LincsVilla Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bose Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Why isn't Emile Heskey on Twitter? Because he can't find the net. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted December 18, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted December 18, 2011 When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face.Page 318. When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villaajax Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face.Page 318. When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face. And on page 333 it's still not funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincsVilla Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face.Page 318. When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face. And on page 333 it's still not funny. :cry: :cry: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juju Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Did anyone else notice how Paul Faulkner announced "Europe was still a target". 2 Weeks later, Thomas Cook closed over 200 branches. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelboyVilla Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 A man walks into a bar and orders a quadruple brandy, downs it in one and asks for another. The barman being an astute fella enquiries if everything is OK. The man tells him he got home from work early tonight and found his wife sucking his best friend's cock. 'what did you do' asks the barman. Well I threw her out straight away and told her to never darken my door again. 'And your best friend?' I told him 'bad dog, no treats for a week'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LancsVillan Posted January 8, 2012 Moderator Share Posted January 8, 2012 When Kate Middleton becomes queen, five pound notes are going to be mighty fine wanking material. Or When Kate Middleton becomes queen and is on our banknotes the phrase 'coming into money' takes on a whole new meaning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NurembergVillan Posted January 14, 2012 Moderator Share Posted January 14, 2012 I hate Auto Correct. I just texted my Nan for sex tonight by mistake. I meant 'Tomorrow' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 Who says Friday the 13th is unlucky? I just found a full can of lager on the wall outside my house that was conveniently already open, and quite warm, which is a bonus on such a cold day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 I walked in on my mother in law having a bath yesterday as she was stopping with us for a short while. After months of simmering tension between us, this was the opportunity I had been waiting for and before we knew it, one thing had led to another and I couldn't stop myself. I drowned the word removed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 I hate Auto Correct. I just texted my Nan for sex tonight by mistake. I meant 'Tomorrow' TRUE STORY: I was getting to grips with my new HP Touchpad and decided to leave an eBay feedback for the nice lady who collected a PC I had built to flog on. The problem arose when the in built dictionary didn't like the word "ebayer" and auto changed it to "beaver". I am still waiting for her husband to come round asking how she paid for the item considering the feedback I left for he was "great beaver, thank you very much!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelboyVilla Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I was talking to the lads last night about poor taste jokes and I remember the one about 'what do you do if an epilectic has a fit in the bath? Throw in your ditry laundry!! Boom Boom! Anyway one of my mates got upset and told me that his brother was epilectic and had died in the bath. I asked did he drown? He said no no, he choked on a sock! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I hate Auto Correct. I just texted my Nan for sex tonight by mistake. I meant 'Tomorrow' TRUE STORY: I was getting to grips with my new HP Touchpad and decided to leave an eBay feedback for the nice lady who collected a PC I had built to flog on. The problem arose when the in built dictionary didn't like the word "ebayer" and auto changed it to "beaver". I am still waiting for her husband to come round asking how she paid for the item considering the feedback I left for he was "great beaver, thank you very much!" I went to the zoo not long back and a girl from work txt me asking how it was, I replied ''yeah it was great the tapiers are awesome'' my fooking phone didnt like the word 'tapier 'though and decided to change it to 'yeah it was great the RAPISTS are awesome'' needless to say I didnt get a reply from her lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AshVilla Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 What you you call a woman with a radiator on her head. Anita Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelboyVilla Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Watching sky news about the stricken cruise ship, the presenter said 'she's lying on her side with a gash the size of a tennis court!' I only glanced over at the wife and it's all kicked off! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meath_Villan Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 A guy walks in to a pub, he sees a sign on the wall that reads "cheese sandwich -1.50, chicken sandwich 2.50 or hand job -10" so the guy walks over to the attractive blond at the bar and asks "are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "yes I am" she replied "well then wash your ****' hands and make me a cheese sandwich" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 1989 called and wants its joke back ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juju Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 I bought a ticket last week for a lottery. The top prize was a luxury cruise down the coast of Italy. Just checked my numbers and I didn't win - apparently it was a rollover..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LancsVillan Posted January 25, 2012 Moderator Share Posted January 25, 2012 Anne Summers outlets are selling a new alcoholic vagina gel that women can rub on their flaps! So now when the guy goes down he can have a bevvy as well! However, anti-drink campaigner's want it banned amid fears of 24 hr minge drinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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