Things that piss you off that shouldn't

[BOF]

Anyone who talks about going drinking and says things like;

I had a few jars

I drunk a few cans

I got well pissed

I went out drinking

I got shloshed

I was lashed

I was monged

And any other use of pointless adjectives to make it sound like they've drank more than they have, I don't care, you're a massive prick.

I don't mind however if someone else tells me that someone else got pissed, but 1st person stories about getting 'mullered' make me want to cry out of my penis.

I also don't mind if someone says 'I got drunk' - without seeming like they're bragging about it.

Well I plan on being absolutely elephants this weekend

[lapal_fan]

Why I oughta'..

[BOF]

I love that phrase though. It makes no sense and yet you know precisely what condition I'll be in

[mjmooney]

I also tend to use square brackets on the (very) rare occasion I need to embed on set of parentheses within another. It's analogous to using single and double quotation marks when you are quoting someone who is quoting someone themselves.

The Oxford Style Guide has:

British practice is normally to enclose quoted matter between single quotation marks, and to use double quotation marks for a quotation within a quotation:

'Have you any idea', he said, 'what "dillygrout" is?'

This is the preferred OUP practice for academic books. The order is often reversed in newspapers, and uniformly in US practice:

"Have you any idea," he said, "what 'dillygrout' is?"

If another quotation is nested within the second quotation, revert to the original mark, either single-double-single or double-single-double. When reproducing matter that has been previously set using forms of punctuation differing from house style, editors may in normal writing silently impose changes drawn from a small class of typographical conventions, such as replacing double quotation marks with single ones, standardizing foreign or antiquated constructions, and adjusting final punctuation order. Do not, however, standardize spelling or other forms of punctuation, nor impose any silent changes in scholarly works concerned with recreating text precisely, such as facsimiles, bibliographic studies, or edited collections of writing or correspondence.

Reading that, I find that my usual practice (single within double) is in fact the American standard. I think I may have to change what I do.

[leemond2008]

Anyone who talks about going drinking and says things like;

I had a few jars

I drunk a few cans

I got well pissed

I went out drinking

I got shloshed

I was lashed

I was monged

And any other use of pointless adjectives to make it sound like they've drank more than they have, I don't care, you're a massive prick.

I don't mind however if someone else tells me that someone else got pissed, but 1st person stories about getting 'mullered' make me want to cry out of my penis.

I also don't mind if someone says 'I got drunk' - without seeming like they're bragging about it.

ok I can give you most of them (and yes I am guilty of doing quite a few on your list) but I have to argue against ''I drunk a few cans''

I cant see what is wrong with that, on wednesday night I had 5 cans, got into work the next morning and someone said what did you get up to last night and my reply was ''nothing much just sat at home watched a film and had a few cans''

cant see how that is really bragging, I didn't go into what type of beer I was drinking e.g. I had a few cans...but they were cans of SPECIAL BREW AAGGGGHHHHHHH I'M A BEER DRINKING MAN AAAAGGGHHHH'' I didn't divulge how many a ''few cans were'' e.g. I had a few cans....by a few I meanI HAD 15 CANS AAAAGGGGHHHHH I'M A BEER DRINKING MAN AAAAGGGGHHHHH''

I just said I sat at home watched a film and had a few cans cant see the problem with that

[Eames]

I love that phrase though. It makes no sense and yet you know precisely what condition I'll be in

Makes perfect sense: "Elephants Trunk" = "drunk"

[Genie]

People who get annoyed about the subtle differences in the use of brackets.

[Stevo985]

People who DON'T get annoyed by the subtle differences in usage of brackets.

And people who finish at 1 on a Friday...bastards

[Genie]

People who DON'T get annoyed by the subtle differences in usage of brackets.

And people who finish at 1 on a Friday...bastards

1? try 12

[mjmooney]

The other side of the drinking exaggeration coin is that some people (these people are called women) fail to understand the deliberate use of understatement.

A mate and I once went out to the pub and he said to his missus "We're off for a swift half". When we returned several hours and several pints later, she was inexplicably angry and confused: "You said you were only going for a 'swift half' - how could that take so long?" [1]

He had to patiently explain to her that "a swift half" was a technical term, that was not to be interpreted literally.

[1] I notice I'm still using the American practice for quotations; it's a hard habit to break.

[lapal_fan]

Anyone who talks about going drinking and says things like;

I had a few jars

I drunk a few cans

I got well pissed

I went out drinking

I got shloshed

I was lashed

I was monged

And any other use of pointless adjectives to make it sound like they've drank more than they have, I don't care, you're a massive prick.

I don't mind however if someone else tells me that someone else got pissed, but 1st person stories about getting 'mullered' make me want to cry out of my penis.

I also don't mind if someone says 'I got drunk' - without seeming like they're bragging about it.

ok I can give you most of them (and yes I am guilty of doing quite a few on your list) but I have to argue against ''I drunk a few cans''

I cant see what is wrong with that, on wednesday night I had 5 cans, got into work the next morning and someone said what did you get up to last night and my reply was ''nothing much just sat at home watched a film and had a few cans''

cant see how that is really bragging, I didn't go into what type of beer I was drinking e.g. I had a few cans...but they were cans of SPECIAL BREW AAGGGGHHHHHHH I'M A BEER DRINKING MAN AAAAGGGHHHH'' I didn't divulge how many a ''few cans were'' e.g. I had a few cans....by a few I meanI HAD 15 CANS AAAAGGGGHHHHH I'M A BEER DRINKING MAN AAAAGGGGHHHHH''

I just said I sat at home watched a film and had a few cans cant see the problem with that

I dont need to know what you're drinking out of, you could just say 'I sat at home, watched a film and had a beer'

That's good, I don't know, maybe I think 'I had a few cans/jars/tinnies' etc just sounds common..

no offence!

[mjmooney]

People who pronounce the word "year" as "yee-er" instead of "yer".

[CrackpotForeigner]

Yes, but what IS a dillygrout?

[mjmooney]

Alternative spelling of "Dilligrout" - a watery porridge made with plums in it, apparently.

[CrackpotForeigner]

Alternative spelling of "Dilligrout" - a watery porridge made with plums in it, apparently.

Interesting.

There is clearly scope for some witty remark here, incorporating the use of the words "plums" and "watery porridge".

Do any of our more erudite posters feel capable of supplying an appropritate witticism?

[leemond2008]

Anyone who talks about going drinking and says things like;

I had a few jars

I drunk a few cans

I got well pissed

I went out drinking

I got shloshed

I was lashed

I was monged

And any other use of pointless adjectives to make it sound like they've drank more than they have, I don't care, you're a massive prick.

I don't mind however if someone else tells me that someone else got pissed, but 1st person stories about getting 'mullered' make me want to cry out of my penis.

I also don't mind if someone says 'I got drunk' - without seeming like they're bragging about it.

ok I can give you most of them (and yes I am guilty of doing quite a few on your list) but I have to argue against ''I drunk a few cans''

I cant see what is wrong with that, on wednesday night I had 5 cans, got into work the next morning and someone said what did you get up to last night and my reply was ''nothing much just sat at home watched a film and had a few cans''

cant see how that is really bragging, I didn't go into what type of beer I was drinking e.g. I had a few cans...but they were cans of SPECIAL BREW AAGGGGHHHHHHH I'M A BEER DRINKING MAN AAAAGGGHHHH'' I didn't divulge how many a ''few cans were'' e.g. I had a few cans....by a few I meanI HAD 15 CANS AAAAGGGGHHHHH I'M A BEER DRINKING MAN AAAAGGGGHHHHH''

I just said I sat at home watched a film and had a few cans cant see the problem with that

I dont need to know what you're drinking out of, you could just say 'I sat at home, watched a film and had a beer'

That's good, I don't know, maybe I think 'I had a few cans/jars/tinnies' etc just sounds common..

no offence!

hhmmm but then why do you need to know that I had a beer? why not just say 'I watched a film and consumed a small quantity of alcohol'

actually why do you feel the need to know I watched a film you nosy bastard????

[Risso]

Alternative spelling of "Dilligrout" - a watery porridge made with plums in it, apparently.

Interesting.

There is clearly scope for some witty remark here, incorporating the use of the words "plums" and "watery porridge".

Do any of our more erudite posters feel capable of supplying an appropritate witticism?

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Dillygrout.

Dillygrout who?

Dillygrout watery porridge with plums.

Needs a bit of work.

[Stevo985]

The other side of the drinking exaggeration coin is that some people (these people are called women) fail to understand the deliberate use of understatement.

A mate and I once went out to the pub and he said to his missus "We're off for a swift half". When we returned several hours and several pints later, she was inexplicably angry and confused: "You said you were only going for a 'swift half' - how could that take so long?" [1]

He had to patiently explain to her that "a swift half" was a technical term, that was not to be interpreted literally.

[1] I notice I'm still using the American practice for quotations; it's a hard habit to break.

I'm actually on her side there.

Not in getting angry, but in that I'd take a swift half to specifically mean a half.

If he'd said he was going for a drink, or a pint, or a beer, then i'd side with him.

But specifically saying half would indicate he actually meant half

[CrackpotForeigner]

The other side of the drinking exaggeration coin is that some people (these people are called women) fail to understand the deliberate use of understatement.

A mate and I once went out to the pub and he said to his missus "We're off for a swift half". When we returned several hours and several pints later, she was inexplicably angry and confused: "You said you were only going for a 'swift half' - how could that take so long?" [1]

He had to patiently explain to her that "a swift half" was a technical term, that was not to be interpreted literally.

[1] I notice I'm still using the American practice for quotations; it's a hard habit to break.

I'm actually on her side there.

Not in getting angry, but in that I'd take a swift half to specifically mean a half.

If he'd said he was going for a drink, or a pint, or a beer, then i'd side with him.

But specifically saying half would indicate he actually meant half

I disagree in the strongest possible terms. And tbh Stevo, I'm disappointed. Not angry, just disappointed.

PERHAPS if you said "I'm just going out for half an hour" (or 'I'm just going out for half an hour' ) there might be some obligation to return after drinking a measly half pint.

However, it should be universally agreed that in the absence of such a stated timeframe, a session of drinks should be allowed to run its course. Premature termination of such is simply unnatural, unhealthy, and not in anyone's real interest.

[Jon]

The other side of the drinking exaggeration coin is that some people (these people are called women) fail to understand the deliberate use of understatement.

A mate and I once went out to the pub and he said to his missus "We're off for a swift half". When we returned several hours and several pints later, she was inexplicably angry and confused: "You said you were only going for a 'swift half' - how could that take so long?" [1]

He had to patiently explain to her that "a swift half" was a technical term, that was not to be interpreted literally.

[1] I notice I'm still using the American practice for quotations; it's a hard habit to break.

I'm actually on her side there.

Not in getting angry, but in that I'd take a swift half to specifically mean a half.

If he'd said he was going for a drink, or a pint, or a beer, then i'd side with him.

But specifically saying half would indicate he actually meant half

Yep, I'd agree Ben.

To specify half, to me, would mean a half. You wouldn't be out long, and wouldn't be getting mullered.

To say, "a few beers", "a couple" etc, now that can mean several pints, and several hours.

IMO.

My missus would think it odd if i said I was off out for a half anwway. It's not a unit of consumption i'm generally familiar with