Addiction

[Vive_La_Villa]

This is my first game since I quit drinking. My traditional pre, half time and post pint will have to be substituted.  

[Vive_La_Villa]

One month without a drop. Wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Boy is time flying by.

[Anthony]

40 minutes ago, Vive_La_Villa said:

One month without a drop. Wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Boy is time flying by.

Winning!

Um, you any good at managing football teams? Asking for a friend.

[UpTheVilla26]

I have thought about this for a while, wether to post what I did last year, and I think if 1 person it helps or stops doing the same it is worth it. 

Last year I got addicted to online gambling. 

I have always bet on the footy & horses but nothing more than a fiver here and there. I downloaded skybet, my wife didn't want me to, yet I had a few wins and wasn't betting silly. 

Then I went onto the online casino. I had a go on a few games and before I knew it, I'd won £500. It seemed easy, so I had another go and won more. 

To put into context what I did, before I started we had ZERO debt. We rent a council house, we've spent a lot of money improving it etc... & after moving around a lot as a child, it's the first house that's felt like home since I was 10. We had about 10k sat in our bank, an ISA with a few grand in it & both worked, so incomings more than outgoings. 

I managed to stuff that in 8 horrendous months. What started as a few wins turned into a massive addiction. An addiction that slowly destroyed me. 

I started to lose, so started to bet more. The whole 'chasing your losses' took me over. My wife never worried about checking the bank account, so I had no fear of her noticing to begin with. 

The first time I realised I had a problem is when I gambled my whole months salary in 30mins and lost it all. At this point, there was around 7k in the bank still but it panicked me. 

I rang my Dad, trying to hold it together. I went round and told him what I was doing and I know now, he wishes he'd rang my wife. He didn't, he told me to stop being stupid before it got worse. 

I kept telling myself, everytime I gambled again, I'll win and there is still thousands in the account. It never happened. 

Over the course of the 8 months, I gambled the best part of £25000. That included taking out loans borrowing 3k off a friend & using nearly every penny we'd worked hard for years to earn. 

The final straw came when I managed to log into my wife's online banking which has access to my boys savings accounts. I moved some money from them into ours, trying to cover up the trail of destruction. 2 days later, I got paid, and put it straight back in - the only good decision I made in all that time. 

It all came out in November. I'd spoke to my mum and she said you have to tell your wife. That evening, I collapsed her world. I couldn't get the words out, she got angry with me as she thought I was having an affair. Eventually I managed to utter the words 'I'm addicted to gambling'. 

She went down the back the next day and somehow there was nearly 5k still in it. I promised I'd not do it anymore but I wasn't ready to stop. 

The following week, a Tuesday I think, I didn't go to work. I stayed at home. I was back on the slots, signed up to a new site, surely I'll have some luck. 

I did. Before I knew it, I had somehow won the best part of 6k. But I didn't stop. The arrogance addiction brings kicked in. I can win more. 

I'll never get the image out of my head 'can't deposit, check you bank'. Shaking, I loaded up the app. £17.23. I'd lost everything. I went in the cupboard and found some tablets. I'd already sunk a bottle of malbec in less than an hour, my head was gone. I rang my mum, I couldn't speak, I just whaled down the phone. She was at our house within 30mins and as a nurse, saw the tablets and empty wine bottle - she went to phone an ambulance until I showed her the tablets hadn't been touched. My lad was in his room upstairs and that's what stopped me taking the tablets, he will never know, he probably saved me that night. 

My wife came home, my dad came round (my parents seperated when I was 10) and the look on her face when I told her what I'd done will haunt me forever. It broke her. I took a mental and verbal beating from all 3 of them, I just stood there, devoid of anything, not able to stop crying. 

It seemed I had to hit rock bottom but I'd taken the person I love more than anything with me. 

I stayed at my mums that night. I thought my marriage was over. I just lay on the sofa all night, I didn't sleep at all, wandering why. 

Them months had changed me. It's true what they say about addiction - it wants you alone. I'd lost interest in all the things I'd once enjoyed. Our sex life suffered, my wife was convinced I was having an affair months before but obviously knows now I wasn't. I lost weight, I looked gaunt and ill. Like I'd aged 10 years. Looking in the mirror was just a shell of a person staring back, one not knowing how to stop, one not realising how bad the addiction was getting. 

I went back home the next day and we sat and talked. I could see the pain and hurt in her eyes. I couldn't look at her, I'd let her down, my family down and I couldn't fix it. 

She told me she was going to stay with me and we'd focus on Christmas. My mum and dad put 2k into our bank account so we'd be able to pay bills etc... I handed over my bank card, she went up the bank and made sure I couldn't access anything. 

It was surreal. It's like I had watched it all happen from afar. Everyday she would worry what she'd come home to. Had I done it again somehow, would I do something stupid to get hold of money etc... 

I promised her the night she told me she'd stay with me I'd never do it again. We decided the kids didn't need to know and she didn't tell her parents, as they are in their 70s. Her friends at work & her cousin all amazing, giving her support. 

Most days we'd talk about it. What triggered it, why did I do it, why wasn't she and the kids enough, what was I trying to win the money for. I couldn't answer any of them and hours were lost to tears and confusion. 

Slowly the months rolled past. Luckily our rent isn't huge and we scaled back on a few things. We just went to work, came home and our house was our safety blanket. After the initial talking to friends etc... we almost shut ourselves away from the world, spending that time together helped me more than any form of counselling or prescription tablet. 

I got a notebook and every month started to write down what was in the account before and after payday. £700 saved one month, £850 the next, so on. 10 months later, after we'd both been paid, we had £9000 in the account. I plan to pay my parents back, they've not asked but its part of putting this right, and despite now paying back £300 to loans every month, the damage is being fixed.

My wife had been amazing. I can't begin to know how's she felt through all of it. She's listened to me, she's seen her husband totally broken but she knows I'm a good person, a man who just wants to make his family proud and work hard for them. 

As for me, I decided I had to fix myself - myself. I didn't go to the Dr's, I didn't get counselling, I needed to find the strength and do this for me. As the months went past, I got better each day. I put a bit of weight back on, started to care about the things that should matter & got a new job in July that pays an extra 6k per year. The future, with my wife and boys, is there for us and I'm determined to do what's right by them until my last breath. 

I've not been tempted once. Not once. I thought I would miss doing a football accumaltor but I don't. I don't hate the gambling companies, they don't force you to sign up, but when you've stood looking at yourself in the mirror, crying your eyes out, shouting why, looking ill through stress & desperation, after spending 3 hours gambling and losing large amounts of money, you never want to be back there again. 

It's changed me. I know a part of me was lost to the gambling but I have to view it as a scar. I've had a decent life before and can have a lovely life going forward. My wife will never know how much I love, admire & adore her, she really is a special person & I am thankful everyday she has given me a 2nd chance. 

Addiction is harrowing. In a way I feel lucky it was only 8 months of my life and 'only' £25k. I could have lost my wife, my kids & with where my head was at at the time, if that had happened, probably my life. 

If anyone can take anything from this, my one word of advice is talk. Shout about it. If one person doesn't take you seriously or listen, shout louder. Don't let the addiction drag you slowly where it wants you - reliant on it. Don't be too proud or arrogant to admit you need help & the biggest thing is don't lose hope. People make mistakes but mistakes can be fixed in time. 

 

 

[zab6359]

11 minutes ago, UpTheVilla26 said:

I have thought about this for a while, wether to post what I did last year, and I think if 1 person it helps or stops doing the same it is worth it. 

Last year I got addicted to online gambling. 

I have always bet on the footy & horses but nothing more than a fiver here and there. I downloaded skybet, my wife didn't want me to, yet I had a few wins and wasn't betting silly. 

Then I went onto the online casino. I had a go on a few games and before I knew it, I'd won £500. It seemed easy, so I had another go and won more. 

To put into context what I did, before I started we had ZERO debt. We rent a council house, we've spent a lot of money improving it etc... & after moving around a lot as a child, it's the first house that's felt like home since I was 10. We had about 10k sat in our bank, an ISA with a few grand in it & both worked, so incomings more than outgoings. 

I managed to stuff that in 8 horrendous months. What started as a few wins turned into a massive addiction. An addiction that slowly destroyed me. 

I started to lose, so started to bet more. The whole 'chasing your losses' took me over. My wife never worried about checking the bank account, so I had no fear of her noticing to begin with. 

The first time I realised I had a problem is when I gambled my whole months salary in 30mins and lost it all. At this point, there was around 7k in the bank still but it panicked me. 

I rang my Dad, trying to hold it together. I went round and told him what I was doing and I know now, he wishes he'd rang my wife. He didn't, he told me to stop being stupid before it got worse. 

I kept telling myself, everytime I gambled again, I'll win and there is still thousands in the account. It never happened. 

Over the course of the 8 months, I gambled the best part of £25000. That included taking out loans borrowing 3k off a friend & using nearly every penny we'd worked hard for years to earn. 

The final straw came when I managed to log into my wife's online banking which has access to my boys savings accounts. I moved some money from them into ours, trying to cover up the trail of destruction. 2 days later, I got paid, and put it straight back in - the only good decision I made in all that time. 

It all came out in November. I'd spoke to my mum and she said you have to tell your wife. That evening, I collapsed her world. I couldn't get the words out, she got angry with me as she thought I was having an affair. Eventually I managed to utter the words 'I'm addicted to gambling'. 

She went down the back the next day and somehow there was nearly 5k still in it. I promised I'd not do it anymore but I wasn't ready to stop. 

The following week, a Tuesday I think, I didn't go to work. I stayed at home. I was back on the slots, signed up to a new site, surely I'll have some luck. 

I did. Before I knew it, I had somehow won the best part of 6k. But I didn't stop. The arrogance addiction brings kicked in. I can win more. 

I'll never get the image out of my head 'can't deposit, check you bank'. Shaking, I loaded up the app. £17.23. I'd lost everything. I went in the cupboard and found some tablets. I'd already sunk a bottle of malbec in less than an hour, my head was gone. I rang my mum, I couldn't speak, I just whaled down the phone. She was at our house within 30mins and as a nurse, saw the tablets and empty wine bottle - she went to phone an ambulance until I showed her the tablets hadn't been touched. My lad was in his room upstairs and that's what stopped me taking the tablets, he will never know, he probably saved me that night. 

My wife came home, my dad came round (my parents seperated when I was 10) and the look on her face when I told her what I'd done will haunt me forever. It broke her. I took a mental and verbal beating from all 3 of them, I just stood there, devoid of anything, not able to stop crying. 

It seemed I had to hit rock bottom but I'd taken the person I love more than anything with me. 

I stayed at my mums that night. I thought my marriage was over. I just lay on the sofa all night, I didn't sleep at all, wandering why. 

Them months had changed me. It's true what they say about addiction - it wants you alone. I'd lost interest in all the things I'd once enjoyed. Our sex life suffered, my wife was convinced I was having an affair months before but obviously knows now I wasn't. I lost weight, I looked gaunt and ill. Like I'd aged 10 years. Looking in the mirror was just a shell of a person staring back, one not knowing how to stop, one not realising how bad the addiction was getting. 

I went back home the next day and we sat and talked. I could see the pain and hurt in her eyes. I couldn't look at her, I'd let her down, my family down and I couldn't fix it. 

She told me she was going to stay with me and we'd focus on Christmas. My mum and dad put 2k into our bank account so we'd be able to pay bills etc... I handed over my bank card, she went up the bank and made sure I couldn't access anything. 

It was surreal. It's like I had watched it all happen from afar. Everyday she would worry what she'd come home to. Had I done it again somehow, would I do something stupid to get hold of money etc... 

I promised her the night she told me she'd stay with me I'd never do it again. We decided the kids didn't need to know and she didn't tell her parents, as they are in their 70s. Her friends at work & her cousin all amazing, giving her support. 

Most days we'd talk about it. What triggered it, why did I do it, why wasn't she and the kids enough, what was I trying to win the money for. I couldn't answer any of them and hours were lost to tears and confusion. 

Slowly the months rolled past. Luckily our rent isn't huge and we scaled back on a few things. We just went to work, came home and our house was our safety blanket. After the initial talking to friends etc... we almost shut ourselves away from the world, spending that time together helped me more than any form of counselling or prescription tablet. 

I got a notebook and every month started to write down what was in the account before and after payday. £700 saved one month, £850 the next, so on. 10 months later, after we'd both been paid, we had £9000 in the account. I plan to pay my parents back, they've not asked but its part of putting this right, and despite now paying back £300 to loans every month, the damage is being fixed.

My wife had been amazing. I can't begin to know how's she felt through all of it. She's listened to me, she's seen her husband totally broken but she knows I'm a good person, a man who just wants to make his family proud and work hard for them. 

As for me, I decided I had to fix myself - myself. I didn't go to the Dr's, I didn't get counselling, I needed to find the strength and do this for me. As the months went past, I got better each day. I put a bit of weight back on, started to care about the things that should matter & got a new job in July that pays an extra 6k per year. The future, with my wife and boys, is there for us and I'm determined to do what's right by them until my last breath. 

I've not been tempted once. Not once. I thought I would miss doing a football accumaltor but I don't. I don't hate the gambling companies, they don't force you to sign up, but when you've stood looking at yourself in the mirror, crying your eyes out, shouting why, looking ill through stress & desperation, after spending 3 hours gambling and losing large amounts of money, you never want to be back there again. 

It's changed me. I know a part of me was lost to the gambling but I have to view it as a scar. I've had a decent life before and can have a lovely life going forward. My wife will never know how much I love, admire & adore her, she really is a special person & I am thankful everyday she has given me a 2nd chance. 

Addiction is harrowing. In a way I feel lucky it was only 8 months of my life and 'only' £25k. I could have lost my wife, my kids & with where my head was at at the time, if that had happened, probably my life. 

If anyone can take anything from this, my one word of advice is talk. Shout about it. If one person doesn't take you seriously or listen, shout louder. Don't let the addiction drag you slowly where it wants you - reliant on it. Don't be too proud or arrogant to admit you need help & the biggest thing is don't lose hope. People make mistakes but mistakes can be fixed in time. 

 

 

Incredibly brave post mate I hope you've cracked it and your wife sounds like an incredible person, good luck.

[UpTheVilla26]

1 minute ago, zab6359 said:

Incredibly brave post mate I hope you've cracked it and your wife sounds like an incredible person, good luck.

Thanks mate. 

[Genie]

Wow that’s a powerful post @UpTheVilla26. It’s surprising how many stories you read about people getting a problem with gambling after winning big with the first bet. It’s like it’s the worst possible thing that could happen.

I assume it’s like a drug, chasing that initial buzz which never happens again.

Its great to see you’ve come out the other side with a good financial footing and the family still in tact, certainly 1 of the lucky ones! 

Gambling companies are horrible. They have all kinds of algorithms to spot when people are trying gain an edge or cheat them but when people start pumping thousands in very quickly they look the other way.

Its a horrible industry that thrives on misery, but packaged up and marketed as a bit of laugh. 

[UpTheVilla26]

Very true. 

I found that you usually would have a decent win after signing up and spending an initial £200-£300. Then you'd win £500-£1000 so it lures you in. 

To begin with, it is a buzz. The first month, I won about £1700 off of £400. Stupidly I was like 'I'll do this once a month and it's like a third wage coming into the house'. Very naive. 

Slowly, and you don't even realise at first, it consumes you. You wake up and you want to load up and bet. Any spare moment your trying to gamble. 

The biggest win I had was £6700 on roulette. I'd played all day, gambled nearly 1k. I was down to about £250 and I just put it all on the 0 green. It dropped in and I was like 'wow'. But instead of withdrawing, because you're addicted to the gambling, you go on different games, or you put a bigger stake on and before you know it, you are depositing again. 

I was finding they were giving me money as well. One day I logged into Sky Bet and they gave me £50 as a 'thank you' gift. Mad really when you think about it with a clear head. 

I do think all forms of gambling advertising should be banned. I've noticed most now have gone down the route of their adverts focusing on 'be gamble aware'. Basically, they know there is a massive problem with addiction and gambling yet still wish to lure people into it. 

Ultimately, I should have been stronger willed and saw the early warning signs but I do hope someone might read my experience and it might stop them starting. 

 

[Vive_La_Villa]

1 hour ago, UpTheVilla26 said:

I have thought about this for a while, wether to post what I did last year, and I think if 1 person it helps or stops doing the same it is worth it. 

Last year I got addicted to online gambling. 

I have always bet on the footy & horses but nothing more than a fiver here and there. I downloaded skybet, my wife didn't want me to, yet I had a few wins and wasn't betting silly. 

Then I went onto the online casino. I had a go on a few games and before I knew it, I'd won £500. It seemed easy, so I had another go and won more. 

To put into context what I did, before I started we had ZERO debt. We rent a council house, we've spent a lot of money improving it etc... & after moving around a lot as a child, it's the first house that's felt like home since I was 10. We had about 10k sat in our bank, an ISA with a few grand in it & both worked, so incomings more than outgoings. 

I managed to stuff that in 8 horrendous months. What started as a few wins turned into a massive addiction. An addiction that slowly destroyed me. 

I started to lose, so started to bet more. The whole 'chasing your losses' took me over. My wife never worried about checking the bank account, so I had no fear of her noticing to begin with. 

The first time I realised I had a problem is when I gambled my whole months salary in 30mins and lost it all. At this point, there was around 7k in the bank still but it panicked me. 

I rang my Dad, trying to hold it together. I went round and told him what I was doing and I know now, he wishes he'd rang my wife. He didn't, he told me to stop being stupid before it got worse. 

I kept telling myself, everytime I gambled again, I'll win and there is still thousands in the account. It never happened. 

Over the course of the 8 months, I gambled the best part of £25000. That included taking out loans borrowing 3k off a friend & using nearly every penny we'd worked hard for years to earn. 

The final straw came when I managed to log into my wife's online banking which has access to my boys savings accounts. I moved some money from them into ours, trying to cover up the trail of destruction. 2 days later, I got paid, and put it straight back in - the only good decision I made in all that time. 

It all came out in November. I'd spoke to my mum and she said you have to tell your wife. That evening, I collapsed her world. I couldn't get the words out, she got angry with me as she thought I was having an affair. Eventually I managed to utter the words 'I'm addicted to gambling'. 

She went down the back the next day and somehow there was nearly 5k still in it. I promised I'd not do it anymore but I wasn't ready to stop. 

The following week, a Tuesday I think, I didn't go to work. I stayed at home. I was back on the slots, signed up to a new site, surely I'll have some luck. 

I did. Before I knew it, I had somehow won the best part of 6k. But I didn't stop. The arrogance addiction brings kicked in. I can win more. 

I'll never get the image out of my head 'can't deposit, check you bank'. Shaking, I loaded up the app. £17.23. I'd lost everything. I went in the cupboard and found some tablets. I'd already sunk a bottle of malbec in less than an hour, my head was gone. I rang my mum, I couldn't speak, I just whaled down the phone. She was at our house within 30mins and as a nurse, saw the tablets and empty wine bottle - she went to phone an ambulance until I showed her the tablets hadn't been touched. My lad was in his room upstairs and that's what stopped me taking the tablets, he will never know, he probably saved me that night. 

My wife came home, my dad came round (my parents seperated when I was 10) and the look on her face when I told her what I'd done will haunt me forever. It broke her. I took a mental and verbal beating from all 3 of them, I just stood there, devoid of anything, not able to stop crying. 

It seemed I had to hit rock bottom but I'd taken the person I love more than anything with me. 

I stayed at my mums that night. I thought my marriage was over. I just lay on the sofa all night, I didn't sleep at all, wandering why. 

Them months had changed me. It's true what they say about addiction - it wants you alone. I'd lost interest in all the things I'd once enjoyed. Our sex life suffered, my wife was convinced I was having an affair months before but obviously knows now I wasn't. I lost weight, I looked gaunt and ill. Like I'd aged 10 years. Looking in the mirror was just a shell of a person staring back, one not knowing how to stop, one not realising how bad the addiction was getting. 

I went back home the next day and we sat and talked. I could see the pain and hurt in her eyes. I couldn't look at her, I'd let her down, my family down and I couldn't fix it. 

She told me she was going to stay with me and we'd focus on Christmas. My mum and dad put 2k into our bank account so we'd be able to pay bills etc... I handed over my bank card, she went up the bank and made sure I couldn't access anything. 

It was surreal. It's like I had watched it all happen from afar. Everyday she would worry what she'd come home to. Had I done it again somehow, would I do something stupid to get hold of money etc... 

I promised her the night she told me she'd stay with me I'd never do it again. We decided the kids didn't need to know and she didn't tell her parents, as they are in their 70s. Her friends at work & her cousin all amazing, giving her support. 

Most days we'd talk about it. What triggered it, why did I do it, why wasn't she and the kids enough, what was I trying to win the money for. I couldn't answer any of them and hours were lost to tears and confusion. 

Slowly the months rolled past. Luckily our rent isn't huge and we scaled back on a few things. We just went to work, came home and our house was our safety blanket. After the initial talking to friends etc... we almost shut ourselves away from the world, spending that time together helped me more than any form of counselling or prescription tablet. 

I got a notebook and every month started to write down what was in the account before and after payday. £700 saved one month, £850 the next, so on. 10 months later, after we'd both been paid, we had £9000 in the account. I plan to pay my parents back, they've not asked but its part of putting this right, and despite now paying back £300 to loans every month, the damage is being fixed.

My wife had been amazing. I can't begin to know how's she felt through all of it. She's listened to me, she's seen her husband totally broken but she knows I'm a good person, a man who just wants to make his family proud and work hard for them. 

As for me, I decided I had to fix myself - myself. I didn't go to the Dr's, I didn't get counselling, I needed to find the strength and do this for me. As the months went past, I got better each day. I put a bit of weight back on, started to care about the things that should matter & got a new job in July that pays an extra 6k per year. The future, with my wife and boys, is there for us and I'm determined to do what's right by them until my last breath. 

I've not been tempted once. Not once. I thought I would miss doing a football accumaltor but I don't. I don't hate the gambling companies, they don't force you to sign up, but when you've stood looking at yourself in the mirror, crying your eyes out, shouting why, looking ill through stress & desperation, after spending 3 hours gambling and losing large amounts of money, you never want to be back there again. 

It's changed me. I know a part of me was lost to the gambling but I have to view it as a scar. I've had a decent life before and can have a lovely life going forward. My wife will never know how much I love, admire & adore her, she really is a special person & I am thankful everyday she has given me a 2nd chance. 

Addiction is harrowing. In a way I feel lucky it was only 8 months of my life and 'only' £25k. I could have lost my wife, my kids & with where my head was at at the time, if that had happened, probably my life. 

If anyone can take anything from this, my one word of advice is talk. Shout about it. If one person doesn't take you seriously or listen, shout louder. Don't let the addiction drag you slowly where it wants you - reliant on it. Don't be too proud or arrogant to admit you need help & the biggest thing is don't lose hope. People make mistakes but mistakes can be fixed in time. 

 

 

I’m glad you’ve shared this. I’ve been there to the stage it got so bad with the amount I had lost gambling (spread betting) I thought only way out was suicide.  It’s a horrible addiction. I’m so glad you are over it though. You will have regrets sometimes about the money lost, I know I do as it was ridiculous sums.

But the important thing is to not let it get you down and remember it could always have been worse and the positive is you got through it with support.  Have to focus on the present and future. 

[Vive_La_Villa]

17 minutes ago, UpTheVilla26 said:

Very true. 

I found that you usually would have a decent win after signing up and spending an initial £200-£300. Then you'd win £500-£1000 so it lures you in. 

To begin with, it is a buzz. The first month, I won about £1700 off of £400. Stupidly I was like 'I'll do this once a month and it's like a third wage coming into the house'. Very naive. 

Slowly, and you don't even realise at first, it consumes you. You wake up and you want to load up and bet. Any spare moment your trying to gamble. 

The biggest win I had was £6700 on roulette. I'd played all day, gambled nearly 1k. I was down to about £250 and I just put it all on the 0 green. It dropped in and I was like 'wow'. But instead of withdrawing, because you're addicted to the gambling, you go on different games, or you put a bigger stake on and before you know it, you are depositing again. 

I was finding they were giving me money as well. One day I logged into Sky Bet and they gave me £50 as a 'thank you' gift. Mad really when you think about it with a clear head. 

I do think all forms of gambling advertising should be banned. I've noticed most now have gone down the route of their adverts focusing on 'be gamble aware'. Basically, they know there is a massive problem with addiction and gambling yet still wish to lure people into it. 

Ultimately, I should have been stronger willed and saw the early warning signs but I do hope someone might read my experience and it might stop them starting. 

 

Spread betting on financial instruments was even worse. You get wiped out in seconds. The funny thing is the EU applied rules shortly after I lost thousands to protect people. Rules where you need a lot more money in your account to be able to spread bet in the first place. (Margin requirements it’s known as). The bastards could have brought out those rules a few years earlier! 

[KentVillan]

Hey @UpTheVilla26, fair play for sharing all of that, can’t be easy to bring all that up.
 

The bit that really stood out to me was “addiction wants you alone”. It’s so true, it’s like a toxic relationship with a partner who doesn’t want you to see your friends and family anymore, wants you to cancel your plans, stay at home, devote yourself to them. The warning signs are always there but you’re madly in love and ignore the voices of wisdom around you.

It seems like you have a strong family there who have helped you climb out of that hole. Hope you continue to draw strength from them, and wish you all the best with everything

[UpTheVilla26]

Thank you mate. 

Addiction just strips you of everything. Any form addiction. You push everything else away and do anything to feed it. 

I count myself 'lucky' if that's the word, as it could of been a lot worse. I know with Gambling addiction it has the highest suicide rates and I thought about it several times as you truly feel there is no way out. 

I've learnt a lot about myself and just how fragile life/mental health can be. We are very complexed & brilliant creatures, humans, but we are also always on the brink of self-implosion. 

I'm able to talk about it now. I composed a post about 3-4 months ago to put in here but deleted it, still very raw. 

Now and again I have a glance at the gamban forums. That's when it hits home to see a new post from someone in the midst of it and feeling desperate. Knowing how that feels like, it's does bring up a lot of emotions. 

I also see people celebrating the fact they are so many days gamble free etc... I get why they do it and its brilliant they want to recognize them steps to recovery. I can't put that on myself, as a form of achievement, I have had to just say it was 8 months, where I lost the plot, and leave it behind. 

I've been signed up to VT for years, I'd post here and there but I've enjoyed reading it more recently, getting involved in discussions & I think as a forum it's fantastic we have these sorts of pages, because as men (well, the majority of us on here), sometimes a chat with people who've experienced similar situations, can really help. 

 

[tomav84]

34 minutes ago, UpTheVilla26 said:

Very true. 

I found that you usually would have a decent win after signing up and spending an initial £200-£300. Then you'd win £500-£1000 so it lures you in. 

To begin with, it is a buzz. The first month, I won about £1700 off of £400. Stupidly I was like 'I'll do this once a month and it's like a third wage coming into the house'. Very naive. 

Slowly, and you don't even realise at first, it consumes you. You wake up and you want to load up and bet. Any spare moment your trying to gamble. 

The biggest win I had was £6700 on roulette. I'd played all day, gambled nearly 1k. I was down to about £250 and I just put it all on the 0 green. It dropped in and I was like 'wow'. But instead of withdrawing, because you're addicted to the gambling, you go on different games, or you put a bigger stake on and before you know it, you are depositing again. 

I was finding they were giving me money as well. One day I logged into Sky Bet and they gave me £50 as a 'thank you' gift. Mad really when you think about it with a clear head. 

I do think all forms of gambling advertising should be banned. I've noticed most now have gone down the route of their adverts focusing on 'be gamble aware'. Basically, they know there is a massive problem with addiction and gambling yet still wish to lure people into it. 

Ultimately, I should have been stronger willed and saw the early warning signs but I do hope someone might read my experience and it might stop them starting. 

 

very brave of you to speak up. i've been addicted to in play betting in the past and lost a few k in a year - fortunately i managed to stop short of dipping into my savings. just the annoyance that i could've had a house deposit before the market got super crazy had i never started doing it.

the bolded bit makes me surprised that you said you don't hate the gambling companies. not only should they have done affordability checks on you, but to then actively encourage further gambling makes them the scum of the earth. it's like a pub landlord taking a pint around to the house of one of his regulars who is an alcoholic.

this sounds like it could've gotten much worse and good on ya for speaking out. so many stories out there from spouses who didn't know their fellas had a problem until it was too late. you're a lucky guy to have a mrs who supports you.

[UpTheVilla26]

I think the reason I don't hate them is because if I did, I'd probably feel the urge to throw myself into campaigning etc... so then it's always part of your life. 

It's also easy to solely blame them. Yes, they actively encourage the deposits and like you said, they don't do any financial checks at all. You get the odd pop up saying, have you thought about taking a time out, yet then allow you to stick another £500 into their site. 

A big part of coming to terms and getting past what I did was to take responsibility of what my actions were and the aftermath they caused. If I was to fully lay all blame and hate in one direction, I think I'd struggle to accept it and probably relapse, as I'd let it eat at me and go down the path of trying to win some back. 

 

[KentVillan]

11 minutes ago, UpTheVilla26 said:

I think the reason I don't hate them is because if I did, I'd probably feel the urge to throw myself into campaigning etc... so then it's always part of your life. 

It's also easy to solely blame them. Yes, they actively encourage the deposits and like you said, they don't do any financial checks at all. You get the odd pop up saying, have you thought about taking a time out, yet then allow you to stick another £500 into their site. 

A big part of coming to terms and getting past what I did was to take responsibility of what my actions were and the aftermath they caused. If I was to fully lay all blame and hate in one direction, I think I'd struggle to accept it and probably relapse, as I'd let it eat at me and go down the path of trying to win some back. 

 

Yeah I feel the same way about drug dealers. There’s no real benefit to hating them or blaming them. I met a fair few scumbags*, and have had to block various numbers that pitch you with “marketing” texts from time to time. But they don’t make you do it, they just facilitate it.

* also met some genuinely decent ones who took a wrong turn in life. I’ll never forget a woman who had a kid’s car seat in the back and was working for a big network of dealers. She looked at me as I picked up 3 grams for the second or third day in a row and said “please be careful”. Always wonder how she’d ended up in that situation, and whether she managed to get out of that life.

[osmark86]

On 03/06/2022 at 22:51, osmark86 said:

Three days without nicotine now. I'm an avid snusare as of multiple years. I've been so damn irritable these past days. Like just generally edgy and not tolerant of anything stupid or mildly annoying. Even if I'm overall in a generally good mood.

At least I can laugh about how childishly petty I"m feeling XD. Quitting nicotine is just ass.

Still going strong! Thank god for nicotine and tobacco free substitutes though. I don't think I would have made it without those so that I can still pretend that I'm snusing.

[Anthony]

1 hour ago, osmark86 said:

Still going strong! Thank god for nicotine and tobacco free substitutes though. I don't think I would have made it without those so that I can still pretend that I'm snusing.

*Checks location*

Yup, bloody Nordics.

Only upside with snus to me is that it doesn't stink everywhere out like fags.

Good on you for stopping and sticking to it though!

Edited September 12, 2022 by Anthony
Rereading it seemed like I wasn't being supportive. Hopefully corrected.

[tinker]

1 hour ago, UpTheVilla26 said:

I think the reason I don't hate them is because if I did, I'd probably feel the urge to throw myself into campaigning etc... so then it's always part of your life. 

It's also easy to solely blame them. Yes, they actively encourage the deposits and like you said, they don't do any financial checks at all. You get the odd pop up saying, have you thought about taking a time out, yet then allow you to stick another £500 into their site. 

A big part of coming to terms and getting past what I did was to take responsibility of what my actions were and the aftermath they caused. If I was to fully lay all blame and hate in one direction, I think I'd struggle to accept it and probably relapse, as I'd let it eat at me and go down the path of trying to win some back. 

 

Gambling is a huge problem that's under reported. Your addiction seems to have exploded from nothing to everything in a short time.

I know loads of gamblers that have a slow burning addiction that carries on deystroying their lives for years and years. Rebuild and move on, you have learnt quickly it's not for you. 

[El Zen]

59 minutes ago, osmark86 said:

Still going strong! Thank god for nicotine and tobacco free substitutes though. I don't think I would have made it without those so that I can still pretend that I'm snusing.

I relapsed after a year and a half when my marriage went to shit. I plan to kick it again, knowing I can do it, but haven’t found the will to do it just yet. 

Nicotine, you cruel temptress. 

[Xela]

Thanks for posting your struggles @UpTheVilla26 it made for tough reading, but so glad you are out the other side. 

Just goes to show, it can happen to any of us. Doesn't have to be gambling, could be class A drugs, alcohol or prescription painkillers. We can all get dragged into something or other due to a moment of madness, or even something innocuous. 

We all post on here but very few of us actually give too much away. You never know what issues people have behind the avatars. The person you are having an argument with in main section of the forum about the manager/tactics/formation, could be having a torrid time and this is their release.

Stay strong everyone and keep fighting the good fight.