, but nobody wants to employ you - it essentially makes the degree irrelevant. We're social creatures. Having friends and relationships is what life is about. At the moment I'm waking up alone and depressed, going through work, coming home being alone and depressed. For what? So I can have a new house to be alone and depressed in? I'm 32 this year, I've had one relationship which clearly I failed at. A relationship that was all down to her chasing me and wanting us to get together. That's unlikely to happen again, and given my track record of talking to/approaching/messaging women, I hardly think it's likely to happen again.

[lapal_fan]

3 minutes ago, kurtsimonw said:

I've always had therapists ask me similar kinds of stuff, the suggestion being I don't value myself or that I'm overly critical of myself, but I really don't think that's the case.  I also believe that this "loving yourself" has little real relevance to how I feel. I'm actually happy with who I am. I do overthink a lot, which can be quite stressful at times, but it also makes me aware of everything I'm doing, all the time. I look after myself, I go running, go to the gym and eat well. I don't drink alcohol, don't smoke, don't do drugs and rarely have caffeine. I make an effort to put a smile on at work, to be funny, to try and put a smile on the faces of my colleagues. I know I'm good at my job, I work hard. I think I'm a decent person, I try not to judge others, I always make an effort to be kind and help out if I can. I'm moving in to my own house at the start of next month, a beautiful new build and I never thought I would own a home, certainly not on my own, but I've worked hard for it. Overall, inwardly, I'm happy with who I am. I don't think there is a whole lot I would change, that can be changed, otherwise I would want to look entirely differently. I would like to be a bit more confident, and I would like to get rid of my anxiety issues - though medication has already helped in that area. But overall, I do think I'm a decent person.

But what does it matter? I hardly have any friends. I've had 3 or 4 best friends throughout my life, all of whom found me very disposable and seemed to drop me out of nowhere to go off with their new social group. I've had 1 girlfriend, who also found it easy to just drop me like that and remove me from her life. How can I possibly feel I have value? It doesn't matter how highly I feel in myself when nobody else does. It's like having a degree in something, but nobody wants to employ you - it essentially makes the degree irrelevant. We're social creatures. Having friends and relationships is what life is about. At the moment I'm waking up alone and depressed, going through work, coming home being alone and depressed. For what? So I can have a new house to be alone and depressed in? I'm 32 this year, I've had one relationship which clearly I failed at. A relationship that was all down to her chasing me and wanting us to get together. That's unlikely to happen again, and given my track record of talking to/approaching/messaging women, I hardly think it's likely to happen again.

The first paragraph shows me a different side to you, so that's all good information. 

The second?  Well, to be honest, I have 2 true friends, but I don't see them that often due to them having their own lives and me having mine.  I'm married with a kid and one due imminently - so that's what occupies my time mostly.  But through that, I can see what you mean.  It's a funny age in your early 30s because you have "stuff", but unless you're with a partner I can fully understand it might be a lonely place.  Other friends have other friends, they probably have partners, who have their own friends who they socialise with which is obviously less time to spend with you.  Do you play any games?  I have a core group of "online" "mates" who I play with often and to be honest there have been times when I've thought, "I actually spend more time with these "people" than I do my actual friends - it's a very social thing - because whoever is playing that game is someone you instantly have something in common with.  Maybe try that if you don't already. 

I find it difficult to bring new people into my own circle "a circle made up entirely in my own head" - I'm quite distrusting, and cocky with a particular sense of humour which often makes me look like a prick to new people.  Friends of friends I tend not to have the time or patience for - although I try and be polite and ask questions etc.. depends what mood I'm in to be honest.  What do you do for a living?  Anyone at work you could go out with?  Football, music, games, hobbies are always good talking points.

Don't try and force a smile (or happiness) in general, as that's often quite exhausting, which will naturally lead you back down anyway, pretty vicious circle. 

[AVFCDAN]

1 hour ago, Rodders said:

break ups are always complicated and moving on to a place where you can re-find friendship is tricky. There are often the best of intentions, but the reality is that in re-orienting a relationship questions or concerns will float up about how a new dynamic begins. She may well think it's too difficult to view you as just a friend, certainly right now - 2 months is still a short time - or she may worry that being friendly might inspire some misplaced hope in you that the relationship can be saved. You might immediately disagree and say that you know the relationship is over, rationally, I'm sure you know that, but emotionally transitioning from what appears to have been an intense time ( certainly from your end ) to a looser form of friendship requires effort and patience, and being in a mental place to do that can take a long time. 

The bolded point is spot on imo. Its equally true if you really do want to move on and find someone else, give it some more time before you try to restart the friendship.

[AVFCDAN]

1 hour ago, kurtsimonw said:

 I'm 32 this year, I've had one relationship which clearly I failed at. A relationship that was all down to her chasing me and wanting us to get together. That's unlikely to happen again, and given my track record of talking to/approaching/messaging women, I hardly think it's likely to happen again.

I'm surprised that even after a year of being in a relationship you still feel like you can't put yourself out there and meet someone else.

Sure its tricky the first time around because of the inexperience but get yourself on something like bumble and give it a few weeks on there and line up a few dates, if it doesn't go anywhere then move on. Yes its uncomfortable and if you do arrange a date you'll be shitting bricks for a week before the big day but honestly even if its bad and you don't click there's nothing lost apart from a few uncomfortable hours. You'll be so much more relieved afterwards and in a better position to make it better next time. Its a cliché but you really do have to put yourself out there to meet someone. I spent years single purely because I was happy by myself and was sure sooner or later I would meet someone....unfortunately I was wrong and it wasn't until I put myself out there a bit more and did the online dating thing that i actually got anywhere.

[kurtsimonw]

1 minute ago, AVFCDAN said:

I'm surprised that even after a year of being in a relationship you still feel like you can't put yourself out there and meet someone else.

Sure its tricky the first time around because of the inexperience but get yourself on something like bumble and give it a few weeks on there and line up a few dates, if it doesn't go anywhere then move on. Yes its uncomfortable and if you do arrange a date you'll be shitting bricks for a week before the big day but honestly even if its bad and you don't click there's nothing lost apart from a few uncomfortable hours. You'll be so much more relieved afterwards and in a better position to make it better next time. Its a cliché but you really do have to put yourself out there to meet someone. I spent years single purely because I was happy by myself and was sure sooner or later I would meet someone....unfortunately I was wrong and it wasn't until I put myself out there a bit more and did the online dating thing that i actually got anywhere.

I've had this said to me a lot though. It's really not as simple as getting dates, I just don't get them. I spent a decade on various sites and apps, trying to talk to women. I didn't get a single reply, or match or date out of it. It's not like I haven't tried. I really dread to think how many messages I've sent out over the years, or how many women I've talked to. It's frightening. And while some may say the constant rejection helps you get used to it, it doesn't really. It just makes the next time that much harder.

[AVFCDAN]

1 minute ago, kurtsimonw said:

I've had this said to me a lot though. It's really not as simple as getting dates, I just don't get them. I spent a decade on various sites and apps, trying to talk to women. I didn't get a single reply, or match or date out of it. It's not like I haven't tried. I really dread to think how many messages I've sent out over the years, or how many women I've talked to. It's frightening. And while some may say the constant rejection helps you get used to it, it doesn't really. It just makes the next time that much harder.

I agree with you that constant rejection does make it harder and harder.

One point is that you may be setting your sights too high, its something I have struggled with in the past - when you spend all the time looking at airbrushed celebrities and watching HD porn sometimes Sally 28 from Hall Green who is slightly overweight with a kid doesn't look all that appealing but its real like unfortunately. If you are only liking 8/10 + girls and you aren't there yourself you will struggle to get anywhere because the demand is so high.

Although its something I dreaded and never had the balls to do myself maybe try speed dating so you are actually seeing people in person and giving yourself a chance to impress someone.

[kurtsimonw]

5 hours ago, AVFCDAN said:

I agree with you that constant rejection does make it harder and harder.

One point is that you may be setting your sights too high, its something I have struggled with in the past - when you spend all the time looking at airbrushed celebrities and watching HD porn sometimes Sally 28 from Hall Green who is slightly overweight with a kid doesn't look all that appealing but its real like unfortunately. If you are only liking 8/10 + girls and you aren't there yourself you will struggle to get anywhere because the demand is so high.

Although its something I dreaded and never had the balls to do myself maybe try speed dating so you are actually seeing people in person and giving yourself a chance to impress someone.

I definitely don't think it's a case of being too shallow in that sense. I'm far more attracted to a personality than I am to looks or anything like that. My ex is 48 in a few months, so it's not like I'm just after the super hot 21 year olds. It was her warmth and her soul that made me fall for her.

Speed dating just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. I dread to think what it'd do to my self esteem if I walked away without a number!

[maqroll]

Sometimes what helps me is to just acknowledge the fact that very few things in life are under my control, so just enjoy the weird ride and try to find pleasure and humor and grace in as many ways as you can. 

[Chindie]

I feel like CBT has played all it's cards with me. I've got a few sessions left, after it was clear the originally scheduled lot weren't going to achieve much, but I feel like I'm making absolutely miniscule progress. The annoying thing is I can see the ideas behind it, it's just I don't seem to be getting much benefit. Clearly I'm severely mentally ill in some respects, and I can't (and don't) expect to have some miraculous recovery, but I am making such tiny steps I feel like I'm never going to get better. The usual questionnaire I have to do before each session (essentially a 'let's quantify how shit you feel' form) I did last time together with the therapist, rather than alone, and it kinda felt like it was an attempt to make it clearer I am seeing improvement, which I'm not sure about.

The therapist has told me I have to look at the little victories and not view not getting to the ultimate goal right away as a failure, but still... I need to get better. And at current pace, it won't happen quick enough.

I've had enough of all this. I've had years of this ruining my life, and now it's got so bad it's crippled me. And I can't even get better with help. **** it.

[snowychap]

15 minutes ago, Chindie said:

I feel like CBT has played all it's cards with me. I've got a few sessions left, after it was clear the originally scheduled lot weren't going to achieve much, but I feel like I'm making absolutely miniscule progress. The annoying thing is I can see the ideas behind it, it's just I don't seem to be getting much benefit. Clearly I'm severely mentally ill in some respects, and I can't (and don't) expect to have some miraculous recovery, but I am making such tiny steps I feel like I'm never going to get better. The usual questionnaire I have to do before each session (essentially a 'let's quantify how shit you feel' form) I did last time together with the therapist, rather than alone, and it kinda felt like it was an attempt to make it clearer I am seeing improvement, which I'm not sure about.

The therapist has told me I have to look at the little victories and not view not getting to the ultimate goal right away as a failure, but still... I need to get better. And at current pace, it won't happen quick enough.

I've had enough of all this. I've had years of this ruining my life, and now it's got so bad it's crippled me. And I can't even get better with help. **** it.

It may not be much help but haven't you just explained why they're likely right? You've had, in your own words, years of this ruining your life. It will have taken you many, many tiny steps to get to where you are; many, many tiny steps to pull you back from there is maybe the way through.

You should, I think, take some solace from your recognition of where you are and for the ability to analyse how or why a particular therapy might be appropriate to some people in the same situation as you but not to you.

I caught a couple of minutes of an interview on 5 Live earlier with Clint Malarchuk (an ex-NHL goalie who had his carotid artery sliced in a game and now apparently speaks about depression and PTSD) and part of what he was talking about was going through therapy after many years of anxiety and depression and being diagnosed with PTSD. Part of his issue, he and they thought, was that he hadn't properly processed trauma. In effect, he hadn't let it play out (by whatever means) and this had built up. Given your situation, it might be worth going and listening to it from the start (I think it was on from just after 12:30pm on the Emma Barnett Show) as I only caught it for that minute or two later on. It may strike a chord and have some relevance, it may not. I didn't listen to enough of it to judge whether he was selling some self-help thing or just recounting his story.

[lapal_fan]

@kurtsimonw, meet @Chindie 

 

I wonder if maybe you two could help each other, if you are both feeling similarly down?

Chindie, you have spoken to experts and made progress (no matter how miniscule), maybe some of your goals or experiences may benefit Kurt?

Probably absolutely nothing in it, but it's always worth trying!

That said, I'm really looking forward to the sitcom of you both living in the same apartment in downtown sparkhill, over a deserted curry house.

[blandy]

16 hours ago, Chindie said:

I feel like I'm making absolutely miniscule progress

So you’re getting better more slowly than you’d hope. It must be so frustrating. On the other hand, you’re getting better, not staying down, or getting worse. You’re going in the right direction. Maybe that’s actually something to be cognitive of and give weight to?  I know I feel kind of good for you that you’re going in the right direction.

[Chindie]

20 hours ago, snowychap said:

It may not be much help but haven't you just explained why they're likely right? You've had, in your own words, years of this ruining your life. It will have taken you many, many tiny steps to get to where you are; many, many tiny steps to pull you back from there is maybe the way through.

You should, I think, take some solace from your recognition of where you are and for the ability to analyse how or why a particular therapy might be appropriate to some people in the same situation as you but not to you.

I caught a couple of minutes of an interview on 5 Live earlier with Clint Malarchuk (an ex-NHL goalie who had his carotid artery sliced in a game and now apparently speaks about depression and PTSD) and part of what he was talking about was going through therapy after many years of anxiety and depression and being diagnosed with PTSD. Part of his issue, he and they thought, was that he hadn't properly processed trauma. In effect, he hadn't let it play out (by whatever means) and this had built up. Given your situation, it might be worth going and listening to it from the start (I think it was on from just after 12:30pm on the Emma Barnett Show) as I only caught it for that minute or two later on. It may strike a chord and have some relevance, it may not. I didn't listen to enough of it to judge whether he was selling some self-help thing or just recounting his story.

Thanks.

I guess the issue is I'm not really seeing that much improvement. I'm being more active but it's because I've needed to - I've had to post stuff, visit people. These things are all local to me still, very local, but I'm struggling to do them still. I can appreciate the necessity to take small steps to getting better but I'm not sure I can carry on this pace (that there is).

I'll look for the interview, thanks.

[Chindie]

19 hours ago, blandy said:

So you’re getting better more slowly than you’d hope. It must be so frustrating. On the other hand, you’re getting better, not staying down, or getting worse. You’re going in the right direction. Maybe that’s actually something to be cognitive of and give weight to?  I know I feel kind of good for you that you’re going in the right direction.

Yes. But as said to Snowy, how much I'm getting better is up for debate. You could argue that I'm being more active is evidence I am, but this is almost entirely stuff that I would have managed to do anyway because there was a necessity to do it.

[Chindie]

19 hours ago, lapal_fan said:

@kurtsimonw, meet @Chindie 

 

I wonder if maybe you two could help each other, if you are both feeling similarly down?

Chindie, you have spoken to experts and made progress (no matter how miniscule), maybe some of your goals or experiences may benefit Kurt?

Probably absolutely nothing in it, but it's always worth trying!

That said, I'm really looking forward to the sitcom of you both living in the same apartment in downtown sparkhill, over a deserted curry house.

I'm being treated mostly for a severe anxiety disorder which has lead to fairly severe depression, so I'm unsure how much I can help but if @kurtsimonw wants to speak to me I'm unlikely to be doing much else. I've always been better at giving than accepting advice.

I'm more likely to be on the street or in the ground than above a curry house mind.