AVFCLaura Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 Ohhhhh Statistically 9 out of 10 people... Right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villahero Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 scientists reckon that beer contains female hormones !!!.... kind of makes sense cause after 8 pints i talk bollocks and can't **** drive I realised i was getting old yesterday. Whilst watching porn i found myself thinking.." **** me, that bed looks comfy " A female dwarf goes to the doctors complaining of a sore fanny. The doctor has a look then produces a pair of scissors and starts snipping here and there. After 5 minutes, the dwarf says " That's brilliant, it feels so much better, what have you done ? ". The doctor says " i've just trimmed the top off your wellies " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villa4europe Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 i just txt my brother a few he txt me this back the bastard - "my battery is gonna go any minute can you please give me a ring on this number asap, 02078377324, its an emergency" its only the **** london lesbian and gay hotline number, clearing in the woods, i phoned it on my work phone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
usvilla Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 my mechanic said he couldnt fix my brakes properly so he just made the horn louder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 i just txt my brother a few he txt me this back the bastard - "my battery is gonna go any minute can you please give me a ring on this number asap, 02078377324, its an emergency" its only the **** london lesbian and gay hotline number, clearing in the woods, i phoned it on my work phone hahahaa, what a plonker - you should have sussed the London code (unless you actually live in London) Still funny though :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 (American joke) I saw a billboard that read: "Need help? Call Jesus. 1-800-555-3787" So out of curiosity I did. Twenty minutes later a Mexican showed up with a lawnmower. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 Women eh? Boob jobs, nose jobs, teeth bleaching, tummy tucks, liposuction, colonic irrigation, botox, pierced ears, nipples, bellys and clits, eyebrows plucked, bikini wax, armpits shaved, lips tattooed, legs waxed, diets, exercise and they wont take it up the wrong 'un cause it 'hurts'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brumerican Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 The other night, one of the presenters on Children in Need said, "Pick up your phone and pledge." I'm still sitting here, with the phone in one hand and a can of furniture polish in the other, wondering what the **** I'm supposed to do next. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted November 28, 2009 Moderator Share Posted November 28, 2009 My grandad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed. "It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted November 28, 2009 Moderator Share Posted November 28, 2009 A hacker attack briefly shut down Twitter on Thursday. Millions of twitterers were forced to talk to each other the old fashioned way. Through Facebook. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juju Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 And in todays sporting news, tiger Woods has just managed a twenty yard drive straight into the trees...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
briggaman Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 The other night, one of the presenters on Children in Need said, "Pick up your phone and pledge." I'm still sitting here, with the phone in one hand and a can of furniture polish in the other, wondering what the **** I'm supposed to do next. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Designer1 Posted November 28, 2009 VT Supporter Share Posted November 28, 2009 My grandad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed. "It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brumerican Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 Steven Hawking came back from his first date in ten years... Glasses smashed, twisted ankle, broken wrist, dislocated shoulder, grazed knees & totally lagged in shit... Apparently she stood him up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 A Mexican, an Arab, and an English man are in the same bar. When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice." The Arab, obviously impressed by this, finishes his non-alcoholic beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass into a million pieces. He says, "In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either." The English man, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer, downs it in one gulp, hurls the glass into the air, whips out his .45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching his glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, he says, "In England we have so many illegal immigrants that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 page 204 has been goooooood! :nod: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrissmith921 Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 the residents of cockermouth have heard the floods have brought some gold to the town - after rushing out and searching with their pans however, all they found was some copper. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YLN Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 A Mexican, an Arab, and an English man are in the same bar. When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice." The Arab, obviously impressed by this, finishes his non-alcoholic beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass into a million pieces. He says, "In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either." The English man, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer, downs it in one gulp, hurls the glass into the air, whips out his .45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching his glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, he says, "In England we have so many illegal immigrants that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice." The hero of the piece is obviously an American and it really doesn't need the last line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 A Mexican, an Arab, and an English man are in the same bar. When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice." The Arab, obviously impressed by this, finishes his non-alcoholic beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass into a million pieces. He says, "In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either." The English man, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer, downs it in one gulp, hurls the glass into the air, whips out his .45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching his glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, he says, "In England we have so many illegal immigrants that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice." The hero of the piece is obviously an American and it really doesn't need the last line. You can be a real miserable **** sometimes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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