BOF Posted June 5, 2012 Moderator Share Posted June 5, 2012 You missed nothing. You tried to rescue it with a better ending. What's this ear is the terrible punchline and Gillz won't live to his next birthday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArteSuave Posted June 5, 2012 Share Posted June 5, 2012 Anti humour is an undervalued skill in society today. Norm MacDonald tells some of the best anti jokes ever IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDon Posted June 5, 2012 Share Posted June 5, 2012 You people just don't appreciate a good joke! Here's a better one for you. So a moth flies into a podiatrists office. "Welcome," says the podiatrist, "What seems to be the problem?" The moth drops down into the nearest chair and says "What's the problem? I don't even know where to start. First of all, my boss is a vicious tyrant who gets off on the petty torments he puts me through day in and day out, and I'm too spineless to stand up to him, so I just take it and I've gradually come to hate myself for it. Also, every morning I wake up to the same prune-face old crone to whom I pledged my vows so many years ago. I used to love her, but that love has become like some sun-festering beached whale trying to die. We lost our daughter last year to one of the bitterest, coldest winters we've ever had to face in this region. Isn't it funny, doc, how all the prayer circles and charity drives in the world amount to pretty much nothing in the face of that cold, impartial face of winter, that bleak, pounding, harsh fist of a callous environment, carrying on with its machinations without regard to our lives, loves, hopes and dreams? Isn't that hysterical, Doc? Oh and then there's my son. Doc. I don't love him any more. I don't know what it is but I look in his eyes and I see that same harried look of gutless cowardice that I see when I stare at my own face in the mirror. If I wasn't such a coward, Doc, I know I'd be able to scrape together enough pride to grab that cocked and loaded shotgun I keep by the bedside table, and just run amok and put an end to this grim façade once and for all. I start with the wife, then the boy of course before putting the barrel in my own mouth. Believe me, Doc, I'd be doing the world a favour.I have nothing to look forward to but a continuation of this spiralling black hole that is my life, this existential cesspool that is the perpetuation of my lingering skid-mark on society. I despise people yet I crave their approval. I'm judgemental yet I care about nothing. I'm bitter, hateful and afraid. I'm alive yet I feel like the walking dead. This is it, Doc: I am a living, breathing, disease." The doctor stares at him for a while then finally says "Jeez, Moth, you definitely have some problems. But I'm a podiatrist. You need a psychiatrist. Why'd you come in here?" And the moth says, " Because your light was on." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted June 5, 2012 Moderator Share Posted June 5, 2012 See I like that one. It's not too long and it has a punchline Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 5, 2012 Share Posted June 5, 2012 Prince Philip was taken to hospital as a precautionary measure last night. The Queen saw that a black, blind man was on the bill and decided her husband couldn't be trusted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 5, 2012 Share Posted June 5, 2012 My six year old son caught me masturbating this morning. "What are you doing daddy?" he asked. "It's called wanking" I replied, "You'll be doing this in a few years." "Why daddy?" he asked. "Because my arthritis is getting worse." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 5, 2012 Share Posted June 5, 2012 "It has been a terrible year and I'm fed up of supporting Liverpool." Said the Benefits Agency. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 5, 2012 Share Posted June 5, 2012 An obese girl, struggling to walk, stopped me today and asked, will you see me across the road love? I said, across the road, I could see you from **** space you fat word removed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 5, 2012 Share Posted June 5, 2012 I was jogging through the park when a woman fell in step and said, "Do you mind if I run with you?" I said "Why? Have you just raped a schoolgirl too?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meath_Villan Posted June 5, 2012 Share Posted June 5, 2012 thank god some real jokes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gillz Posted June 5, 2012 Share Posted June 5, 2012 You missed nothing. You tried to rescue it with a better ending. What's this ear is the terrible punchline and Gillz won't live to his next birthday. you say that now but tell that joke to co-workers or at the next family gathering and you'll love it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StanBalaban Posted June 5, 2012 Share Posted June 5, 2012 My six year old son caught me masturbating this morning. "What are you doing daddy?" he asked. "It's called pulling the Pope's cap off" I replied, "You'll be doing this in a few years." "Why daddy?" he asked. "Because my arthritis is getting worse." It's funny 'cause it's true 8) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mark_bennett Posted June 5, 2012 Share Posted June 5, 2012 I can't believe how much disruption the Royal family has caused in London with the jubilee celebrations. At least the last time they caused this many traffic jams they had the decency to do it in Paris! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meath_Villan Posted June 5, 2012 Share Posted June 5, 2012 I can't believe how much disruption the Royal family has caused in London with the jubilee celebrations. At least the last time they caused this many traffic jams they had the decency to do it in Paris! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted June 15, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted June 15, 2012 Harry Redknapp has just recieved a severance payment of 3 million quid from Tottenham Hotspurs. After tax that works out at 3 million quid! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Harry Redknapp has just recieved a severance payment of 3 million quid from Tottenham Hotspurs. After tax that works out at 3 million quid! Binnedunne on FB about 3 million times :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 After the last 3 pages Rob returns with Rape, Incest and mocking fat people. Reason has returned to its throne on VT. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claretman Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Just found out my mate died, overdosed on indigestion medicine. Can't believe it : gav is gone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 After his great performance last night against sweden, more and more is becoming known about Danny Welbeck. Like the little known fact that his dad, Stan, is a bomb disposal expert in the army. *Ill get my coat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristchurchVillan Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Utter horror for the Greek FA, as they realise that they're going to have to book a hotel for another week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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