ME Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Well dancing is fun. Telling women nice things if you don't mean it is pointless. The ones that matter can tell you're full of it and the ones that don't can get clingy for believing it. If you are with your mates then I get wanting to spend time with them instead of caring. But the knocked back part only sucks if you let it. All you have to do is let yourself know she wasn't worth it anyway and she did you a favor by saying no. But you are funny, and that tends to go a long way if you use it. Then again I don't think you care much either way. So it's cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claret75 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 "You know, you don't sweat much for a fat girl" Works every time I went out at the weekend, for the first time since I split with my ex around Xmas (properly out) and I pulled twice without even trying. I used to be shit at pulling as well, absolutely terrible in fact. I didn't do anything about it though, just don't feel like it atm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiggyrichard Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 "Roses are red, violets are blue, how would you like to come back to mine and have rampant sex all night long?!.....sorry i have tourettes" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted February 10, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted February 10, 2011 I don't get this confidence thing guys. Most of you are hilarious, just use that to your advantage. It is really not as difficult as you are making it out to be.Well obviously it's not relevant to me any more, but when I was a youngster it was absolutely about confidence. I was fine with the humour and chatting up thing. Didn't mind approaching girls at all. It was getting to the next stage that was always the problem. I was convinced that girls would only like me as a friend, and wouldn't consider, you know... doing it. Especially as the blokes they DID fancy always seemed to be very unlike me - they were usually handsome musclebound sporty oafs, and I was this weedy geek (as I perceived myself). I never dared "make a move" because I was convinced they would either laugh at me, or explain apologetically that they liked me, but not in THAT way. I was so scared of rejection and humiliation I usually didn't try. The result was that I ended up with lots of platonic female friends, and (as I discovered later) quite a few that were offended because they thought I had rejected them - when I was blissfully unaware they were interested. They probably thought I was gay (and I was very much not gay!) I got over it, of course, but not really until I was in my early 20s. Looking back, I still feel quite sad at the number of lost opportunities - and I have considerable sympathy for young guys in that situation now. As ME demonstrates, women have no idea of how daunting the whole dating thing can be for some guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ME Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I don't get this confidence thing guys. Most of you are hilarious, just use that to your advantage. It is really not as difficult as you are making it out to be.Well obviously it's not relevant to me any more, but when I was a youngster it was absolutely about confidence. I was fine with the humour and chatting up thing. Didn't mind approaching girls at all. It was getting to the next stage that was always the problem. I was convinced that girls would only like me as a friend, and wouldn't consider, you know... doing it. Especially as the blokes they DID fancy always seemed to be very unlike me - they were usually handsome musclebound sporty oafs, and I was this weedy geek (as I perceived myself). I never dared "make a move" because I was convinced they would either laugh at me, or explain apologetically that they liked me, but not in THAT way. I was so scared of rejection and humiliation I usually didn't try. The result was that I ended up with lots of platonic female friends, and (as I discovered later) quite a few that were offended because they thought I had rejected them - when I was blissfully unaware they were interested. They probably thought I was gay (and I was very much not gay!) I got over it, of course, but not really until I was in my early 20s. Looking back, I still feel quite sad at the number of lost opportunities - and I have considerable sympathy for young guys in that situation now. As ME demonstrates, women have no idea of how daunting the whole dating thing can be for some guys. I do understand it. Honestly. I go out with my guy friends all the time and watch them try. Sometimes I help them. I understand everything you are thinking. I am simply saying that the way you guys perceive it is a bit of an exaggeration. You yourself later realized you had missed out on a lot because you convinced YOURSELF it wouldn't happen instead of just trying. And in the end it was your own thoughts that basically cock blocked you. All I am saying is, stop letting the fear of rejection get in the way of a possible good time. I've been rejected. I know how it feels. Didn't stop me from trying again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guyavfc Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 It's both. You just look like a tosser if you get knocked back, especially when you are surrounded by your mates. It doesn't particulary bother me anyways, I don't have to get on a girl to have a good time, in fact I think I'd rather just spend the whole night with my mates seeing as I don't see them all that often. I don't think I could do what guyavfc does, no matter how pissed I was. It makes you look like an utter bell end and desperate. And I don't know why I am like that, it's just the way it is I guess. tbh i can see why you think its cringeworthy, i used to think it too but i've seen mates do it in the past and i've done it and it's worked. When i say dance with a girl, i'm on about really crowded clubs so it's hard to walk around and hard to be seen by mates etc. If you're drunk enough, you don't give a shit what people think either. My old pulling tactic which worked for a bit was high fiving girls, giving them a spin and dancing with them, however i got a few rejections :oops: so i had to change my approach. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VillaEire Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I have a mate who had a theory that when you go into a pub/club start chatting to the best looking girl in the place and work your way down. He used to get absolute stunners. He didn't give a shit if he got knocked back, he would just shrug his shoulders and move on to the next girl. He isn't the best looking bloke in the world but the girls responded to his slight cockiness. It's the law of averages I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awol Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 *looks lady up and down..pause..smile* "Nice shoes". It works. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiggyrichard Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Do you recon if you went upto 30 girls in a club, all good looking and just said to them "listen, do you want to come to mine and have sex?" that 1 would say yes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted February 10, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted February 10, 2011 I don't get this confidence thing guys. Most of you are hilarious, just use that to your advantage. It is really not as difficult as you are making it out to be.Well obviously it's not relevant to me any more, but when I was a youngster it was absolutely about confidence. I was fine with the humour and chatting up thing. Didn't mind approaching girls at all. It was getting to the next stage that was always the problem. I was convinced that girls would only like me as a friend, and wouldn't consider, you know... doing it. Especially as the blokes they DID fancy always seemed to be very unlike me - they were usually handsome musclebound sporty oafs, and I was this weedy geek (as I perceived myself). I never dared "make a move" because I was convinced they would either laugh at me, or explain apologetically that they liked me, but not in THAT way. I was so scared of rejection and humiliation I usually didn't try. The result was that I ended up with lots of platonic female friends, and (as I discovered later) quite a few that were offended because they thought I had rejected them - when I was blissfully unaware they were interested. They probably thought I was gay (and I was very much not gay!) I got over it, of course, but not really until I was in my early 20s. Looking back, I still feel quite sad at the number of lost opportunities - and I have considerable sympathy for young guys in that situation now. As ME demonstrates, women have no idea of how daunting the whole dating thing can be for some guys. I do understand it. Honestly. I go out with my guy friends all the time and watch them try. Sometimes I help them. I understand everything you are thinking. I am simply saying that the way you guys perceive it is a bit of an exaggeration. You yourself later realized you had missed out on a lot because you convinced YOURSELF it wouldn't happen instead of just trying. And in the end it was your own thoughts that basically cock blocked you. All I am saying is, stop letting the fear of rejection get in the way of a possible good time. I've been rejected. I know how it feels. Didn't stop me from trying again.Exactly right. And I would give the same advice. But it's one thing knowing it to be true, and quite another to take the advice. Another factor is the whole double standards thing. Mens' reputations are enhanced by being lotharios, whereas sexually confident and forthright women get a bad reputation - they mustn't be seen as "easy". The upshot is that womens' coded messages are too subtle for most guys (who tend to be very bad at picking up the signals unless they are totally obvious). I've seen this happen time and again; a boy and girl are talking, he is a bit hestitant - but check out their friends' reactions. The guys probably think that she seemed a bit standoffish, they're not at all sure whether she's interested or not. Meanwhile, the girls are screaming things like: "She must feel so rejected! She was THROWING herself at him! It was SO blatant!" We can't always read the signals - you're using a different code. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claret75 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I don't get this confidence thing guys. Most of you are hilarious, just use that to your advantage. It is really not as difficult as you are making it out to be.Well obviously it's not relevant to me any more, but when I was a youngster it was absolutely about confidence. I was fine with the humour and chatting up thing. Didn't mind approaching girls at all. It was getting to the next stage that was always the problem. I was convinced that girls would only like me as a friend, and wouldn't consider, you know... doing it. Especially as the blokes they DID fancy always seemed to be very unlike me - they were usually handsome musclebound sporty oafs, and I was this weedy geek (as I perceived myself). I never dared "make a move" because I was convinced they would either laugh at me, or explain apologetically that they liked me, but not in THAT way. I was so scared of rejection and humiliation I usually didn't try. The result was that I ended up with lots of platonic female friends, and (as I discovered later) quite a few that were offended because they thought I had rejected them - when I was blissfully unaware they were interested. They probably thought I was gay (and I was very much not gay!) I got over it, of course, but not really until I was in my early 20s. Looking back, I still feel quite sad at the number of lost opportunities - and I have considerable sympathy for young guys in that situation now. As ME demonstrates, women have no idea of how daunting the whole dating thing can be for some guys. I do understand it. Honestly. I go out with my guy friends all the time and watch them try. Sometimes I help them. I understand everything you are thinking. I am simply saying that the way you guys perceive it is a bit of an exaggeration. You yourself later realized you had missed out on a lot because you convinced YOURSELF it wouldn't happen instead of just trying. And in the end it was your own thoughts that basically cock blocked you. All I am saying is, stop letting the fear of rejection get in the way of a possible good time. I've been rejected. I know how it feels. Didn't stop me from trying again. I'm with mooney, it's all about confidence. When your confidence is low you see things in the same light that you do when you ARE confident. I missed out on a number of opportunities when I was younger because my confidence was down, but as I've got older I notice women looking more. I dont know whether that's me noticing because I'm confident or because I'm more confident in myself, making women look at me more :S Also, i think you get to know yourself a little better as you get older and that can give you a little more confidence, it has for me, although I'm still don't exactly exude confidence. On the rejection thing, I had a mate that would get his oats every night he went out. He was the envy of all his mates, but he'd actually get rejected a lot more than anyone else. He'd get knocked back 5 times out of 6 on night out, but wouldn't let it affect him, he'd just didn't let it knock him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 We're just stubborn. I have 0 confidence anyway. My quips and puns normally whoosh over most people's heads. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted February 10, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted February 10, 2011 Just to add to my confessions up there, it probably didn't help that I was (and probably still am) an incurable romantic. While I wouldn't actually have said "no" to some meaningless one-night-stand sex, I was really looking for something more - I actually wanted a stars-in-the-eyes love affair. Which, ironically, might have endeared me even more to women had they known this; but my lack of self-confidence meant I ended up seeming uninterested in girls that I was actually idolising and putting on a pedestal of unattainable gorgeousness. Crazy. But like I said, I got over it eventually! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ME Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 That much I'll give you. The "code" is what can get in the way sometimes. And there were times when my confidence was shot thanks to the harsh things guys have no problem saying. So I get it to a degree but it never made me say 'I give up' or 'I can't be bothered' or 'they wouldn't like me anyway.' What one guy doesn't like another guy loves. Same with women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ME Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 We're just stubborn. I have 0 confidence anyway. My quips and puns normally whoosh over most people's heads. Then you aren't talking to the right people. Everyone here gets your HUMOR *I'm American,that's how we spell it* And I don't know what else to say other than I wish you wouldn't think so little of yourself in the confidence department. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted February 10, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted February 10, 2011 I think all you hesitant single guys should print out JaiME's endorsements and take them with you when you're out meeting girls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I'm shit at talking to people face to face, unless I've known them a while. Confidence is a big big problem of mine. It holds me back a lot. Everyone gets it on here because I deliver it flawlessly in print, and most people have the same sense of HUMOUR () as me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zak Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 do you like jewellry? suck my D**k its a F**king Gem Do you work in subway? Coz youve just given me a footlong your eyes are like spanners girl: what i said your eyes are like spanners ...... everytime you look at me my nuts tighten Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted February 10, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted February 10, 2011 Interesting phenomenon. I used to know a lad at university who was very good looking, but was incredibly shy and inarticulate. He would struggle to string a sentence together without shuffling his feet and blushing. But when he went off travelling he used to send us letters and postcards that were absolute works of literature - witty, poetic, and very impressive. He couldn't say stuff, but boy could he write stuff. In the end a girl in our social circle simply dragged him into bed because she knew there was no other way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 That sums me up I guess... without the good looks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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