Rugeley Villa Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I've always had a hard time finding a balance between accepting indignities, and wanting to inflict suffering on the offender. Fear of jail time has usually won out, but at what point do you keep taking it and risk losing your self respect and even the respect of others? The fact that I'm even wondering this pisses me off. people have different views on what punishment is justified, i mean some people are anti violence no matter what and some people fly straight off the handle. if you have kids i think you really have to think about the calmer situation but easier said than done. there are lines in terms of what make people snap and sometimes imo violence is justified but then we go back to the kids thing, to seriously hurt someone i think something serious needed to of happend. some people think by not teaching someone a lesson with their fists then they are losing their self respect and respect of others but it all depends on what kind of life they want to live. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maqroll Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 thats the thing. do i even want to risk knocking someone out and having them smack their head on the ground and die...its happened near where i used to live. dude just threw a punch and got done up on manslaughter charges. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted June 11, 2015 Author VT Supporter Share Posted June 11, 2015 Nearest I ever got to it was with a work colleague, total asshole. My other workmates could read my mind - they said that if I decked him they'd all swear that he'd walked into a door. Even my wife said that if I did it and got sacked, she wouldn't blame me. Somehow, that thought that I COULD do it helped me not to, if that makes any sense. He left not too long after, anyway. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Violence doesn't solve anything where I come from. My dad in the past has given me a few whoopin's - just for being a kid and doing kid stuff like disrespecting me mom (nothing serious) - and being a lazy bugger in my teens. But my dad came from a broken family and thought it was acceptable. Since I've turned 17+ we've never even had a cross word. I don't fear him because he's given me a few slaps on the very rare occasion, I actually pity him for not having the brains to know anything else. I'll never hit my kid, ever. I know that now. I'll reason with him and be stern, but slapping, beating, punching someone means you've lost control. Have I ever wanted to hurt someone? Sure. But like Mooney says, once you take that action, you have to live with the consequences. I've never been in a fight, never been close. I honestly don't understand these people that go out and about looking for trouble, because trouble doesn't just find you (unless you're very unlucky). 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 But if a child is too small or stupid to understand a reasoned argument based around enhancing their own safety and development, then it's ok to give them a smacking, yeah? Seriously, I might have been lucky I guess, but in 17 years I've never ever even got remotely close to hitting either of my kids. It's the lazy fall back of the lazy parent. I did sign up for a voluntary parenting course which included reasoning and negotiating skills. Bits of that were useful, once filtered through my wet liberal thinking filter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyh29 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 (edited) But if a child is too small or stupid to understand a reasoned argument based around enhancing their own safety and development, then it's ok to give them a smacking, yeah? Seriously, I might have been lucky I guess, but in 17 years I've never ever even got remotely close to hitting either of my kids. It's the lazy fall back of the lazy parent. I did sign up for a voluntary parenting course which included reasoning and negotiating skills. Bits of that were useful, once filtered through my wet liberal thinking filter. I grew up in the 70's with a dad whose solution to everything was a clip around the ear .... discipline innit ... it was never a beating but still hardly endearing stuff ( my dad also thought the best way to teach me and my brother to swim was to throw us in the deep end of the pool , we didn't drown so he feels he is vindicated ) I decided I wasn't going to raise my children that way , but to be honest , I suspect I wouldn't have to tell my 2 to do things 37 times if I did adopt the "discipline " approach One problem with the reasoned argument approach is my 10 year boy is even more of a smart arse than me and has a reply for everything , he'll go far that one Edited June 11, 2015 by tonyh29 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dAVe80 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 If I was naughty as a child, I honestly believe I deserved a smacked arse. Never did me any harm, and it's not harmed my relationship with my parents one bit. Don't see what's wrong about it, if it's not over the top (I was never punched or anything like that). I don't have kids, so maybe I'd feel differently if I did, but at this point in time, I'd not hesitate to give a slap if needed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyh29 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 If I was naughty as a child, I honestly believe I deserved a smacked arse. Never did me any harm, and it's not harmed my relationship with my parents one bit. Don't see what's wrong about it, if it's not over the top (I was never punched or anything like that). I don't have kids, so maybe I'd feel differently if I did, but at this point in time, I'd not hesitate to give a slap if needed. yeah but it's not 1901 and we don't' send our kids down coal mines either , unless you live in Sheffield of course It didn't harm me either , it's just times have moved on 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted June 11, 2015 VT Supporter Share Posted June 11, 2015 The threat was enough more often than not but I don't think I was harmed in any way from a smack on the back of the legs. I do look at kids theses days though and wonder how you stop them being smart arse nobs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dAVe80 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 For the better though? I don't want to sound like I'm going all UKIP, and harking back to a better time that never existed, but kids are horrible these days (a sweeping generalisation I know). Is it to do with the fact that they know they can get away with what they want? Is the fear of having your iPhone took off you for a week, more of a deterrent than a clip around the ear? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted June 11, 2015 Moderator Share Posted June 11, 2015 I could count on one hand the amount of times I got a clout off my Dad as a kid. And because it was so rare, each one meant something and I usually deserved it. My parents preferred the "we're disappointed" approach which, for a conscientious child was a far more effective approach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dAVe80 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 I could count on one hand the amount of times I got a clout off my Dad as a kid. And because it was so rare, each one meant something and I usually deserved it. My parents preferred the "we're disappointed" approach which, for a conscientious child was a far more effective approach Yeah, it's not like I was naughty, and getting a smack all the time. If I got hit, it was because I'd done something to deserve it, but that kind of punishment was reserved for truly bad behaviour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 (edited) Yep, I'm agreeing with Tony again. I grew up in the 70's and had regular whacks at home and school. It's a cliche, but if I had a whack at school and my parents found out, they'd give me a whack for that! But overall, I think I turned out fairly stable in the end (after a small teenage wobble). But that was then and this is now. As for kids these days being shits - really? Or do lazy parents just never back up their threats because they want an instantly easier life? Train 'em young and they'll grow up without the need for physical violence. parenting rule 1: never make an empty threat parenting rule 2: be consistent parenting rule 3: be fair the rest is easy Edited June 11, 2015 by chrisp65 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted June 11, 2015 VT Supporter Share Posted June 11, 2015 Aye but it seems the majority of parents aren't doing the training these days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dAVe80 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Yep, I'm agreeing with Tony again. I grew up in the 70's and had regular whacks at home and school. It's a cliche, but if I had a whack at school and my parents found out, they'd give me a whack for that! But overall, I think I turned out fairly stable in the end (after a small teenage wobble). But that was then and this is now. As for kids these days being shits - really? Or do lazy parents just never back up their threats because they want an instantly easier life? Train 'em young and they'll grow up without the need for physical violence. Like I say it's a sweeping generalisation (I know some great kids. Not in a Savile kind of way!), but not too far off the mark. Just spend time on a bus, during the morning / afternoon commute. Some of the behaviour is shocking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 (edited) Aye but it seems the majority of parents aren't doing the training these days. We are currently spending millions on state sponsored parenting and lifestyle coaching through programmes such as Sure Start and Flying Start and all the others. It would appear people are able to **** and multiply quite easily, but not able to absorb the message that you cannot use the TV as a babysitter and twitter is not a lifestyle coaching app. Dave, kids bus behaviour always was shocking. I know when it got shocking in my town - about the same time all adults were told not to intervene and they took conductors and child escorts off buses and didn't do anything about the abuse and physical damage. Back 30 years ago we knew that if we smashed the bus windows our 'punishment' would be no bus the next day. We lived too far away to be obliged to walk - so we had a day off school! Now I wonder what that taught us? A new headmaster and a new deal with the bus company meant the buses kept running - but we had to leave earlier and get picked up later if we misbehaved. Weirdly, we stopped being shits as it was killing our free time. It's boring, but it really is about education and training (of all of us). Edited June 11, 2015 by chrisp65 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MakemineVanilla Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted June 11, 2015 Author VT Supporter Share Posted June 11, 2015 Child discipline is a subject almost worthy of its own thread, but what Maqroll was talking about was two adults. I think it's best not to hit anyone (except in self defence), but as my previous post suggested, I agree that the temptation can be very strong. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gharperr Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 (edited) Why there isnt a "things that make you happy" thread to counter all the moaning that goes on in the "things that piss you off" thread. Like why wouldnt you want a thread to see what makes other people happy, trying that stuff out for yourselves might make you happier too Every forum always has this "things that piss you off" but never one about being happy Edited June 12, 2015 by gharperr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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