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Your time to go ...


tonyh29
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Just got back from a wake tonight for one of my school friends father.. He hasnt actually died yet but has cancer of the spine and brain and is expected to live no more than a few more weeks and he decided this was what he wanted

I went to support my friend of 30 years as much as anything and thought it would be an uncomfortable night ... But actually it wasn't , it wasn't morbid there was no speeches and tears , but I had a nice chat with him and a laugh about a few things his daughter and I got up to over those 30 years ( in the non biblical sense before

Anyone asks !!) .... and at the end of the night i shock his hand and said Thanks ... I guess the enevitabity of it was left unsaid

But I suppsoe the question it raised for me was , would you rather know you were dying so you could plan for it and say your goodbyes , or would you rather just go one day , you might leave work and get hit by a bus for example ...

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I'd prefer to know, so that I could make things good with everyone I know, let them all know how much they mean to me, etc...being able to forgive people, too. I hold a mean grudge...

We all know we're going to die at some point, so if we can know roughly when it will happen, good.

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The trouble with knowing roughly when your going to die is that very often it will be associated with a prolonged and painful death. I have sadly witnessed this twice at very close quarters. First time 10 years ago with my dad. He was 60. Found out in the June he had bladder cancer, was scheduled to have it removed with in a few weeks but by the time they did it had spread all over. At the time they told him it had spread and nothing they could do he had been through hell in hospital for around 4 weeks. He could have stayed in hospital and lived for perhaps another month but he immediately made the decision to come home to die. For 5 days at home he was in out and out consciousness but had perhaps 150 visitors during that time and it gave the opportunity for many to say goodbye to him. He suffered though as his body slowly shut down.

With in the last few months I have again witnessed a relatively slow and painful death. My mother in law who was 55 had been having pain in her leg for months. GP get putting it down to arthritis. Anyway being in excruciating pain she went to A and E in June. They did some tests and discovered she had bone cancer. Worse still a couple of days later they discovered it was bone cancer that had spread from the lung and was terminal. Life expectancy 8 months but due to her age hopefully longer. Couple of weeks in and out of hospital and she got hospital acquired pneumonia. On Monday 9th July they told her nothing they good do and she had days to live. She spent the next 5 days in hospital going through hell in extreme pain, struggling for very breath before she died on Friday the 13th. It was terrible to witness it.

From my experience I am therefore not sure. My dad got to say goodbye to lots of people but suffered. My mother in law went through hell and having never come to terms with her own impending death wasn't in any frame of mind to be saying goodbye to others.

I am sure there are those that have a terminal illness where you are slowly dying who do go relatively peacefully and of course we would all like go like that. I think though if its the choice between really suffering over a period of time or being hit by a bus and gone I'd probably take the latter.

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I'd rather not know, myself, and slip off into that good night with minimal fuss.

This, or while mowing the lawn as it means body and mind are still in semi-working order. If something was not said before that it wasn't meant to be said.

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I think bc of situations and pain involvement it's hard to say what I would choose. I feel like I'd rather just be gone one day out of the blue. *hopefully many years later* I tend to always let people know what they mean to me just in case I never get the chance to say it again. I even make the husband hear I love you in an argument on the phone before hanging up. I'll keep calling and calling until I get to say it, because I refuse for there to be a chance that the last thing I said was something hateful. Even in arguments with friends and family, I end it with "I love you" no matter how angry I am. And I like to tell people genuine compliments about themselves for no reason. The things that are sometimes left unsaid for me, are harsh. And while some people should hear it sometime, I would hate for those to be my last thoughts to them. If I did know when I was going to die I would definitely try to make the most of it. But if suffering is involved I would hate for people to see me that way. All in all, I prefer the no fuss here today gone tomorrow situation. But either way, I demand a karaoke party at my funeral!!!

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my best mate's dad died mid arguement with his missus, they truly loved each other for 30 or so years and he popped it midway through an arguement about something trivial

if I can avoid that, and avoid getting to the end without a whole bunch of 'what ifs' then I'll be happy enough with whatever happens, afterall, it's not like it's permanent B)

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so i oft for going in my sleep if possible

reminded me of the Jimmy Carr gag

I want to die in my sleep like my Grandad , not kicking and screaming like the passengers in the car he was driving

I quite like the idea of saying your goodbyes , but I think I'd rather not know and just go , though saying that I ought to sort a will out and get all me affairs in order before hand either way

I just figure when your time is up your times is up ...I could get killed in somewhere like North Korea or I could just as easily get hit by a bus walking down to Tesco.The amount of near misses i seem to have always makes me think the grim reaper is having trouble keeping up with me though :-)

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Quite recently (at 25) I've been having this notion that my heart will just explode mid-walk to the shop, mid-sup of the pint or whilst I'm walking to work. I just have this 10 second passage of time where I think it will happen to me and it's really worrying.

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Knowing you are going to die soon is very painful, especially if it's untimely.

My wife died earlier this year at the age of 43. She had cancer and knew she was going to die. We have two boys and it was the hardest thing in the world for her to say goodbye. Despite this she was very brave and helped them cope with her loss.

I opt for a massive post-coital heart attack while out of my head on crack at the age of 96.

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Sorry to hear that chemist.

Markavfc, I lost my step father in a similar situation. He had a tumor on his pancreas and lower intestines. Went through chemo and radiation to make it get smaller so they could remove the tumor that was the size of a grapefruit. After they removed it he had to user a chalastomy (sp?) bag, he was in sheer agony from the surgery on his intestines and wasn't able to digest food properly or even keep it down. Scar tissue on his stomach meant more surgeries, which in turn could cause more scar tissue. He had one more surgery that didn't make any difference. He wasn't able to eat and in the end he decided that he didn't want to continue with the life he would of had. He was taken home where he lived out the last of his days, about a week or so, no eating and hardly any drinking. Essentially he starved to death. I'll never forget that moment after I had rushed home at the news, and sat on the bed next to his lifeless body.

It sucks that we die, there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about it. I often do before I goto bed, maybe it's unhealthy but for me it's a reminder that I need to live in the present and not worry about the future or the past.

I can't say yes or no to the answer, knowing would freak me out and put a number on the days left, I'd rather that be unknown.

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Like others, I'd much rather I just slipped away in my sleep one night, hopefully when I'm a very old man having lived a long and happy life.

I guess most people want that.

The prospect of knowing I'm going to die terrifies me.

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