Shillzz Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I know exactly what you mean, it'd be the same if I got back with my ex - would only be because we'd both ventured out into the wild world and hadnt managed to find any better before giving up and settling for what we already had. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted December 20, 2011 Author Share Posted December 20, 2011 Your a better man than I mate. I've not even spoken to my ex since she disappeared, found that far easier. After the initial shock, I was quite level headed. I would have been pissed if she had cheated on me or done a runner, but all she did was be honest and say she didn't love me anymore. In many ways I have realised that she was right. It was just 'comfortable' after 11 years. But we still get on and we are friends. I know she doest want to go back. I also know that I don't want to aswell. So there are no messy feelings. It has become quite easy. Also she still does my washing I remember when you posted about this as it was happening so good to get an update like that. So have you not shagged since? The money situation is a tough one but as long as you keep your money safe and your credit too then you are ok, she shouldnt be punished because of something that someone else may have had an imput into. Cheers B6. Nope not shagged since we split, I never had/have the desire to. I am proud that I didn't get too down on myself after the initial shock. The sex with the girl I am seeing is far more fun as I can tell she is really enjoying it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted December 20, 2011 Author Share Posted December 20, 2011 I know exactly what you mean, it'd be the same if I got back with my ex - would only be because we'd both ventured out into the wild world and hadnt managed to find any better before giving up and settling for what we already had. Spot on. No one should have to just 'settle' or be the one who has been settled upon. Once you have her out of your head, the rest will follow! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFCLaura Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I've tried something along similar (though nowhere near as brutal) lines before.... it failed miserably. I wouldn't live my life by that rule. BUT, if Dante really likes her, and she doesn't want a relationship, then I would absolutely dump her and tell her it's because you want more, you're not happy with it being so casual. Either she agrees and they're serious, or she tells him fair enough and they stay split up. Which is by far the better option. The last thing Dante wants is to be hanging onto this girl with it being casual whilst he gets more and more into her because of the whole wanting what you can't have phenomenon, because when she gets bored he'll be heart broken. If she doesn't want anything, best to end it now. If she does, then breaking it off with the reason being that he wants more will be what causes her to realise it. As much as I'd like to suggest to keep nailing her, if Dante is into this girl then he needs to act Guess I'm hoping that my fun loving and caring nature will show her just how good of a boyfriend I can be I don't want to sound brutal, but this is bullshit. All this will show her is that she can keep it casual and still get treated like a queen. By all means give her some special treatment. BUt if you act like a lapdog she'll treat you like a lapdog. She needs to understand that yeah you're a nice guy, but she doesn't get it for free. It's easier said than done, I know from experience, but you have to break it off. It's the only way it'll work, if that makes any sense. Otherwise you're heading for the friendzone, and that's a horrible place to be. Y'all need to bookmark this and refer to it if ever in this situation in the future. Spot. On. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Well, I'm gonna ring her later and do just what Steve said. Tell her she's not in the wrong, but after spending the day with her on Monday I've realised that I really like her and I want a relationship. If she is just looking for fun and nothing serious then I'm not her guy and I won't see her again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b6bloke Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Well, I'm gonna ring her later and do just what Steve said. Tell her she's not in the wrong, but after spending the day with her on Monday I've realised that I really like her and I want a relationship. If she is just looking for fun and nothing serious then I'm not her guy and I won't see her again. Fair play to you Dante. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Then I'll go home and cry myself to sleep listening to Mud - Lonely This Christmas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Focus on the positives; even if it don't work out, at least you got balls deep before the end of the year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Rite then now is as good a time as any I suppose to bring this up with someone About 4 or 5 years ago I was pretty **** close to a girl I was working with, rumours flew all around the workplace because we were constantly with each other before during and after work. I was **** madly in love with this girl but her bloke at the time was earning up to £2,000 a week in his job (this was pretty intimidating in itself for a young lad like me, that and the fact that he was a black belt in ninja killing or sommet like that) I suppose I was pretty oblivious to the signs and being young didn't want the hassle of being in the middle of a triangle. Any way we did pretty much all that was possible without her cheating on him, ends up though that she told me she was had exactly the same feelings for me and that she used to go home to her partner and cry herself to sleep. She told me this minutes before telling me she had fallen pregnant by him and she was moving away before breaking down in tears. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her in some respect. After about 5 years or whatever I get a random text off her asking if this was still my number and that she had been thinking about me, after txting for a while she asked if I wanted to meet up, I told her no (after the first time I couldn't put myself through it again) but we are still texting and the other day she asked me again if we could meet up, this time I said yeah why not. So is this a good idea or a bad idea (she broke up with her bloke 12 months ago and is still single) The one person I told said don't do it but I feel like I need to put it to bed one way or the other, it you get what I mean Probably a really bad idea I know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted December 21, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted December 21, 2011 Well, I'm gonna ring her later and do just what Steve said. Tell her she's not in the wrong, but after spending the day with her on Monday I've realised that I really like her and I want a relationship. If she is just looking for fun and nothing serious then I'm not her guy and I won't see her again. Do it mate. Don't be nasty, be nice about it, make it obvious that the door is open there for her to commit and be your girlfriend. If she says she doesn't want it then she doesn't want it, and you'll have to cut her loose. It'll suck for a while, but it would be nothing compared to how shit it would be if, as I said before, 2 months down the line she finds some bloke she does want to commit to and you're left in the cold) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Rite then now is as good a time as any I suppose to bring this up with someone About 4 or 5 years ago I was pretty **** close to a girl I was working with, rumours flew all around the workplace because we were constantly with each other before during and after work. I was **** madly in love with this girl but her bloke at the time was earning up to £2,000 a week in his job (this was pretty intimidating in itself for a young lad like me, that and the fact that he was a black belt in ninja killing or sommet like that) I suppose I was pretty oblivious to the signs and being young didn't want the hassle of being in the middle of a triangle. Any way we did pretty much all that was possible without her cheating on him, ends up though that she told me she was had exactly the same feelings for me and that she used to go home to her partner and cry herself to sleep. She told me this minutes before telling me she had fallen pregnant by him and she was moving away before breaking down in tears. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her in some respect. After about 5 years or whatever I get a random text off her asking if this was still my number and that she had been thinking about me, after txting for a while she asked if I wanted to meet up, I told her no (after the first time I couldn't put myself through it again) but we are still texting and the other day she asked me again if we could meet up, this time I said yeah why not. So is this a good idea or a bad idea (she broke up with her bloke 12 months ago and is still single) The one person I told said don't do it but I feel like I need to put it to bed one way or the other, it you get what I mean Probably a really bad idea I know If the bloke is out the picture then you may as well as you have nothing to lose, if you go and end up liking her then your quids in, if you dont fancy her anymore then be honest and walk away knowing you gave it a chance but it didnt pay off. Got nothing to lose mate really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ED Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Can I just find someone to go straight into a relationship with? :? Why do you HAVE to be in a relationship? Being single for a period doesn't make you gay, boring or evil, it just makes you single. (I'm putting aside the fact that I think someone discussing their personal life on a public internet forum is totally abhorrent) Yes I'm single 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Can I just find someone to go straight into a relationship with? :? Why do you HAVE to be in a relationship? Being single for a period doesn't make you gay, boring or evil, it just makes you single. (I'm putting aside the fact that I think someone discussing their personal life on a public internet forum is totally abhorrent) Yes I'm single I suppose I should reword that. I want to find someone who wants to end up in a relationship. The reason I can't handle this casual thing with this girl is because I know it won't end up with that. Anyway, I rang her last night and there was no answer so I'm leaving it at that. She'll either ring me back, or won't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted December 22, 2011 Author Share Posted December 22, 2011 leemond, why wouldn't you? She is now single, you are a bit older and more self confident. You should at least give it a chance otherwise you will regret it in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Well, I'm gonna ring her later and do just what Steve said. Tell her she's not in the wrong, but after spending the day with her on Monday I've realised that I really like her and I want a relationship. If she is just looking for fun and nothing serious then I'm not her guy and I won't see her again. Do it mate. Don't be nasty, be nice about it, make it obvious that the door is open there for her to commit and be your girlfriend. If she says she doesn't want it then she doesn't want it, and you'll have to cut her loose. It'll suck for a while, but it would be nothing compared to how shit it would be if, as I said before, 2 months down the line she finds some bloke she does want to commit to and you're left in the cold) I'm shocked that you haven't taken him to ask on this, Steve! :winkold: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b6bloke Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Rite then now is as good a time as any I suppose to bring this up with someone About 4 or 5 years ago I was pretty **** close to a girl I was working with, rumours flew all around the workplace because we were constantly with each other before during and after work. I was **** madly in love with this girl but her bloke at the time was earning up to £2,000 a week in his job (this was pretty intimidating in itself for a young lad like me, that and the fact that he was a black belt in ninja killing or sommet like that) I suppose I was pretty oblivious to the signs and being young didn't want the hassle of being in the middle of a triangle. Any way we did pretty much all that was possible without her cheating on him, ends up though that she told me she was had exactly the same feelings for me and that she used to go home to her partner and cry herself to sleep. She told me this minutes before telling me she had fallen pregnant by him and she was moving away before breaking down in tears. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her in some respect. After about 5 years or whatever I get a random text off her asking if this was still my number and that she had been thinking about me, after txting for a while she asked if I wanted to meet up, I told her no (after the first time I couldn't put myself through it again) but we are still texting and the other day she asked me again if we could meet up, this time I said yeah why not. So is this a good idea or a bad idea (she broke up with her bloke 12 months ago and is still single) The one person I told said don't do it but I feel like I need to put it to bed one way or the other, it you get what I mean Probably a really bad idea I know Why not? Nothing to lose really and the worst that can happen is that you dont feel the same as you did then now she is single but dont tell me your heart didnt jump through your mouth when you got that text! Just go and see where it leads, I like the fact that she has not just contacted you as soon as they have finished so she is in a better position if not for a few stretch marks :winkold: You do need to ask her a few questions though: 1. when in the office do you take your babys photo into work ` 2. do you talk about the dress you are wearing to the xmas party for hours on end at work? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Job done. I now await the verdict. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Verdict. She totally understands and we'll remain friends. Bit gutted, but it's a load of my mind now. Can concentrate on going out with my mates over Xmas and getting battered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted December 22, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted December 22, 2011 Verdict. She totally understands and we'll remain friends. Bit gutted, but it's a load of my mind now. Can concentrate on going out with my mates over Xmas and getting battered. Ouch. Sorry buddy. But it was the right thing to do. If she's going to change her mind it'll be in the next few days. My advice would be to keep your distance and make sure you don't fall into that friendzone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Sorry to hear dude, but it's for the best. ...can I have a turn yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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