Daweii Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Sorry to hijack the post abit, but how long do you lot reckon is the 'right' amount of time to be out of an year and half relationship to start a new one? I don't think there is any 'right' time as it's all differs.. If you are feeling good about things and you feel ready to move on then move on. Some people take days, some several weeks and others several months. Just follow what you feel as ultimately you're the one that knows if you are ready to move on.. I think 2-3 months seems to be the norm, the harder part is actually finding someone.. I've been single for 2 months now after being in a 4 year relationship and I'm slowly starting to move past it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MCU Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 What if the other person involved has/or is coming out of a relationship? The other person being the girl you like? Comfort her and be there for her. Be her shoulder to cry on. Cheesy, but true... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b6bloke Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 I have to add that making it difficult for her like guilt and anger is so bloody tempting as you fall into a victim drama, come out of it with some dignity. My ex was off with me for 6 months and no matter how much I worked on it she never tried so I walked myself after a yet another attempt to talk things over with her but she was in denial, she went to the gym and I walked and the only thing that really had her wanting me back was the fear of being alone so I resisted. Not a bad word was said between us after and though I still loved her I accepted that relationships had a life span and ours had ran its course, she hadnt shagged anyone but in a convo one night I got the "she didnt know what she had until she had lost it" It was tough for a bit, she met someone else and was engaged after 3 months which was a little tough as she told me she never wanted to marry, seeing mutual friends on facebook tagged in her wedding pictures last week was a bit hard too but then I reminded myself of how I have developed as a person since finishing with her and that my unselfishness has allowed her to find love and marry, the low cut in her dress also gave me a reminder of what great tits she had and the times i had shot my load over them, I also reminded myself how splitting allowed me to partake internet dating which made my sex quests 10 times higher than before I was with her and defo in the last 6 months we were together :winkold: Its going to be tough but dont get thinking your life is over because of this because trust me, if you want it to be it can be just the start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarewsEyebrowDesigner Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Comfort her and be there for her. Be her shoulder to cry on. Cheesy, but true... No. Don't do that. Leave her to her friends, she'll sort herself out. You aren't a feckin' knight in shining armour coming along to save her from the weight of the world. Don't be one of those creepy blokes that pick up vulnerable women simply because they can't hack it with a confident one. If she's into you, she'll let it be known when she's ready. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparey16 Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 she has already let me known she is interest...in many ways but due to circumstances at the moment its kinda complicated Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 This may sound stupid but I am almost certain she is not physically cheating. It is whether she is emotionally wanting someone else. she has already let me known she is interest...in many ways but due to circumstances at the moment its kinda complicated Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 I have to add that making it difficult for her like guilt and anger is so bloody tempting as you fall into a victim drama, come out of it with some dignity. My ex was off with me for 6 months and no matter how much I worked on it she never tried so I walked myself after a yet another attempt to talk things over with her but she was in denial, she went to the gym and I walked and the only thing that really had her wanting me back was the fear of being alone so I resisted. Not a bad word was said between us after and though I still loved her I accepted that relationships had a life span and ours had ran its course, she hadnt shagged anyone but in a convo one night I got the "she didnt know what she had until she had lost it" It was tough for a bit, she met someone else and was engaged after 3 months which was a little tough as she told me she never wanted to marry, seeing mutual friends on facebook tagged in her wedding pictures last week was a bit hard too but then I reminded myself of how I have developed as a person since finishing with her and that my unselfishness has allowed her to find love and marry, the low cut in her dress also gave me a reminder of what great tits she had and the times i had shot my load over them, I also reminded myself how splitting allowed me to partake internet dating which made my sex quests 10 times higher than before I was with her and defo in the last 6 months we were together :winkold: Its going to be tough but dont get thinking your life is over because of this because trust me, if you want it to be it can be just the start. Thanks pal, You offer some really good advice. She is my life and I really thought we would be together until we died. I cannot understand why she did not try to talk months ago when she was first unhappy. Maybe it is shock but while I will NOT allow myself to become a doormat I cannot see life with out her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MCU Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 she has already let me known she is interest...in many ways but due to circumstances at the moment its kinda complicated Trust me, do what I said before another lad does. #hatetosayitoldyouso Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparey16 Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 This may sound stupid but I am almost certain she is not physically cheating. It is whether she is emotionally wanting someone else. she has already let me known she is interest...in many ways but due to circumstances at the moment its kinda complicated haha not linked at all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparey16 Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 she has already let me known she is interest...in many ways but due to circumstances at the moment its kinda complicated Trust me, do what I said before another lad does. #hatetosayitoldyouso i honestly dont think she would actaully get with another lad, even given the chance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MCU Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 she has already let me known she is interest...in many ways but due to circumstances at the moment its kinda complicated Trust me, do what I said before another lad does. #hatetosayitoldyouso i honestly dont think she would actaully get with another lad, even given the chance Fair play James. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b6bloke Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Sorry to hijack the post abit, but how long do you lot reckon is the 'right' amount of time to be out of an year and half relationship to start a new one? I don't think there is any 'right' time as it's all differs.. If you are feeling good about things and you feel ready to move on then move on. Some people take days, some several weeks and others several months. Just follow what you feel as ultimately you're the one that knows if you are ready to move on.. I think 2-3 months seems to be the norm, the harder part is actually finding someone.. I've been single for 2 months now after being in a 4 year relationship and I'm slowly starting to move past it. It depends but my advice is not to do what I did and rush into another after 3 months as it was a rebound, have at least 6 months on your own and get used to your own company again, that way you dont have a fear of being alone if things go tits up with the next girl as some people really do have a fear of being alone and starting again. I have been single 4 years ( some short term ones in between) I was fine about that until a girl I am meeting tomorrow night told me she has been single 5 years "my thought was "ok why?" Will let you know tomorrow but she is a red head :winkold: (no she is not 5ft Rob!!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Will let you know tomorrow but she is a red head :winkold: (no she is not 5ft Rob!!) Does she have tiny feet and dirty shoes though? :winkold: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Dirty clunge more like ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodders Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 women brood and thing about things without letting you know anything until it's too late. When my ex was on the verge of breaking up with me, I was still fairly unaware of anything and just suggested trying a couple of different things and giving her some space. A week later she said she'd checked out of the relationship emotionally ages beforehand. Which is not what you want to hear, although there's a world of difference between our 18 months and you 11 years together, but if was being brutally honest, I think, the way women are, she'll have been thinking this a while ( which yeah, makes you **** mad thinking about it - WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING ) but best of luck trying to persuade her otherwise, honestly you would think after so long that there would be a desire to not give up so soon ( counselling?!, time apart perhaps ) etc? she might just be on a bit of a downer with life generally. Hope you are able to make things work though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinker Posted July 13, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted July 13, 2011 Join the gym and lose your weight. Do not or try not to look desperate, this will just confirm leaving you is the right thing to do, she will feel she can do better than you. If you are going to do date nights, then just do it, dont ask, be assertive take the bull by the f***ing horns and show her your a fun loving INDIVIDUAL! not part of couple. IMO she has found someone else, it has all the signs. She has lost weight, so it maybe someone whos been in the background for some time and has suddenly noticed a 'new chick'. Its gonna hurt but start to look around, emails, texts.....go into work or send her flowers ( note should read thanks for last night ;-) ) see her reaction. Good luck, its a hard path your gonna have to walk but we have nearly all done it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Thanks for all advice guys. I am sorry to say that after we talked last night the marriage is over. I cannot do anything unless she wants to try. She says it would be giving me false hope. I could see in her eyes that there was nothing there but friendship. It is the most painful thing that has ever happened. 48 hours ago I thought my marriage was perfect and now it is gone. We have agreed to sell the house and car and I will lose the dog we have had since it was a puppy. It hurts more that I cannot be angry with her as I love her. The crazy thing is that I AK the one comforting her eg seeing if she has people to talk to, telling her not to be upset, saying to her that if she is leaving me then she better do something great with her life. It would be much easier if I could call her every name under the sun. The one thing I take out if this is that I will never fully commit to someone again. As now when I think things are going well I will be doubtful and paranoid that they are not and I cannot open myself up to this pain again. I am 29 and I have not been in the.dating game since I was 18 and I am scared I will never find anyone else. It is a bit self pitying but I now have no clue on how to handle a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Thanks for all advice guys. I am sorry to say that after we talked last night the marriage is over. I cannot do anything unless she wants to try. She says it would be giving me false hope. I could see in her eyes that there was nothing there but friendship. It is the most painful thing that has ever happened. 48 hours ago I thought my marriage was perfect and now it is gone. We have agreed to sell the house and car and I will lose the dog we have had since it was a puppy. It hurts more that I cannot be angry with her as I love her. The crazy thing is that I AK the one comforting her eg seeing if she has people to talk to, telling her not to be upset, saying to her that if she is leaving me then she better do something great with her life. It would be much easier if I could call her every name under the sun. The one thing I take out if this is that I will never fully commit to someone again. As now when I think things are going well I will be doubtful and paranoid that they are not and I cannot open myself up to this pain again. I am 29 and I have not been in the.dating game since I was 18 and I am scared I will never find anyone else. It is a bit self pitying but I now have no clue on how to handle a relationship. Sorry to hear that mate. Some things to remember, even at this awful time. Take some time out to lick your wounds, and to help them to heal. You will also need some good mates around you, and a helpful and understanding family will also help you. Time will help to heal these wounds, but scars will remain, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. You'll be more wary and cautious in the future, but eventually I'm sure you will be able to commit to a relationship again. Just not now, and not for a good while. Take some time out to find yourself again, and don't be afraid to be incredibly hurt and upset by this. "This too will pass". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Also, make sure you go out with your mates and have some beers. It definitely helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodders Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 Time will help to heal these wounds, but scars will remain, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. You'll be more wary and cautious in the future, but eventually I'm sure you will be able to commit to a relationship again. This. It is indeed going to be **** shit for a while, can't pretend it won't, and it would be an insult to the life you've had so far if it didn't leave an impact. Make the most of the generosity your friends will provide - that's what they're their for and as Jon says - go out for some drinks and let off a whole load of rage, find a metal concert to go to and just scream seven shades of shit into the gig, and in time, things will get better again - even if it does take a while you will feel better again, but there's no way you're going to believe that now - and that's understandable - but take some comfort from the fact it will be better - and you still have a hell of a long time ahead of you to do whatever you want, to laugh smile and have fun again. But use your friends!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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