Irreverentad's Relationship Advice Thread

[Demitri_C]

18 minutes ago, Seat68 said:

My parents live in France, they do not integrate and the kids rarely visit them. My parents are alone, 24 hours a day, no hobbies, just them in a house. They bicker constantly.

Were they always like this or did covid make them like this? Ive known since the lockdowns people that have become like this. It really **** them up

[Seat68]

5 minutes ago, Demitri_C said:

Were they always like this or did covid make them like this? Ive known since the lockdowns people that have become like this. It really **** them up

Always. So for most of my childhood my father worked abroad. Would come home for a few weeks, and then go again. Then he retired, and immediately they were close to getting divorced, so he went back to work, and my mother then joined him in Qatar. They lived there, my father worked and so they werent together, but they were so to speak. That got them ready for proper retirement.

They moved to France. and **** hell, not sure what they were expecting, they were never going to make friends as they arent those sort of people, I visited them in 2017 and I was shocked at how they were with each other, but not really shocked. So for however many years they fall out over the simplest things. I have asked them to move back here, but no. They have been together for 55 years, more than half was with my father not actually being there.

[mjmooney]

36 minutes ago, magnkarl said:

We also set aside at least two weekends a year where we go on a trip individually with friends.

You mean separately, like 'lads holidays'? 

Nah, her friends are my friends. We have group holidays a couple of times a year, and it's great. 

[Demitri_C]

27 minutes ago, Seat68 said:

Always. So for most of my childhood my father worked abroad. Would come home for a few weeks, and then go again. Then he retired, and immediately they were close to getting divorced, so he went back to work, and my mother then joined him in Qatar. They lived there, my father worked and so they werent together, but they were so to speak. That got them ready for proper retirement.

They moved to France. and **** hell, not sure what they were expecting, they were never going to make friends as they arent those sort of people, I visited them in 2017 and I was shocked at how they were with each other, but not really shocked. So for however many years they fall out over the simplest things. I have asked them to move back here, but no. They have been together for 55 years, more than half was with my father not actually being there.

Sounds brutal mate. Thats really sad to see. The move to france sounds like its had a major part of their relationships deteriorating but even with your fad not bwing their half the time and im sorry to say thia but why are they together? 

A very sad situation you ahve told them to move and they wont so sounda like this is how they are gonna be

[Seat68]

2 minutes ago, Demitri_C said:

Sounds brutal mate. Thats really sad to see. The move to france sounds like its had a major part of their relationships deteriorating but even with your fad not bwing their half the time and im sorry to say thia but why are they together? 

A very sad situation you ahve told them to move and they wont so sounda like this is how they are gonna be

I think the main reason they are together is it would be too much effort not to be together. When they last looked like they might split up, my sister and me we talked about who would get which one. If it had been my mum, I think my own marriage would have ended.

[Demitri_C]

9 minutes ago, Seat68 said:

I think the main reason they are together is it would be too much effort not to be together. When they last looked like they might split up, my sister and me we talked about who would get which one. If it had been my mum, I think my own marriage would have ended.

Man what a awful situation to be in. Does your partner and mother not get on?

[Seat68]

10 minutes ago, Demitri_C said:

Man what a awful situation to be in. Does your partner and mother not get on?

They get on, but both parents can be difficult.

[bickster]

1 hour ago, mjmooney said:

Nah, her friends are my friends. We have group holidays a couple of times a year, and it's great.

[mjmooney]

3 hours ago, Demitri_C said:

Were they always like this or did covid make them like this? Ive known since the lockdowns people that have become like this. It really **** them up

Covid/lockdown was absolutely fine for us. Lots of nice walks right from our door, and we even got into playing music together. It was much tougher for our kids, especially the older one, who had a new born baby that suffered with reflux, cried constantly and wouldn't sleep - and then both parents got covid (pre-vaccine). Not a damn thing we could do to help. 

[Genie]

3 hours ago, mjmooney said:

Nah, her friends are my friends. We have group holidays a couple of times a year, and it's great. 

[mjmooney]

4 minutes ago, Genie said:

Don't get it. 

[VILLAMARV]

2 hours ago, Genie said:

[VILLAMARV]

2 hours ago, mjmooney said:

Don't get it. 

that's the opposite of what is being insinuated

[VILLAMARV]

We were on family holiday a while back and MrsVM was asked if we were best friends by my brother's latest girlfriend.

MrsVM replied 

"well I have 2 friends from childhood who would be most upset if I said yes."  

But I'd still put us in the best friends category. Took me over 30 years to meet someone who ticked enough of the important boxes. She's absolutely the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel a little sad inside that there are people out there going through the motions in loveless relationships.

[Rugeley Villa]

I’ve got so much to say on here , so much I could add, but I just cannot be bothered going over it all . All I’ll say is things have been incredibly rough over the last few months, maybe years or even from day one, but things are going ok at the moment . I know that can quickly change. Sometimes I wonder if it’s actually love or something more sinister. 

[A'Villan]

2 hours ago, Rugeley Villa said:

I’ve got so much to say on here , so much I could add, but I just cannot be bothered going over it all . All I’ll say is things have been incredibly rough over the last few months, maybe years or even from day one, but things are going ok at the moment . I know that can quickly change. Sometimes I wonder if it’s actually love or something more sinister. 

I'd encourage anyone who feels they have the mental fortitude and emotional strength to really look upon those last two sentences and what they may mean. Ego and prejudice are among us and they do not conform to the norm.

[bobzy]

38 minutes ago, A'Villan said:

I'd encourage anyone who feels they have the mental fortitude and emotional strength to really look upon those last two sentences and what they may mean. Ego and prejudice are among us and they do not conform to the norm.

Whut?

[A'Villan]

@Rugeley Villa mentioned something more sinister going on, and I feel the man deserves a sincere thank you from me at least.

People act like they know love, and that their behaviour and conduct is congruent and harmonious with what any sensible (the norm) human sees it as being.

Don't take this as me suggesting that life or the way anyone chooses to live it should be a certain way.

The United States of America has apparently set the standards for living, and has been granted authority as the best in leadership for some years in recent times. 93% of her history at war.

Melbourne, most livable city in the world, from 2011 to 2017. 70% of Melbourne's homeless reported sexual abuse committed against them as children.

United Kingdom, at the heart and center of today's first world. 115 suicides per week on average.

I know we have an emphasis on personal freedoms but also responsibility as key to the family structure being successful in the West.

I've kind of come to a point where unless someone wants to engage this further with me I've said my piece though.

Edited September 18, 2023 by A'Villan

[Rugeley Villa]

19 minutes ago, A'Villan said:

@Rugeley Villa mentioned something more sinister going on, and I feel the man deserves a sincere thank you from me at least.

People act like they know love, and that their behaviour and conduct is congruent and harmonious with what any sensible (the norm) human sees it as being.

Don't take this as me suggesting that life or the way anyone chooses to live it should be a certain way.

The United States of America has apparently set the standards for living, and has been granted authority as the best in leadership for some years in recent times. 93% of her history at war.

Melbourne, most livable city in the world, from 2011 to 2017. 70% of Melbourne's homeless reported sexual abuse committed against them as children.

United Kingdom, at the heart and center of today's first world. 115 suicides per week on average.

I know we have an emphasis on personal freedoms but also responsibility as key to the family structure being successful in the West.

I've kind of come to a point where unless someone wants to engage this further with me I've said my piece though.

Well written post . I find you way too articulate to properly engage, but within love as I know it, there’s always been a darkness. I really have questioned my relationship with my wife and I know she has the same, but there’s been times where I’ve actually been frightened of the lengths she has gone to not bring me down, because I’m the best at doing that to myself , but to make things as hard as possible for me and there’s been a very nasty streak to it. I’m many things but I don’t consider myself nasty. I struggle with the nastiness of it all. I’ve put her through a lot but I always feel like I’ve been put through a lot too.  We hate each other at times , but I feel like I never stoop to her level to verbally hurt her, although morally I go way below what she’s capable of . Really feel like I’ve been a broken man at times last few months. The good thing is we are moving in a positive direction and as long as I play ball……

[A'Villan]

25 minutes ago, Rugeley Villa said:

Well written post . I find you way too articulate to properly engage, but within love as I know it, there’s always been a darkness. I really have questioned my relationship with my wife and I know she has the same, but there’s been times where I’ve actually been frightened of the lengths she has gone to not bring me down, because I’m the best at doing that to myself , but to make things as hard as possible for me and there’s been a very nasty streak to it. I’m many things but I don’t consider myself nasty. I struggle with the nastiness of it all. I’ve put her through a lot but I always feel like I’ve been put through a lot too.  We hate each other at times , but I feel like I never stoop to her level to verbally hurt her, although morally I go way below what she’s capable of . Really feel like I’ve been a broken man at times last few months. The good thing is we are moving in a positive direction and as long as I play ball……

I appreciate you saying @Rugeley Villa, I mean in respect to what gave the words you spoke meaning from your life's story. Thank you also for the compliment. From my point of view language and our discussions should be seen as an opportunity to build bridges and gain trust and understanding. If the way I frame my words makes someone like yourself who's just being real and open shy away from engaging because there's a barrier there, then maybe I can work on that. Thank you again.