Genie Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I sort of stuck around, kept asking her what was wrong, made an effort etc... She's apologised, is thankful that I'm awesome and we had a wicked weekend. Basically it was like we'd just started dating again. wooooooaaaaahhh, they HATE that. Would have to agree here. If you say it too often, then they'll start to ask themselves what's wrong, even if nothing was wrong in the first place. It's like you shouldn't natter on about your own imperfections too much, because whilst they probably would'nt have noticed it in the first place, you're just drawing more and more attention to it until it starts to bother them too! If I know something is wrong, then I'll ask. And I knew something was wrong. It's all good. In fairness, I'm the world's worst for asking. And my girlfriend actually seems to appreciate it, shows a caring side. It's certainly a fine line. Yeah, by all means ask... just don't "keep asking" as it won't end well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted May 28, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted May 28, 2012 I sort of stuck around, kept asking her what was wrong, made an effort etc... She's apologised, is thankful that I'm awesome and we had a wicked weekend. Basically it was like we'd just started dating again. wooooooaaaaahhh, they HATE that. Yeah, but then they get super pissed off when you accept their answer that nothing's wrong. Disagree, she gets one chance to answer the "what's wrong" question honestly. If she says nothing then she's on her own. Not trying to sound like a nobhead. Its just how it works in our house. If she says nothing then I just give her a bit of space and leave her too it. 9 times out of 10 she'll then come and find me and let me know what's on her mind and we'll work through it. If she's in a mood and I keep asking what is wrong she gets her wish of someone to snap at. Psssshhhhhh what's she doing out of the kitchen anyway? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 You might be on to something Stevo, the unfamiliar surroundings of the living room might have caused the emotion in the first place Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b6bloke Posted May 31, 2012 Share Posted May 31, 2012 I sort of stuck around, kept asking her what was wrong, made an effort etc... She's apologised, is thankful that I'm awesome and we had a wicked weekend. Basically it was like we'd just started dating again. wooooooaaaaahhh, they HATE that. Yeah, but then they get super pissed off when you accept their answer that nothing's wrong. Disagree, she gets one chance to answer the "what's wrong" question honestly. If she says nothing then she's on her own. Not trying to sound like a nobhead. Its just how it works in our house. If she says nothing then I just give her a bit of space and leave her too it. 9 times out of 10 she'll then come and find me and let me know what's on her mind and we'll work through it. If she's in a mood and I keep asking what is wrong she gets her wish of someone to snap at. This, I have fell into this trap before (i think everyone has) and they get pissed off if you keep asking. My other half can be a moody arse from time to time but I know that she dont drag things on and snaps out of it within a few hours or overnight. so its "is everything ok?" and if i dont get a proper answer I leave it and **** off on the xbox to give her space. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b6bloke Posted May 31, 2012 Share Posted May 31, 2012 Guess I'll see how the next few weeks go. Try and make some changes for the better but if I'm getting no response so to speak then you're probably right. Just love her to bits, actually welling up just thinking about ending it with her. Dante, mate, you cant make someone fall in love with you, it just happens. If she is not 100% all in after 6 months then you have to ask, does she want this as much as you do? If the answer to this question is 'no' or 'not sure'...then sorry dude but its never going to work. Both people have to want it to work, if they dont, then there is no point continuing half arsed. She says she does love me to bits. She says she wants this to work. She just needs some time to herself every now and again without me clinging to her, which is understandable. She got me a heart shaped ornament saying 'You are my happy ending' the other day. >_> So what happens when you eventually live together? Is she going to have 1 weekend off a month to have some "me time"? Or maybe she could have every Tuesday night? I live with my missus (obviously) and i look forward to seeing her everyday, she still does her thing with her mates and i do mine, but never once has the thought crossed my mind to have a break away from each other. I love being around her (and visa versa) and thats why im marrying her. Loving someone and being in love with someone are massively different things mate. Spot on Wiggy, I have lived my my gf 9 months now and look forward to seeing each other and have quality time together but we have our own interests too and find we have a good mix of doing both and as long as the time together is quality. I have never been moaned to about going the Villa, the pub, mountain biking etc but I never moan about her doing her things as neither take the piss, We have holidays together but weekends away with friends too. Living together you get on each others nerves from time to time, thats life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 At the moment my mood can be summed up in one .gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 Still not getting any better then I take it dude? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 Oh yeah, it did. The weekend was perfect. Start of the week was pretty good. Yesterday and today have just annoyed the hell out of me. Like completely. Stayed at mine last night and she stayed at hers. First time we've done it. I left hers at 9 and went home full of anxiety and purchased some cigs. Been a while since I've done that. Today is just sparse communication so god knows what kind of mood / what she's thinking at the moment. Suppose I'll find out later when I finish work. I'm gonna sit her down and get an answer one way or another. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shillzz Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 That's rough. I'd also be a bit of an anxious mess if I was in your situation. Good luck fella, I don't envy you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 Bollocks to her, text her to say your willing to speak to her to sort things out if she wants but it's not fair on you to keep messing you about. Leave it in her hands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted June 1, 2012 Moderator Share Posted June 1, 2012 I come in here to remember why I'm so happy and unencumbered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shillzz Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 I come in here to remember why I'm so happy and unencumbered. In a horrible way, Dante's post did serve to remind me how lucky I am to have the relationship I have. Sorry Pal, I realise that's no consolation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 She said she's just stressed with work. Pissed off at her day job, struggling with getting her company started, too much stuff to pay for, struggling to fit me in due to my routines etc... She doesn't know what direction to go. I've said I'll help as much as I can and I HAVE been making changes in my own life to try to accomodate but it feels like it's not enough. A part of me thinks she remembers how simpler it was when she was single, and I told her that, but she said she doesn't want to be single and she wants me, but she's having a tough time. So I dunno what else I can do really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shillzz Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 If it was me, I'd be happy enough in the knowledge that she still wants to be with you. If that is actually the case, and you believe her when she says it, then I'd give her some space, let her know you're there for her (without sounding like her lap dog) and try your best not to add to the stress. From her point of view, if she's already having a rough time of things, the last thing she needs is an ultimatum, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted June 1, 2012 Moderator Share Posted June 1, 2012 She shouldn't be taking everything out on you and don't become a doormat just because she's struggling to fit you in. After all the shit in her day, you should be the fun part of the day. If she can't manage a smile then there's something else wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted June 1, 2012 Author Share Posted June 1, 2012 If it was me, I'd be happy enough in the knowledge that she still wants to be with you. If that is actually the case, and you believe her when she says it, then I'd give her some space, let her know you're there for her (without sounding like her lap dog) and try your best not to add to the stress. From her point of view, if she's already having a rough time of things, the last thing she needs is an ultimatum, Sorry Dante, only just see your post. Shillzz is right. She has said she wants you that is a big thing. Now give her space, understanding and support. Good luck pal. As I said before look after yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidlewis Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 She shouldn't be taking everything out on you and don't become a doormat just because she's struggling to fit you in. After all the shit in her day, you should be the fun part of the day. If she can't manage a smile then there's something else wrong. If I wasn't on my iPhone I'd insert that black and white serious clapping gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincsVilla Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 She shouldn't be taking everything out on you and don't become a doormat just because she's struggling to fit you in. After all the shit in her day, you should be the fun part of the day. If she can't manage a smile then there's something else wrong. Completely agree with this. It shouldn't be just you changing your routine, and making all the sacrifices to accommodate her. She may be stressed out, but it's no excuse to give you shit and ignore you. You can't keep going out of your way whilst she does nothing to fix things between you both, in the end she'll get used to doing nothing, and expect you to make all the effort in the relationship. If i was you i'd try and take it easy, and let her (and yourself) cool off, if she wants you she'll let you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 Hope things have got better Dante All gone quiet for me the past week or so, gonna have to put the charm on soon as I've burned my bridges with all the irons in the fire so gonna have to fend for myself for a bit. Gonna have to find things to do of a weekend just for myself for a while Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 Well I turned up to hers on Friday after work and got told to get changed and meet her in the car. We went up to Clent and had a picnic that she had prepared during the day. Was going really well, then a dog came bounding over and stole her sandwich out of her hand and slobbered over the other bits. So that wasn't good. Then on our way walking down to the car she went over a pothole and rolled her ankle, it ballooned up pretty badly, some tears ran down her cheek and she couldn't walk. I had to carry her down (over the threshold style) to the car. Good workout >_> Spent Friday evening in A&E and most of the weekend I've been staying at hers and basically waiting on her lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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