Bullying

[PussEKatt]

I have never been bullied but when I was a teenager I was in a bikie ( motorcycle ) gang and most ordinary people disliked us,so,for the most part we acted the part and acted the way they expected us to act.Back in those days though ( about 100 years ago ) it was 85/90 % harmless but probably annoying.

[foreveryoung]

I think we were just lucky in our day a fight was a fight, you would get away with a black eye or a cut lip at worse at school until it was broke up. These day bullying can involve being threatened online, or worse still with a blade.

[Ingram85]

I was bullied at school, I also bullied others because of it. Not proud of it and if I had the chance to now meet those I’d upset as a kid back then I’d sincerely apologise profusely and try and make amends somehow.

I was also lucky that my Dad is absolutely batshit mental. Most of the time he’s a likeable nob but when I was getting bullied he bided  his time and waited for the kid after school, asked me to point out who was doing it, grabbed him by the throat when no one was around and said if he messes with me again then he’ll kill him and his family then set the house on fire. Terrified the poor lad. You know how Jimmy Bullard looked nervously scared of Big Dunc? I felt a bit like that.

The kid didn’t speak to me for over a year at school then one day he randomly came and apologised and while we didn’t become best friends or anything we actually got on well after that. He even came round for tea once and felt better after my dad said he would never actually do such a thing. 

23 years later my Dad is still mental but thankfully his days of threatening school kids and their families with death and corpse burning are behind him (I think). Although he has a 3 year old grandkid now so when he gets older I expect Dad to go full on Gran Torino if anyone messes with him.  Mad old bastard. 

Edited November 14, 2022 by Ingram85

[KentVillan]

25 minutes ago, Ingram85 said:

I was bullied at school, I also bullied others because of it. Not proud of it and if I had the chance to now meet those I’d upset as a kid back then I’d sincerely apologise profusely and try and make amends somehow.

I was also lucky that my Dad is absolutely batshit mental. Most of the time he’s a likeable nob but when I was getting bullied he bided  his time and waited for the kid after school, asked me to point out who was doing it, grabbed him by the throat when no one was around and said if he messes with me again then he’ll kill him and his family then set the house on fire. Terrified the poor lad. You know how Jimmy Bullard looked nervously scared of Big Dunc? I felt a bit like that.

The kid didn’t speak to me for over a year at school then one day he randomly came and apologised and while we didn’t become best friends or anything we actually got on well after that. He even came round for tea once and felt better after my dad said he would never actually do such a thing. 

23 years later my Dad is still mental but thankfully his days of threatening school kids and their families of death and corpse burning are behind him (I think). Although he has a 3 year old grandkid now so when he gets older I expect Dad to go full on Gran Torino if anyone messes with him.  Mad old bastard. 

Bullying is usually a circular thing, like most forms of abuse. You learn to abuse by being abused.

Some people are sociopaths who get off on bullying, but a lot of so-called "bullying" is people deflecting things that are happening to them. Or struggling to handle legitimate feelings in a mature way.

Good to have as much empathy as possible for everyone.

[Wainy316]

11 hours ago, Ingram85 said:

I was bullied at school, I also bullied others because of it. Not proud of it and if I had the chance to now meet those I’d upset as a kid back then I’d sincerely apologise profusely and try and make amends somehow.

I was also lucky that my Dad is absolutely batshit mental. Most of the time he’s a likeable nob but when I was getting bullied he bided  his time and waited for the kid after school, asked me to point out who was doing it, grabbed him by the throat when no one was around and said if he messes with me again then he’ll kill him and his family then set the house on fire. Terrified the poor lad. You know how Jimmy Bullard looked nervously scared of Big Dunc? I felt a bit like that.

The kid didn’t speak to me for over a year at school then one day he randomly came and apologised and while we didn’t become best friends or anything we actually got on well after that. He even came round for tea once and felt better after my dad said he would never actually do such a thing. 

23 years later my Dad is still mental but thankfully his days of threatening school kids and their families with death and corpse burning are behind him (I think). Although he has a 3 year old grandkid now so when he gets older I expect Dad to go full on Gran Torino if anyone messes with him.  Mad old bastard. 

This is interesting because now I'm a father I wonder what I'd do if my son got bullied.

I'm certainly not 'batshit mental' or in any way inclined to threaten people but of course if someone was bullying my lad I'd be stepping in and I don't really trust the schools to sort these things.  Then it's a matter of what you actually do to be effective in the situation. If you go and have a word and they answer you back you're in a tough position.  You can't exactly walk away having not helped your kid's situation so then you're almost inclined to grab them by the scruff of the neck and act all psycho.  

[lapal_fan]

All of the "bullies" in my year at high school were from shit families.  

It's not necessarily because bully's enjoy bullying, it's often because they are jealous, frustrated, envious and don't have the emotional knowledge to know what to do when they feel belittled, embarrassed or cornered, so they use what they know, which is often physicality. 

What goes around, comes around.  

 

Edited November 15, 2022 by lapal_fan

[HKP90]

I was bullied at secondary school, and I'd be lying if I said that it hasn't resulted in self esteem issues which stay with me today. It also has steeled me and made me want to crush bullies wherever I meet them.

Funny though, someone who bullied me asked to be a friend on Facebook and had no concept of the psychological damage he did. I guess the tree remembers what the axe forgets.

Edited November 15, 2022 by HKP90

[pas5898]

My step daughter was being bullied by 2 boys. 

It got to the stage where one child held her arms behind her back, another put the end of a broom against her eye. The children were "let off" as they claimed by step daughter made a comment which could have been construed as racist. I snapped at the headteacher who did NOTHING.

As she was brought up in Leicester, this is not her (there's more children of colour in her school that white kids) and she didn't even understand how the thing she was accused of saying could be considered racist until I explained.

Anyways, all I did was pick her up from school, ask her to point out the children, Fortunately one was being picked up by their mother who didn't seem too bothered by the whole thing when  I mentioned it. Fortunately, the following Friday a dad picked them up. A quick man to man conversation sorted the thing out, and the kids were given an absolute battering by their father and they have left her alone since. 

In short. The kids may be ****, just go to the parents who are 9/10 are reasonable people.

 

EDIT: Battering = A good telling off (for those who take every comment literally).

 

Edited November 15, 2022 by pas5898

[Demitri_C]

12 hours ago, Ingram85 said:

I was bullied at school, I also bullied others because of it. Not proud of it and if I had the chance to now meet those I’d upset as a kid back then I’d sincerely apologise profusely and try and make amends somehow.

I was also lucky that my Dad is absolutely batshit mental. Most of the time he’s a likeable nob but when I was getting bullied he bided  his time and waited for the kid after school, asked me to point out who was doing it, grabbed him by the throat when no one was around and said if he messes with me again then he’ll kill him and his family then set the house on fire. Terrified the poor lad. You know how Jimmy Bullard looked nervously scared of Big Dunc? I felt a bit like that.

The kid didn’t speak to me for over a year at school then one day he randomly came and apologised and while we didn’t become best friends or anything we actually got on well after that. He even came round for tea once and felt better after my dad said he would never actually do such a thing. 

23 years later my Dad is still mental but thankfully his days of threatening school kids and their families with death and corpse burning are behind him (I think). Although he has a 3 year old grandkid now so when he gets older I expect Dad to go full on Gran Torino if anyone messes with him.  Mad old bastard. 

Thing is these days your dad probably would have got stabbed for doing that. Alot of youngsters carry knives now. The worlds changed now from when we were in school unfortunately. 

We use to beat ecah othee up then once the fights over 9/10 we would kiss and make up. That dont happen these days

[mjmooney]

40 minutes ago, pas5898 said:

the kids were given an absolute battering by their father and they have left her alone since. 

In short. The kids may be ****, just go to the parents who are 9/10 are reasonable people

Oh dear. 

[Rugeley Villa]

I used to bully a lad primary and high school . Definitely not proud of it, and I managed to apologise to him a few years back which he accepted . We get on alright now and will chat when we see each other.  I actually got on with him at times in my younger days. I was insecure as a kid so I probably did it to make myself feel better in some weird way. I’m glad I grew out of it, some people don’t. 
 

I hope none of my children get bullied, or should I say proper bullied where they are constantly targeted. A few names here and there is expected.  Our kids have been told if we ever find out they are bullying other people we will come down hard on them.  I’d probably go up to the school if I found out anyone was bullying one of mine to have it out with them, or better still find out where they lived and go round to their house to have a word with their parents and their child. Probably not the best thing to do but you need to protect your own.  Touch wood carrying knives isn’t the norm where we live and hopefully it stays that way. 

[Wainy316]

31 minutes ago, mjmooney said:

Oh dear. 

I don't think he meant a literal battering

[Rugeley Villa]

2 minutes ago, Wainy316 said:

I don't think he meant a literal battering

In certain cultures it’s still acceptable to give your kids a good hiding , so maybe. 

[pas5898]

9 minutes ago, Rugeley Villa said:

In certain cultures it’s still acceptable to give your kids a good hiding , so maybe. 

Do you mean hiding from your kids or do you take everything literally?

They were disciplined, and too right. They could have took her eye out. 

Edited November 15, 2022 by pas5898

[Rugeley Villa]

1 minute ago, pas5898 said:

Do you mean hiding from your kids or do you take everything literally?

I mean giving your kids a good belting. 

[pas5898]

Just now, Rugeley Villa said:

I mean giving your kids a good belting. 

To be honest, if 2 older boys are putting sharp objects into my step daughters eye, potentially causing her to lose her eyesight, then they deserve "a good hiding". 

It's stopped now, however the father decided to deal with his children is his problem. My priority is my step daughter who is now no longer being targeted in a dangerous manner.

[mjmooney]

As a few posters have noted, sometimes kids don't even think they are being bullies. There was one lad in my gang of mates at school that we used to take the piss out of pretty mercilessly, and he just took it. When he left school he joined the army, with the express intention of 'toughening himself up' - and it worked. He had a long and successful army career. We're still in touch, and a couple years ago had a chat about it over a few beers. He admitted that it had upset him more than he had let on, but was magnanimous about it when I offered a very belated apology. 

[Rugeley Villa]

1 minute ago, pas5898 said:

To be honest, if 2 older boys are putting sharp objects into my step daughters eye, potentially causing her to lose her eyesight, then they deserve "a good hiding". 

It's stopped now, however the father decided to deal with his children is his problem. My priority is my step daughter who is now no longer being targeted in a dangerous manner.

I’m not condoning it, far from it. If the dad did give them a belt then that’s down to him as you say , and yeah I’d also want to belt those two boys for doing that to my child . Sometimes the tone of your voice is more than enough to make them think about doing the same thing twice. 

[PussEKatt]

When I was going to school a mate of mine ( we walked home together every day ) actually used to invite getting beaten up on a regular basis.I remember,quite often I would feel sorry for him ( all cut and bleeding ) but he used to go out of his way to insult the bigger kids,day after day.

[Demitri_C]

When i was in year 7 one of my best mates a Mauritian guy use to get beaten up a lot and bullied as people didnt like him for whatever reason. 

My mates now in unbelievable shape ( you wouldnt want to **** with him either), has great charisma and confidence, has a senior position in the police and even does TV shows. Most of the bullies have either become bums or have crappy jobs.  He really is a inspiration how you can turn your life around.