il_serpente Posted May 20, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted May 20, 2023 So sorry to hear that, Rich. It's awful enough to lose a spouse and parent at all, but to lose them that way has got to be brutal. Best of luck with helping your son (and you and your wife) deal with the loss. I can't even imagine what your son's friend and his mom are going through. So sad. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post VILLAMARV Posted May 20, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted May 20, 2023 Soon, it wil be the 3rd anniversary of my friends suicide. I still struggle with trying to understand it. He also left 2 boys behind. I'm not sure logic and reason is going to help in understanding. We have the notes he left but they were brief. We knew he'd been through a lot in life. "I just want all the shit going round my head to stop" is the line I can't get out of my head. Being utterly consumed by self loathing is a horrible place to be. As you say, it's just so sad. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post foreveryoung Posted May 20, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted May 20, 2023 I was with a group of lads last night, all laughing and joking in the pub. I went the bar and my one pal came to the bar with me, an just said straight up "I struggling mate, I haven't spoke to the Mrs all week and can't get these thoughts of ending it"? Now I know it's best to talk about it and get it out in the open, but I was just shocked and stuck for words what to say to him after laughing and joking all night. Just said to him, keep coming out mate, we are always here remember that, didn't really know what else to say to help him. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VILLAMARV Posted May 20, 2023 Share Posted May 20, 2023 30 minutes ago, foreveryoung said: I was with a group of lads last night, all laughing and joking in the pub. I went the bar and my one pal came to the bar with me, an just said straight up "I struggling mate, I haven't spoke to the Mrs all week and can't get these thoughts of ending it"? Now I know it's best to talk about it and get it out in the open, but I was just shocked and stuck for words what to say to him after laughing and joking all night. Just said to him, keep coming out mate, we are always here remember that, didn't really know what else to say to help him. Being there, being available to talk, neither side pressuring the other to do so, that's part of being a good friend surely. I'm sure you did the right thing. It's surely the same on VT aswell, I'm sure everyone of us is sympathetic (Sorry to any actual socio/pshycopaths out there!) but few, if any of us are trained in anyway to deal with the heaviness and the implications of potentially saying the wrong thing. Which kind of feeds this trepidation to talk openly, even though we're mostly willing. I can talk about how my friend's suicide affected me (The one where it's the right word because it's having an effect if I've learnt anything this week VT!). It's in the past, it happened. It's an entirely different conversation though if it's about the future. An obvious potential minefield. I also think, if people are dealing with stressful situations or lack an outlet to talk about stuff, then MIND or similar organisations are literally there to listen and help advise people. NHS councilling also. although the waiting time can be weeks, whereas MIND places / Samaritans etc usually have people on hand in the moment AFAIK. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PussEKatt Posted May 20, 2023 Share Posted May 20, 2023 If he really wants to save his marrage,then ask him what he dislikes about his wife and what she dislikes about him and take it from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidcow Posted May 20, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted May 20, 2023 4 minutes ago, PussEKatt said: If he really wants to save his marrage,then ask him what he dislikes about his wife and what she dislikes about him and take it from there. If I asked my wife that I'd need a spreadsheet, probably need to run some pivot tables to get to the bottom of it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PussEKatt Posted May 20, 2023 Share Posted May 20, 2023 Just now, sidcow said: If I asked my wife that I'd need a spreadsheet, probably need to run some pivot tables to get to the bottom of it. Im like you.I would probably need a spreadsheet to,but......its a place to start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted May 20, 2023 Share Posted May 20, 2023 Sort of weather today that I wish I had a little convertible car. A MGB Roadster, or a Stag, or the 1st gen MX5. Just the day for it. I know i'd look ridiculous. Like Donkey Kong in Mario Kart, but I accept that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidcow Posted May 20, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted May 20, 2023 (edited) 16 hours ago, Xela said: Sort of weather today that I wish I had a little convertible car. A MGB Roadster, or a Stag, or the 1st gen MX5. Just the day for it. I know i'd look ridiculous. Like Donkey Kong in Mario Kart, but I accept that! I'd always promised myself I'd get an MGB before I went grey. Still no closer to getting one and with daughter going to university this year its going to be at least another 4 years Edited May 21, 2023 by sidcow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post chrisp65 Posted May 20, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted May 20, 2023 I had a Triumph Spitfire for a while. It caught fire once, but I was only a few streets from home, so I got back in, drove home and put it out there. The horn stuck on once, drove all the way home beeping like a mad man. The steering snapped once, had to stop about every 50 metres, get out, physically point the one errant wheel in the right direction and do another 50 metres. Took ages to get home. The drivers door lock failed once, had to drive all the way home holding the door closed. Loved that car but eventually I swapped it for a couple of bottles of red. A couple of years later, the mate I’d sold it to turned up at the house with two more bottles of red for me as he’d just sold it for 6 bottles of red and felt it was an indecent profit on a mate’s car. 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Seat68 Posted May 21, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted May 21, 2023 Stayed on a car park in the Motorhome yesterday in Shrewsbury and had an all dayer. Haven’t had one of those in a long long time. Foolishly instead of being careful and sticking to one drink it went cider, lager, wine, wine, wine, wine, tequila, JD, wine, wine. Nothing about that is not being regretted. Other than that Shrewsbury was great. 4 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Dogg Posted May 21, 2023 Share Posted May 21, 2023 (edited) 18 hours ago, PussEKatt said: If he really wants to save his marrage,then ask him what he dislikes about his wife and what she dislikes about him and take it from there. That's bad advice. @foreveryoung your friend needs professional people, starting with his GP. He should be encouraged to do this, he cannot fix it in his own head. Unless I'm misinterpreting 'ending it'. Edited May 21, 2023 by Mr_Dogg 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seat68 Posted May 21, 2023 Share Posted May 21, 2023 Without help this will not go away. There is a history of suicide in my family. 2 failed attempts and one who sought help. Mates are not the answer, a professional is in my opinion. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted May 21, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted May 21, 2023 2 hours ago, Seat68 said: Stayed on a car park in the Motorhome yesterday in Shrewsbury and had an all dayer. Haven’t had one of those in a long long time. Foolishly instead of being careful and sticking to one drink it went cider, lager, wine, wine, wine, wine, tequila, JD, wine, wine. Nothing about that is not being regretted. A mate and I did one like that in France many years ago. Lager all day (lots of it), then switched to wine for the evening (lots of it). When we ran out of wine, we went back on the lager (lots of it) until that ran out. Then we cracked open the litre bottle of industrial strength eau de vie, cut it with orange juice and drank the lot. What was unique about this session was that I (who normally feels ghastly if I drink more than two pints) was perfectly OK the next day. While my mate (who is a big drinker and usually bulletproof when it comes to hangovers) was like the proverbial death warmed up all day long (I have amusing photographs). We still talk about it to this day - he's convinced I was somehow faking my drinking while spiking him. Not so, just one of those inexplicable things. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foreveryoung Posted May 21, 2023 Share Posted May 21, 2023 5 hours ago, Mr_Dogg said: That's bad advice. @foreveryoung your friend needs professional people, starting with his GP. He should be encouraged to do this, he cannot fix it in his own head. Unless I'm misinterpreting 'ending it'. Your right, I think people have read it in the wrong context. It's not a fall out with the wife, it's that he has life problems and just hasn't spoke to his wife because of it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidcow Posted May 21, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted May 21, 2023 (edited) 18 hours ago, chrisp65 said: I had a Triumph Spitfire for a while. It caught fire once, but I was only a few streets from home, so I got back in, drove home and put it out there. The horn stuck on once, drove all the way home beeping like a mad man. The steering snapped once, had to stop about every 50 metres, get out, physically point the one errant wheel in the right direction and do another 50 metres. Took ages to get home. The drivers door lock failed once, had to drive all the way home holding the door closed. Loved that car but eventually I swapped it for a couple of bottles of red. A couple of years later, the mate I’d sold it to turned up at the house with two more bottles of red for me as he’d just sold it for 6 bottles of red and felt it was an indecent profit on a mate’s car. Best I can offer is my first car, knackered Ford Fiesta. At some point a fuse had literally blown in the fuse box, it was all blackened and charred. The fuse that powered the fan for the heater had to be jammed in at just the right angle to work. For about 6 months I'd got it wedged in place with a bit of folded card but that stopped working so when I needed to demist the windscreen I had to drive it around with one finger jammed in the fusebox. Edited May 21, 2023 by sidcow 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marka Ragnos Posted May 22, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted May 22, 2023 From a book critic I like … 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted May 22, 2023 Share Posted May 22, 2023 On 21/05/2023 at 17:14, sidcow said: with one finger jammed in the fusebox. 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted May 22, 2023 Share Posted May 22, 2023 On 20/05/2023 at 22:18, chrisp65 said: I had a Triumph Spitfire for a while. It caught fire once, but I was only a few streets from home, so I got back in, drove home and put it out there. The horn stuck on once, drove all the way home beeping like a mad man. The steering snapped once, had to stop about every 50 metres, get out, physically point the one errant wheel in the right direction and do another 50 metres. Took ages to get home. The drivers door lock failed once, had to drive all the way home holding the door closed. Loved that car but eventually I swapped it for a couple of bottles of red. A couple of years later, the mate I’d sold it to turned up at the house with two more bottles of red for me as he’d just sold it for 6 bottles of red and felt it was an indecent profit on a mate’s car. I was on the M6 on Sunday morning, in, surprise surprise, crawling traffic, and the car in front of me was a Triumph TR6. Hot day, classic British car and crawling traffic - I bet the owner's arse was squeaking. Prime for a break down. I'm just surprised I never saw any air cooled VW Campers on fire on the hard shoulder. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foreveryoung Posted May 22, 2023 Share Posted May 22, 2023 9 minutes ago, Xela said: I was on the M6 on Sunday morning, in, surprise surprise, crawling traffic, and the car in front of me was a Triumph TR6. Hot day, classic British car and crawling traffic - I bet the owner's arse was squeaking. Prime for a break down. I'm just surprised I never saw any air cooled VW Campers on fire on the hard shoulder. Renault 5 gt turbo, hot day, slowly around the Safari park, nuff said. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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