leemond2008 Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 I was telling some sheep jokes the other day. None of them laughed but one just ran away going ''baa'' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 This is one someone texted me yesterday. "I call my weed the Qu'ran. Because burning that shit will get you stoned." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NibblyPig Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 A seacow-shaped Zeppelin, advertising the rock opera "Tommy", has just burst into flames and crashed to earth. Oh, The Who manatee! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brumerican Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 F(x) walks into a bar. The barman says "sorry mate, we don't cater for functions." I've been spraypainting trigonometry equations all over town....It's kinda my gang sine... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted April 13, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted April 13, 2011 The trouble with these maths jokes is that they are reducing everything to the lowest common denominator. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LancsVillan Posted April 17, 2011 Moderator Share Posted April 17, 2011 What do you call a ginger prostitute? ... Orange pay as you go Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 A jumbo jet is just coming into the airport on its final approach. The pilot comes on the intercom "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay". Then he forgot to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The co-pilot says to the pilot, "So skipper, watcha gonna do while we're in town?" "Well," says the captain, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap... then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge tits out for dinner... then I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and **** her brains out." Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle trying to figure out which one is the new stewardess. Meanwhile that new stewardess is at the very back of the plane. She's so embarrassed that she starts to run to try and get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes. The old lady leans over and says "No need to hurry, dear. He's gotta take a shit first!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awol Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 Spoke to a mate the other day who'd just come out of hospital. Asked if he was alright, to which he replied he had the big 'C'. "Shit" says I, "cancer?" "Nah" he says, "dyslexia". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 What do you call a ginger prostitute? ... Out of work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orkneyvilla Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 The missus reckons I was dreamin I was in Lord of the Rings last night - says I was tolkien-ing in my sleep. Ho. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Risso Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 A seacow-shaped Zeppelin, advertising the rock opera "Tommy", has just burst into flames and crashed to earth. Oh, The Who manatee! Like it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted April 19, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted April 19, 2011 On a beautiful summer's day, two English tourists were driving through Wales ....... At the town of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch they stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the very blonde waitress, "Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?" The girl leaned over and said, "Burrr.... Gurrr.... King." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 Waitresses at Burger King!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted April 19, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted April 19, 2011 Spoilsport. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted April 19, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted April 19, 2011 Burger King at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 I've had people critically analyse my jokes before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 I've had people critically joke my anal before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 I've had people critique my anal before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted April 19, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted April 19, 2011 I've had people critically analise me before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyh29 Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 On a beautiful summer's day, two English tourists were driving through Wales ....... At the town of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch they stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the very blonde waitress, "Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?" The girl leaned over and said, "Burrr.... Gurrr.... King." Page 14 MJ :winkold: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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