Addiction

[tomav84]

2 hours ago, tinker said:

Gambling is a huge problem that's under reported. Your addiction seems to have exploded from nothing to everything in a short time.

I know loads of gamblers that have a slow burning addiction that carries on deystroying their lives for years and years. Rebuild and move on, you have learnt quickly it's not for you. 

it's arguably the easiest to become addicted to too. class A drugs - you need the connections in the first place to obtain them. alcohol - your family/friends will likely spot that you have a problem before you even realise it yourself. gambling on the other hand anyone with a phone can become addicted to it. so many like an acca at the weekend but all it takes is skybet to give you a few free spins on one of their casino slots and it can quickly escalate

[icouldtelltheworld]

6 hours ago, UpTheVilla26 said:

I have thought about this for a while, wether to post what I did last year, and I think if 1 person it helps or stops doing the same it is worth it. 

Last year I got addicted to online gambling. 

I have always bet on the footy & horses but nothing more than a fiver here and there. I downloaded skybet, my wife didn't want me to, yet I had a few wins and wasn't betting silly. 

Then I went onto the online casino. I had a go on a few games and before I knew it, I'd won £500. It seemed easy, so I had another go and won more. 

To put into context what I did, before I started we had ZERO debt. We rent a council house, we've spent a lot of money improving it etc... & after moving around a lot as a child, it's the first house that's felt like home since I was 10. We had about 10k sat in our bank, an ISA with a few grand in it & both worked, so incomings more than outgoings. 

I managed to stuff that in 8 horrendous months. What started as a few wins turned into a massive addiction. An addiction that slowly destroyed me. 

I started to lose, so started to bet more. The whole 'chasing your losses' took me over. My wife never worried about checking the bank account, so I had no fear of her noticing to begin with. 

The first time I realised I had a problem is when I gambled my whole months salary in 30mins and lost it all. At this point, there was around 7k in the bank still but it panicked me. 

I rang my Dad, trying to hold it together. I went round and told him what I was doing and I know now, he wishes he'd rang my wife. He didn't, he told me to stop being stupid before it got worse. 

I kept telling myself, everytime I gambled again, I'll win and there is still thousands in the account. It never happened. 

Over the course of the 8 months, I gambled the best part of £25000. That included taking out loans borrowing 3k off a friend & using nearly every penny we'd worked hard for years to earn. 

The final straw came when I managed to log into my wife's online banking which has access to my boys savings accounts. I moved some money from them into ours, trying to cover up the trail of destruction. 2 days later, I got paid, and put it straight back in - the only good decision I made in all that time. 

It all came out in November. I'd spoke to my mum and she said you have to tell your wife. That evening, I collapsed her world. I couldn't get the words out, she got angry with me as she thought I was having an affair. Eventually I managed to utter the words 'I'm addicted to gambling'. 

She went down the back the next day and somehow there was nearly 5k still in it. I promised I'd not do it anymore but I wasn't ready to stop. 

The following week, a Tuesday I think, I didn't go to work. I stayed at home. I was back on the slots, signed up to a new site, surely I'll have some luck. 

I did. Before I knew it, I had somehow won the best part of 6k. But I didn't stop. The arrogance addiction brings kicked in. I can win more. 

I'll never get the image out of my head 'can't deposit, check you bank'. Shaking, I loaded up the app. £17.23. I'd lost everything. I went in the cupboard and found some tablets. I'd already sunk a bottle of malbec in less than an hour, my head was gone. I rang my mum, I couldn't speak, I just whaled down the phone. She was at our house within 30mins and as a nurse, saw the tablets and empty wine bottle - she went to phone an ambulance until I showed her the tablets hadn't been touched. My lad was in his room upstairs and that's what stopped me taking the tablets, he will never know, he probably saved me that night. 

My wife came home, my dad came round (my parents seperated when I was 10) and the look on her face when I told her what I'd done will haunt me forever. It broke her. I took a mental and verbal beating from all 3 of them, I just stood there, devoid of anything, not able to stop crying. 

It seemed I had to hit rock bottom but I'd taken the person I love more than anything with me. 

I stayed at my mums that night. I thought my marriage was over. I just lay on the sofa all night, I didn't sleep at all, wandering why. 

Them months had changed me. It's true what they say about addiction - it wants you alone. I'd lost interest in all the things I'd once enjoyed. Our sex life suffered, my wife was convinced I was having an affair months before but obviously knows now I wasn't. I lost weight, I looked gaunt and ill. Like I'd aged 10 years. Looking in the mirror was just a shell of a person staring back, one not knowing how to stop, one not realising how bad the addiction was getting. 

I went back home the next day and we sat and talked. I could see the pain and hurt in her eyes. I couldn't look at her, I'd let her down, my family down and I couldn't fix it. 

She told me she was going to stay with me and we'd focus on Christmas. My mum and dad put 2k into our bank account so we'd be able to pay bills etc... I handed over my bank card, she went up the bank and made sure I couldn't access anything. 

It was surreal. It's like I had watched it all happen from afar. Everyday she would worry what she'd come home to. Had I done it again somehow, would I do something stupid to get hold of money etc... 

I promised her the night she told me she'd stay with me I'd never do it again. We decided the kids didn't need to know and she didn't tell her parents, as they are in their 70s. Her friends at work & her cousin all amazing, giving her support. 

Most days we'd talk about it. What triggered it, why did I do it, why wasn't she and the kids enough, what was I trying to win the money for. I couldn't answer any of them and hours were lost to tears and confusion. 

Slowly the months rolled past. Luckily our rent isn't huge and we scaled back on a few things. We just went to work, came home and our house was our safety blanket. After the initial talking to friends etc... we almost shut ourselves away from the world, spending that time together helped me more than any form of counselling or prescription tablet. 

I got a notebook and every month started to write down what was in the account before and after payday. £700 saved one month, £850 the next, so on. 10 months later, after we'd both been paid, we had £9000 in the account. I plan to pay my parents back, they've not asked but its part of putting this right, and despite now paying back £300 to loans every month, the damage is being fixed.

My wife had been amazing. I can't begin to know how's she felt through all of it. She's listened to me, she's seen her husband totally broken but she knows I'm a good person, a man who just wants to make his family proud and work hard for them. 

As for me, I decided I had to fix myself - myself. I didn't go to the Dr's, I didn't get counselling, I needed to find the strength and do this for me. As the months went past, I got better each day. I put a bit of weight back on, started to care about the things that should matter & got a new job in July that pays an extra 6k per year. The future, with my wife and boys, is there for us and I'm determined to do what's right by them until my last breath. 

I've not been tempted once. Not once. I thought I would miss doing a football accumaltor but I don't. I don't hate the gambling companies, they don't force you to sign up, but when you've stood looking at yourself in the mirror, crying your eyes out, shouting why, looking ill through stress & desperation, after spending 3 hours gambling and losing large amounts of money, you never want to be back there again. 

It's changed me. I know a part of me was lost to the gambling but I have to view it as a scar. I've had a decent life before and can have a lovely life going forward. My wife will never know how much I love, admire & adore her, she really is a special person & I am thankful everyday she has given me a 2nd chance. 

Addiction is harrowing. In a way I feel lucky it was only 8 months of my life and 'only' £25k. I could have lost my wife, my kids & with where my head was at at the time, if that had happened, probably my life. 

If anyone can take anything from this, my one word of advice is talk. Shout about it. If one person doesn't take you seriously or listen, shout louder. Don't let the addiction drag you slowly where it wants you - reliant on it. Don't be too proud or arrogant to admit you need help & the biggest thing is don't lose hope. People make mistakes but mistakes can be fixed in time. 

 

 

I've been going probably the hardest time of my life the past few months, and have slipped into some very unhealthy behaviours at times. I recognise myself in a lot that you have said here.

You are so brave for sharing this, and to read your story and hear about the strength you have found to build yourself back up has really helped me and meant a lot.

Wishing you and your family all the very best.

[UpTheVilla26]

47 minutes ago, icouldtelltheworld said:

I've been going probably the hardest time of my life the past few months, and have slipped into some very unhealthy behaviours at times. I recognise myself in a lot that you have said here.

You are so brave for sharing this, and to read your story and hear about the strength you have found to build yourself back up has really helped me and meant a lot.

Wishing you and your family all the very best.

Sorry to hear that mate. 

If you want a chat anytime, feel free to PM me. Even if it is just someone to listen, I'll be more than happy.

[KentVillan]

2 hours ago, tomav84 said:

it's arguably the easiest to become addicted to too. class A drugs - you need the connections in the first place to obtain them. alcohol - your family/friends will likely spot that you have a problem before you even realise it yourself. gambling on the other hand anyone with a phone can become addicted to it. so many like an acca at the weekend but all it takes is skybet to give you a few free spins on one of their casino slots and it can quickly escalate

Yeah I think substance addictions get spotted relatively quickly by friends/family/colleagues. Gambling is unusual in that you can do it in plain sight nowadays.

[osmark86]

4 hours ago, El Zen said:

I relapsed after a year and a half when my marriage went to shit. I plan to kick it again, knowing I can do it, but haven’t found the will to do it just yet. 

Nicotine, you cruel temptress. 

just decide that you'll kick it because you're better than that damn habit of yours and just to spite the hypothetical bastard who says you couldn't.

the nicotine really doesn't even do anything after a while anyways. it's just there. the real problem is quitting the behavior of having a pouch under your lip and substitutes will really help there.

honestly, I'm being a bit facetious, I know it's hella hard to quit. I believe in you though.

also, sorry about your marriage. must be hard I imagine.

Edited September 12, 2022 by osmark86

[osmark86]

7 minutes ago, KentVillan said:

Yeah I think substance addictions get spotted relatively quickly by friends/family/colleagues. Gambling is unusual in that you can do it in plain sight nowadays.

just read some of your old posts itt earlier and must say I'm impressed by your bravery. I hope you're still on track with your sobriety mate.

[KentVillan]

16 minutes ago, osmark86 said:

just read some of your old posts itt earlier and must say I'm impressed by your bravery. I hope you're still on track with your sobriety mate.

Thank you mate. It’s a lot, lot better with the coke, still drink more than I should, but working on that. I made a few changes in my life that helped a lot, cut a few people & trigger situations out. Problem is cutting out cokehead friends is a lot easier than cutting out people who like beer!

I’ve learned to be more honest with myself and other people and to take more responsibility for my actions and fixing my own problems.

Having projects and goals helps a lot, too.

I don’t know how to explain it, but I felt like I kind of needed to strip away all that front you develop in your teens and twenties and be more of your true self, and then if you keep plugging away at that, you learn how to control situations better and be nicer to yourself and others. Waste less time on people you’re trying to impress, spend more time on people you value.

Don’t know if that makes any sense to anyone, but I hope helpful.

And just have a one step backwards, two steps forwards mentality, as with any addiction it probably won’t be a straight path to getting better.

[El Zen]

17 minutes ago, osmark86 said:

just decide that you'll kick it because you're better than that damn habit of yours and just to spite the hypothetical bastard who says you couldn't.

the nicotine really doesn't even do anything after a while anyways. it's just there. the real problem is quitting the behavior of having a pouch under your lip and substitutes will really help there.

honestly, I'm being a bit facetious, I know it's hella hard to quit. I believe in you though.

also, sorry about your marriage. must be hard I imagine.

Nah, the marriage bit doesn’t bother me too much anymore, but thanks anyway buddy. I appreciate the thought. 

And I actually agree with all of that, however facetious you were being. I’ve done it before, for every reason you’ve listed, and I know I can do it again. It’s just that for now, it brings a bit of pleasure still. Ideally, I’d cut back to two or three hits per day and just live with that. But I know that won’t happen, so I’ll just quit full stop again when the time is ready. Probably next summer, hopefully sooner. 

[osmark86]

1 hour ago, KentVillan said:

Thank you mate. It’s a lot, lot better with the coke, still drink more than I should, but working on that. I made a few changes in my life that helped a lot, cut a few people & trigger situations out. Problem is cutting out cokehead friends is a lot easier than cutting out people who like beer!

I’ve learned to be more honest with myself and other people and to take more responsibility for my actions and fixing my own problems.

Having projects and goals helps a lot, too.

I don’t know how to explain it, but I felt like I kind of needed to strip away all that front you develop in your teens and twenties and be more of your true self, and then if you keep plugging away at that, you learn how to control situations better and be nicer to yourself and others. Waste less time on people you’re trying to impress, spend more time on people you value.

Don’t know if that makes any sense to anyone, but I hope helpful.

And just have a one step backwards, two steps forwards mentality, as with any addiction it probably won’t be a straight path to getting better.

No this makes a heap of sense. I can absolutely relate with this and me and my friends have even made this point out loud to each other at times. We're all in our 30s now and realize that life is too short for spending it around people who you can't be yourself with. It really helps you have truer relationships with others, and more importantly, yourself.

Really good to hear that it's progressing and it seems like you have a positive outlook on your progress. So a big fat "**** yeah!" to that!

Also I can relate with the drinking. Definitely something that crosses my mind each time I go for a beer. Doing pretty good, but still have weeks when I regret having had too much to drink overall. Drank too much in my 20s and I've had to do a lot of thinking about it for myself and also for my wife who became worried for me a couple of years' back. Really makes you rethink...

Never a straight path, but you gotta walk it I suppose.

Edited September 12, 2022 by osmark86

[osmark86]

1 hour ago, El Zen said:

Nah, the marriage bit doesn’t bother me too much anymore, but thanks anyway buddy. I appreciate the thought. 

And I actually agree with all of that, however facetious you were being. I’ve done it before, for every reason you’ve listed, and I know I can do it again. It’s just that for now, it brings a bit of pleasure still. Ideally, I’d cut back to two or three hits per day and just live with that. But I know that won’t happen, so I’ll just quit full stop again when the time is ready. Probably next summer, hopefully sooner. 

eh just do it right now

[Rugeley Villa]

Got my first AA coin Friday night  at one of my meetings I attend for being a month sober/clean . Been attending for about a month now and finding it’s helping me. I’ve not done any sharing yet where you talk out to the group , but talking to people and being around people is a positive experience. I’ve done a handful of meetings before which was NA(Narcotics Anonymous) but for whatever reason I just couldn’t get into it and didn’t want to be there. The good thing is I want to be at the meetings now and mostly enjoy them and the calming feeling it gives you. Some very inspirational people there. I don’t crave cocaine like I used to, but only when I drink so I figured the root of the problem is myself and alcohol. I’m a terrible drunk as well , not pleasant to be around. Black outs have been a regular thing now and it doesn’t take me all that much to have the black outs which is quite frightening.

Its been a bad year for me and my wife and what I’ve put her , the kids , other people and myself through . I missed out on a big family holiday the other week because of my drinking etc and decided enough is enough. Trying to fit the meetings in is difficult at times because of work and family life , but I try and get myself to 3 a week . Two of those are in Rugeley. Quite nervous first time going to the ones in Rugeley seeing people there I kind of knew but we are all there for same reason . If I decided to carry on drinking I’d lose it all and probably end up dead at some point. Not so much from the booze but I really struggle with my mental health when I’m in a dark place with the booze and falling out with wife. I’ve also been going to the gym for the last two months which is great. Feel like I’m finally taking some proper steps in order to change . I hate myself at times and want to be a better person for my loved ones and myself. People shouldn’t have to put up with my vile behaviour when I’m drunk also. 
 

Anyway to anyone struggling help is out there 

God Bless 

[choffer]

That’s really great to hear, @Rugeley Villa .

This thread in particular can be tough to read at times so it’s great to see a bit of sunshine in it. Keep up the good work, Ruge. 

[Rugeley Villa]

Yeah long way to go and a day at a time. I’ve had much longer clean time but in that time I wasn’t doing anything to help me to remain sober . Feel like I am now. Got a lot of numbers from people at the group so help out there. I’m not a dependent alcoholic, but once I pick up that first drink I’m not stopping usually and 9/10 I leave destruction and chaos on a trail behind me. Weird thing is I’m fine when drinking on holiday or weekends away with wife and kids. Don’t tend to drink in house much , maybe Xmas. If I walk into a pub and drink it’s game over..

[maqroll]

I recently learned that a childhood friend of mine from down the street was found dead in a hotel room from an overdose.

She didn't have the happiest home life and I think you can trace a line back to that. 

A neighborhood friend who I stay in touch with made it to the service but said not many people showed up.

Just a really tragic sad thing. 51 years old. 

[TheAuthority]

8 hours ago, maqroll said:

I recently learned that a childhood friend of mine from down the street was found dead in a hotel room from an overdose.

She didn't have the happiest home life and I think you can trace a line back to that. 

A neighborhood friend who I stay in touch with made it to the service but said not many people showed up.

Just a really tragic sad thing. 51 years old. 

Sorry to hear. Learning that people around your age have died is hard enough, but when it's from self harm it adds another layer of emotion.

[TheAuthority]

By the way @El Zen & I think a few others were talking about quitting smoking earlier in the thread.

I used to be a smoker - and I mean I was a SMOKER. I got nervous if I didn't have 2 full packs with me in addition to the one I was smoking.

I used the Allen Carr Easyway to stop smoking and it was EASY. You can go to clinics, read the books or do the online course at home. I highly recommend it and know lots and lots of smokers it has helped.

Edited October 23, 2022 by TheAuthority

[rjw63]

3 hours ago, TheAuthority said:

By the way @El Zen & I think a few others were talking about quitting smoking earlier in the thread.

I used to be a smoker - and I mean I was a SMOKER. I got nervous if I didn't have 2 full packs with me in addition to the one I was smoking.

I used the Allen Carr Easyway to stop smoking and it was EASY. You can go to clinics, read the books or do the online course at home. I highly recommend it and know lots and lots of smokers it has helped.

My wife stopped using the Allen Carr book (I bought it for her off Amazon) and like it says in the book, she got to the last page, put out the cigarette she was smoking, and hasn't t picked another one up in eleven years. 

[TheAuthority]

5 hours ago, rjw63 said:

My wife stopped using the Allen Carr book (I bought it for her off Amazon) and like it says in the book, she got to the last page, put out the cigarette she was smoking, and hasn't t picked another one up in eleven years. 

14 years for me 

[Rolta]

6 hours ago, rjw63 said:

My wife stopped using the Allen Carr book (I bought it for her off Amazon) and like it says in the book, she got to the last page, put out the cigarette she was smoking, and hasn't t picked another one up in eleven years. 

I did this too! The book is incredible.

[El Zen]

16 hours ago, TheAuthority said:

By the way @El Zen & I think a few others were talking about quitting smoking earlier in the thread.

Quite possible, but to be clear, I’ve never smoked a ciggy in my life. It’s all about Scandinavian snus for me. 

Quitting again isn’t really on the agenda right now. I’ve hit a bit of a wall mentally too, and feel way worse about pretty much everything than I did a month ago, and I have too much on my plate to deal with the physical pain of quitting nicotine right now.