PussEKatt Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 Did you hear about the irish penalty taker ? The goalie sent him the wrong way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 the FA are trying to introduce goal line technology into the Premier league. Bolton are trying to reintroduce sudden death into the FA Cup Ooooo, too soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nobler Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 A Russian Communist named Rudolf Romanov was driving through the countryside road with his wife, when he saw that the sky looked overcast. He said, "It's definitely about to rain." His wife said, "No, it isn't. It's just a few isolated clouds." "No", he said. "It's going to rain, for sure." "But the weather reports say it will be sunny," she told him. "Trust me," he said. "Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted March 22, 2012 Moderator Share Posted March 22, 2012 nobler raises the standard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted March 22, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted March 22, 2012 1967 wants its joke back though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Anne the harpist and Sam the trombonist went out to a discotheque. Sam's car wouldn't lock, but Sam was a good friend of the owner, so they locked their instruments in his office and went into the disco for some fun. By the end of the night, and having had way too much to drink, they went back to rehearsal, completely forgetting to take back their instruments. Anne told the conductor, "I left my harp in Sam's friend's disco." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juanpabloangel18 Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Anne the harpist and Sam the trombonist went out to a discotheque. Sam's car wouldn't lock, but Sam was a good friend of the owner, so they locked their instruments in his office and went into the disco for some fun. By the end of the night, and having had way too much to drink, they went back to rehearsal, completely forgetting to take back their instruments. Anne told the conductor, "I left my harp in Sam's friend's disco." :cry: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted March 23, 2012 Moderator Share Posted March 23, 2012 Gareth made me sad too. Now I need to kick a helpless animal and it's all his fault. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 You love it you slaaaags. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juanpabloangel18 Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 What's the difference between jam and marmalade? You can't marmalade your cock up a girl's arse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nobler Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 A customer at a posh seafood restaurant fancied eel for dinner. The waiter, Gervais, guided him to a large tank to pick his eel, not feeling particularly hungry he chose the smallest looking eel, he was green, with hairy lips. "But Sir" said Gervais "He has been in there for many months and is kind of a restraunt mascot". The customer was having non of it and as Gervais held the knife above the eel he realised he couldnt kill it. So instead he asked Hans the burly dish washer if he could do it, he couldnt. And the moral of this story is that Hans that does dishes is as soft as Gervais, with the mild green hairy lip squid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrackpotForeigner Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 What's the difference between jam and marmalade? You can't marmalade your cock up a girl's arse.This is in extremely poor taste. 10/10. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 You can't marmalade your cock up a girl's arse. Having had to get creative when short of lube on occasion, I would like to contest this statement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juanpabloangel18 Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 until you provide footage, it stands Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juanpabloangel18 Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 A customer at a posh seafood restaurant fancied eel for dinner. The waiter, Gervais, guided him to a large tank to pick his eel, not feeling particularly hungry he chose the smallest looking eel, he was green, with hairy lips. "But Sir" said Gervais "He has been in there for many months and is kind of a restraunt mascot". The customer was having non of it and as Gervais held the knife above the eel he realised he couldnt kill it. So instead he asked Hans the burly dish washer if he could do it, he couldnt. And the moral of this story is that Hans that does dishes is as soft as Gervais, with the mild green hairy lip squid. this is probably better on shrooms tbf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrackpotForeigner Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror, like his passengers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voinjama Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I was having a shit in the train toilet today, when some bloke knocked on the door. He said, "Can I see your ticket please?" "Not right now" I shouted, "I'm having a shit!" He said, "I don't believe you, can you pass it under the door?" "No problem" I said, sliding it under, "The yellow bits are sweetcorn." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Have you heard Bear Grylls on that new TV advert? "Thanks to Persil, 140 kids can spend the day with me, Bear Grylls". Well, thanks to Haribo, 140 kids can spend the day with me, bare naked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I noticed the other day that some pagan prisoners in England have demanded the right to have wands and to pray in the nude. This is yet another example of prisoners having more freedom than those of us on the outside. After all, the last time I turned up for work naked with my wand in my hand the cops were called and I'm still dealing with the numerous law suits from the women in the office. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Wayne Rooney has visited Fabrice Muamba in hospital. "It's great, he can almost string a sentence together," said Fabrice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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