What is your experience of mental health?

[lapal_fan]

16 hours ago, NurembergVillan said:

I'm in a bit of a hole again.  Was a right state earlier this year then really picked up and was back to my self again over the summer until about 3 weeks ago.  It's a **** struggle at the moment.

Here's a nosy question, but I am genuinely curious;

- what does it feel like? 

How does it manifest itself?  

I've had times I think "well this is a bit shit" and I have a "bad day" - but I can't imagine what a prolonged period of depression would feel like.  I read people who can't lift their heads off the pillow, but I just can't imagine that - is it a physical thing?  It's obviously a mental thing, but does it leech into your actual body somehow? 

Whenever I feel down, I just get doubly determined to snap out of it.  That's not me being condescending, it's what my inner monologue is doing with me.  I kind of default to pretending to be Liam Gallagher or watching Vic and Bob doing Shooting Stars or grabbing the playstation controller and shooting a few people in Battlefield.  I have begun playing football again (3 weeks ago) after snapping my hamstring tendon/muscles on Feb 4th, that's helped me.  My new job has really helped my mental attitude - I find I'm happier etc.  Posting stupid shit on here helps keep me happy.  

Makes me sound like a complete dumbass, and who the **** would want to be Liam Gallagher?   Guess I just like his "yea whatever man" attitude.  

[blandy]

18 hours ago, NurembergVillan said:

I'm in a bit of a hole again.  Was a right state earlier this year then really picked up and was back to my self again over the summer until about 3 weeks ago.  It's a **** struggle at the moment.

Ah, Sorry Rob.

Is it related to the lack of daylight now, and the longer darkness? Would some sunshine and warmth help ease your situation?

Sorry also if this is trite and lacks understanding. It is, but I'm just not qualified to do anything other than sympathise and wish you well. 

[NurembergVillan]

31 minutes ago, lapal_fan said:

Here's a nosy question, but I am genuinely curious;

- what does it feel like? 

How does it manifest itself?  

I've had times I think "well this is a bit shit" and I have a "bad day" - but I can't imagine what a prolonged period of depression would feel like.  I read people who can't lift their heads off the pillow, but I just can't imagine that - is it a physical thing?  It's obviously a mental thing, but does it leech into your actual body somehow? 

Whenever I feel down, I just get doubly determined to snap out of it.  That's not me being condescending, it's what my inner monologue is doing with me.  I kind of default to pretending to be Liam Gallagher or watching Vic and Bob doing Shooting Stars or grabbing the playstation controller and shooting a few people in Battlefield.  I have begun playing football again (3 weeks ago) after snapping my hamstring tendon/muscles on Feb 4th, that's helped me.  My new job has really helped my mental attitude - I find I'm happier etc.  Posting stupid shit on here helps keep me happy.  

Makes me sound like a complete dumbass, and who the **** would want to be Liam Gallagher?   Guess I just like his "yea whatever man" attitude.  

It's a good question, and one not enough people are either willing to ask or care about the answer.

It's hard to explain what it feels like.  I would imagine it's different for everyone too.  The analogy I often use it to compare it to a broken leg.  It's easier for people to understand because they can see it, and they know that broken leg = pain and inability to walk.  Describe a broken leg though.  "It **** kills".  Any advance on that?

For me, I always say it's like I'm looking out from inside myself.  Like I'm smaller than my body if that makes sense.  My body is the vessel and I'm just hanging around inside it.  I don't feel "full".  I guess it equates to when people say they feel like a shell.

It's been years since I've been in the position that I couldn't get out of bed, thankfully.  I'm still able to function and "power through" for the most part.  Physically there's an impact, and it is tiring.  There's a lot of thinking going on when you're depressed and that wears you out.  Then there's the tension and anxiety that produces adrenaline and affects your muscles so you can feel tired and lethargic.

Sometimes some things can be done to provide a distraction or even make things feel better.  More often, though, those things don't appeal.  Nothing does.  This time last week I'd be getting onto FIFA19 at every opportunity, but now I'm just not interested.

And on a related note - I get the Liam Gallagher thing.  I usually find that if I have to "get into character", I feel amazing.  Last week I was doing a filmed interview about some of my old work and I was totally in my element.  The full me.  As soon as it finished and I was walking back to the car I felt flat again.  As a teenager, I'd often try to embody Liam to make myself more confident.  I always tell people that the only reason I studied fashion in Manchester was the fashion to meet birds, and Manchester because I loved Oasis.

My depression is usually situational though, and a change in circumstances - as you said with your job - makes it go away.  I've been working hard to be able to let things go, worry less, get some perspective, but depression doesn't respond to perspective.  It's not rational.

There are varying degrees of a broken leg, but it's ultimately painful and you can't walk.

[NurembergVillan]

16 minutes ago, blandy said:

Ah, Sorry Rob.

Is it related to the lack of daylight now, and the longer darkness? Would some sunshine and warmth help ease your situation?

Sorry also if this is trite and lacks understanding. It is, but I'm just not qualified to do anything other than sympathise and wish you well. 

It definitely plays a role, for sure.  I always find myself getting down at this time of year.  I'll be investing in one of those fancy lamps to see if it helps!

Business has been tough in the last few months, the kids are hard work, and I feel exhausted.  Sometimes even an ordinary day feels like running 100m in ice skates.

[lapal_fan]

1 hour ago, NurembergVillan said:

It's a good question, and one not enough people are either willing to ask or care about the answer.

It's hard to explain what it feels like.  I would imagine it's different for everyone too.  The analogy I often use it to compare it to a broken leg.  It's easier for people to understand because they can see it, and they know that broken leg = pain and inability to walk.  Describe a broken leg though.  "It **** kills".  Any advance on that?

For me, I always say it's like I'm looking out from inside myself.  Like I'm smaller than my body if that makes sense.  My body is the vessel and I'm just hanging around inside it.  I don't feel "full".  I guess it equates to when people say they feel like a shell.

It's been years since I've been in the position that I couldn't get out of bed, thankfully.  I'm still able to function and "power through" for the most part.  Physically there's an impact, and it is tiring.  There's a lot of thinking going on when you're depressed and that wears you out.  Then there's the tension and anxiety that produces adrenaline and affects your muscles so you can feel tired and lethargic.

Sometimes some things can be done to provide a distraction or even make things feel better.  More often, though, those things don't appeal.  Nothing does.  This time last week I'd be getting onto FIFA19 at every opportunity, but now I'm just not interested.

And on a related note - I get the Liam Gallagher thing.  I usually find that if I have to "get into character", I feel amazing.  Last week I was doing a filmed interview about some of my old work and I was totally in my element.  The full me.  As soon as it finished and I was walking back to the car I felt flat again.  As a teenager, I'd often try to embody Liam to make myself more confident.  I always tell people that the only reason I studied fashion in Manchester was the fashion to meet birds, and Manchester because I loved Oasis.

My depression is usually situational though, and a change in circumstances - as you said with your job - makes it go away.  I've been working hard to be able to let things go, worry less, get some perspective, but depression doesn't respond to perspective.  It's not rational.

There are varying degrees of a broken leg, but it's ultimately painful and you can't walk.

Reading that sounds exhausting.    

next one then, you know when they have those questionnaires aimed at women, and the question is "What pet names make you angry?", and the typical respond with stuff like "babe" or "chick" or whatever - is there anything you find really antagonizing?  Like "Chin up lad LOLOL"? 

[NurembergVillan]

40 minutes ago, lapal_fan said:

Reading that sounds exhausting.    

next one then, you know when they have those questionnaires aimed at women, and the question is "What pet names make you angry?", and the typical respond with stuff like "babe" or "chick" or whatever - is there anything you find really antagonizing?  Like "Chin up lad LOLOL"? 

Thankfully I've not had anything that's been antagonizing.  I can't specifically remember anyone not "getting it".  Maybe I've been lucky.

That said, there's not much anyone can say that would hurt more than your internal narrative...

[lapal_fan]

1 minute ago, NurembergVillan said:

Thankfully I've not had anything that's been antagonizing.  I can't specifically remember anyone not "getting it".  Maybe I've been lucky.

That said, there's not much anyone can say that would hurt more than your internal narrative...

Well all I can do is wish you the best with it bud. 

Hope you feel better soon  

[hippo]

Dad had depression when I was kid (1970's)  - I didn't understand , and got angry with him for always looking on the bleak side, and just sitting in the chair smoking - eventually he got counselling and got back to old his old self and then spent some years helping others with depression.

Sister, got downgraded at work due to stress - eventually had to retire on ill heal @ 45  - she still gets very up tight - but fair play she tackles by keeping moving, gym, meeting friends etc.

I myself went though 6 years of anxiety, had to quit two jobs - but had to keep working as the main breadwinner and with kids. For me the anxiety is worse than the depression - Ive tons of counselling which does help if someones catches your wavelength. The ongoing thing me is that I know (or think) I could earn a very high salary - I don't and don't particularly want to any more - perhaps I feel PGP that I am not very much of a 'Man'  

One counsellor said to me that he could see why I got depression , because I was nice bloke  "If you didn't give a shoot about you wife and kids and only worried where your next shag was coming from, you wouldn't be sat in that chair now"  years on I think thats pretty profound.  

Edited October 31, 2018 by hippo

[Rugeley Villa]

@NurembergVillan , My wishes go out to you mate, and I hope things clear up for you soon. Blandy made an excellent point about the dark nights drawing in, which I was going to mention as something that could possibly add to the doom and gloom.  Me personally, I love the dark nights drawing in, and it’s the build up to Xmas for me. I get down around New Years Eve, which really gives me the blues. The other month I spent 36 hours straight in bed, because I was that depressed, and I slept most of it, but that was my own doing. Anyway, as I said, hope things pick up, and don’t be afraid to post how you’re feeling, as it’s good for you, and you get input from people, and daft creatures like @lapal_fan. 

All the best x

[Rugeley Villa]

1 hour ago, hippo said:

Dad had depression when I was kid (1970's)  - I didn't understand , and got angry with him for always looking on the bleak side, and just sitting in the chair smoking - eventually he got counselling and got back to old his old self and then spent some years helping others with depression.

Sister, got downgraded at work due to stress - eventually had to retire on ill heal @ 45  - she still gets very up tight - but fair play she tackles by keeping moving, gym, meeting friends etc.

I myself went though 6 years of anxiety, had to quit two jobs - but had to keep working as the main breadwinner and with kids. For me the anxiety is worse than the depression - Ive tons of counselling which does help if someones catches your wavelength. The ongoing thing me is that I know (or think) I could earn a very high salary - I don't and don't particularly want to any more - perhaps I feel PGP that I am not very much of a 'Man'  

One counsellor said to me that he could see why I got depression , because I was nice bloke  "If you didn't give a shoot about you wife and kids and only worried where your next shag was coming from, you wouldn't be sat in that chair now"  years on I think thats pretty profound.  

Anxiety is brutal. I have mild depression which comes and goes, but suffer bad with anxiety. It’s so hard to shake off. My wife is always calling me negative and depressing, because I’ve akways had a negative look on things, which I refuse to apologise for, because I just think some people are like that. One thing I’m not sure I agree with is the last part of your post. Not that I don’t think you’re a nice bloke, because you probably are, but surely so called not so nice people can have depression, and also people that shag about behind their wife’s back are allowed to suffer with it? Maybe doing that helps them with their problems, whatever they may be. Just a thought anyway. 

[hippo]

3 hours ago, Rugeley Villa said:

Anxiety is brutal. I have mild depression which comes and goes, but suffer bad with anxiety. It’s so hard to shake off. My wife is always calling me negative and depressing, because I’ve akways had a negative look on things, which I refuse to apologise for, because I just think some people are like that. One thing I’m not sure I agree with is the last part of your post. Not that I don’t think you’re a nice bloke, because you probably are, but surely so called not so nice people can have depression, and also people that shag about behind their wife’s back are allowed to suffer with it? Maybe doing that helps them with their problems, whatever they may be. Just a thought anyway. 

I think what he meant was always worrying if wife and kids were ok - and would they be ok in the future - that If I didn't give a shoot - I wouldn't have those worries.

[choffer]

8 hours ago, NurembergVillan said:

For me, I always say it's like I'm looking out from inside myself.  Like I'm smaller than my body if that makes sense.  My body is the vessel and I'm just hanging around inside it.  I don't feel "full".  I guess it equates to when people say they feel like a shell.

I’m nicking that. It’s so close to how I feel sometimes but I’ve never quite been able to articulate it. 

Hope it manages to clear for you soon, NV. 

[Tayls]

I posted something on my Facebook last week, which I was nervous about ‘putting out there’ in case people saw me differently.. I also thought about my colleagues that would see it and how it might affect my career. But then, I realised that I was doing exactly what I was campaigning for - for men to speak out about their feelings. I think I have mentioned it in other posts in this topic, and I’ve spoken to a couple of people here about issues this year - I have suffered from anxiety for many years, particularly around health. But things escalated a little after the birth of my daughter... 

Anyway, below is what I posted. (I’ve changed names to be My wife/daughter/Baby etc) 

 

I’m not one for writing posts on social media and I’m certainly not one that talks often about my feelings, to anybody, but I think this is an important message to get out there in the hope that somebody may be able to relate to it. 

My beautiful baby daughter turns eight months young in a few days time and she is everything my wife  and I ever wanted, in-fact, more so. The way she smiles at me when I come home from work, or when we go into her room after she wakes up from one of her naps - always grinning with her shiny new teeth, glad to see us. I honestly could not be more proud of my wife for the way she has raised our daughter to be such a sweet little baby. 

In spite of all of this, since the birth I have been struggling with what I believe to be PND, which primarily stemmed from the traumatic birth that we experienced. I won’t go into full details, but what seems to have triggered this the most for me was the initial hospital transfer due to complications and then seeing one of the midwives frantically trying to get our baby to breath on her own, before calling for one of the other midwives to request help. At that point, an alarm rang and a team of nine or 10 doctors/nurses/midwives came rushing in to provide immediate support. 
 We had no idea what was happening, my wife was stood surrounded by a pool of blood and hadn’t even had chance to set eyes on our daughter before she was rushed away. We didn’t even know the sex of our baby at that stage. 

We didn’t have the chance to sit as a family for the first time immediately after Baby was born. There was one point during the whole labour where I thought I was going to lose both my wife AND the baby - typically thinking of the worst case scenario. 

I replay these moments in my head pretty regularly as it is almost impossible to erase. It appears when I’m driving to/from work, or sat at my desk, or when the house is quiet, or even when we’re out for dinner surrounded by family - it often brings me to tears - despite knowing that everything is ok, and Baby was breathing on her own after just 10minutes of support. The thoughts that went through my mind whilst witnessing the brilliant team at the hospital do what they needed to do, during that short period, almost ruined me. 

The reason I’m writing this is because I have finally come to terms with what happened, knowing that we were in the best place that we possibly could have been to get help, knowing that Baby is growing so fast and learning every single day (mainly thanks to her awesome mum), and knowing that I have a network of people around me that I can talk to about how I am feeling should I need to. 

So for you other chaps that may have experienced a traumatic birth, I urge you to talk about it, don’t hold it in for months like I did. I didn’t seek professional help, admittedly, some of you may prefer to do that, but I have spoken to friends and family, and finally realised that I have no reason to fear or continue to be upset about the events that occurred, purely just by looking at my daughter now... 

I don’t see an awful lot of support available for guys that experience this, probably because we like to be men about it, but it is very real. Please talk about it. Get support should you need it. 

[Demitri_C]

8 hours ago, Tayls said:

I posted something on my Facebook last week, which I was nervous about ‘putting out there’ in case people saw me differently.. I also thought about my colleagues that would see it and how it might affect my career. But then, I realised that I was doing exactly what I was campaigning for - for men to speak out about their feelings. I think I have mentioned it in other posts in this topic, and I’ve spoken to a couple of people here about issues this year - I have suffered from anxiety for many years, particularly around health. But things escalated a little after the birth of my daughter... 

Anyway, below is what I posted. (I’ve changed names to be My wife/daughter/Baby etc) 

 

I’m not one for writing posts on social media and I’m certainly not one that talks often about my feelings, to anybody, but I think this is an important message to get out there in the hope that somebody may be able to relate to it. 

My beautiful baby daughter turns eight months young in a few days time and she is everything my wife  and I ever wanted, in-fact, more so. The way she smiles at me when I come home from work, or when we go into her room after she wakes up from one of her naps - always grinning with her shiny new teeth, glad to see us. I honestly could not be more proud of my wife for the way she has raised our daughter to be such a sweet little baby. 

In spite of all of this, since the birth I have been struggling with what I believe to be PND, which primarily stemmed from the traumatic birth that we experienced. I won’t go into full details, but what seems to have triggered this the most for me was the initial hospital transfer due to complications and then seeing one of the midwives frantically trying to get our baby to breath on her own, before calling for one of the other midwives to request help. At that point, an alarm rang and a team of nine or 10 doctors/nurses/midwives came rushing in to provide immediate support. 
 We had no idea what was happening, my wife was stood surrounded by a pool of blood and hadn’t even had chance to set eyes on our daughter before she was rushed away. We didn’t even know the sex of our baby at that stage. 

We didn’t have the chance to sit as a family for the first time immediately after Baby was born. There was one point during the whole labour where I thought I was going to lose both my wife AND the baby - typically thinking of the worst case scenario. 

I replay these moments in my head pretty regularly as it is almost impossible to erase. It appears when I’m driving to/from work, or sat at my desk, or when the house is quiet, or even when we’re out for dinner surrounded by family - it often brings me to tears - despite knowing that everything is ok, and Baby was breathing on her own after just 10minutes of support. The thoughts that went through my mind whilst witnessing the brilliant team at the hospital do what they needed to do, during that short period, almost ruined me. 

The reason I’m writing this is because I have finally come to terms with what happened, knowing that we were in the best place that we possibly could have been to get help, knowing that Baby is growing so fast and learning every single day (mainly thanks to her awesome mum), and knowing that I have a network of people around me that I can talk to about how I am feeling should I need to. 

So for you other chaps that may have experienced a traumatic birth, I urge you to talk about it, don’t hold it in for months like I did. I didn’t seek professional help, admittedly, some of you may prefer to do that, but I have spoken to friends and family, and finally realised that I have no reason to fear or continue to be upset about the events that occurred, purely just by looking at my daughter now... 

I don’t see an awful lot of support available for guys that experience this, probably because we like to be men about it, but it is very real. Please talk about it. Get support should you need it. 

Well done sir. If there was a love icon. I would click so I can only like it. It's so good to hear something like this as opposed to someone taking their life.

Edited November 14, 2018 by Demitri_C

[Rugeley Villa]

We got a site induction the other day, and mental health was mentioned. He went into detail about it too, which I thought was good. Men don’t have to be men anymore, which I think is important in coming to terms with your own personal situation. My wife’s brother has been on the phone all week to her . He’s not one to talk about things, or see anyone, but he’s finally opening up to my wife about how he’s feeling which is a big first step for him, because he literally does not talk about things. We’ve all known for a while he’s had problems, and he’s admitting what we already knew. @Tayls, well done mate. Can’t imagine what you all went through, but glad everything is working out. You said you suffer from health anxiety? Is this you constantly worrying about your health, and your families health? 

Edited November 14, 2018 by Rugeley Villa

[lapal_fan]

14 hours ago, Tayls said:

I posted something on my Facebook last week, which I was nervous about ‘putting out there’ in case people saw me differently.. I also thought about my colleagues that would see it and how it might affect my career. But then, I realised that I was doing exactly what I was campaigning for - for men to speak out about their feelings. I think I have mentioned it in other posts in this topic, and I’ve spoken to a couple of people here about issues this year - I have suffered from anxiety for many years, particularly around health. But things escalated a little after the birth of my daughter... 

Anyway, below is what I posted. (I’ve changed names to be My wife/daughter/Baby etc) 

 

I’m not one for writing posts on social media and I’m certainly not one that talks often about my feelings, to anybody, but I think this is an important message to get out there in the hope that somebody may be able to relate to it. 

My beautiful baby daughter turns eight months young in a few days time and she is everything my wife  and I ever wanted, in-fact, more so. The way she smiles at me when I come home from work, or when we go into her room after she wakes up from one of her naps - always grinning with her shiny new teeth, glad to see us. I honestly could not be more proud of my wife for the way she has raised our daughter to be such a sweet little baby. 

In spite of all of this, since the birth I have been struggling with what I believe to be PND, which primarily stemmed from the traumatic birth that we experienced. I won’t go into full details, but what seems to have triggered this the most for me was the initial hospital transfer due to complications and then seeing one of the midwives frantically trying to get our baby to breath on her own, before calling for one of the other midwives to request help. At that point, an alarm rang and a team of nine or 10 doctors/nurses/midwives came rushing in to provide immediate support. 
 We had no idea what was happening, my wife was stood surrounded by a pool of blood and hadn’t even had chance to set eyes on our daughter before she was rushed away. We didn’t even know the sex of our baby at that stage. 

We didn’t have the chance to sit as a family for the first time immediately after Baby was born. There was one point during the whole labour where I thought I was going to lose both my wife AND the baby - typically thinking of the worst case scenario. 

I replay these moments in my head pretty regularly as it is almost impossible to erase. It appears when I’m driving to/from work, or sat at my desk, or when the house is quiet, or even when we’re out for dinner surrounded by family - it often brings me to tears - despite knowing that everything is ok, and Baby was breathing on her own after just 10minutes of support. The thoughts that went through my mind whilst witnessing the brilliant team at the hospital do what they needed to do, during that short period, almost ruined me. 

The reason I’m writing this is because I have finally come to terms with what happened, knowing that we were in the best place that we possibly could have been to get help, knowing that Baby is growing so fast and learning every single day (mainly thanks to her awesome mum), and knowing that I have a network of people around me that I can talk to about how I am feeling should I need to. 

So for you other chaps that may have experienced a traumatic birth, I urge you to talk about it, don’t hold it in for months like I did. I didn’t seek professional help, admittedly, some of you may prefer to do that, but I have spoken to friends and family, and finally realised that I have no reason to fear or continue to be upset about the events that occurred, purely just by looking at my daughter now... 

I don’t see an awful lot of support available for guys that experience this, probably because we like to be men about it, but it is very real. Please talk about it. Get support should you need it. 

Mirrors my lads birth almost identically, with the pool, the alarm, me stood between my (very) worried wife and a team of (as you say) 10 people shoving a tube down my boys throat, sucking all the much out of his airwaves.  Took about 10 mins, and he never did cry as far as I can remember.. 

You record every, last details of those times of panic.. 

Luckily for me though, I rarely remember those images and your post is the first time for a good while that I've actually recalled them (you bastard ).

Look forward to all the stuff you'll be doing, that's what I try and do.  First steps are coming, look forward to them   

[Rugeley Villa]

1 hour ago, lapal_fan said:

 

Look forward to all the stuff you'll be doing, that's what I try and do.  First steps are coming, look forward to them   

Well if Tayls can’t walk yet, I don’t hold much hope for him. 

[maqroll]

Ah yes, Seasonal Affective Disorder. Autumn brings a natural melancholy with it, and winters are long and dark. I fall victim to it as well. It sort of piggybacks on my regular problems. 

Every day is some combination of natural disasters, racial tension, gun violence, political violence, Trump, sexism, war, etc. It's **** relentless. Lately I've been smoking weed and drinking beer or wine. Like every night. It helps me relax and tune out the mayhem. **** it if it's bad for me, I'm just trying to cope.

 

[Rugeley Villa]

Long dark winters are fine with me. Love ‘em. 

[Demitri_C]

14 hours ago, maqroll said:

Ah yes, Seasonal Affective Disorder. Autumn brings a natural melancholy with it, and winters are long and dark. I fall victim to it as well. It sort of piggybacks on my regular problems. 

Every day is some combination of natural disasters, racial tension, gun violence, political violence, Trump, sexism, war, etc. It's **** relentless. Lately I've been smoking weed and drinking beer or wine. Like every night. It helps me relax and tune out the mayhem. **** it if it's bad for me, I'm just trying to cope.

 

Woah!! I never knew something such as  SAD exists. I've always wondered if there was as one of my friends always seems to be down at this time of year when summer ends.