chappy Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 sounds better when you say it aloud but Just hired an eastern european girl to do my housework, she took five hours to do the hoovering. Turns out she's a slow vac. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrackpotForeigner Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 *In Sirte joke here*This deserves an " aHAAhaha ". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC_Hitz Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Michael Owen has just launched his own brand of aftershave. It's called My Cologne. That's quite gentle. Tip of the hat for that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villadude Posted November 13, 2011 Author Share Posted November 13, 2011 Sean connery will never again ask a woman to sit on his face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villadude Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 A couple are driving home and in the pouring rain, they run over a Badger. They get out and find it's still breathing but freezing cold. So the husband says "Quick quick, put it between your legs to warm it up", wife replies "But it's all wet and it stinks", he says "Well hold the Badgers **** nose then!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted November 17, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted November 17, 2011 The mother superior called all the nuns together and announced sternly: "We have a case of chlamydia in the convent". An elderly nun at the back shouted out: "Hope it's better than that **** chardonnay we had last month!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted November 17, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted November 17, 2011 Last night I was involved in a pretty horrific mugging ... on the upside I made a couple of quid! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted November 17, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted November 17, 2011 A couple of days ago I had to get towed home ...Badger and Mole were wasted! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meath_Villan Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Bloody hell, you offer someone a sincere, heartfelt compliment on their Movember.... and suddenly she's not you friend anymore!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted November 25, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted November 25, 2011 My missus just dumped me saying i'm a compulsive liar ...personally I think its because she can't handle my 14" cock! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinker Posted November 25, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted November 25, 2011 My missus just dumped me saying i'm a compulsive liar ...personally I think its because she can't handle my 14" cock! Very funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villahero Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 Barry Bannan banned from driving... In other news, Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NibblyPig Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I watched "Scarface" last night. Tony Montana doesn't even wear a scarf. How is he an expert in the field? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 My missus just dumped me saying i'm a compulsive liar ...personally I think its because she can't handle my 14" cock! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Said to my mate "Did you see that TV programme on veiled threats last night?" He replied, "No I didn't" I said "You'd better watch it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astondalston Posted November 28, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted November 28, 2011 A search engine optimisation expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, pubs, club, clubs, free house, lager, nightlife, beer, wine, nicest pint Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidlewis Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 A search engine optimisation expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, pubs, club, clubs, free house, lager, nightlife, beer, wine, nicest pint the SEO expert in the joke above is FAIL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Probably a fat defender in a wheelie bin but........ Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker. It was After Eight. They got off at Quality Street. He asked her name. "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said with a Wispa. "I'm Marathon, the one with the nuts" he replied. He touched her Creme Eggs and slipped his hand into her Snickers. He fondled her Flap Jacks and she rubbed his Tic Tacs. It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight and he shot his chewy centre. But 3 days later his sherbert dib-dab started to itch.Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he's got f ..kin Allsorts!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Pissed off, Only a few hours left of the month and Wyclef still aint **** turned up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiggyrichard Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Probably a fat defender in a wheelie bin but........ Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker. It was After Eight. They got off at Quality Street. He asked her name. "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said with a Wispa. "I'm Marathon, the one with the nuts" he replied. He touched her Creme Eggs and slipped his hand into her Snickers. He fondled her Flap Jacks and she rubbed his Tic Tacs. It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight and he shot his chewy centre. But 3 days later his sherbert dib-dab started to itch.Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he's got f ..kin Allsorts!!! Does it make me immature that i find that highly amusing!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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