Drugs

[Rugeley Villa]

Like many of us have already said ruge, it's a huge shame the effect of a few grams of white chemicals hold of your family and yourself.

For your families sake, and especially your health, i hope you manage to overcome this affliction.

Have you ever done anything for a charity? I climbed Ben Nevis in March and that was a huge rush for me, knowing not only had i completed a hard physical task, but i also helped people less fortunate than myself doing it. (I paid for the trip, my sponsor money went directly to the charity)

funnily enough ive been thinking for some time about doing something for charity.

[Rugeley Villa]

Where on earth do you find 150-200 quid a week for the stuff?! 

i earn 500 a week.

[Rugeley Villa]

That sounds like a really tough situation. I can offer no advice really, aside from I think you're lucky you have that woman in your life. I think what might separate you from the guys who are in and out of prison is the fact that you have a partner. Women are not necessarily only good for one thing. Behind every good man and all that. You should try to hold on to her as best you can. I know a bit about drugs and how their positive effects usually seem to outweigh any negatives at the time, but in occasional moments of clarity you do tend to see that there are habits within that, that are really unhelpful and damaging. 

 

What I would maybe advise is writing a diary. I'm not talking about a 'today I had a ham sandwich for lunch', but a journal of your thoughts. It's an alternative to going to a psychologist. I just really find getting thoughts down on paper (I use a google doc) really helpful. It's just a method of problem solving. Having a conversation with yourself, and transcribing every word. Talk about times you fall, and how you're not going to beat yourself up about it. You obviously enjoy writing, but even above I'm sure there are things you didn't say out of fear of judgement. You can say whatever you like in the journal and talk those issues out with yourself as you go. Maybe not for everyone, but some people don't like NA or AA, or don't feel comfortable there, and can't afford going to a psychologist every week, or even if they can, this is a good way to hold you over between sessions. 

 

My doc is called How to Habit. And at the top of it I have a list of habits I'd like to have. And when you fail to do something, you don't get annoyed at yourself, you just write down why you think you failed, and what you'll change tomorrow so that you can have another go at trying to do it. 

thats another idea ive actually thought of and thats writing a diary and yes i have not gone into complete detail about everything but you kind of get my drift where im at. i found AA meetings now for me as well.

[lapal_fan]

Like many of us have already said ruge, it's a huge shame the effect of a few grams of white chemicals hold of your family and yourself.

For your families sake, and especially your health, i hope you manage to overcome this affliction.

Have you ever done anything for a charity? I climbed Ben Nevis in March and that was a huge rush for me, knowing not only had i completed a hard physical task, but i also helped people less fortunate than myself doing it. (I paid for the trip, my sponsor money went directly to the charity)

funnily enough ive been thinking for some time about doing something for charity.

Well if you want me to put you in touch with the charity i did it for, pm me and I'll give you the details buddy.

Also, get yourself down a boxing gym. Whilst there is a discipline going to a regular gym, boxing gyms tend to be much more regimented, and people who have problems like yourself can benefit greatly from the routine they offer.

[NurembergVillan]

Working for a company who specialise in yoga products (lululemon) I've been learning loads about the benefits of yoga.  I've met NFL players who were told they'd never walk again, snowboarders who broke their neck and were told not to board again, all sorts of people.  They've all found that yoga changes them.

 

Research is showing that people who do yoga have greater control of their own thoughts (as well as their bodies) so it can help beat addiction.  Russell Brand is a good example.  I know and have known people in the same boat as you Ruge, so I'm not coming at this from an uneducated place.  Getting to grips with what's in your own head will make all the difference.

 

Here's a CNN piece on a guy who used to be a bigtime user and now he's a yoga instructor - http://edition.cnn.com/2013/05/01/health/human-factor-marino/

 

But, while in high school, he also found drugs. After dropping out of college, he moved to San Francisco, where, he says, "My first week there I was introduced to shooting cocaine." Eventually, heroin helped calm his "crazy cocaine brain." He stayed in the downward spiral for years before fighting to get clean."

 

Meditation as well can really help.  I recently started to use an app called Headspace - you get 10 free sessions - where they talk you through a meditation that only takes 10 mins a day.  It's a normal English guy talking you through it too, and now weird music with cymbals or the sound of whales singing!  https://www.headspace.com/

 

I know to a lot of guys yoga and mediation sounds a bit weird, but so many professional athletes have turned to it.  Ryan Giggs used it to keep him playing in the PL at 40.  It might be worth a look.  It might not work.  It might change everything.  You've got nothing to lose...

Edited April 19, 2015 by NurembergVillan

[Genie]

Standout part for me in that piece was the bit where you said you take the drugs to feel normal. What you class at normal must be off the mark.

Seems like your normal is other people's high.

[maqroll]

My new doctor asked me if I've tried drugs in my life, and he gasped when I told him I did cocaine about 20 times, lol

[dont_do_it_doug.]

RV - the good news for you is that you WANT to quit. Not just because everyone else wants you to either, but for yourself too it seems.

That's going to to give you a solid shot at it. Keep up the good work my friend, life is a one time deal and you are far too good a bloke to bung it all up your nose.

Edited April 23, 2015 by dont_do_it_doug.

[tarjei]

RV most of the symptoms/behavior patterns you describe when you are clean are very similar to a personality disorder that I've been diagnosed with. But I wouldn't go so far and rather guess that it primarily comes down to a lack of dopamine and a resulting depression? I've never used cocaine so I wouldn't know but if that sounds about right here are some ways to increase dopamine in your systems:

 

Diet: Lot's of veggies, fruits, vitamins and healthy stuff (bananas, avocado, fish, almonds, carrots, seeds, etc) and the occasional chocolate.

Limit or completely stop consuming sugar and caffeine drinks (including diet soda and coffee, and avoid aspertame like the plague).

Regular exercise: 45 min + +, can be anything as long as it enough to give you that post-workout high.

Sleep: Enough to get well rested, but try to avoid too much sleep as it will have a negative effect on dopamine. 8 hours max.

Goals: Write down achievable goals, short, medium and long term. Do your best to achieve them, and when you do, reward yourself.

Meditation, slow yoga (yin yoga), and/or long walks/hikes with no distractions. Get that inner monologue going and visit all the dark and bright corners of your mind. The busy modern life often stops us from doing this and the changed I noticed myself, just after a short period of time, was quite remarkable. It helps a lot with anxiety. It's almost like a reset switch where, for me anyways, avoidance, detachment and a messy mind was replaced with a very powerful calmness.

Whenever you feel a strong desire for a high of some sort, be that sugar, caffeine or worse: exercise!

Also, spend as much time in the sun as you can.

Lastly you might want to try anti-depressive drugs that alleviates symptoms of low dopamine, but I'd be wary of those and research whatever the doctor suggest. It might help you get through the most difficult period though.

 

[chrisp65]

**** hippy

[lapal_fan]

When i feel down i just look at naked women on the Internet.

[AVFCDAN]

RV most of the symptoms/behavior patterns you describe when you are clean are very similar to a personality disorder that I've been diagnosed with. But I wouldn't go so far and rather guess that it primarily comes down to a lack of dopamine and a resulting depression? I've never used cocaine so I wouldn't know but if that sounds about right here are some ways to increase dopamine in your systems:

 

Diet: Lot's of veggies, fruits, vitamins and healthy stuff (bananas, avocado, fish, almonds, carrots, seeds, etc) and the occasional chocolate.

Limit or completely stop consuming sugar and caffeine drinks (including diet soda and coffee, and avoid aspertame like the plague).

Regular exercise: 45 min + +, can be anything as long as it enough to give you that post-workout high.

Sleep: Enough to get well rested, but try to avoid too much sleep as it will have a negative effect on dopamine. 8 hours max.

Goals: Write down achievable goals, short, medium and long term. Do your best to achieve them, and when you do, reward yourself.

Meditation, slow yoga (yin yoga), and/or long walks/hikes with no distractions. Get that inner monologue going and visit all the dark and bright corners of your mind. The busy modern life often stops us from doing this and the changed I noticed myself, just after a short period of time, was quite remarkable. It helps a lot with anxiety. It's almost like a reset switch where, for me anyways, avoidance, detachment and a messy mind was replaced with a very powerful calmness.

Whenever you feel a strong desire for a high of some sort, be that sugar, caffeine or worse: exercise!

Also, spend as much time in the sun as you can.

Lastly you might want to try anti-depressive drugs that alleviates symptoms of low dopamine, but I'd be wary of those and research whatever the doctor suggest. It might help you get through the most difficult period though.

 

 

Thats a good post but im not sure any of that will help.

 

To me its clear that the problem is the association of alcohol to cocaine, unless Ruge is doing lines on a Tuesday night (which i assume he isn't)

 

If you are always out drinking on the weekends once you have made that association you feel like you are "missing" something. I would wager that a lot of the time he has told himself he is going to get his supply and not use it but just have it on him. I would guess that the first 5-6 pints will go down nicely and as he already said hes the life of the party without using it but just having it on him. Of course sooner or later the clouded mind sets in and its just one or two lines, "as a livener" of course. Then its 3am and the whole lot is gone to be replaced with a horrible feeling of guilt and the perpetual cycle just keeps going round.

 

No idea what the solution is but all the focus should be on cutting out the link between enjoying alcohol and enjoying cocaine at the same time.

[Rugeley Villa]

 

RV most of the symptoms/behavior patterns you describe when you are clean are very similar to a personality disorder that I've been diagnosed with. But I wouldn't go so far and rather guess that it primarily comes down to a lack of dopamine and a resulting depression? I've never used cocaine so I wouldn't know but if that sounds about right here are some ways to increase dopamine in your systems:

 

Diet: Lot's of veggies, fruits, vitamins and healthy stuff (bananas, avocado, fish, almonds, carrots, seeds, etc) and the occasional chocolate.

Limit or completely stop consuming sugar and caffeine drinks (including diet soda and coffee, and avoid aspertame like the plague).

Regular exercise: 45 min + +, can be anything as long as it enough to give you that post-workout high.

Sleep: Enough to get well rested, but try to avoid too much sleep as it will have a negative effect on dopamine. 8 hours max.

Goals: Write down achievable goals, short, medium and long term. Do your best to achieve them, and when you do, reward yourself.

Meditation, slow yoga (yin yoga), and/or long walks/hikes with no distractions. Get that inner monologue going and visit all the dark and bright corners of your mind. The busy modern life often stops us from doing this and the changed I noticed myself, just after a short period of time, was quite remarkable. It helps a lot with anxiety. It's almost like a reset switch where, for me anyways, avoidance, detachment and a messy mind was replaced with a very powerful calmness.

Whenever you feel a strong desire for a high of some sort, be that sugar, caffeine or worse: exercise!

Also, spend as much time in the sun as you can.

Lastly you might want to try anti-depressive drugs that alleviates symptoms of low dopamine, but I'd be wary of those and research whatever the doctor suggest. It might help you get through the most difficult period though.

 

 

Thats a good post but im not sure any of that will help.

 

To me its clear that the problem is the association of alcohol to cocaine, unless Ruge is doing lines on a Tuesday night (which i assume he isn't)

 

If you are always out drinking on the weekends once you have made that association you feel like you are "missing" something. I would wager that a lot of the time he has told himself he is going to get his supply and not use it but just have it on him. I would guess that the first 5-6 pints will go down nicely and as he already said hes the life of the party without using it but just having it on him. Of course sooner or later the clouded mind sets in and its just one or two lines, "as a livener" of course. Then its 3am and the whole lot is gone to be replaced with a horrible feeling of guilt and the perpetual cycle just keeps going round.

 

No idea what the solution is but all the focus should be on cutting out the link between enjoying alcohol and enjoying cocaine at the same time.

 

complete opposite mate, ive turned into someone who goes out not too often and spends a lot of his cocaine time doing it in the house and for years now ive been doing it on any night of the week wether it be a monday or a wednesday. yes weekends are slightly harder but as ive said i dont go out too often these days so do it in house over weekend as well.

 

as soon as ive had three or four drinks i need cocaine, last time i went out which was last month i got that much in a state that it frightened my missus because she thought i was going to have a cocaine induced heart attack i was that bad. apparantly i came in the bedroom at 3 in the morning in a right state and tipped a full bag of coke out and snorted it in one then got in bed, then got out again ten mins later to go and drink some beers downstairs. 

 

if i dont give alcohol up i willnever get off the shit.

When i feel down i just look at naked women on the Internet.

cant do that because it makes my cravings worse 

[Rugeley Villa]

RV most of the symptoms/behavior patterns you describe when you are clean are very similar to a personality disorder that I've been diagnosed with. But I wouldn't go so far and rather guess that it primarily comes down to a lack of dopamine and a resulting depression? I've never used cocaine so I wouldn't know but if that sounds about right here are some ways to increase dopamine in your systems:

 

Diet: Lot's of veggies, fruits, vitamins and healthy stuff (bananas, avocado, fish, almonds, carrots, seeds, etc) and the occasional chocolate.

Limit or completely stop consuming sugar and caffeine drinks (including diet soda and coffee, and avoid aspertame like the plague).

Regular exercise: 45 min + +, can be anything as long as it enough to give you that post-workout high.

Sleep: Enough to get well rested, but try to avoid too much sleep as it will have a negative effect on dopamine. 8 hours max.

Goals: Write down achievable goals, short, medium and long term. Do your best to achieve them, and when you do, reward yourself.

Meditation, slow yoga (yin yoga), and/or long walks/hikes with no distractions. Get that inner monologue going and visit all the dark and bright corners of your mind. The busy modern life often stops us from doing this and the changed I noticed myself, just after a short period of time, was quite remarkable. It helps a lot with anxiety. It's almost like a reset switch where, for me anyways, avoidance, detachment and a messy mind was replaced with a very powerful calmness.

Whenever you feel a strong desire for a high of some sort, be that sugar, caffeine or worse: exercise!

Also, spend as much time in the sun as you can.

Lastly you might want to try anti-depressive drugs that alleviates symptoms of low dopamine, but I'd be wary of those and research whatever the doctor suggest. It might help you get through the most difficult period though.

 

good post. ive been trying to cut my sleep down because the nights i aint using im in bed no later than half 9, sometimes 8. been staying up until half 10 lately and i feel a bit better for it.

 

regarding those points you made all of them i could easily do apart from giving up my sugar as i have a terrible sweet tooth ha. i think i suffer terribly with the dopamine levels in my brain, infact i know i do.

[dont_do_it_doug.]

Do you not feel shame doing it in front if your missus, even when you are off your bonce?

[Rugeley Villa]

at first a little bit but when im really off it then yes. i dont feel at all comfortable when im off it especially if shes not even drinking. we used to do it a lot together for the first couple of years of our relationship but then she stopped.

[dont_do_it_doug.]

You've got a real good-un there mate. You need to start taking care of business, for your sake!

[Rugeley Villa]

shes put up with a lot and although shes done things which have made me really really hate her at times i know she loves me dearly. she just wants an happy settled family and not have to bring the kids up around drugs and i fully understand why. putting drugs before your kids is a terrible thing to do but it just aint been that simple.

[dont_do_it_doug.]

I know. Bit of a ramble ahead...

Both my parents were alcoholics. My mother attempted suicide before finding her way to recovery with my help. My dad still is an alcy, I don't see him now. I couldn't face it again to be honest, he didn't want it enough. He's going to die and I'm going to carry that guilt. Ultimately though, no matter what we do or say, unless you as an addict decide enough is enough our efforts are futile.

Like the events at Wembley last Sunday, the ones who make it through are the ones who want it the most. Are you Villa or Liverpool?

The underlying issues you have I have too. I turned to women as my addiction, I replaced them with the gym and now work. In the meanwhile I'm dealing with those issues via the medium of therapy. Can't recommend it enough, fruit and veg are a really good start (seriously!) but for people like me and you they just don't cut it.

Puff your chest out. Go the gym, eat well, start talking, take control of your life buddy. I don't want to be on VT in a couple of years reading a thread titled in your memory. Though "Rugeley Villa's confessions thread" does sound apt!

We're all rooting for you.

Edited April 24, 2015 by dont_do_it_doug.

[Baselayers]

Dude, i have experience with addiction (not coke but it's all the same!) so message me if you want.

 

I will try and help