Milfner Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Yeah, she's vile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PIW Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 My wife is of Pakistani heritage and if you are thinking of a long- term relationship it can be fraught with difficulties. To compound the issue my wife was a hijab wearer when I first met her. When we started seeing enjoying she took it off when we met up. I remember when she first met me without it on and she felt extremely vulnerable as she had worn it since she was about 12. The decision to wear it was her own and ironically enough she came in for family criticism as her mom and sister didn't cover even though now they do. She had received emails at work telling her to stop what she was doing and if she didn't then the person would tell her dad. They must have known the family, or know of them as the person warned that the news could kill her father due to his heart problems. Then one day she got a call from her dad when she was with me in Birmingham and he was sobbing on the other end of the phone wanting to know if it were true- what he was being told in the letter. She had to come clean so she was also now standing there in tears. Things were very tough as her friends had started to desert her and her family were making her choose between me and them. I had to go to their house on one occasion when her dad was telling her to stop seeing me and she could move back in and marry a Muslim boy. She wasn't living with me at this stage but at a friends. Whilst her dad was saying this, whilst calling me Satan her mom was reciting passages from the Quran I to her ear whilst her brother was criticising her for what she was putting her dad through especially as he had a heart problem and was taking medication. The pressure she was being put under was immense. Basically she was told she oils never return to the house or see her family again if she continued to see me. I was invisible. Anything that I tried to say was dismissed or simply ignored. I felt like a voyeur. On a purely selfish point it also put pressure on me to continue with a relationship for her sake and for what she was giving up. It did affect me and I wasn't the best boyfriend. I never cheated but generally came and went as I pleased. It just wasn't right for either of us. Looking back I think I was trying to keep my own space in the relationship in case it didn't work out and it was a well placed exit strategy. As luck would have it she got a job overseas and I went with her. Her family and friends not talking to her and me hedging my bets with the relationship. Looking back she could have ended it as easily as I could but something other than guilt was keeping us together and we both knew it deep down. Her family thawed but not her dad. Not until we got married and I converted to I slam for the Nikkah ceremony. My wife knows I'm not a Muslim but it was the least I could do for her after what she had gone through and was still going through. It was a very small price. We came home in September 2008 (we got married May 26th 2007) and her dad died in October 2008. But at least all bridges had been rebuilt and repaired by then. Two months later and my wife got pregnant and we now have a beautiful little boy. Don't worry this isn't going all Simon Bates and 'Jungle Brothers' by the Jungle Brothers wasn't the only tune that somehow got us through this testing time. The point being that I fancy the arse off most tanned skinned ladies- sub continent, South European, or whatever- and I'm not sure if she would go through it all again if my wife could turn the clock back the trauma and pressure was too much. Still, worked out for us. If you're looking for just a shag then game on. Anymore and be careful of the minefield that could be waiting for you. And to think this is just the abridged version. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b23avfc Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Interesting story! And I bet it is the abridged version too! My question is, how did you meet her? Did you get chatting etc and then want to start seeing her before having seen her face? AKA totally non physical attraction (at first). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voinjama Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 Thats an incredible story, my friend went through something similar, but the pressure became too great and they split up. I personally would not have gone through it, but I admire you, it must of been tough. And I also fancy the pants off anything tanned skinned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted May 5, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted May 5, 2011 Religious brainwashing strikes again. I feel sorry for her dad, what with his heart condition and everything, but why couldn't her parents accept that she was an adult and that they didn't own her? Not to mention how incredibly bigoted and insulting their treatment of you was, PIW. Well done for hanging in there - I'm afraid pretending to be a Muslim would have been well beyond me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PIW Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Thing is for her mom it was the religion thing buy for he dad it was more to do with his standing in the community. He didn't want his daughter to make her own decisions when it came to an affaire de coeur. She had gone through the arranged marriage route but called that off only a week or two before the wedding because of over bearing sisters- in- law to be. They were asking things such as she take her hijab off in front of them so they could take a look. Sort of inspecting her. I met her at work and we worked together for a year or so before we got together. I knew she was attractive and we got on but I never thought anything more of it due to her religion and cultural background. When we did get together she told her mom about it something like 3 months in and we all met in a coffee shop in Wimbledon. Her mom asked me to stop seeing her daughter and I said no. As I said before at that point it would have been easy to- actually no, at that stage I wanted to see where it would go. As I said she had had her arranged thing and I had split from my fiancée roughly a year before we got together so it was nice to be with someone again. With regards to the converting thing it really wasn't too difficult because- and my apologies to any Muslims on here - the religion meant nothing to me. Out of the Abrahamic religions I do believe it's closer to the truth than the other two but still not what I believe in. All it meant to me is that my wife would be able to see her family again. False as deck but they were a very close family- and are again now they call each other 2 or 3 times a day minimum. My wife was prepared to give up a lot for me before we knew where the relationship was going so converting was the least I could do for her. Don't forget her marriage idyll wasn't wearing White in a church or a beautiful civil ceremony but to wear traditional Pakistani garb in a Nikkah ceremony. I wouldn't to deny her that whatever I felt. The concession to me was that we got married on May 26th. For obvious reasons...Nothing has changed in terms of me eating pork- although that's very seldom nowadays- drinking (she does very occasionally), or anything associated with not being a Muslim. The other thing is that she insists on my son Being Muslim and being brought up as one. Whatever that means. Probably further battles ahead on that one but after what we've gone through to get to where we are now that's not something I want to bring up just now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meregreen Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Have to say , people from the sub continent are amongst the most racist in the world. If your story was reversed and a white family were treating the relationship of an Asian man and white woman in such a way, people would be horrified. Yet amongst Asian communities, such attitudes are widely held. Very sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinker Posted May 5, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted May 5, 2011 Think i will stick to wanking over em. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b23avfc Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Have to say , people from the sub continent are amongst the most racist in the world. If your story was reversed and a white family were treating the relationship of an Asian man and white woman in such a way, people would be horrified. I'm positive that's happened too. Concrete positive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milfner Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Hahahahaha, the advert at the bottom on this page was for SingleMuslim.com! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voinjama Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 Think i will stick to pulling the Pope's cap off over em. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voinjama Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 PIW - Just reading your story I am exhausted. This stress must be affecting other areas of your life. What was your families reaction to all this, surely there must be an element of them being angry towards your wifes family for their treatment of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PIW Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Have to say , people from the sub continent are amongst the most racist in the world. If your story was reversed and a white family were treating the relationship of an Asian man and white woman in such a way, people would be horrified. Yet amongst Asian communities, such attitudes are widely held. Very sad. Racist yes but not against white people. The issue with me was that I was not a Muslim first and foremost. Now, if she had brought home a black man that would have been totally different. That is where the racism really is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob182 Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 I work with a couple of hot Indian girls. I would! I know that some are more religious/ traditional and others arent. If I was to get involved with an Indian girl, I'd make use she came from a family that wasn't the hardcore religious type. I wouldn't feel comfortable getting myself into that, I don't think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 On the racism/defending the culture issue - I find this all very difficult. If you have chosen, or at least your family did, to come to the UK and reside, and contribute to the community/economy, send your children to school here etc. it is unbelieveable to think that you would then expect them to behave like they are living in a mud hut in Bangalore when it comes to finding a husband/wife. I have a very close friend who is Shikh and whilst married now and sorted to a partner of her choice, she has been through hell to get there, when all her family wanted to do was palm her off on the first person to ask if he could marry her. On the OP - yes Indian girls are hot!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maradona10 Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 Just to correct you mate it's SIKH. Alot of people have this view, that the girls are forced to marry a man they don't want, trust me they have a choice just as the men do. They are introduced to men, from a similar cultural background, if they get on, then it may lead to marriage if not they move on to someone else, but in Sikhs, i have rarely seen a girl forced into marriage but for some reason it's publicised, Obviously if you bring home a man of a different race and upbringing, parents will question it but they are coming round to it. As for me i'm a practising Sikh, (I've had a few Bin Laden comments working up in Edinburgh but hey ho) so think how hard it was for me to find a woman lol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 Just to correct you mate it's SIKH. Alot of people have this view, that the girls are forced to marry a man they don't want, trust me they have a choice just as the men do. They are introduced to men, from a similar cultural background, if they get on, then it may lead to marriage if not they move on to someone else, but in Sikhs, i have rarely seen a girl forced into marriage but for some reason it's publicised, Obviously if you bring home a man of a different race and upbringing, parents will question it but they are coming round to it. As for me i'm a practising Sikh, (I've had a few Bin Laden comments working up in Edinburgh but hey ho) so think how hard it was for me to find a woman lol! Duly noted mate - apologies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted May 6, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted May 6, 2011 Just to correct you mate it's SIKH. Alot of people have this view, that the girls are forced to marry a man they don't want, trust me they have a choice just as the men do. They are introduced to men, from a similar cultural background, if they get on, then it may lead to marriage if not they move on to someone else, but in Sikhs, i have rarely seen a girl forced into marriage but for some reason it's publicised, Obviously if you bring home a man of a different race and upbringing, parents will question it but they are coming round to it. As for me i'm a practising Sikh, (I've had a few Bin Laden comments working up in Edinburgh but hey ho) so think how hard it was for me to find a woman lol!Fair enough, but I too had a Sikh woman colleague (educated to postgraduate level FWIW) who fell foul of the same sort of cultural problems. Sure, she was never forced into a marriage, but when she got a white English boyfriend all hell broke loose. She ended up having to run away from home. She's been living with this guy for many years now, but her parents will still not even speak to her - which she finds deeply upsetting, as you can imagine. It just strikes me as cruel and stupid, not to say childish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PIW Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 PIW - Just reading your story I am exhausted. This stress must be affecting other areas of your life. What was your families reaction to all this, surely there must be an element of them being angry towards your wifes family for their treatment of you. Its exhausting just trying to recall all of it. I didn't go into detail about my feelings on the issue because it would only serve to fire up my mom and that wouldn't be a good idea. Just leave it with me simmering away until its well and truly in the past. My wife has moved on with it so its pointless me feeling bitter still. My wife could empathise with my wife to a degree because her dad was an old styled Irish catholic. The only person good enough was another irish catholic and at the very least a catholic. So for my mom to bring home my proddy dad was a big no-no. My nan, his wife, had to lie and say that my dad was Catholic before he was happy for them to 'Court'. not quite the same I know but there was a smidgeon of understanding for my wife's position. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maradona10 Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 Just to correct you mate it's SIKH. Alot of people have this view, that the girls are forced to marry a man they don't want, trust me they have a choice just as the men do. They are introduced to men, from a similar cultural background, if they get on, then it may lead to marriage if not they move on to someone else, but in Sikhs, i have rarely seen a girl forced into marriage but for some reason it's publicised, Obviously if you bring home a man of a different race and upbringing, parents will question it but they are coming round to it. As for me i'm a practising Sikh, (I've had a few Bin Laden comments working up in Edinburgh but hey ho) so think how hard it was for me to find a woman lol!Fair enough, but I too had a Sikh woman colleague (educated to postgraduate level FWIW) who fell foul of the same sort of cultural problems. Sure, she was never forced into a marriage, but when she got a white English boyfriend all hell broke loose. She ended up having to run away from home. She's been living with this guy for many years now, but her parents will still not even speak to her - which she finds deeply upsetting, as you can imagine. It just strikes me as cruel and stupid, not to say childish. Mate i wouldn't say it's stupid and cruel, I'm not defending the parents by any means but it's different in each households. The parents are probably from a tight knit community and the pride they have is paramount. So when their daughter does something which ain't the norm, the parents struggle within the community and get snipey comments by others within the community. Don't think they have it easy, they probably turn up to events and have a fair few people chatting about their daughter. In time maybe they will regret their decision but i wouldn't say its stupid, its just the society we live in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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