thecraft Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 FILM TEST It's so amazing how this works. My favourite came out as number 8, Schindler's List. Try it. Here is a little calculation to help you find your all time favourite movie - give it a go it really works... Pick a number from 1 - 9 multiply it by 3 add 3 then multiply by 3 again then add those two digits together. Your film is the one which has the same number. Scroll down.......... this is never wrong 1. Gone with the Wind 2. Back to the Future 3. Jaws 4. Star Wars 5. Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark 6. Terminator 7. The Sound of Music 8. Schindlers List 9. Gay Leather Rent Boys Taking It Up The Arse vol. 2 10.Saving Private Ryan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kingphil Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 9. Gay Leather Rent Boys Taking It Up The Arse vol. 2 Yeap, one of the all time classics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danwichmann Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 9. Gay Leather Rent Boys Taking It Up The Arse vol. 2 Yeap, one of the all time classics. I thought vol. 1 was far superior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodders Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 I watched Raiders of the Lost Ark at the weekend, such a fun film, always love the scene with him and connery trying to escape when tied up together 8) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted November 23, 2009 VT Supporter Share Posted November 23, 2009 9. Gay Leather Rent Boys Taking It Up The Arse vol. 2 Yeap, one of the all time classics. I thought vol. 1 was far superior. Whats it about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaretMahoney Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until,one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller,'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.' And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline. That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says,'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.' 'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.''No problem,' he says. And in they go. Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down,but no one says a word. He looks at her mom. 'She's got a great body,' he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, Total silence. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket. Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, All right, that's enough, I'll do the f**!@!$' dishes Good enough to be posted again, last time was September, 2007. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qwpzxjor1 Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Good enough to be posted again, last time was September, 2007. Indeed. Jethro tells that joke in one of this stand ups, it's brilliant in a thick cornish accent.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 An astronomer is on an expedition to darkest Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun, which will only be observable there, when cannibals capture him. The eclipse is due the next day around noon. To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a "GOD" and threaten to extinguish the sun if he's not released, but the timing has to be just right. So, in the few words of the cannibals' primitive tongue that he knows, he asks his guard what time they plan to kill him. The guard answered, "Tradition has it that captives are to be killed when the sun reaches the highest point in the sky on the day after their capture so that they may be cooked and ready to be served for the evening meal." "Great," the astronomer replies. The guard continues, "But because everyone's so **** excited about it, in your case we're going to wait until after the eclipse." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 I was walking through the cemetery the other day, and saw a guy crouching down behind a tombstone. "Morning," I said. "No, just taking a shit." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted November 25, 2009 VT Supporter Share Posted November 25, 2009 ^^^^hahahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wol. Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 I was walking through the cemetery the other day, and saw a guy crouching down behind a tombstone. "Morning," I said. "No, just taking a shit." My memory gets shitter as I get older This :winkold: Time to power cycle the rjw-joke machine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wol. Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 I am looking for 8 volunteers to help me find Cheryl Cole, to test a statistical hypothesis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wol. Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 How come all blind people manage to pick guide dogs that look the same? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted November 26, 2009 Moderator Share Posted November 26, 2009 One day a man and his wife are playing golf at their home course. On a certain par four, the man tees it up and hits a big slice into the woods. They find his ball directly behind one of the greenskeeper's buildings where equipment is stored, so that he can't play toward the green at all. "Damn!" the man says, "I'll have to play sideways to get back on the fairway. I'll make five at best." But his wife, who had been looking things over, said "Look, this shed has double doors at both ends. If we open them up, you can hit a low shot right through the building toward the green." The man congratulated his wife on her cleverness and they set up for the shot. But the ball hit the top of the far doorframe and came whistling back, striking his wife in the temple and killing her dead on the spot. A year or so later, the same man was playing the same par 4 and hit his tee shot in almost exactly the same spot as before, right behind the building. As he is cursing his luck and preparing to swing, one of his playing partners says, "Wait, look we can open these double doors and..." "No way," the man says, cutting him off. "I was here last year and tried that shot and ended up making a six." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowychap Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 ^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qwpzxjor1 Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 I am looking for 8 volunteers to help me find Cheryl Cole, to test a statistical hypothesis.I... don't get that...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 I am looking for 8 volunteers to help me find Cheryl Cole, to test a statistical hypothesis.I... don't get that...? The fact you don't get it is funnier than the gag :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qwpzxjor1 Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 BOF has been kind enough to explain it to me.. Funny, but still makes no sense without the explanation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFCLaura Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 I still don't get it... I curse being blonde. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrissmith921 Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 BOF has been kind enough to explain it to me.. Funny, but still makes no sense without the explanation. I'm assuming its the gang rape sickipedia joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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