Addiction

[BleedClaretAndBlue]

@leighavfc

alternatively, what works for me, is just smoke weed mate. Nothing good comes from Cocaine bar maybe that initial line or two or if you’re too drunk and just want to sort your head out, but it never ends at just a gram- thats the problem. All ive known is the sesh since 16/17 years old and I think thats the problem. Its hard to go out drinking and not end up getting on it all night and often large chunks of the next day too. Its where ive always had my own place, so when the pub ends its always back to mine and the culture round here surrounding gear is rife. No good comes from the packet, as im sure you know, rinses your money, makes you feel crap, the comedowns are dreadful (mainly from what it gets bashed up with these days) not to mention the adverse effects on both your physical and mental health. That feeling of hunger and tiredness but not being able to eat or sleep is what I just couldnt keep dealing with; and the shame when you do too much and wonder what would my family think if they knew what I was up to.

I just do it now and again now depending on whether its worth it (if im having a really good night or not) - but i control it now not the other way round. I 100% feel so much better now just having a joint and chilling tf out. 
 

Weed is not even recreational for me; I use it medicinally now just at home by myself. Its thought inducing and humbling in a very positive way. Especially in this weather; put some music and sit out in the garden. Things will get better mate, but yeah knock the packet on the head, having mind altering experiences with things like weed can help you to think differently and kick out bad habits. Enjoy your food and sleep again, see how much money you save, and see how much happier you’ll feel.

 

[rjw63]

10 minutes ago, BleedClaretAndBlue said:

@leighavfc

Weed is not even recreational for me; I use it medicinally now just at home by myself. Its thought inducing and humbling in a very positive way. Especially in this weather; put some music and sit out in the garden. 

 

10 minutes ago, BleedClaretAndBlue said:

 

You don't live in Chelmsley and listen to **** Kisstory/Kiss FM by any chance? 

[leighavfc]

Hi all,

Apologies for not replying for the last couple of weeks.. kind of just shut myself off from the outside world for the week of my original post and then had a bit of a s**t week this week.

First things first I haven't touched any gear in the last couple of weeks and have totally avoided any situations where drink would be involved to aid that.. been tough but has worked so far.

I decided in the end to tell my partner about what had been going on over the previous week's and that her suspicions were correct... Was a very risky situation with her telling me in April that there would be no more of this happening and the next time that would be it. Obviously it went down like a lead balloon initially but not long after she understood it was a slip up and I was likely to go through these on the road. Things settled down and started getting back to normal which was good, had a few days where my positivity and determination to get through it came back. 

Today I've hit rock bottom again... Out of nowhere my partner was in a real funny mood and after asking a couple of times what was up she said we will talk when the kids go out... I left it at that and when the kids went we had a chat... She basically said that she has had enough of everything and thinks that we should break up.... We chatted through our problems but at this stage she is just in that stage where nothing is going to change and there is nothing we can do to make it better.

Gutted tbh... my whole world has caved in at this stage. Despite this I can't really complain too much as she must be fed up of my problems.. I certainly am so she must be way past them. As much as I'm tempted to go out and get f****d up I'm definitely not going to. It's not what I needed at this stage in my recovery but it's nobody's fault but mine and I have to deal with that..

Sorry for going off topic in the last couple of paragraphs but I felt it was relevent to my addiction and journey out of it. No doubt you will hear more from me over the coming weeks and months. Again thank you for listening and responding to me so far, I read many of your messages over and over during the past couple of weeks whilst dealing with cravings and temptations. Love this place and many of its posters

 

[Genie]

1 hour ago, leighavfc said:

Hi all,

Apologies for not replying for the last couple of weeks.. kind of just shut myself off from the outside world for the week of my original post and then had a bit of a s**t week this week.

First things first I haven't touched any gear in the last couple of weeks and have totally avoided any situations where drink would be involved to aid that.. been tough but has worked so far.

I decided in the end to tell my partner about what had been going on over the previous week's and that her suspicions were correct... Was a very risky situation with her telling me in April that there would be no more of this happening and the next time that would be it. Obviously it went down like a lead balloon initially but not long after she understood it was a slip up and I was likely to go through these on the road. Things settled down and started getting back to normal which was good, had a few days where my positivity and determination to get through it came back. 

Today I've hit rock bottom again... Out of nowhere my partner was in a real funny mood and after asking a couple of times what was up she said we will talk when the kids go out... I left it at that and when the kids went we had a chat... She basically said that she has had enough of everything and thinks that we should break up.... We chatted through our problems but at this stage she is just in that stage where nothing is going to change and there is nothing we can do to make it better.

Gutted tbh... my whole world has caved in at this stage. Despite this I can't really complain too much as she must be fed up of my problems.. I certainly am so she must be way past them. As much as I'm tempted to go out and get f****d up I'm definitely not going to. It's not what I needed at this stage in my recovery but it's nobody's fault but mine and I have to deal with that..

Sorry for going off topic in the last couple of paragraphs but I felt it was relevent to my addiction and journey out of it. No doubt you will hear more from me over the coming weeks and months. Again thank you for listening and responding to me so far, I read many of your messages over and over during the past couple of weeks whilst dealing with cravings and temptations. Love this place and many of its posters

 

Hey, tough few days but seems like you know the path through it all even if it is vertical, and covered in ice.

My advice (fwiw) is to not try and tackle everything at once. Take this opportunity to sort yourself out. No drink, no drugs, no hanging out with the wrong people. Keep yourself extremely busy and take 1 day at a time. 

[MNVillan]

3 hours ago, leighavfc said:

Hi all,

Apologies for not replying for the last couple of weeks.. kind of just shut myself off from the outside world for the week of my original post and then had a bit of a s**t week this week.

First things first I haven't touched any gear in the last couple of weeks and have totally avoided any situations where drink would be involved to aid that.. been tough but has worked so far.

I decided in the end to tell my partner about what had been going on over the previous week's and that her suspicions were correct... Was a very risky situation with her telling me in April that there would be no more of this happening and the next time that would be it. Obviously it went down like a lead balloon initially but not long after she understood it was a slip up and I was likely to go through these on the road. Things settled down and started getting back to normal which was good, had a few days where my positivity and determination to get through it came back. 

Today I've hit rock bottom again... Out of nowhere my partner was in a real funny mood and after asking a couple of times what was up she said we will talk when the kids go out... I left it at that and when the kids went we had a chat... She basically said that she has had enough of everything and thinks that we should break up.... We chatted through our problems but at this stage she is just in that stage where nothing is going to change and there is nothing we can do to make it better.

Gutted tbh... my whole world has caved in at this stage. Despite this I can't really complain too much as she must be fed up of my problems.. I certainly am so she must be way past them. As much as I'm tempted to go out and get f****d up I'm definitely not going to. It's not what I needed at this stage in my recovery but it's nobody's fault but mine and I have to deal with that..

Sorry for going off topic in the last couple of paragraphs but I felt it was relevent to my addiction and journey out of it. No doubt you will hear more from me over the coming weeks and months. Again thank you for listening and responding to me so far, I read many of your messages over and over during the past couple of weeks whilst dealing with cravings and temptations. Love this place and many of its posters

 

So sorry to hear that. It’s a very tough battle, one I went (and still am going) through. You have to want to do it for yourself, which is sounds like you are. Making all the right decisions, even if they’re not easy. Keep that chin up.

[leighavfc]

3 hours ago, Genie said:

Hey, tough few days but seems like you know the path through it all even if it is vertical, and covered in ice.

My advice (fwiw) is to not try and tackle everything at once. Take this opportunity to sort yourself out. No drink, no drugs, no hanging out with the wrong people. Keep yourself extremely busy and take 1 day at a time. 

Hi Genie

Yeah see this is the thing I absolutely know my trigger... Alcohol... Everytime! If I don't drink I don't even think about gear. It's that simple for me, fortunately I have never really enjoyed drinking at home ever so can keep that under control. It's just the social drink or nights out for various reasons that do me. I could see from a mile off when looking at the calendar at the start of May how this was going to end up....I was correct. I had got comfortable drinking without it (and doing well by my standards!) and then that first time led me back down the path and back into it 

I'm gutted about my relationship and it really is killing me thinking about it... I won't sleep at all tonight. Head is spinning with all the thoughts. Nightmare. It's not confirmed over but certainly looks as if it will be. Have to see what gets said going forward. Just hoping I have enough strength to pull through whatever comes up over the days, weeks and months.

Your right though I need to put myself first, I never have done In all my life so far... I'm what some people call a carer and take everybody's problems on without sorting my own. It's not caused me to do drugs but is probably a very small percentage part of my problem. Thankfully Im a very busy person and have to keep it that way to keep me from driving insane day to day... Fortunately that's one thing that will drag me through this one way or the other 

 

[leighavfc]

1 hour ago, MNVillan said:

So sorry to hear that. It’s a very tough battle, one I went (and still am going) through. You have to want to do it for yourself, which is sounds like you are. Making all the right decisions, even if they’re not easy. Keep that chin up.

Cheers dude, it's a long hard road with plenty of roundabouts and corners on the way. A massive kick in the teeth today has been on that road but I've just about held it together enough to get through by keeping busy. Although tempted at times to jack the work I have done up until now, I managed to say no enough times to stop myself thinking about it in those moments. It will get worse as things progress with my relationship worried im sure but like @Geniesaid it has to be about me now first and foremost.

Today/Tomorrow is a new day and another battle. Thanks again, I will keep that chin up for sure.. it's the only way.

[maqroll]

Looking back at my late 20s which was 20 years ago..it was fun at the time, even titillating. Calling my dealer, meeting up, buying the gram or whatever, and then planning the night. Doing the first line before leaving the house. Going to the club or party and then the after hours. And then finding myelf still awake at 11am having finished all the cocaine, all the booze and all the cigarettes. 

I am so glad I only lived that life for a short time because it would have killed me. So many times tempting fate with my health, the police, shady people, dangerous situations. 

I was disrespecting myself by polluting my system with poison and thwarting my progress in meaningful areas of my life.

Coke, MDMA, booze, tobacco, Xanax, ketamine. I did all of it for about 2 years. Great fun, not gonna lie. But it comes at a cost. I developed depression and anxiety and I'm convinced it was drug induced. 

The mental health issue I faced have had repercussions to this very day. So even though I'm far removed from that party scene and even though I was in it for a short while, I'm still living with those decisions. 

The sooner you drop your party drug habit, the better. If that means dropping some friends, do it.

[leighavfc]

On 31/07/2022 at 16:38, maqroll said:

Looking back at my late 20s which was 20 years ago..it was fun at the time, even titillating. Calling my dealer, meeting up, buying the gram or whatever, and then planning the night. Doing the first line before leaving the house. Going to the club or party and then the after hours. And then finding myelf still awake at 11am having finished all the cocaine, all the booze and all the cigarettes. 

I am so glad I only lived that life for a short time because it would have killed me. So many times tempting fate with my health, the police, shady people, dangerous situations. 

I was disrespecting myself by polluting my system with poison and thwarting my progress in meaningful areas of my life.

Coke, MDMA, booze, tobacco, Xanax, ketamine. I did all of it for about 2 years. Great fun, not gonna lie. But it comes at a cost. I developed depression and anxiety and I'm convinced it was drug induced. 

The mental health issue I faced have had repercussions to this very day. So even though I'm far removed from that party scene and even though I was in it for a short while, I'm still living with those decisions. 

The sooner you drop your party drug habit, the better. If that means dropping some friends, do it.

A lot of the stuff you have wrote in here I can relate too. How you describe yourself 20 years ago was exactly me and how it all started too. Where we differ in situations is I have kept myself away from the people I did drugs with regularly over the years and have got a "new" set of friends so to speak who don't do drugs. but I still am... Even on my own a lot of the time and then trying to hide it. It's that bad.

Fortunately and or unfortunately for me 99.9% of the problem for me is drink. If I don't drink I don't do gear.. I don't even think about it. Fortunately I have never been a home drinker so thats a good start, very rare I will ever buy tins in to drink at home. Most weeks after kids football training I will usually have a quick pint after training with other parents and go home, again this is fine as I have the kids to get home and to bed etc. Even at the Villa a couple of pints in the north stand before a game is fine with me, I go straight home afterwards. 

My real problem is meeting up with friends or going for anymore than a drink or two... That's when it happens.. doesn't matter who I am with I just can't stop myself in that moment. No matter how bad or wrong I know It is, no matter where i am going, it's just happens most times..even at times one drink convinces me to get my phone out and make the call.. I am terrible.

Ultimately the only way this will stop is me not drinking and I have to accept that tee total is the only way forward. It will be tough, it will be awkward but it's the only way. My "new" group of friends don't do drugs or associate with the likes either which makes it worse as I'm probably going to have to withdraw myself from doing things with them to keep on top of the situation as they all like a drink. It makes me sad at the thought of becoming a recluse again so soon after gaining these new people in my life who may I add are really good people.

I just hate my life really to be honest, I can't ever do anything right and never can just be happy.. i am sure there are people in far worse situations than me but the fact that I have thrown so much away at just 34 is devastating.

On top of that my relationship of 12 years is very quickly going down the pan and will be over for good within the next week the way things are. Non stop arguing, shouting, screaming and constant new stresses/issues for the last 2 days has just topped it all off. I've had to pack the kids off to the grandparents for a couple of days to keep them away as home is like a warzone.

Bar the times of not arguing I've just literally sat here in silence either reading stuff on here to keep my mind ticking over or to post in this thread. Barely slept a wink for 3 days, with long days at work in between. Fortunately work believe it or not is a happy place and somewhere my mind is most of the time at rest due to having something else to focus on. 5pm comes and its back to depressed mode on the way home. I've even had seconds of suicidal thoughts because of not seeing a way out of this mess or any light at the end.

Please don't have sympathy for me anyone, it's all of my own doing and I'm trying to deal with that mentally as much as it's the toughest thing I'm probably ever going to go through... Il probably lose everything going through this and have to start again... So if your out there and feeling like you haven't got a control of your addictions.. please read this and stop before you end up like me.

Hope everyone is ok, and thanks again for reading. Just being able to type this message stops me from bottling it all up and making things worse

 

 

[MNVillan]

3 hours ago, leighavfc said:

A lot of the stuff you have wrote in here I can relate too. How you describe yourself 20 years ago was exactly me and how it all started too. Where we differ in situations is I have kept myself away from the people I did drugs with regularly over the years and have got a "new" set of friends so to speak who don't do drugs. but I still am... Even on my own a lot of the time and then trying to hide it. It's that bad.

Fortunately and or unfortunately for me 99.9% of the problem for me is drink. If I don't drink I don't do gear.. I don't even think about it. Fortunately I have never been a home drinker so thats a good start, very rare I will ever buy tins in to drink at home. Most weeks after kids football training I will usually have a quick pint after training with other parents and go home, again this is fine as I have the kids to get home and to bed etc. Even at the Villa a couple of pints in the north stand before a game is fine with me, I go straight home afterwards. 

My real problem is meeting up with friends or going for anymore than a drink or two... That's when it happens.. doesn't matter who I am with I just can't stop myself in that moment. No matter how bad or wrong I know It is, no matter where i am going, it's just happens most times..even at times one drink convinces me to get my phone out and make the call.. I am terrible.

Ultimately the only way this will stop is me not drinking and I have to accept that tee total is the only way forward. It will be tough, it will be awkward but it's the only way. My "new" group of friends don't do drugs or associate with the likes either which makes it worse as I'm probably going to have to withdraw myself from doing things with them to keep on top of the situation as they all like a drink. It makes me sad at the thought of becoming a recluse again so soon after gaining these new people in my life who may I add are really good people.

I just hate my life really to be honest, I can't ever do anything right and never can just be happy.. i am sure there are people in far worse situations than me but the fact that I have thrown so much away at just 34 is devastating.

On top of that my relationship of 12 years is very quickly going down the pan and will be over for good within the next week the way things are. Non stop arguing, shouting, screaming and constant new stresses/issues for the last 2 days has just topped it all off. I've had to pack the kids off to the grandparents for a couple of days to keep them away as home is like a warzone.

Bar the times of not arguing I've just literally sat here in silence either reading stuff on here to keep my mind ticking over or to post in this thread. Barely slept a wink for 3 days, with long days at work in between. Fortunately work believe it or not is a happy place and somewhere my mind is most of the time at rest due to having something else to focus on. 5pm comes and its back to depressed mode on the way home. I've even had seconds of suicidal thoughts because of not seeing a way out of this mess or any light at the end.

Please don't have sympathy for me anyone, it's all of my own doing and I'm trying to deal with that mentally as much as it's the toughest thing I'm probably ever going to go through... Il probably lose everything going through this and have to start again... So if your out there and feeling like you haven't got a control of your addictions.. please read this and stop before you end up like me.

Hope everyone is ok, and thanks again for reading. Just being able to type this message stops me from bottling it all up and making things worse

 

 

They say that admitting you have a problem is the first step, glad you’re big enough to do that. 
 

I had to rethink my relationship with alcohol last year, as I was in a similar spot. My marriage and day-to-day life was suffering massively. I was drinking almost a liter of whiskey each evening. Was bad for my physical and mental health. I went months totally sober. Now I can drink beer comfortably without the same side effects, but will never touch hard alcohol again - almost ruined my life.

You may think it awkward to quit drinking, but I expect you’ll be surprised at how understanding and supportive people will be of that decision.

Keep fighting the good fight. There’s always things worth living for. If nothing else, the new Villa season is only 5 days away!

[leighavfc]

20 hours ago, MNVillan said:

They say that admitting you have a problem is the first step, glad you’re big enough to do that. 
 

I had to rethink my relationship with alcohol last year, as I was in a similar spot. My marriage and day-to-day life was suffering massively. I was drinking almost a liter of whiskey each evening. Was bad for my physical and mental health. I went months totally sober. Now I can drink beer comfortably without the same side effects, but will never touch hard alcohol again - almost ruined my life.

You may think it awkward to quit drinking, but I expect you’ll be surprised at how understanding and supportive people will be of that decision.

Keep fighting the good fight. There’s always things worth living for. If nothing else, the new Villa season is only 5 days away!

Hey man

I have admitted for years I have a problem and it's the first step as you say... The next step is a whole different universe away from that.. for me certainly anyway. Step by step, day by day though, closing in on 3 weeks since a drink or any gear... It's flew by tbh.

I have struggled a lot the past few days with everything going on in the house tbh.. was tempted to go round the local club for a coke or lemonade earlier, mainly just to get out the house and to have an actual chat or interaction with another adult...which I havent had for about 48 hours now. That is starting to get me down a bit. I had to quickly talk myself out of it though incase just to be on the safe side. Glad I did, although would have enjoyed somebody's company for an hour or so. It's my eldest sons birthday tomorrow so will be seeing him and enjoying time with him.. whilst also forgetting about normal life for those few hours or so. Looking forward to seeing his face when I give him his new away kit and his Coutinho cake i got him. He will be absolutely buzzing with that!

Good to hear you sorted your problem with Whisky, and proves to me it can be done with my issues too. With you now being able to drink responsibly on beer too shows you have the control once again. Hope it stays that way for you mate! 

Yeah I'm probably thinking its more awkward in my head than it will be to be honest, I'm sure my pals will understand and completely agree to be fair. It's just thought of having to announce it that feels embarrassing but I will do when the question of a drink comes up in the future. 

I'm normally well excited about the football as it's only passion and real enjoyment in life.. well I say enjoymentas a Villa fan! Just haven't this time round for obvious reasons but I'm sure when back at VP next Saturday I will be. Have booked Monday off work and decided to drive the kids down to Wales for the weekend on Saturday away from everything and everyone to enjoy some quality time with them and away from the house and partner/ex/friend/lodger/tennant... Whatever she is at this stage... That will be good for me and them too.

 

[Vive_La_Villa]

So I’ve finally decided to knock the booze on the head for good. This is day 1.  Would love to hear stories from anyone that has done the same. 

It’s just become so part of life for so long it feels weird I’ll always be sober from now on.   
 

Once I started and got to level I just wouldn’t stop. My wife is over the moon I’ve made this commitment. 

Edited August 15, 2022 by Vive_La_Villa

[Genie]

8 minutes ago, Vive_La_Villa said:

So I’ve finally decided to knock the booze on the head for good. This is day 1.  Would love to hear stories from anyone that has done the same. 

It’s just become so part of life for so long it feels weird I’ll always be sober from now on.   
 

Once I started and got to level I just wouldn’t stop. My wife is over the moon I’ve made this commitment. 

Great news mate, I wish you all the luck in the world.

 

[Vive_La_Villa]

2 minutes ago, Genie said:

Great news mate, I wish you all the luck in the world.

 

Thanks mate. Appreciate. 

[Dante_Lockhart]

I think I'm addicted to procrastination

[Vive_La_Villa]

13 minutes ago, Dante_Lockhart said:

I think I'm addicted to procrastination

Me too so I got a book about it. Just keep putting off reading it. 

[leighavfc]

9 hours ago, Vive_La_Villa said:

So I’ve finally decided to knock the booze on the head for good. This is day 1.  Would love to hear stories from anyone that has done the same. 

It’s just become so part of life for so long it feels weird I’ll always be sober from now on.   
 

Once I started and got to level I just wouldn’t stop. My wife is over the moon I’ve made this commitment. 

Good luck, I hope it works out for you

[Vive_La_Villa]

8 minutes ago, leighavfc said:

Good luck, I hope it works out for you

Thanks pal. Hope things are going well for you too. 

[leighavfc]

13 minutes ago, Vive_La_Villa said:

Thanks pal. Hope things are going well for you too. 

Thanks I have been ok, steered completely clear of drugs and my trigger alcohol over these past few weeks. 

Having a really tough time otherwise but just getting through how best I can... 

[Vive_La_Villa]

5 hours ago, leighavfc said:

Thanks I have been ok, steered completely clear of drugs and my trigger alcohol over these past few weeks. 

Having a really tough time otherwise but just getting through how best I can... 

Good to hear you’ve managed to steer clear but sorry to hear you have a tough time. Reach out for help wherever you can. I’m always happy to talk over DM if you need to mate.