Paddywhack Posted April 19, 2022 Share Posted April 19, 2022 34 minutes ago, Davkaus said: 4 **** months tomorrow. Still not going home, and probably being transferred to a paediatric ward in the next few days as she's too old for NICU. That's going to be shit because of the one visitor at a time rule, really shit, and we went to visit it and saw she's basically going to be in a crib that looks like a cage. They have a lovely big playroom. Closed for 2 **** years because of covid, even though it's bigger than the bay. It'll be a small relief to have a change of scenery though, we've been in low dependency for the last month, which sounds better than high dependency, but what it actually means is we're in a room full of people who are just passing through, instead of other families who really "get it". Usually babies with a little bit of jaundice, or who were a couple of weeks premature. And it's hard for anyone being in that environment when you want to be at home with a newborn, I know it sounds like a dick move to trivialise their experience which is definitely worse than the typical newborn journey, but I can't help but get just a bit angry when I hear someone distraught about being in hospital for a couple of weeks and how hard it is on them and their family. Bitch, please, we've lived here for 118 days. This is my life. What's worse than their upset is all the bloody happiness though. Sitting in there for a month, watching family after family celebrate their discharge knowing we're no closer. You want to be happy for them, but it's so bloody hard. Sorry to read this, mate. When I posted in here about my son being born last month, I was going to have a moan because I couldn’t meet him for a week as I had covid and that he was kept in NICU for a few days away from his mom and it took us a week to get mom and baby discharged. Then I remembered your situation and realised how absolutely pathetic I was being. We had it very easy all things considered. I wish you and your family all the best. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davkaus Posted April 19, 2022 Share Posted April 19, 2022 (edited) Honestly, there's always someone who has it harder, I'd hate to stop other people sharing how they're getting on. I might do my moaning elsewhere so I don't stop you guys having a rant As stressed as I've been, I still recognise I'm one of the lucky ones. We're almost certainly bringing her home. Several friends we've made in here didn't get to do the same. Puts my bitching in perspective really. Hope things are looking up and you're getting into the swing of things now he's home @Paddywhack? Edited April 19, 2022 by Davkaus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobzy Posted April 19, 2022 Share Posted April 19, 2022 4 minutes ago, Davkaus said: Honestly, there's always someone who has it harder, I'd hate to stop other people sharing how they're getting on. I might do my moaning elsewhere so I don't stop you guys having a rant As stressed as I've been, I still recognise I'm one of the lucky ones. We're almost certainly bringing her home. Several friends we've made in here didn't get to do the same. Puts my bitching in perspective really. Hope things are looking up and you're getting into the swing of things now he's home @Paddywhack? Definitely don't feel this is the wrong place for ranting/venting - it really isn't. And I think we can all accept that there are people for whom it's been plain sailing and others where it's been far more difficult. But we're a community and we'd (certainly me, anyway!) want to know about the bad news as well as the good news. It's what makes people actual people and not just a name on a forum. We've all got our fingers crossed for you and the family - it's going to be amazing when you can bring her home and you'll absolutely get there. Take it you're at QMC, by the way? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted April 19, 2022 VT Supporter Share Posted April 19, 2022 1 hour ago, Davkaus said: Honestly, there's always someone who has it harder, I'd hate to stop other people sharing how they're getting on. I might do my moaning elsewhere so I don't stop you guys having a rant Please don't. This is definitely the right thread, and it's good to hear updates from you, especially when they're positive. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddywhack Posted April 19, 2022 Share Posted April 19, 2022 2 hours ago, Davkaus said: Honestly, there's always someone who has it harder, I'd hate to stop other people sharing how they're getting on. I might do my moaning elsewhere so I don't stop you guys having a rant As stressed as I've been, I still recognise I'm one of the lucky ones. We're almost certainly bringing her home. Several friends we've made in here didn't get to do the same. Puts my bitching in perspective really. Hope things are looking up and you're getting into the swing of things now he's home @Paddywhack? No, definitely don’t stop posting here, that’s not at all what I was getting at! All’s good here thanks. Our biggest challenge has been getting our two year old used to being a big brother. He’s been great generally, but he was having a tantrum yesterday and decided to twist and yank his brothers leg. It’s the first time I’ve had to properly tell him off. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted April 19, 2022 VT Supporter Share Posted April 19, 2022 1 hour ago, Paddywhack said: Our biggest challenge has been getting our two year old used to being a big brother. He’s been great generally, but he was having a tantrum yesterday and decided to twist and yank his brothers leg. It’s the first time I’ve had to properly tell him off Be careful with that. Err on the side of a gentle explanation of why he shouldn't do it, rather than a big telling off, as he may make him resent the baby even more. Although if our experience is anything to go by, it all settles down once the little 'un starts responding and laughing at big bruv's antics. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddywhack Posted April 19, 2022 Share Posted April 19, 2022 32 minutes ago, mjmooney said: Be careful with that. Err on the side of a gentle explanation of why he shouldn't do it, rather than a big telling off, as he may make him resent the baby even more. Although if our experience is anything to go by, it all settles down once the little 'un starts responding and laughing at big bruv's antics. Yeah, I think you’re probably right and gentle parenting would be our usual response. He’d already scratched and headbutted me and his mom at this point though (not his typical behaviour, I should add) so my telling off was probably a bit more instinctive at that point, rightly or wrongly. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Zen Posted April 19, 2022 Share Posted April 19, 2022 1 minute ago, Paddywhack said: Yeah, I think you’re probably right and gentle parenting would be our usual response. He’d already scratched and headbutted me and his mom at this point though (not his typical behaviour, I should add) so my telling off was probably a bit more instinctive at that point, rightly or wrongly. That’s okay. I definitely agree with Mooney, and am all for gentle and patient parenting, but we’re only human. It’s okay to get angry and show it every now and then (I’ve been guilty of this more times than I want to), as long as your child trusts you and knows you’d never do them any harm. Even my mother, who is an actual saint and is the unofficial world champion of childcare, could lose her temper every once in a while. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted April 19, 2022 VT Supporter Share Posted April 19, 2022 2 hours ago, El Zen said: That’s okay. I definitely agree with Mooney, and am all for gentle and patient parenting, but we’re only human. It’s okay to get angry and show it every now and then (I’ve been guilty of this more times than I want to), as long as your child trusts you and knows you’d never do them any harm. Even my mother, who is an actual saint and is the unofficial world champion of childcare, could lose her temper every once in a while. Oh, absolutely. What I suggest as Best Practice and what I actually do, don't always coincide. When you're a tired parent, losing your rag is sometimes inevitable. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted April 20, 2022 VT Supporter Share Posted April 20, 2022 8 hours ago, Paddywhack said: Yeah, I think you’re probably right and gentle parenting would be our usual response. He’d already scratched and headbutted me and his mom at this point though (not his typical behaviour, I should add) so my telling off was probably a bit more instinctive at that point, rightly or wrongly. You should have battered him 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davkaus Posted April 20, 2022 Share Posted April 20, 2022 22 hours ago, bobzy said: Take it you're at QMC, by the way? We've bounced between City and QMC but they don't deal with surgical babies at City, so we're back here. For the next couple of hours anyway, because I've just been told we're going home, today I won't believe it until she's in the car seat and I'm speeding out of there. As an aside, I've just proved that you can indeed fit a pram and a car seat into an mx5. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Davkaus Posted April 20, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted April 20, 2022 Saves those likes, fellas. Despite telling us this and me booking the afternoon off to get here, it's just been vetoed, apparently as agreed with the team last night. But they forgot, so told us we could go....even though they definitely knew we couldn't. "Go on, get your hopes up again, I dare you" 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted April 20, 2022 Share Posted April 20, 2022 **** sake, sorry to hear that @Davkaus. We go again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lichfield Dean Posted April 20, 2022 VT Supporter Share Posted April 20, 2022 3 minutes ago, Davkaus said: Saves those likes, fellas. Despite telling us this and me booking the afternoon off to get here, it's just been vetoed, apparently as agreed with the team last night. But they forgot, so told us we could go....even though they definitely knew we couldn't. "Go on, get your hopes up again, I dare you" Communication between departments seems to be the biggest issue in the NHS from my experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted April 20, 2022 VT Supporter Share Posted April 20, 2022 Yeah even for us where most things went ok, just a few issues, the conflicts of information you'd get even between different midwives was so frustrating Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villa4europe Posted April 20, 2022 Share Posted April 20, 2022 18 hours ago, mjmooney said: Oh, absolutely. What I suggest as Best Practice and what I actually do, don't always coincide. When you're a tired parent, sticking frozen on is sometimes inevitable. FTFY 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Davkaus Posted April 20, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted April 20, 2022 (edited) 9 hours ago, Davkaus said: Saves those likes, fellas. Despite telling us this and me booking the afternoon off to get here, it's just been vetoed, apparently as agreed with the team last night. But they forgot, so told us we could go....even though they definitely knew we couldn't. "Go on, get your hopes up again, I dare you" Timeline: A week ago, we get told she can go home if she's gaining 25 grams a day, and we adjust her diet accordingly. All is good until Sunday, when she only gains 5 grams, but her mum was sick so we were only giving bottle feeds with no breast feeding top up. The weighs previously to this have been above 25g per day, so the average still beat this, but they're cautious and tell us to wait until Tuesday's weigh. Monday night: We're excited, tell the nightshift staff to handover that we'll both be there for the 8am weigh on Tuesday, before her 8am feed, and it's the big day to assure her discharge Tuesday, decision day, We turn up at 7:30 and the useless **** words removed are already giving the 8am feed and haven't weighed her. We agree to re-weigh her today Today, they weigh her and she's gained over 40g per day since the last weigh. Mum celebrates, we're going home, I book the afternoon off. An hour after that, we get feedback that the gastro team have said they don't think it's safe to let her go home. 25g per day isn't enough, and they want to keep her in for another week to see if she does better. Nobody can define what "better" is, and what target they want her to meet. We aren't allowed to speak to the gastro team because they're very busy. They're concerned that if she goes home, she might not gain enough weight (She'd have better nutrition with 24/7 booby access, and we bought baby scales to weigh her daily), or she might get infections. In their care, she's had 3 cases of sepsis, in this trust there's been an outbreak of pseudomonas, and other gross negligence including not cleaning out incubators of infected babies before putting our daughter in them. Our home is clearly less of an infection risk than this negligent hellhole. The consultant giving us this news didn't agree with their decision, but didn't have the balls to overrule them, and the clowns making the decisions have never even examined my daughter, and won't even talk to us about it. At this point, I feel like the NHS has taken my daughter hostage, can't justify their decision to keep her in, and are actively harming her wellbeing by keeping her in an environment detrimental to her development because they think it's "safer", while setting her up to fail with another test of "see how she is in a week" that seems to rely on nothing more than an unknown doctors mood on a given day. I will drag these words removed through the courts for every penny they're worth and take every single incident to the CQC and GMC. Some people are getting struck off for the hell we've gone through, and the avoidable harm our daughter has come to due to the systemic negligence of NUH. Edited April 20, 2022 by Davkaus 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted April 21, 2022 VT Supporter Share Posted April 21, 2022 Sounds like they're too scared to discharge her in case something goes wrong and they get blamed, without realising that they're increasing the chances of something going wrong and them getting blamed by keeping her there 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davkaus Posted April 21, 2022 Share Posted April 21, 2022 I'll keep this for baby updates and less angry rants, but the rage is the only thing keeping me going right now. As the great philosopher Steve Bruce once said, we dust ourselves down, and we go again, 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted April 21, 2022 VT Supporter Share Posted April 21, 2022 3 minutes ago, Davkaus said: I'll keep this for baby updates and less angry rants, but the rage is the only thing keeping me going right now. As the great philosopher Steve Bruce once said, we dust ourselves down, and we go again, No, be angry. We're angry for you. It'll make it all the sweeter when you finally get her home Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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