What do you dislike most about yourself?

[Demitri_C]

58 minutes ago, A'Villan said:

Adonis and Hercules couldn't reach the heights you do @Demitri_C. 

A levendi as tall as the tallest dendri.

bravo chakos

[Wainy316]

On 23/01/2022 at 10:05, mjmooney said:

Actually, elaborating on the laziness thing, my problem was always that I was a dreamer and a procrastinator. It started at school, and carried on right through university and work life. If I had a task to do - an essay to write, say - I'd do anything to avoid it until the very last minute (and often beyond). I'd be daydreaming, reading, listening to music, socialising - but never fully enjoying it, due to the nagging anxiety incurred by the knowledge of the looming deadline. I'd finally rush the job in a state of cold sweat, swearing that I'd never put myself through it again, and that in future I'd do it in good time and be able to properly enjoy relaxing afterwards. But I knew full well that I was kidding myself, and that the pattern would repeat again and again. As it did. Like @villa4europe, I was perfectly capable of doing the job really well, and most of my teachers and bosses knew that and got quite angry with me as a result. 

Yeah this is pretty much a carbon copy of the way my mind works with regards to this sort of stuff.

Unfortunately for me I'm currently studying again and I'm doing it all over again.

[Chindie]

My mental/stomach problems. 

Legitimately has ruined my life. If I didn't have it, literally everything would be different, better. It dictates and dominates everything.

[PieFacE]

My face. **** pie

[Wainy316]

Crippling self doubt and lack of confidence, even though outwardly I don't always appear as such.

[tinker]

2 hours ago, Wainy316 said:

Crippling self doubt and lack of confidence, even though outwardly I don't always appear as such.

Think this a battle we all go through..

[mjmooney]

1 hour ago, tinker said:

Think this a battle we all go through..

Boris Johnson says 'hi'. 

[MakemineVanilla]

On 23/01/2022 at 10:05, mjmooney said:

Actually, elaborating on the laziness thing, my problem was always that I was a dreamer and a procrastinator. It started at school, and carried on right through university and work life. If I had a task to do - an essay to write, say - I'd do anything to avoid it until the very last minute (and often beyond). I'd be daydreaming, reading, listening to music, socialising - but never fully enjoying it, due to the nagging anxiety incurred by the knowledge of the looming deadline. I'd finally rush the job in a state of cold sweat, swearing that I'd never put myself through it again, and that in future I'd do it in good time and be able to properly enjoy relaxing afterwards. But I knew full well that I was kidding myself, and that the pattern would repeat again and again. As it did. Like @villa4europe, I was perfectly capable of doing the job really well, and most of my teachers and bosses knew that and got quite angry with me as a result. 

Come, come, young Mooney, surely you can do better than that?

Such self-deprication puts your life into a much too negative light.

You shouldn't let your career define you, and a gentleman gets a Third Class Honours degree, only a bounder gets a fourth .

What about: aspiring Trouvère, pursued with a hint of Sprezzatura, and a dash of élan, in an hedonistic style which only Joris-Karl Huysmans could compete with?

[mjmooney]

36 minutes ago, MakemineVanilla said:

Come, come, young Mooney, surely you can do better than that?

Such self-deprication puts your life into a much too negative light.

You shouldn't let your career define you, and a gentleman gets a Third Class Honours degree, only a bounder gets a fourth .

What about: aspiring Trouvère, pursued with a hint of Sprezzatura, and a dash of élan, in an hedonistic style which only Joris-Karl Huysmans could compete with?

Quite so. In a separate post I reasoned that had I been that higher achiever, I wouldn't have been 'me'. I'm OK with it. 

[regular_john]

My penis, I hate it. It's just far, far, far, far, far too big.

 

(Rubbish) jokes aside - I'm too hard on myself. I'm doing well - I have a good job, amazing wife, beautiful children, am pretty much financially secure, and yet I constantly worry that I'm not doing enough, not good enough at my job etc. etc. I also agonise over every mistake and imperfection.

 

Meh, thankfully I have an enormous penis to make up for it.

[mjmooney]

41 minutes ago, regular_john said:

I have a good job, amazing wife, beautiful children, am pretty much financially secure, and yet I constantly worry that I'm not doing enough, not good enough at my job etc. etc. I also agonise over every mistake and imperfection

Sorry to keep harking back to parents, but what were yours like? 

I'm sure that one of the reasons for my lack of work ethic and ambition is the fact that my parents had naff all, and accepted that as their lot without complaint. By the time I had got into grammar school at 11, I had already surpassed their wildest dreams. So, having a reasonably paid job, nice house and even a crap car made me feel I'd done more than enough. To want more just seemed crazy. So I never saw much point in doing more than the bare minimum needed to maintain that level. I'm not much into travel or luxury holidays, my hobbies aren't expensive, but time in which to enjoy them was always far, far more important than promotion and more money. 

[regular_john]

12 minutes ago, mjmooney said:

Sorry to keep harking back to parents, but what were yours like? 

I'm sure that one of the reasons for my lack of work ethic and ambition is the fact that my parents had naff all, and accepted that as their lot without complaint. By the time I had got into grammar school at 11, I had already surpassed their wildest dreams. So, having a reasonably paid job, nice house and even a crap car made me feel I'd done more than enough. To want more just seemed crazy. So I never saw much point in doing more than the bare minimum needed to maintain that level. I'm not much into travel or luxury holidays, my hobbies aren't expensive, but time in which to enjoy them was always far, far more important than promotion and more money. 

 

There's definitely a lot to be said for the long term impacts of different parenting styles - our formative years are the making/breaking of us IMO.

 

Mum is a lovely woman but can be a bit 'hard'. She has that Irish Catholic 'just get on with it' way about her. 

 

Dad was a character, full of life, loved by many but also had his demons, namely his borderline alcoholism and penchant for domestic violence. He contracted an autoimmune condition in his mid-40s, which left him hospitalised for months. I think being off the beer cleared his head, he realised how badly he'd screwed up his marriage etc. and really turned a corner. Sadly, he deteriorated and passed away quite quickly, which was desperately sad as he and mum were back together and all was looking rosy again.

[MakemineVanilla]

38 minutes ago, mjmooney said:

Sorry to keep harking back to parents, but what were yours like? 

I'm sure that one of the reasons for my lack of work ethic and ambition is the fact that my parents had naff all, and accepted that as their lot without complaint.

As they say, the worst kind of poverty is poverty of aspiration.

They use the term precariat these days, to describe those who live from hand to mouth, and certainly, what was true of our grandparents would be doubly-true of Irish Catholics.

Folk memories of the hedge-schools are hardly likely to encourage people to believe that the world was their oyster.

As E P Thompson wrote about the English labouring classes, earning a sufficiency could never be taken for granted.

Whether it was Hardy's Jude The Obscure, Emlyn Williams' The Corn is Green, or Wesker's Roots, the barriers to educational aspirations, were well known and understood.

Your parents must have been very proud of your achievements.

[mjmooney]

1 hour ago, MakemineVanilla said:

Your parents must have been very proud of your achievements.

Massively. So it's not surprising that I pretty quickly became complacent (although I would rather say 'content'). Whereas more high-achieving parents might have been somewhat disappointed. 

Edited January 26, 2022 by mjmooney

[A'Villan]

51 minutes ago, MakemineVanilla said:

As they say, the worst kind of poverty is poverty of aspiration.

They use the term precariat these days, to describe those who live from hand to mouth, and certainly, what was true of our grandparents would be doubly-true of Irish Catholics.

Folk memories of the hedge-schools are hardly likely to encourage people to believe that the world was their oyster.

As E P Thompson wrote about the English labouring classes, earning a sufficiency could never be taken for granted.

Whether it was Hardy's Jude The Obscure, Emlyn Williams' The Corn is Green, or Wesker's Roots, the barriers to educational aspirations, were well known and understood.

Your parents must have been very proud of your achievements.

I'm out of reactions for today but that's probably for the best here because it's made me write you instead, to say, your posts in this thread are appreciated and thank you for that. 

Honestly for some of them it's a language foreign to me but that's what's driving the thanks, as I can now go off and learn something I didn't. I can understand enough to know you are speaking about issues deep in my heart and at the core of where I see the world as we know it, lacking. That's not to say I think we are not good enough, I think the world of people and want everyone to live their best and a quality of life worth their time and effort here. 

You convey a message I can only guess is well versed in the history for certain aspects of why they are this way. And I aspire to share that insight. 

Forgive the following but the Greek side of my family have always lived in villages in Greece that were Spartan territories, and it was slightly odd that I had of my own thinking, started questioning my friends, family, and even at times strangers, on what they believed to be our greatest resources. And I would always follow up that for me it was one's heart and mind. As I delve deeper into Spartan history and philosophies, I learned that this fundamentally core to their belief and life approach. Virtue, courage and commitment to something beyond one's own importance. It was a nice coincidence to experience. 

On to the Irish side of my family and my dad believes that I've never had a serious injury from 27 years of basketball and 21 playing for a professional club, outside of one as a 13 year old, because of the Irish working class blood running through my veins, all the way back to the plantations and the fields. I don't know about that and I haven't done much reading on the Irish perspective on history and what's become of us. However again the way you offer a concise and clear understanding for what you are discussing has inspired me to keep on my path too, and that there are others too with a keen interest in such matters.

Most of my friends are black. Partly because of basketball, partially because I'm well known around Melbourne's inner city and live in social housing myself at among the high rise commission flats.

You talk about poverty of aspiration and forgive me if I misinterpret but for me that's synonymous with the heart and mind, as we aspire only what we feel and see as befitting in becoming something more than what was true for a time.

I am both liked and respected by the Africans I know for more than a friendly and kind manner, we have some wonderful chats about life and so once again, thank you for adding to that indirectly through sharing here.

[MakemineVanilla]

1 hour ago, A'Villan said:

I'm out of reactions for today but that's probably for the best here because it's made me write you instead, to say, your posts in this thread are appreciated and thank you for that. 

 

Thanks for the positive feedback.

My grandfather on my mother's side was Irish and was put in an orphanage by his mother and from there, he went into the army, where he served in India, just like his father before him.

On my father's side, his mother was Irish and his father was a protestant.

My sister and myself often discuss the competing memes which we inherited from each side of the family, and identify the different attitudes to education and alcohol.

Acknowledging these things is most enlightening and explains so much.

[Tom13]

On 23/01/2022 at 09:23, mjmooney said:

I'm somewhat lazy and unambitious, which certainly held me back career wise - as did my tendency to speak my mind, when it would have been tactically advisable to shut up. And I do exhibit the classic only child selfishness. 

Bit late to worry about it now, though. 

Amen

[il_serpente]

8 hours ago, mjmooney said:

 I'm sure that one of the reasons for my lack of work ethic and ambition is the fact that my parents had naff all, and accepted that as their lot without complaint. By the time I had got into grammar school at 11, I had already surpassed their wildest dreams. So, having a reasonably paid job, nice house and even a crap car made me feel I'd done more than enough. To want more just seemed crazy. So I never saw much point in doing more than the bare minimum needed to maintain that level. I'm not much into travel or luxury holidays, my hobbies aren't expensive, but time in which to enjoy them was always far, far more important than promotion and more money. 

The influence of parents is a tough one to gauge.  Mine were nothing like yours, as they both got advanced university degrees.   But I don't think I ever realized that they were better educated or "more successful" than most and didn't feel any pressure to do well from them at all and didn't measure myself against them.  I did well in school because, in my mind, why wouldn't you want to do your best?   I found school pretty easy, so things may have been different if I'd had to work really hard for it, but I don't think so.   I was always a very compliant child and in general had some anxiety about authority figures' disapproval (still that way to an extent), so I think that innate characteristic had a greater impact than my parents' station.  At the same time, I was always a keen judge of how much work I had to do and how late I could leave it without repercussions.    I guess I did feel that not going to college was not an option, and that may not have been the case if my parents weren't college educated.  Like you, though, my ambition didn't go beyond being reasonably successful and comfortable, and I have taken a pass when colleagues and bosses encouraged me to go for higher positions that carried more clout because I didn't see that and the slightly higher pay offsetting the additional work and stress.

[icouldtelltheworld]

15 hours ago, mjmooney said:

Sorry to keep harking back to parents, but what were yours like? 

I'm sure that one of the reasons for my lack of work ethic and ambition is the fact that my parents had naff all, and accepted that as their lot without complaint. By the time I had got into grammar school at 11, I had already surpassed their wildest dreams. So, having a reasonably paid job, nice house and even a crap car made me feel I'd done more than enough. To want more just seemed crazy. So I never saw much point in doing more than the bare minimum needed to maintain that level. I'm not much into travel or luxury holidays, my hobbies aren't expensive, but time in which to enjoy them was always far, far more important than promotion and more money. 

I turn 30 this year - if by the time I get to your age I'm able to look back on my life and come to the same conclusions as you have here, I'd say things will have turned out pretty well

[mjmooney]

1 hour ago, icouldtelltheworld said:

I turn 30 this year - if by the time I get to your age I'm able to look back on my life and come to the same conclusions as you have here, I'd say things will have turned out pretty well

I went through a pretty low point in my mid 20s after university. Unemployed and broke, and little idea how to get out of it. Fortunately I had the support of a few good friends to see me through it. Ended up stumbling into a programming training course, met my missus, and things turned around. Luck. Sheer luck.