rjw63 Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 Sorry rob but I wouldn't be able to get the type of pics you are after until the decision has been made if ya get me Ah well...don't forget gingers are prone to having awesome puffy nipples. Get in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CI Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 I have offered to DHUTWU before, i think my exact words were "I will shag you up the arse but I don't wanna go anywhere near your Ginger pubes" Word of caution, there may be stray ginger pubes around the ring piece Depends how good the housekeeping is ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 has anyone else almost passed out from a dirty smelling minge? **shudders** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted August 8, 2012 Author Share Posted August 8, 2012 Right back to serious relationship advice needed......... Girl I am currently seeing I have been with her for about 9 or 10 months. She has a lot of stuff going on at the moment. She is studying to be a nurse, currently on 8 week placement, going through bankruptcy and she has a 3 year old child. For the last month or so she is juggling so many plates that I seem to be the one to get dropped all the time. Weekends, if she is not working on placement, consist of me going round to hers and staying in and having the day with her and her son. It is great but it is just getting a bit dull. Date nights have stopped and time which we spend alone together out of the house has nearly dried up. I understand that this is because she feels guilty about being on placement all week then doing paperwork and study and not getting as much time as possible with her son. I feel like a bastard as there are things I want to do with her eg go away for the night, or go into Manchester early evening round the shops, have a meal then go to a few bars etc. Therefore I get pissed off when she says she can't. We usually see each other twice a week then all weekend. However because she has been on mainly lates eg not getting back til 9:30/10pm I have hardly seen her. Also she was working last weekend. Therefore when I do see her I want quality time with just me and her and not sitting in her flat. I know I sound like a selfish clearing in the woods, and her kid is great, but I just want some adult time too. I have told her this and it upsets her because she feels I am blaming her. I am proud that she is changing her life re job, domestic violence victim in the past etc but what is the point if I never get alone time with her??? What do i do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFCforever1991 Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 How long does it take to become a nurse? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted August 8, 2012 Author Share Posted August 8, 2012 How long does it take to become a nurse? 3 years. She has just over 2 left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 it takes three years Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted August 8, 2012 Moderator Share Posted August 8, 2012 You say you've told her all this. Maybe tell her from a different angle? As in tell her the same point but approach it differently. Without me knowing how you've already told her and without knowing whether ot not you're a good communicator (these are the things an internet forum doesn't tell you) all I can do is say that you need to tell her in such a way that she doesn't feel like the one being blamed but that she understands you're not inconsequential and that you can't simply be forgotten while she goes through it all. It's a tricky balance though. I don't envy you. It'd probably be pretty easy to make her think like you're being selfish. You just have to manage to convince her that you're not being selfish but that you still want some fun and that life doesn't stop in the meantime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 i work with aload of nurses and i dont see how she doesnt have any time to spend with you? yes there is studying involved and you work but none of the ones i speak to have this problem with their relationships Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted August 8, 2012 Author Share Posted August 8, 2012 You say you've told her all this. Maybe tell her from a different angle? As in tell her the same point but approach it differently. Without me knowing how you've already told her and without knowing whether ot not you're a good communicator (these are the things an internet forum doesn't tell you) all I can do is say that you need to tell her in such a way that she doesn't feel like the one being blamed but that she understands you're not inconsequential and that you can't simply be forgotten while she goes through it all. It's a tricky balance though. I don't envy you. It'd probably be pretty easy to make her think like you're being selfish. You just have to manage to convince her that you're not being selfish but that you still want some fun and that life doesn't stop in the meantime. I will do. Last night was the first hit at it and I did it while I was pissed off that she wouldn't come to Manchester with me on Saturday. So it wasn't handled great. Shouldn't have done it while angry. Although to be fair she understood my issues but just got upset with herself. But had no real plan to change it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted August 8, 2012 Author Share Posted August 8, 2012 i work with aload of nurses and i dont see how she doesnt have any time to spend with you? yes there is studying involved and you work but none of the ones i speak to have this problem with their relationships The problem isn't the nursing alone. It is the other issues and time pressures like her son, going through bankruptcy, Divorce, her family etc etc. Her son is the main one as she has a complex about not being there for him eg single parent and DV victim. He still comes through to her bed at night which is hugely annoying. However, because the other time pressure are so sensitive I feel like a Grade A clearing in the woods for not being more understanding. But it feels a bit like I have a text/housesit relationship with her at the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted August 8, 2012 Moderator Share Posted August 8, 2012 Although to be fair she understood my issues but just got upset with herself. But had no real plan to change it. If you think she got upset with herself and that she understood where you're coming from then maybe hold off on reiterating the point. You don't want to become a nag if you have actually struck a chord with the first attempt. I got the impression you hadn't, which is why I suggested trying again. Maybe simply follow up with "So, have you thought about what I said?" instead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zak Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 However, because the other time pressure are so sensitive I feel like a Grade A clearing in the woods for not being more understanding. But it feels a bit like I have a text/housesit relationship with her at the moment. you cant stay with her just because of guilt. Understanding her situation is great but she has to understand yours. Hopefully the situation can be addressed and the circumstances change soon otherwise you cant hang around playing third/fourth fiddle! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 To be honest, any woman who would put her relationship before her children isn't any kind of woman I would want to be dating, just saying. I'm going to go out on a limb here but I suspect that the whole thing with training to be a nurse is not just for her sake but to ensure she can provide for her kid. I guess it really comes down to how much you think she is worth putting your relationship a little on hold. If you absolutely love spending time with her and she's one of the most fantastic people you've ever met then I'd say stick it out. Things will get easier, if only you get used to them more. Maybe you should take up a hobby or spend the free time you now get when she's so busy doing other things that you didn't have time for before. Having free time and not doing much with it will just make you think of her and that will eventually cause you to get angry about her not having time for you and guilt for feeling this way despite knowing what she's going through. Speaking as a guy who has been single for a while and will be for at least the next year or so due to studying to get a better career (so perhaps I can empathise with your lady friend there although she has way more pressure than I do) it's bloody hard finding someone you connect with and people like that shouldn't be discarded so easily. It all comes down to how you feel about her and whether you think she is worth the wait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 To be honest, any woman who would put her relationship before her children isn't any kind of woman I would want to be dating, just saying. I'm going to go out on a limb here but I suspect that the whole thing with training to be a nurse is not just for her sake but to ensure she can provide for her kid. I guess it really comes down to how much you think she is worth putting your relationship a little on hold. If you absolutely love spending time with her and she's one of the most fantastic people you've ever met then I'd say stick it out. Things will get easier, if only you get used to them more. Maybe you should take up a hobby or spend the free time you now get when she's so busy doing other things that you didn't have time for before. Having free time and not doing much with it will just make you think of her and that will eventually cause you to getting angry about her not having time for you and guilt for feeling this way despite knowing what she's going through. Speaking as a guy who has been single for a while and will be for at least the next year or so due to studying to get a better career (so perhaps I can empathise with your lady friend there although she has way more pressure than I do) it's bloody hard finding someone you connect with and people like that shouldn't be discarded so easily. It all comes down to how you feel about her and whether you think she is worth the wait. The laughy shaky beast maketh much sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted August 8, 2012 Author Share Posted August 8, 2012 To be honest, any woman who would put her relationship before her children isn't any kind of woman I would want to be dating, just saying. I'm going to go out on a limb here but I suspect that the whole thing with training to be a nurse is not just for her sake but to ensure she can provide for her kid. I guess it really comes down to how much you think she is worth putting your relationship a little on hold. If you absolutely love spending time with her and she's one of the most fantastic people you've ever met then I'd say stick it out. Things will get easier, if only you get used to them more. Maybe you should take up a hobby or spend the free time you now get when she's so busy doing other things that you didn't have time for before. Having free time and not doing much with it will just make you think of her and that will eventually cause you to get angry about her not having time for you and guilt for feeling this way despite knowing what she's going through. Speaking as a guy who has been single for a while and will be for at least the next year or so due to studying to get a better career (so perhaps I can empathise with your lady friend there although she has way more pressure than I do) it's bloody hard finding someone you connect with and people like that shouldn't be discarded so easily. It all comes down to how you feel about her and whether you think she is worth the wait. I got into this relationship fully understanding that her son would be No.1 and her retraining is one of the things I feel most proud about. I feel strongly about her and she is amazing it is just I hate hardly seeing her. In the last 7 days I have seen her last Saturday evening for the night about 3 hours then the next morning for a couple of hours before she went on placement. Just frustrated. But she is special. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFCforever1991 Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 But she is special. Then I'm sure you will find a way to make it work Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 Sorry mate, but it sounds to me like at the first sign of trouble you're thinking of getting out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted August 8, 2012 Author Share Posted August 8, 2012 Sorry mate, but it sounds to me like at the first sign of trouble you're thinking of getting out... You think this is the first sign of trouble? We have had death threats, racist abuse with her kid, her marital home being repossessed, her ex track her down, her mum being rushed into hospital etc....not even close. I am not looking or wanting to get out. But I need some quality time with her. It was one of the things that failed in my marriage the fact that me and my wife never did anything together and I will not repeat that mistake twice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 Sorry Ad, I wasn't having a go and I'm sure you realise all this stuff. Sometimes you just want to hear somebody else tell you what you already know for confirmation, I do anyway. I understand how you feel too though. If you didn't like her as much as you did then you wouldn't be feeling so bad about not seeing her as much at the moment. Depending on how long-term you think this relationship could be, you have to decide whether or not this is what you want for the next couple of years, but like I said, finding someone to care about so much isn't easy. Keep yourself busy and try venting about it to other people. Having the same argument with her and making her feel bad isn't fair on her and it'll make you feel like shit too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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