In Sickness and in Health

[Demitri_C]

3 hours ago, Ingram85 said:

Lots of people stuck in hospital

Lots of people queuing up to get into hospital

Lots of people stuck in social care Limbo

Lots of staff leaving

Lots of people not entering the job as why the **** would you? 

Tories cost cutting, service closing, short mindedness and generally not giving a crap about staff or patients but only caring about the money. 

Birmingham has a million people. Our mental health services have halved since 2010. Not enough beds for the service users who need them. Ticking time bomb and a reason why there are hundreds or thousands of dangerous people being treated in the community when they should be in hospital.

What’s the one obvious constant since then until now? *cough* Tory Gov’t *cough*

They are a bunch of evil bastards but the people voted for them and thus get the health system they deserve. The NHS isn’t perfect but it’s had both its hands tied behind its back, both feet amputated, recovering from open heart surgery while having an ongoing lobotomy while being told to be efficient and world leading. 

Dont vote Tory. Wake up. 

Im sorry about your mom Rob but it’s not the health services fault. You can’t offer up £20 at a dealership and expect to receive a Ferrari. 
 

 

To add to this the whole GP services are absolute SHIT where you cant get appointments (they just fob you off) so then the a and es get clogged up with people that could have been dealt with at their GP.

The whole system is a **** mess. I do fear for the nhs in next 20 years of it survives that long

[sharkyvilla]

1 hour ago, Paddywhack said:

Sorry to hear that, Rob.

We had similar last month with my 96 year old Grandad, my dad found him on the bathroom floor. He’d banged his head, was confused and was complaining that his arm and ribs were hurting, and was struggling to catch his breath.

They called for an ambulance at 6pm and it arrived at 3am. 

It seems pretty standard, it happened to my Nanna several times and we had to wait hours for ambulances.  The last time she had a broken elbow that didn't get diagnosed for weeks if not months.  We were worried about moving her into her home because she never liked making a fuss and my Dad reckoned it might finish her off, for wont of a better phrase, but it gave her a new lease of life for her last 2 years until she got to 100 and passed away.  The rules meant her savings dwindled away and got to the point where they were going to move her out (which is scandalous in itself too) but luckily my Dad and Uncle managed to make a deal and pitch in themselves so she could stay.

[El Zen]

My dearly beloved grandma suffered a massive stroke on Friday. She’s lived a long life and all that, but up until Friday she was very much 86 years young, living unassisted, exercising regularly, funny, childish, loved playing with my son when we came to visit, had an active social life, she was stubborn, having all of us convinced she’d live to a hundred. 

She was a wonderful grandmother who enriched my childhood with stories, games, pranks and small adventures. She’ll most likely never have another conversation and she’ll spend the rest of her days in a home, which is the last thing she’d want. 

I’m devastated. 

I wish I could just erase the year 2022 from memory. It’s been an unebelievably shitty year. 

[mjmooney]

I think that's literally a fate worse than death, Marius. One of my running club friends died recently. She was 70, and 100% fit and healthy. Then out of the blue, suffered a massive stroke, which killed her. Better than the alternative, imo. 

 

[Demitri_C]

1 hour ago, El Zen said:

My dearly beloved grandma suffered a massive stroke on Friday. She’s lived a long life and all that, but up until Friday she was very much 86 years young, living unassisted, exercising regularly, funny, childish, loved playing with my son when we came to visit, had an active social life, she was stubborn, having all of us convinced she’d live to a hundred. 

She was a wonderful grandmother who enriched my childhood with stories, games, pranks and small adventures. She’ll most likely never have another conversation and she’ll spend the rest of her days in a home, which is the last thing she’d want. 

I’m devastated. 

I wish I could just erase the year 2022 from memory. It’s been an unebelievably shitty year. 

Sorry to hear that mate. Horrific news

[WakefieldVillan]

Not sure if this is the right thread but I needed to talk..

Was on holiday 2 weeks ago, while I was away my 81yr old dad fell and was taken to hospital by my sisters. He's had an irregular heartbeat for years, and had trouble with his legs swelling and general forgetfulness but on the whole he seemed to be "ok"..

Since he's been in hospital, the doctors have said that he's got kidney failure, fluid on his lungs which is affecting his heart, he's been on oxygen to aid his breathing and also got covid while on the ward so today was the first time in 2 weeks I've been able to see him

I knew he was going to be in a bad way but f*** me, it was (is) hard seeing him how he was, so skinny, fragile, bruised, weak.. I was in tears within seconds, I couldn't speak.. my sister was there with me and she seemed to hold it together better, talking to him but only getting little garbled mutters back, not sure he was aware we were even there. I literally couldn't speak, all I could do was cry. I was crying last night so its not like I'd been holding it in. It's so hard seeing a parent like this, especially one that's always been so strong, well built and now he's a just a weak poorly frail man.

We got told by the doctor that dialysis is probably not an option because he's not responding to the treatment and getting worse, we also found out he'd fallen from his chair and he keeps taking his cannula out. Apparently he's not eating but when we left he was sat up a little having some soup - we feel that the two nurses that came round at lunch time only made more of an effort to ACTUALLY feed him cos we were there. You could see the hospital is short staffed so I'm worried that he's not having the best care then the doctor asked us whether they can stop treating him, cos when they treat the lungs the kidneys worsen and vice versa, basically preparing for end of life

I couldn't call it. Its all happened to fast. When I lost my mum to dementia 4 years ago it was an easier call, her life had been awful for 5 years prior and we just wanted her at peace. I'm really not ready for losing my dad. (But I know deep down its inevitable). We left the hospital with that they will keep treating him for now and as said previously, he was sat up slightly having a bit of soup, whether that's is last meal or not I really don't know

Hes 82. TODAY. Happy Birthday dad. Love you ❤

[El Zen]

On 11/12/2022 at 16:34, El Zen said:

My dearly beloved grandma suffered a massive stroke on Friday. She’s lived a long life and all that, but up until Friday she was very much 86 years young, living unassisted, exercising regularly, funny, childish, loved playing with my son when we came to visit, had an active social life, she was stubborn, having all of us convinced she’d live to a hundred. 

She was a wonderful grandmother who enriched my childhood with stories, games, pranks and small adventures. She’ll most likely never have another conversation and she’ll spend the rest of her days in a home, which is the last thing she’d want. 

I’m devastated. 

I wish I could just erase the year 2022 from memory. It’s been an unebelievably shitty year. 

Was able to visit her for the first time today. We had a small xmas gathering at her care home, where my severely demented grandad also lives, and I think they enjoyed having their closest around them. 

While it’s heartbreaking to see her chained to a wheelchair and invariably failing to find words to express herself beyond ‘yes’, ‘no’ and ‘well, it’s…’ it was uplifting to see her smiling, aware of her surroundings, gripping my hand firmly with the one arm that still works, to see she still has something resembling a sense of humor, to see her face filled with love at the sight of her three great-grandchildren. 

As I sat down next to her, I said it was good to see her and ‘you look alright’, to which she replied with a ‘hah, no!’ which is totally in character, and it cheered me up. She was a vain, stubborn and sarcastic woman. She still is, bless her. 

[mottaloo]

My missus' mum has dementia and has been in a care home for about 2yrs now. My other half has just come back from seeing her and is in total bits. Her mum told her she doesn't want to see her again; she sold her house behind her back and threw her in this "hole".

The saddest part of the visit was the fact that her mum actually called her by her correct name this time and not as usual by a distant cousin's name. This made the other stuff she said to her all the more painful.

Dementia. What an absolute word removed. 

[Follyfoot]

Dad had a stroke yesterday does not look too serious but they are keeping him in for few days. Have to say the ambulance people and the NHS in general are fantastic

[mottaloo]

1 hour ago, Follyfoot said:

Dad had a stroke yesterday does not look too serious but they are keeping him in for few days. Have to say the ambulance people and the NHS in general are fantastic

Fingers crossed for your dad, mate.

[El Zen]

On 20/02/2023 at 18:04, mottaloo said:

My missus' mum has dementia and has been in a care home for about 2yrs now. My other half has just come back from seeing her and is in total bits. Her mum told her she doesn't want to see her again; she sold her house behind her back and threw her in this "hole".

The saddest part of the visit was the fact that her mum actually called her by her correct name this time and not as usual by a distant cousin's name. This made the other stuff she said to her all the more painful.

Dementia. What an absolute word removed. 

Absolutely.

My grandad finally passed away a little over a month ago, which was as much a relief as anything. For all intents and purposes he’d already been gone for three years. He was thankfully quite peaceful after he moved into the home where he spent his last days.

[Rds1983]

10 hours ago, El Zen said:

Absolutely.

My grandad finally passed away a little over a month ago, which was as much a relief as anything. For all intents and purposes he’d already been gone for three years. He was thankfully quite peaceful after he moved into the home where he spent his last days.

Similar situation with my gran before she died. Horrible situation and hate to say it but in some ways it was a relief when she did die as she'd been ill for about 7 years by then and it was so draining for my mum.

My MIL was diagnosed recently.

[WakefieldVillan]

On 21/12/2022 at 15:50, WakefieldVillan said:

Not sure if this is the right thread but I needed to talk..

Was on holiday 2 weeks ago, while I was away my 81yr old dad fell and was taken to hospital by my sisters. He's had an irregular heartbeat for years, and had trouble with his legs swelling and general forgetfulness but on the whole he seemed to be "ok"..

Since he's been in hospital, the doctors have said that he's got kidney failure, fluid on his lungs which is affecting his heart, he's been on oxygen to aid his breathing and also got covid while on the ward so today was the first time in 2 weeks I've been able to see him

I knew he was going to be in a bad way but f*** me, it was (is) hard seeing him how he was, so skinny, fragile, bruised, weak.. I was in tears within seconds, I couldn't speak.. my sister was there with me and she seemed to hold it together better, talking to him but only getting little garbled mutters back, not sure he was aware we were even there. I literally couldn't speak, all I could do was cry. I was crying last night so its not like I'd been holding it in. It's so hard seeing a parent like this, especially one that's always been so strong, well built and now he's a just a weak poorly frail man.

We got told by the doctor that dialysis is probably not an option because he's not responding to the treatment and getting worse, we also found out he'd fallen from his chair and he keeps taking his cannula out. Apparently he's not eating but when we left he was sat up a little having some soup - we feel that the two nurses that came round at lunch time only made more of an effort to ACTUALLY feed him cos we were there. You could see the hospital is short staffed so I'm worried that he's not having the best care then the doctor asked us whether they can stop treating him, cos when they treat the lungs the kidneys worsen and vice versa, basically preparing for end of life

I couldn't call it. Its all happened to fast. When I lost my mum to dementia 4 years ago it was an easier call, her life had been awful for 5 years prior and we just wanted her at peace. I'm really not ready for losing my dad. (But I know deep down its inevitable). We left the hospital with that they will keep treating him for now and as said previously, he was sat up slightly having a bit of soup, whether that's is last meal or not I really don't know

Hes 82. TODAY. Happy Birthday dad. Love you ❤

Update on the above - Christmas was tough, really thought I was losing my dad (as you can see in the post above) - Thankfully he pulled through. He's now in a care home and much better than he was though now the dementia seems to be kicking in  

I wasn't ready to lose him so suddenly but now I am worried that I am going to watch him deteriorate like my mum which is equally as painful. No happy ending (KM) with this one - but hopefully he can be pain free for as long as possible and one day be reunited with my mum (I have to believe that this will happen to get me through). 

Thoughts with everyone that's gone through or going through the same kind of situation. Life eh! 

UTV

[mjmooney]

31 minutes ago, Rds1983 said:

Similar situation with my gran before she died. Horrible situation and hate to say it but in some ways it was a relief when she did die as she'd been ill for about 7 years by then and it was so draining for my mum.

Exactly the way it was with my Dad. 

[El Zen]

1 hour ago, Rds1983 said:

Similar situation with my gran before she died. Horrible situation and hate to say it but in some ways it was a relief when she did die as she'd been ill for about 7 years by then and it was so draining for my mum.

My MIL was diagnosed recently.

It is such a heavy burden for the next of kin. After my grandad moved into care home, it was fine. He sort of just drifted into blissful ignorance and was as comfortable as he could be. 

My stepdad’s mum is the opposite. She is still quite quick and strong-willed, but horribly confused about time and place, and very emotional and anxious. As you say, it’s completely draining on those closest to her. She’s finally in a home now, but she’d typically call my mom and my stepdad literally hundreds of times per day before that. 

Such a bastard of a disease. Far worse than cancer, imo (having experienced both up close.) 

[Rds1983]

44 minutes ago, El Zen said:

It is such a heavy burden for the next of kin. After my grandad moved into care home, it was fine. He sort of just drifted into blissful ignorance and was as comfortable as he could be. 

My stepdad’s mum is the opposite. She is still quite quick and strong-willed, but horribly confused about time and place, and very emotional and anxious. As you say, it’s completely draining on those closest to her. She’s finally in a home now, but she’d typically call my mom and my stepdad literally hundreds of times per day before that. 

Such a bastard of a disease. Far worse than cancer, imo (having experienced both up close.) 

My gran was like your step dad's mum. Placed in a specialist home but regularly taken into hospital due to slips/falls. She was very strong minded and confused by it all. She ended up bullying some of the other patients. 

She'd have her good days but on the bad ones she had no clue. Some of it was funny (she told me how she'd been deep sea diving or how she'd been dancing with a 'strapping Norwegian man' who kept spinning her around) but it was times like when she'd beg me to help her escape and let her go home or when she'd ask me where my Grandad was. The look on her face when I reminded her he died 30 odd years earlier. 

Awful disease and hate to see it starting to repeat with my MIL and what it's doing to my wife and FIL with the strain of it.

[mjmooney]

I've always worried about getting dementia as my Dad had it. So far I'm fine (don't even think about it, VT...), but now my wife (66) is starting to worry about her own memory going. Nothing drastic in itself, but she has to be reminded who quite famous people are, or a film that we only watched a few weeks ago. Slightly worrying. 

[AlwaysAVFC]

My Nan went into a care home last week. She's 93 and has been more or less living in her bedroom at my parents for a few years. The dementia has got a bit much in terms of my Mom caring for her. She still mostly recognises people after occasional initial confusion and can have a conversation with her although often the same one over and over.

Hopefully the care home will give her a bit of freedom and mobility and the social side too. It could go the other way to though unfortunately, and lead to a deterioration.

I do worry about my mum too, at which point do you allow for old age, in terms of forgetfulness and when should you seek medical help options.

 

[lapal_fan]

2 hours ago, mjmooney said:

I've always worried about getting dementia as my Dad had it. So far I'm fine (don't even think about it, VT...), but now my wife (66) is starting to worry about her own memory going. Nothing drastic in itself, but she has to be reminded who quite famous people are, or a film that we only watched a few weeks ago. Slightly worrying. 

My wife's grandad was diagnosed as having dementia last year when he left his wife in a shopping car park because he forgot she was with him, she was in a wheelchair - not great.

My advice to your wife is, go and get tested as early as possible.  My wife's grandad was given medication and it slowed the process down.

Obviously this is dependent on whether your wife may have it or not, and what type! 

I understand that she will be terrified, but it'll be worth it for you both, either way. 

[El Zen]

4 hours ago, Rds1983 said:

My gran was like your step dad's mum. Placed in a specialist home but regularly taken into hospital due to slips/falls. She was very strong minded and confused by it all. She ended up bullying some of the other patients. 

She'd have her good days but on the bad ones she had no clue. Some of it was funny (she told me how she'd been deep sea diving or how she'd been dancing with a 'strapping Norwegian man' who kept spinning her around) but it was times like when she'd beg me to help her escape and let her go home or when she'd ask me where my Grandad was. The look on her face when I reminded her he died 30 odd years earlier. 

Awful disease and hate to see it starting to repeat with my MIL and what it's doing to my wife and FIL with the strain of it.

Can confirm that story, actually. Good times, good times

I’m sorry to hear it, buddy. I hope your mother in law and your family get all the very best available help.