The_Rev Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 Apparently Newcastle are a top 5 club. What a load of bullshit. To be fair, they are one of the top 5 clubs in the North East. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spacehead Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 And how many fans on this very sight were wetting themselves and whinging on the General's thread on Monday that the barcodes were going to get Jol. Pardew for 5 1/2 years has to be the funniest thing I've heard in a long time!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
privateer Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 Alan Pardew has been signed up to be boss of Newcastle until 2016. The real question, though, is how many managers the Toon will actually have in the next five years - and whether Mike Ashley's popular 'Buy Cockney' policy is now entering its critical phase. Here are tomorrow's Newcastle United managers, today... January 2011: After a tricky festive period, Pardew is sacked. "We failed to win the Champions League, and Alan knows it was him what had to carry the can," says Ashley. Dennis Wise takes over the managerial reins. May 2012: Despite being unpopular with local fans, manager Wise insists that the appointment of "me old china, Jody Morris as Assistant Manager-stroke-coach-stroke-pwopah-nawty-geezah-abaht-taahn" will "show you northern monkeys how football should be done". Newcastle slump to relegation. June 2012: Ashley is in no doubt as to why the club went down. "We went daaaaahn," he explains. "Cos we wasn't Cockernee enough at the highest levels." Barbara Windsor arrives on a five-year deal. September 2013: Life in the Championship is tough for Babs and assistant manager Phil Mitchell, and a falling-out with Mike Ashley is inevitable after the duo fail to deliver the Nobel Prize For Literature success that is Newcastle supporters' birthright. "Leave it Phil, eee ain't worf it," screams Babs, as a tearful Phil tries to attack Ashley, but gets stuck in his panel van, which has been boxed in at the Newcastle carpark by a giant mobile whelk stand. June 2014: Mike Ashley attempts to appoint Dick Van Dyke as boss, but is rebuffed by the board who explain that "he is a fictional character". Ashley retorts: "So was Kevin Keegan." The club once again fail to win the US Presidential election, leading to outbreaks of crying Geordies in Washington DC. October 2014: After a briefly successful period when the club is managed by An Old Joanna, drastic action is needed with the club once again struggling in the third tier. New manager Danny Dyer complains: "There's some well tasty fixtures comin'' up and no mistake, 'ave a banana. Wycombe Wanderers away? Nawty, nawty, boys. Tasty, tasty, meaty, beaty, big and bouncy them lads are. Gertcha!" However, Dyer resigns in tears "after a ball girl looks at him in a threatening manner" at AFC Bournemouth. December 2016: Eric Bristow cannot revive Newcastle's fortunes, and they plummet into the old fourth division. With what many Cockney experts are describing from the driver's seats of their cab as "a last frow of the dice, me old son. Yeah, King Cross to Euston, of course the quickest way's via Clapham, wot are you, some sort of tourist. That's a monkey to you, you caahnt, have a good day mate." Ashley plays his ace: the reanimated corpse of Mike Reid is appointed Director Of Football and Market Stalls and the search begins, once again, for a manager. That is great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark8691 Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 What a $%$%$ clown, Mike Ashley is. The joke is on Newcastle is seems.. Hope they go down after the awful treatment of Chris Hughton. Unbelieveable. Always going to struggle with a chairman like that, so much shit is self inflicted there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrentVilla Posted December 9, 2010 Moderator Share Posted December 9, 2010 That is a quality post from some Geordie, fair play. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSufferingVilla Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 Some of the stuff on that Geordie forum is brilliant this ripped me right up: Gazza gets eight-week suspended sentence, we get five and a half **** years Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted December 9, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted December 9, 2010 Haha, one of thetop 5 clubs in England, Pardew? I think you'll find it **** isn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legov Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 Alan Pardew? :shock: Unfucking believable :lol: really! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legov Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 I never thought I'd say this, but I actually feel sorry for the Newcastle fans. Ashley really is a sentence removed. This. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 Haha, one of thetop 5 clubs in England, Pardew? I think you'll find it **** isn't. I thought Pardew said that Newcastle WASN'T one of the top 5 clubs in England. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC-Prideofbrum Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 I'm pretty sure he said he thinks they are a top 5 club. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 Hahahhahahahahahahahahahahhaha! *pauses for breath* Hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrentVilla Posted December 10, 2010 Moderator Share Posted December 10, 2010 Just to confirm, he did say that they are a top 5 club. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johndunse Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 There's someone on the Newcastle forum called 'scalded bollock'. Amazing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PauloBarnesi Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 The longest suffering fans ever? If in the last five years Villa had had Souness, Roeder, JFK and Pardew, how would the fans feel? Somewhere along the line someone must have made a pact with the devil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don_Simon Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 The longest suffering fans ever? If in the last five years Villa had had Souness, Roeder, JFK and Pardew, how would the fans feel? Somewhere along the line someone must have made a pact with the devil. If that were true, Villa Talk would be in disarray and meltdown! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiddybloke Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GaztonVilla Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Essential reading... Click me, do it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maradona10 Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Glad there taking Seb Larsson, but we'll have Bentley to deal with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Hahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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