Dante_Lockhart Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Whats gone on then Craig? What made you feel it was going the same way as the last relationship? Started out all over each other, affectionate, talking all night, texting all day etc... now it's just, well I'm not seeing her as much due to work, her working on her own company and stuff, we've not had sex in 2 weeks (this is getting to me more because she gets naked at shows and lapdances I suppose) and things just seem more offish. BUT, that's just me seeing things in my own way. She said last night that she needs her own space otherwise I'll end up pushing her away, which hurt, but made me realise that maybe I am a bit smothering at times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiggyrichard Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Do what feels right when it feels right. Is that your excuse for cracking one off under the desk at work? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted May 24, 2012 Author Share Posted May 24, 2012 By the way Dante. I like the website pal. On insecurities they always pop up. I am having the same at the moment and keep comparing my current relationship to the past one. However I came to the decision that I can only be me and act honestly to situations as they arise. That is the only thing I can do......do you know what??? Its working!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted May 24, 2012 Author Share Posted May 24, 2012 Whats gone on then Craig? What made you feel it was going the same way as the last relationship? Started out all over each other, affectionate, talking all night, texting all day etc... now it's just, well I'm not seeing her as much due to work, her working on her own company and stuff, we've not had sex in 2 weeks (this is getting to me more because she gets naked at shows and lapdances I suppose) and things just seem more offish. BUT, that's just me seeing things in my own way. She said last night that she needs her own space otherwise I'll end up pushing her away, which hurt, but made me realise that maybe I am a bit smothering at times. Mate, I aint gonna sugar coat this. Look after yourself. I don't believe in "smothering" the person I want to be with is the person who enjoys my company. Someone who I would be comfortable seeing all day and it not feel awkward and full of laughs. I don't think you are reading too much into this. I dont want to sound like a word removed, because you seem a good guy. So I wanna give you my true thoughts on it rather than say "it'll be fine". However I hope it is fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiggyrichard Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Whats gone on then Craig? What made you feel it was going the same way as the last relationship? Started out all over each other, affectionate, talking all night, texting all day etc... now it's just, well I'm not seeing her as much due to work, her working on her own company and stuff, we've not had sex in 2 weeks (this is getting to me more because she gets naked at shows and lapdances I suppose) and things just seem more offish. BUT, that's just me seeing things in my own way. She said last night that she needs her own space otherwise I'll end up pushing her away, which hurt, but made me realise that maybe I am a bit smothering at times. Things do fade a little after a while as you both settle into a routine and become more comfortable around it each, that part is natural. Im not sure of the "i need my own space" thing tho mate!?!? :? Just play it cool and dont seem over keen and like your really bothered about it. I can agree with what Ad says also. I think you need to ask her where you stand on this one mate...because reading between the lines as an outsider, things aint right mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Whats gone on then Craig? What made you feel it was going the same way as the last relationship? Started out all over each other, affectionate, talking all night, texting all day etc... now it's just, well I'm not seeing her as much due to work, her working on her own company and stuff, we've not had sex in 2 weeks (this is getting to me more because she gets naked at shows and lapdances I suppose) and things just seem more offish. BUT, that's just me seeing things in my own way. She said last night that she needs her own space otherwise I'll end up pushing her away, which hurt, but made me realise that maybe I am a bit smothering at times. Things do fade a little after a while as you both settle into a routine and become more comfortable around it each, that part is natural. Im not sure of the "i need my own space" thing tho mate!?!? :? Just play it cool and dont seem over keen and like your really bothered about it. I can agree with what Ad says also. I think you need to ask her where you stand on this one mate...because reading between the lines as an outsider, things aint right mate. I have asked, we had a chat last night. She doesn't wanna feel smothered is all, which is what I'm doing. I know I am. It's like I can't function when I'm by myself. She wasn't telling me to back off, she was just saying she's the kind of person who likes to have a little time to do her own thing. We're both still trying to merge our very different weekly routines together and it's a struggle. It'll come together though. I'm willing to sacrifice to make it work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Do what feels right when it feels right. Is that your excuse for cracking one off under the desk at work? I need no excuse for that. :oops: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 She said last night that she needs her own space otherwise I'll end up pushing her away, which hurt, but made me realise that maybe I am a bit smothering at times. She wasn't telling me to back off, she was just saying she's the kind of person who likes to have a little time to do her own thing. We're both still trying to merge our very different weekly routines together and it's a struggle. So you have different routines - don't see a huge amount of each other, she's really busy but yet still needs her own space? I'm sorry mate but IMO you need to bail on this one. It will hurt now but it will hurt a damn sight more later. She's using your insecurities and personality against you. "If you smother me you'll push me away" and "I need my own space to do stuff" is never a good message what 6 months (at most?!) into a relationship. Get out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 I can see where you're coming from, but I can't help but think I'm making it sound worse than it is (it's my way). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiggyrichard Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Im with Eames on this one mate. Saying stuff like that after 6 months aint a good sign mate. If she was comfortable with you she wouldnt need her own space. Sorry mate, i know you dont want to hear it but its just the way i see it. Just a mate giving a mate his honest thought....as we all are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 On that it doesn't look like you are. She's using your insecurity and guilt to get what she wants..... and it worked a treat. You do seem like quite an intense kind of guy and she knows, and is using that it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ender4 Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 So you have different routines - don't see a huge amount of each other, she's really busy but yet still needs her own space? I'm sorry mate but IMO you need to bail on this one. It will hurt now but it will hurt a damn sight more later. She's using your insecurities and personality against you. "If you smother me you'll push me away" and "I need my own space to do stuff" is never a good message what 6 months (at most?!) into a relationship. Get out. i disagree. It can be hard sometimes to merge 2 different routines into one. If she is really busy with work a lot, she'll also need some alone wind-down time, some time with her friends, as well as time with Dante. Whereas Dante seems to have a lot more free time, and so he's trying to be together a lot more than she can be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Did it go well? On a side note: **** my insecurities. **** them up the ass. Date went well, went back to hers after. Saw her again Sunday night and realised I didn't really fancy her so rang her last night and sorted it out. Going for a drink next week with a girl I went to school with, went for a drink last year and was gonna ask her out again but then the previous milf with 2 kids came along. Dante, compromise shows your willing to listen and make her happy, just make sure she meets you halfway and makes a compromise or two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted May 24, 2012 Author Share Posted May 24, 2012 I can see where you're coming from, but I can't help but think I'm making it sound worse than it is (it's my way). If she has said any derivitive of "I need some space/personal time/time apart/to do my own things/feeling smothered etc etc" then you have not made anything sound worse. As I said before pal, I hope I am very wrong and it works out well. However protect yourself and look after yourself! I think a relationship should be close as (trying not to sound ghey) you should be meeting your perfect match the one, you feel whole with, the one who understands you, the one who loves being with you etc etc YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 I can see where you're coming from, but I can't help but think I'm making it sound worse than it is (it's my way). If she has said any derivitive of "I need some space/personal time/time apart/to do my own things/feeling smothered etc etc" then you have not made anything sound worse. As I said before pal, I hope I am very wrong and it works out well. However protect yourself and look after yourself! I think a relationship should be close as (trying not to sound ghey) you should be meeting your perfect match the one, you feel whole with, the one who understands you, the one who loves being with you etc etc YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG! /ghey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted May 24, 2012 Author Share Posted May 24, 2012 I can see where you're coming from, but I can't help but think I'm making it sound worse than it is (it's my way). If she has said any derivitive of "I need some space/personal time/time apart/to do my own things/feeling smothered etc etc" then you have not made anything sound worse. As I said before pal, I hope I am very wrong and it works out well. However protect yourself and look after yourself! I think a relationship should be close as (trying not to sound ghey) you should be meeting your perfect match the one, you feel whole with, the one who understands you, the one who loves being with you etc etc YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG! /ghey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Guess I'll see how the next few weeks go. Try and make some changes for the better but if I'm getting no response so to speak then you're probably right. Just love her to bits, actually welling up just thinking about ending it with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Just as an example, last night kind of tipped me over the edge. I'd made a 3 course meal for her as a surprise. (see food topic). Rather than it being a grateful 'Oh WOW Thank babe, love you *kisskisskiss*' etc... It was a 'I'd have done it this way, could have done with more food on the plate, but thanks for trying'. Kind of a kick in the bollocks tbh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Just as an example, last night kind of tipped me over the edge. I'd made a 3 course meal for her as a surprise. (see food topic). Rather than it being a grateful 'Oh WOW Thank babe, love you *kisskisskiss*' etc... It was a 'I'd have done it this way, could have done with more food on the plate, but thanks for trying'. Kind of a kick in the bollocks tbh. Not gonna want to hear it but that ain't good, I'd have told her to **** off there and then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiggyrichard Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Guess I'll see how the next few weeks go. Try and make some changes for the better but if I'm getting no response so to speak then you're probably right. Just love her to bits, actually welling up just thinking about ending it with her. Dante, mate, you cant make someone fall in love with you, it just happens. If she is not 100% all in after 6 months then you have to ask, does she want this as much as you do? If the answer to this question is 'no' or 'not sure'...then sorry dude but its never going to work. Both people have to want it to work, if they dont, then there is no point continuing half arsed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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