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Stevo985

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****' ****.

 

NI's licensing laws are peculiar. They stopped serving drink at 10 here. So I'm home. But that wasn't the most peculiar aspect of my night.

 

See, I never really bother with pubs, because I always, and I really mean always, attract the oddest bunch of people you could imagine.

 

Today, for example, having had a few Guinness during the Villa match (shit second half, AGAIN), I went to the bathroom. Nothing unusual there, except for a middle aged man hanging around. He asked my name. I said 'Michael'. He said it was nice to meet me. Odd, but I locked myself in a cubicle and thought I dealt with this advance adequately. Alas, I emerged from the toilet only to find the aforementioned man still there. He said 'Could we keep in touch?'. I said 'No'. He asked, rather taken aback, ' Why not?' and I said 'Uh.. I'm a... busy.. guy', and ran from the bathroom.

 

That wasn't the weird part.

 

Later in the evening, having switched to Magners, as one needs a break from Guinness after a while, I went out for a cheeky smoke. It was cold, and I was a bit tired, so I sat at a picnic table and smoked. I was then approached by a woman. We talked, she seemed nice enough, a pleasant girl. She told me how she was a mega lesbian but was also into boys. I ignored the classification issues at play and asked if she had a good night. Then, all of a sudden, she threw aside her cigarette and asked for a kiss. I duly obliged, being rather inebriated at this stage. However, I, being a wee shite and all, wanted to call it at that. Mouth full of saliva, nice to meet you dear, now I wish to go back to my drink.

 

She proved keener for my good self than I imagined. I attempted to disappear into the bathroom, as it is universally accepted as a safe zone. Alas, mid-piss in a cubicle in stormed the rather drunk lady. She asked the punters if they loved life, they responded with 'If I stormed into a woman's bathroom I'd be locked up.'. She opened my cubicle (the lock was insufficient - a matter for the pubs administration, and I'll raise it at the next opportunity) and told me to hurry the **** up. I wasn't sure what she implied. Stop pissing? Did she want to use the toilet? In the male bathroom? Did she want your good narrator? I didn't hang around to find out. I left the pub in quite a hurry and went home.

 

This is why I don't go out often.

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This is why I don't go out often.

It sounds like you're a Looney Magnet.

I have two friends with the same condition.

Used to live in fear of what would happen if these two people ever met.

The three of you being in the same room could spell the end of everything.

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When my sister's boyfriend gets really pissed he rants Tourettes style in his sleep.

He's been drinking solidly for three days.

He passed out on the sofa earlier, after a string of profanities he blurted out -

"Chasing men - and it's the best way to see their arses."

The laughing woke him up.

He's in bed now, singing loudly in the style of Frankie Laine.

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You can prove anything with statistics. 

 

7r876ia.jpg

 

Ahh Causality and Correlation. They really need to start teaching the stuff in school, it genuinely pains me to see pull up statistics like this in a serious manner (I do know that you aren't being serious).

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Oh dear if someone asks you to watch the Basketball player's injury from the other night, don't  :o:puke:

The Kevin Ware one? Yeah its **** nasty, reminded me of Sid Vicious' one in WCW
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****' ****.

NI's licensing laws are peculiar. They stopped serving drink at 10 here. So I'm home. But that wasn't the most peculiar aspect of my night.

See, I never really bother with pubs, because I always, and I really mean always, attract the oddest bunch of people you could imagine.

Today, for example, having had a few Guinness during the Villa match (shit second half, AGAIN), I went to the bathroom. Nothing unusual there, except for a middle aged man hanging around. He asked my name. I said 'Michael'. He said it was nice to meet me. Odd, but I locked myself in a cubicle and thought I dealt with this advance adequately. Alas, I emerged from the toilet only to find the aforementioned man still there. He said 'Could we keep in touch?'. I said 'No'. He asked, rather taken aback, ' Why not?' and I said 'Uh.. I'm a... busy.. guy', and ran from the bathroom.

That wasn't the weird part.

Later in the evening, having switched to Magners, as one needs a break from Guinness after a while, I went out for a cheeky smoke. It was cold, and I was a bit tired, so I sat at a picnic table and smoked. I was then approached by a woman. We talked, she seemed nice enough, a pleasant girl. She told me how she was a mega lesbian but was also into boys. I ignored the classification issues at play and asked if she had a good night. Then, all of a sudden, she threw aside her cigarette and asked for a kiss. I duly obliged, being rather inebriated at this stage. However, I, being a wee shite and all, wanted to call it at that. Mouth full of saliva, nice to meet you dear, now I wish to go back to my drink.

She proved keener for my good self than I imagined. I attempted to disappear into the bathroom, as it is universally accepted as a safe zone. Alas, mid-piss in a cubicle in stormed the rather drunk lady. She asked the punters if they loved life, they responded with 'If I stormed into a woman's bathroom I'd be locked up.'. She opened my cubicle (the lock was insufficient - a matter for the pubs administration, and I'll raise it at the next opportunity) and told me to hurry the **** up. I wasn't sure what she implied. Stop pissing? Did she want to use the toilet? In the male bathroom? Did she want your good narrator? I didn't hang around to find out. I left the pub in quite a hurry and went home.

This is why I don't go out often.

The only peculiar part of this story is you had a chance to bang a lesbian and you run away.

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