Genie Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) Hey George, that sounds shit. I am one of those people that think once something like this happens then its game over. There is no working though it as the total trust will never return. Have a blow out for a few months and do exactly what you want to do for a while Edited February 3, 2014 by Tamuff_Villa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Eames Posted February 3, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted February 3, 2014 Of course....if you want him to suffer a bit (you will) can I suggest sending him over to Rugely Villa's house with a tube of KY, a glass of water and a skirt. 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) I'm really not saying this in a sarcastic way at all, but I am in admiration of people who think they could get past that sort of betrayal. Maybe it's because I had a bad experience where my girlfriend cheated on me with my best friend in the past, or maybe it's because I unfairly expect people to abide by the same standards I do, but I could never do that to someone I was with. I think if ever I was that tempted to betray my partner it would be an indication to me that we have some serious problems in our relationship. I wouldn't carry on behind her back, I'd make that my top priority and talk to her about it and see how she felt. It might be my experience of being cheated on and betrayed - it really did feel like the lowest of the low - but I'd never want to put anyone through that. That's why for me, if my partner had done what your boyfriend has done George, I don't think there'd be anyway back for us. But everyone is different as are the situations. I'd say that if if you truly loved him and thought you could forgive him then by all means go for it. If one of the main reasons you're sticking with him is because it's convenient, then I completely sympathise but I don't think that's ever going to be the right choice. You're in your 30s and by your own admission an attractive and successful career woman. The idea of starting again might be daunting, and if you're planning on children then I can definitely understand why especially, but you never know what is round the corner. As Chrisp said, there's plenty of other people out there who you could meet. Edited February 3, 2014 by Ginko 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Of course....if you want him to suffer a bit (you will) can I suggest sending him over to Rugely Villa's house with a bucket of sand, a glass of water and a skirt. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 At what point amid George's relationship woes is it polite to ask for pics to confirm hotness? Seriously nothing will validate you more than being objectified by a bunch of degenerates on the internet. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Ginko Posted February 3, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted February 3, 2014 It's at this point that George wishes she had kept up the pretence of being a dude and just made us all think she was gay. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeorgeVilla82 Posted February 3, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted February 3, 2014 Just added a profile pic, as the username does tend to lead to people thinking I'm a bloke! Thanks for all the advice - really appreciate it. Weird talking to a bunch of strangers about something so personal, but it's actually quite therapeutic. Think I just need to be brave and move on - can't imagine being single, but it can't be that bad... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) I think talking to people who don't know you so well can be better, as long as they're relatively rational and decent human beings. Perhaps asking us lot on here wasn't the wisest choice after all But in all seriousness, if nothing else it's a lot easier to get it off your chest to a stranger. Their advice is likely to be more blunt, but sometimes you need someone to tell it to you straight rather than a friend or family members dancing around a difficult situation or blowing smoke up your arse. Edited February 3, 2014 by Ginko 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StefanAVFC Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I don't often post on VT, but at times like this, talking to strangers on a forum seems like a good idea. So, I've just found out that my boyfriend of 15 years has been cheating on me since November with a colleague. I'd suspected that he was (he was being really quiet, always had his phone with him - even took it into the shower etc), but he denied it when I asked. Then I caught him on the phone to her tonight in the car outside our house - idiot had it through the car speakers and didn't realise I was standing on the pavement. I heard her declare her undying love for him. Trouble is, I'm 32 and don't really want to be starting again. We have a house, car, bank account etc together. When I confronted him, we had a long chat (all very civilised - no shouting) and he said that he doesn't know what to do. Things haven't been that exciting between us, but we have been together a long time. He is in love with the idea of this other woman (although she is married apparently - nice), and isn't sure if he wants to work through things with me. Writing this down, he comes across like a complete dick. Maybe that's why i thought posting here would be a good idea, to make me see sense. He says I deserve better. I'm not too bad looking, and have a good job in London. Thinking objectively, i should walk away. But it's hard to imagine being on my own after all this time - most of our friends are joint friends (we went to uni together), and I don't really want to have to move house. Equally, I'm not sure I could ever trust him. I've said that I think he should move out, as we need some space apart. There's no right or wrong answer I guess, but it's just all pretty shit. Sorry for the essay - just needed a place to get it all out (and not to friends who will just make me cry by being sympathetic etc). Any advice very welcome! DHUTWU 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodders Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 It won't be. Annoyingly, in these situations, I find myself having to agree with the maxim that the hardest choice is usually the right one. But my sympathies all the same. One step at a time and all that. Friends to rally round for support, get yourself that that breathing space etc. Best of luck - whatever you ultimately choose to do, of course. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) Sorry to hear about your news too Rodders, by the way. I've definitely been in your boat a million times. I've been single for a while now whilst I got my career situation sorted and I'm sure I'll be experiencing this sort of thing soon now I'll be back on dating scene so expect plenty more posts in here from me. We can wallow together Edited February 3, 2014 by Ginko 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 If you do **** him off George you won't be short of offers..... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post chrisp65 Posted February 3, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted February 3, 2014 Just added a profile pic, as the username does tend to lead to people thinking I'm a bloke! Thanks for all the advice - really appreciate it. Weird talking to a bunch of strangers about something so personal, but it's actually quite therapeutic. Think I just need to be brave and move on - can't imagine being single, but it can't be that bad... single life for a while wouldn't be too bad - just sat there in your underpants, eating a whole packet of Jaffa cakes watching Match of the Day or Wheeler Dealers all night doing properly loud belches if you do want to buddy up with somebody though, on those cold long nights, we've got a great mate called Scuba Steve you'd just love to meet 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarewsEyebrowDesigner Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Nonsense advice, the lot of it. Far too mature and sensible. I can't sit by and let someone benefit from using VT. Listen, it's over. Move to Prague, become a reclusive artist and take a lot of drugs. It's the natural course of action. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villaajax Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Just added a profile pic, as the username does tend to lead to people thinking I'm a bloke! Thanks for all the advice - really appreciate it. Weird talking to a bunch of strangers about something so personal, but it's actually quite therapeutic. Think I just need to be brave and move on - can't imagine being single, but it can't be that bad... single life for a while wouldn't be too bad - just sat there in your underpants, eating a whole packet of Jaffa cakes watching Match of the Day or Wheeler Dealers all night doing properly loud belches It's not as fun as it sounds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted February 4, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted February 4, 2014 Don't ever stick with someone because you think that might be better than being on your own or starting again. That sounds like a recipe for at least two people to be miserable. Treat this as your opportunity to decide what you really want. If it's him, and he decides to stay well great. But don't let fear of the unknown be a factor - plenty of decent people out there. This is pretty much, word for word, what I was going to say. Don't EVER stay with someone because it's easier. That is **** up. I'd kick him out. Maybe the time apart will allow you to reconcile and he'll behave himself in future. But what sort of message will it send if you let him off with it and carry on as normal? All he's going to think is "I got away with this". If you dump him and he at least thinks he's going to lose you, at least he'll have got the message that if he **** around, he loses you. If you let someone walk all over you, then they'll walk all over you. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 (edited) I don't often post on VT, but at times like this, talking to strangers on a forum seems like a good idea. So, I've just found out that my boyfriend of 15 years has been cheating on me since November with a colleague. I'd suspected that he was (he was being really quiet, always had his phone with him - even took it into the shower etc), but he denied it when I asked. Then I caught him on the phone to her tonight in the car outside our house - idiot had it through the car speakers and didn't realise I was standing on the pavement. I heard her declare her undying love for him. Trouble is, I'm 32 and don't really want to be starting again. We have a house, car, bank account etc together. When I confronted him, we had a long chat (all very civilised - no shouting) and he said that he doesn't know what to do. Things haven't been that exciting between us, but we have been together a long time. He is in love with the idea of this other woman (although she is married apparently - nice), and isn't sure if he wants to work through things with me. Writing this down, he comes across like a complete dick. Maybe that's why i thought posting here would be a good idea, to make me see sense. He says I deserve better. I'm not too bad looking, and have a good job in London. Thinking objectively, i should walk away. But it's hard to imagine being on my own after all this time - most of our friends are joint friends (we went to uni together), and I don't really want to have to move house. Equally, I'm not sure I could ever trust him. I've said that I think he should move out, as we need some space apart. There's no right or wrong answer I guess, but it's just all pretty shit. Sorry for the essay - just needed a place to get it all out (and not to friends who will just make me cry by being sympathetic etc). Any advice very welcome! For my advice, I would refer you to the wisdom of pre-eminent scholars Thomas, Watkins et Lopes on the subject: You don't want no scrubs. Edited February 4, 2014 by GarethRDR 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I thought most women liked men leaning out the passenger side of their best friend's ride whilst attempting to "holla" them? :? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Just added a profile pic, as the username does tend to lead to people thinking I'm a bloke! Thanks for all the advice - really appreciate it. Weird talking to a bunch of strangers about something so personal, but it's actually quite therapeutic. Think I just need to be brave and move on - can't imagine being single, but it can't be that bad... It's not. He is a proper dick. Get rid. At least when I split with my wife 7 years ago I didn't do anything behind her back. I just left. That didn't end particularly well but after a few years of single-ness I found someone awesome at the age of 47. If I can do it you can DEFINITELY do it 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wainy316 Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Castrate him in the night and post them to his mistress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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