Stevo985 Posted May 2, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted May 2, 2013 I'm glad we have that ignore function. Thats the one of the best things about the new vt site. Cheerio Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post lapal_fan Posted May 2, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted May 2, 2013 My mom used to shop at Netto for about 6 months when I was at school. At the time, I was so embarrassed by it because all the div kids would shout 'Netto!' at anything they thought was shit. I used to go to considerable lengths to hide the fact that we didn't shop there, such as emptying crisp packets into lunch box containers so there was no packaging etc etc. anyway, it got to the point where I was so paranoid and pissed off, that the next time mom went shopping, I had a plan on what to do to get her to stop I had a little hamster called Yorkie (after Dwight obviously) and I used to watch watchdog... I put 2 and two together and decided to put a few of Yorkies 'stools' into a packet and cry wolf. So mom got pack, unpacked everything and when she went away, I took my chance; I got 6 or 7 of Yorkies little bullet turds, opened up the crisps - ever so slightly - at the bottom so no one would notice and chucked those little shit bullets in, hoping that someone would eventually find them. A few days later; I hear the most beautiful cry coming from the kitchen. It was my mom, she had opened the packet of crisps, and she had struck gold (or shit in this case). However, the whole plan took a turn for the worse when instead of just saying "I'm never shopping there again", she decided to call the environmental agency... They came, looked at the little shits I had taken from my faithful hamster friend and said to my mom that they looked a little small, but would take the samples back to the lab for analysis. After about 2 weeks of shitting myself knowing I'd be outed, my mom called me. She sat me down and asked me if they were hamster turds.. I said no.. She believed me and said that she knew I wouldn't go to those lengths... She still doesn't know the truth, and it has become a family tale, which when gets told in my presence, she still says that she believes me because I wouldn't tell such a silly lie. I still feel terribad, and I'm glad my wedding is over so my best men Rob182/Paddywhack can never out me without receiving bad beats to the head region... 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brumerican Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 I'm glad we have that ignore function. Thats the one of the best things about the new vt site. Cheerio He can't read that dude. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted May 2, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted May 2, 2013 He can now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PieFacE Posted May 2, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted May 2, 2013 Waxing your chest is a bit fecking strange if I'm to be honest. It's a bit... metrosexual. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted May 2, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted May 2, 2013 Waxing your chest is a bit fecking strange if I'm to be honest. It's a bit... metrosexual. Yup. I was sceptical about getting it done. But now that I have a few times, I'll be carrying on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 I have used a cream before to kill the hairs on my chest, and then you scrape them off. Various missus's don't like it though, including the soon to be wife, so I don't do it anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted May 2, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted May 2, 2013 I have used a cream before to kill the hairs on my chest, and then you scrape them off. Various missus's don't like it though, including the soon to be wife, so I don't do it anymore. Tried that before. Hated it. Wasn't much better than shaving (only advantage is it's less irritating) You're still left with a load of stubble when it grows back. And when you're a hairy mofo like I am, that much stubble is a nightmare. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted May 2, 2013 Moderator Share Posted May 2, 2013 At least the dog was mine.At least the woman was my species I think this 2 line discussion sums this thread up very nicely 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hogso Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 I think Lapal's story above may be my favourite so far :-) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted May 2, 2013 Moderator Share Posted May 2, 2013 I was meeting up with a bird to go on our first "date" and was pretty excited cuz she was rather fit, anyway I thought it would be a good idea to have a pint of two in the pub with one of my mates before hand, she called me and said she was going to be late so I stayed out for a few more...and a few more, by the time I was walking to meet her I had consumed about 12 pints and when she spotted me I was swaying around pissing up the window of blockbusters on erdington high street at about 5 o'clock in the evening.Funny thought that was the only time we went out and I can't actually remember what we did. I mean this in the nicest possible way but your life seems like a series of Shameless.I dunno. Leemond is winning on countback but the stuff is mainly drink-orientated sillyness. Surely we all have similar stories we're just not posting ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hogso Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 I've also made a woman squirt. A few times actually. I'm certain it's cum, it certainly tastes the same. Never "drank" piss though. It's basically semen base, minus the sperm and IME a bit more watery. G-spot/Skene gland (basically the tissue that would have developed into a prostate given the right bursts of hormones in the womb) stimulation is the most reliable way to trigger it. Doesn't always happen with that stimulation, it's as much dependent on her being really relaxed (especially to ignore a feeling that she's about to piss) and in a really comfortable/trusting place (again IME). A well-done fingerbang is probably the best way to get the G-spot stimulation. If you're in the typical pussy-eating position with middle & ring fingers in the pink, then a palms-up come-hither motion should let you find a ridged area. Rub that, ideally with a bit of clit head stimulation (that whole area is basically the inner extension of her clit) and you've got a decent chance. Even if you don't get squirting, she will be eating out of your hand for months after that. Of course, YMMV. Oh, nice one man. Sincerely, like. Just a little curious how, if I were to pull that off next time I saw the girly, what her reaction would be when she inevitably asks where that came from, and I say 'VillaTalk. You know that forum I told you about? Yeh...' 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brumerican Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 I would bet good money that Leemond burned down St Barnabas church on Erdington high street . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted May 2, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted May 2, 2013 (edited) Yeah, it's all gone a bit off-thread. Drunken bodily evacuations hardly count as 'confessions'. Neither do sex technique tips. Me, I'm owning up to nothing that might be used in evidence. The internet archive is forever. Edited May 2, 2013 by mjmooney Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ME Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 I think Lapal's story above may be my favourite so far :-) For some reason it reminds me of chunks confession in Goonies..."In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog…When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I went nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out…But the worst thing I ever done — I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa — and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life." I honestly read it with that voice in my head. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 (edited) LOL I love Chunk But alas, my tale is true. I just hope no one tells my mom it'd break her heart I tells ya, I'm a good boy. Edited May 2, 2013 by lapal_fan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddywhack Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 My mom used to shop at Netto for about 6 months when I was at school. At the time, I was so embarrassed by it because all the div kids would shout 'Netto!' at anything they thought was shit. I used to go to considerable lengths to hide the fact that we didn't shop there, such as emptying crisp packets into lunch box containers so there was no packaging etc etc. anyway, it got to the point where I was so paranoid and pissed off, that the next time mom went shopping, I had a plan on what to do to get her to stop I had a little hamster called Yorkie (after Dwight obviously) and I used to watch watchdog... I put 2 and two together and decided to put a few of Yorkies 'stools' into a packet and cry wolf. So mom got pack, unpacked everything and when she went away, I took my chance; I got 6 or 7 of Yorkies little bullet turds, opened up the crisps - ever so slightly - at the bottom so no one would notice and chucked those little shit bullets in, hoping that someone would eventually find them. A few days later; I hear the most beautiful cry coming from the kitchen. It was my mom, she had opened the packet of crisps, and she had struck gold (or shit in this case). However, the whole plan took a turn for the worse when instead of just saying "I'm never shopping there again", she decided to call the environmental agency... They came, looked at the little shits I had taken from my faithful hamster friend and said to my mom that they looked a little small, but would take the samples back to the lab for analysis. After about 2 weeks of shitting myself knowing I'd be outed, my mom called me. She sat me down and asked me if they were hamster turds.. I said no.. She believed me and said that she knew I wouldn't go to those lengths... She still doesn't know the truth, and it has become a family tale, which when gets told in my presence, she still says that she believes me because I wouldn't tell such a silly lie. I still feel terribad, and I'm glad my wedding is over so my best men Rob182/Paddywhack can never out me without receiving bad beats to the head region... Bastard. Maybe I'll just tell the story at my wedding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 No one would marry you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 I would bet good money that Leemond burned down St Barnabas church on Erdington high street . Nope it wasn't me but if I met the person that did it I would shake their hand, take a look at my rant from a few weeks ago in the things that piss you off thread **** bell ringing practice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted May 2, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted May 2, 2013 If this is a confessional booth, who's handing out the penances? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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