Jump to content

Break Ups ( need to vent! )


Rodders

Recommended Posts

Rodders, let me impart my own (recent) experience on the subject. I was in a relationship for 5 years with a beautiful and loving, but slightly crazed Italian.We split up a year ago as she discovered an infidelity that I'd let drift too far. Now this is different to your situation I understand.

She moved out almost immediately and initially things weren't too bad as she didn't cut me off and was interested in a reconciliation. This only made me relax and realise how much I was enjoying my new found freedom of watching more and more football, playing football and getting pissed, without fear of what was awaiting me on my return. Six months down the line, my laissez-faire attitude to the situation screeched to a halt as she broke the news to me that she had met someone else. All of a sudden I realised I DID love her and I DID want to get back together with her. After much begging, heavy drinking, soul-searching and whining to friends I finally sorted myself out. At the beginning all the advice was to go out and shag someone else or take a trip somewhere, but if you aren't in the mood then you aren't in the mood. The thing that got me through it was seeing mates and talking it through plus I took up running and played a lot of football. Keeping fit definitely helps your self-esteem at a time when it's easy to feel unloveable.

12 months on and I can see things a lot clearer now. I **** up, but I did so because I wasn't happy, albeit going about it in the wrong way. After thinking I would never meet someone like her again I now realise that there were so many things wrong with the relationship. Once I got over that then I went out and shagged a few birds, all of it meaningless but nevertheless part of the healing process. A month ago I started seeing someone new and am totally in love with her. She's more easy going than my ex and actually has a sense of humour, not to mention younger and fitter :winkold:

So don't despair mate things will get better if they haven't already done so. Just take your time about it. One other thing which can help you through the early rough part - learn to hate her. Look at the situation, she's had her eye on someone else and now she's seeing him while she's still living with YOU! You deserve better than that. You're a decent sensitive bloke with a lot going for yourself. You don't need someone like that in your life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Leave, start fresh somewhere else.

Today, before things happen that could really damage you.

The most important bit of advice in this thread. Get to **** ASAP or it WILL drive you mad. The best way of getting over a girl is the amorous attention of another one, but even if you can't face that yet you won't start moving past the way you feel now if you're crossing her or (god forbid) her new fella outside the bathroom every morning.

If she's got any nice mates you can 'talk' to over a few bottles of wine then the potential for a sympathy shag is at its highest right now - so get dialling. Hurt but dignified is a good combo (but ffs don't cry).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wait until she's out the house. Set fire to her clothes, shit in her favourite handbag and then leave. Why the **** would you be hanging round for ? Pick somewhere on the map and go, things have a way of working themselves out once you take that first step.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not to sound negative, but if she's dating someone else, and living in the same house as you, that's going to be really really shit for you.

If she's dating someone else and brings him to the very same house you live in, that would show she's got absolutely no respect for you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not to sound negative, but if she's dating someone else, and living in the same house as you, that's going to be really really shit for you.

If she's dating someone else and brings him to the very same house you live in, that would show she's got absolutely no respect for you!

If I was you and she did that to me, I'd make her life miserable and enjoy it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

split up with my girlfriend of nearly two years between xmas and new year (the night I got back from the man city game actually, she couldve waited a day!). I've come back out here to carry on my year abroad and when I'm with my mates on the weekend I'm fine, not thinking about her or anything but then on the weeknights when I'm home on my own (I live in a small town over here) its sometimes difficult not to reminicise. There's a chance we may get back together when both back in the same country for final year of uni next september but I can't put my life on hold thinking about that. One of the worst things is that I feel like I've lost a best friend too and I look forward to speaking to her (we've been skyping about once a week) more than I think she does. It's just a shit situation. I shouldn't have read this thread, everyone's stories have just depressed me lol.

Hope things get better for you soon man, I would move out if I were you like other people have said.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

yeah dont stay there mate, as others have said get out asap, dont know if you read my story, but if i had have had to commit to the rest of the rental lease it would have drove me insane seeing her all the time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've lost a best friend too

That's the worst part.

Frighteningly similar situation to me, even the Skype bit! It is gutting, but it takes time, I'm getting there. It's been three months, I've kinda met someone new, which is helping, but I still think about my ex everyday, it really annoys me because of what she did and how it ended.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

what has helped is I knew I had to change in several ways anyway as i was not exactly coasting, but too afraid to really challenge myself. I've got a current swell of impetus to properly sort myself out now. I am prepared to move out if it comes to it, and I've made small steps to alter what I'm doing. I don't hate her, and her new life shall not cross her old one that was made clear.

I'm making plans to travel, and I'm enjoying the sense of independence in my mind, and the necessity to forge out my own identity again. It's a sense I wouldn't have had if i had carried on drifting in the relationship.

I am firmly committed to not regressing and moving forward, at any rate. It may well / probably involving moving out, finding my own space, but at the moment seeing reminders of my own life is oddly enough acting as an incentive to crack on, and change, melancholia is only fleeting right now. And any bad day is never going to be as bad as the day it happened.

i may be a fool, but I learn best by experience i guess!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No matter how old you are and no matter how many times it happens it still hurts, the older you are just helps as you know it will get easier.

The biggest mistake you can make is not to let it hurt you, you need to feel it, appreciate what you had and then move on.

I made the mistake of just getting on with things, I had finished it because I knew she wanted to but was too scared of being alone. That is just bloody selfish! especially as i hadn't had the shag in 6 months! even when she wanted another chance I walked forward as I knew it was for the best but I blanked out the pain with a big dose of stubborn self righteousness as I had made an effort to repair it time after time.

What happened next caught me by surprise, I woke up at 2am on jan 3rd 2008 and thought I was dying, the scariest moment of my life! The police had to kick the door in but it was a panic attack, I woke up feeling like I had no purpose and could not think longer than a few minute ahead. I had been right in my choice but I didnt grieve the loss, I did not miss her, I missed my old routine! I slipped into depression and was in a very bad way and a friend helped me out from a very bad place.

**** me I'm having the time of my life now! no regrets and I know that I have a purpose in life! I am a father, a son, an uncle a friend etc etc and I no longer fear being alone

Fate is fate and its because there is something better around the corner and going back is too easy an option and NEVER plead for her to take you back as you want her to want you for the right reason, not guilt!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What happened next caught me by surprise, I woke up at 2am on jan 3rd 2008 and thought I was dying, the scariest moment of my life! The police had to kick the door in but it was a panic attack

Hey? :?

Why were the coppers kicking the door in if you were having a panic attack? Why were they even there?

Flummoxed!! :o

Link to comment
Share on other sites

oh yeh! don't rush into anything serious, get used to your own company because that way you will never fear single life again and it will be a case of wanting a relationship not needing and this will only show when some woman is getting on your nerves or taking the piss because you can confidently tell her to go do one with no fear of being alone. THose that NEED will stay in fear of being alone though deny themselves happiness

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What happened next caught me by surprise, I woke up at 2am on jan 3rd 2008 and thought I was dying, the scariest moment of my life! The police had to kick the door in but it was a panic attack

Hey? :?

Why were the coppers kicking the door in if you were having a panic attack? Why were they even there?

Flummoxed!! :o

I was alone, those of you who have had panic attacks will know that your first feels like a heart attack, you have no idea its a panic attack. My chest was tight, i couldnt breat and was shaking that much i fell out of bed and could not hold phone, managed to dial 999 and shout my address down the phone. The ambulance needed police to kick door in as i was stuck upstairs.

Thought i was going to die alone, i have a son and it wasn't a nice thought.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What happened next caught me by surprise, I woke up at 2am on jan 3rd 2008 and thought I was dying, the scariest moment of my life! The police had to kick the door in but it was a panic attack

Hey? :?

Why were the coppers kicking the door in if you were having a panic attack? Why were they even there?

Flummoxed!! :o

I was alone, those of you who have had panic attacks will know that your first feels like a heart attack, you have no idea its a panic attack. My chest was tight, i couldnt breat and was shaking that much i fell out of bed and could not hold phone, managed to dial 999 and shout my address down the phone. The ambulance needed police to kick door in as i was stuck upstairs.

Thought i was going to die alone, i have a son and it wasn't a nice thought.

I had a panic attack for the first time about 15 years ago. Its the scariest thing that ever happened to me. Was a mix of thinking I'd gone mad and thinking I was dying, truly frightening as I had no idea about panic attacks before that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

what has helped is I knew I had to change in several ways anyway as i was not exactly coasting, but too afraid to really challenge myself. I've got a current swell of impetus to properly sort myself out now. I am prepared to move out if it comes to it, and I've made small steps to alter what I'm doing. I don't hate her, and her new life shall not cross her old one that was made clear.

I'm making plans to travel, and I'm enjoying the sense of independence in my mind, and the necessity to forge out my own identity again. It's a sense I wouldn't have had if i had carried on drifting in the relationship.

I am firmly committed to not regressing and moving forward, at any rate. It may well / probably involving moving out, finding my own space, but at the moment seeing reminders of my own life is oddly enough acting as an incentive to crack on, and change, melancholia is only fleeting right now. And any bad day is never going to be as bad as the day it happened.

i may be a fool, but I learn best by experience i guess!

Good on you, one way or another it'll sort itself out. i know what you mean about getting a sense of independence and identity back after splitting up, that's kinda what's been happening with me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...
Â