Ghost Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 I demand fixtures be written in andykeenan style formatting and spelling. The first fixture being: Chimps v polar brears sky 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post 8pints Posted August 12, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted August 12, 2014 (edited) *Various members of the press await the beginning of this 'eagle'y 'ant'icipated press conference. There are reporters from Moos News, The Daily Budgie and most importantly Chimp Chat.* *A hush falls over the crowd as 8pints; Chimp XI's manager, Barbara; Chimp XI's Assistant Manager and Caesar; Chimp XI's Captain, make their entrance as music plays.* 8P: Hello everybody, thanks for coming. B: Sorry, I'll wipe the seat. 8P: What are you on about?...Oh, don't start with that type of humour! We'll have lost the Panda support now, they don't like sex and stuff. B: Pandas will support The Polars, keep it in the family. 8P: They might be rivals like us and the Baboons and Gorillas? B: Doubt it, Bears are very liberal, not close minded like apes. C: 8P: Yeah alright, Caesar, you're here too, we know. C: 8P: Don't look at me like that or I'll drop you! B: Put him down then, there's a seat right there! 8P: *Groan* I thought you were a Chimp not a Puss E Katt! B: Get on with it. 8P: Okay, first question, please... *The first reporter steps up to the mic* N: Hey you guys, Nelly here from Mandalay Metro, just wondering, Do you have any tactics? C: 8P: Be quiet, Caesar! Yes we do, that's not true at all! Thanks, Nelly, great question. I've thought a lot about tactics, released my first eleven pretty early on the way Mourinho does, we're pretty similar guys, and it's fair to say, there's one particular thing we have in mind, that will be pretty effective. B: *Whispers* Have you seen this?....... the fact that a chimp could rip your face off and eat it is all well and good, but it's not going to be allowed on the pitch. 8P: Oh for fu---*Clears his throat* we're working with a very fresh and fluid sense of tactics, it's very continental. B: Good save. 8P: Shut up! Next question. *The Second Reporter steps up to the mic* T: Tiddles from The Scratching Post here. Our readers want to know if you're settling in okay and if you've felt welcomed? 8P: Another great question. B: Are you saying that because you're actually thinking of them yourself and it's you writing them? 8P: Don't start with that, I get it enough from-- B: --From who!? Is there someone else!? 8P: Err... B: You mean you've done something similar to this 'Pretending-to-talk-to-someone-but-actually-just-typing-to-yourself-which-nobody-reads-anyway-but-apart-from-three-others-that-post-in-that-thread-also-everyone-else-will-think-you-saw-Stevo's-fantastic-opening-ceremony-post-and-jumped-on-the-bandwagon' before!? 8P: ......That one doesn't have a Twitter account. B: This one is better. 8P: I wouldn't say that. B: *Rolls eyes* Of course not. *8pints looks a bit sheepish, which is unlucky as I don't think they'd have done well at this tournament* 8P: I'm going to answer the question. Yes, Tiddles, we're settling in fine and have felt very welcomed at this Tournament. Let's just say, without any sense of favouritism, I think the SIFF Official has gone on record and stated he has quite a soft spot for The Chimps. B: How do you mean? 8P: He's done stuff on the radio like 'Cheap as Chimps' and is always banging on about how fondly he regards The 'Panzees. *Roars and squeaks of laughter erupt from the gathered press, 8pints thinks he has said something witty but Barbara shakes her head whilst Caesar looks very embarrassed.* B: He's not Karl Pilkington you idiot abroad! 8P: Isn't he!? Oh, well he thinks we're going to win our first game at least! Chimps vs Polar Bears My opinion is that Chimps vs Polar bears is hard to call. Both big and strong, both able to stand on hind legs, both quick. Ultimately, I think that, whilst polar bears are quick, they wouldn't have much acceleration, and they'd lack agility and movement. This, coupled with the Chimps similarity to humans and their undoubtedly brilliant goalkeeper would swing it in their favour. B: Interesting. 8P: All the fans are tipping us to win Polar Bears could cause first round upsets... B: Apart from that one. 8P: Yeah. Chimps v Polar Bears - bears to take it on penalties. B: And that one. 8P: Okay...true....all the clever people know who will win. B: Do you think this press conference was worth it? 8P: There was great expectation for it. I'm looking forward to 8Pints' case for the Chimps vs the Polar bears. should be able to sway a few votes with nobody (so far) to debate against him. B: I think he's saying, once people read...well...all this basically...even if they don't read it, which is more likely and just look at the wall of text, they will want the Polar Bears to win. 8P: *Looks devastated*...what? B: It's okay. *Tries to hug 8ints to console him* 8P: Get your filthy hands off me, you damn dirty ape! *8pints storms out, followed by Caesar and then Barbara. The Press Conference is over.* Edited August 12, 2014 by 8pints 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted August 12, 2014 Author VT Supporter Share Posted August 12, 2014 Poll added for the first 2 games. Managers updated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted August 12, 2014 Author VT Supporter Share Posted August 12, 2014 I'd have preferred to keep the polls private so that only I could see who had won, so that the match reports would have been a surprise. But I don't think that's possible so we'll have to go with public. Polls will go on until at least midday for every game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowychap Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 I'd have preferred to keep the polls private so that only I could see who had won, so that the match reports would have been a surprise. But I don't think that's possible so we'll have to go with public. Polls will go on until at least midday for every game. Looks like they are private. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowychap Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 B: I think he's saying, once people read...well...all this basically...even if they don't read it, which is more likely and just look at the wall of text, they will want the Polar Bears to win. 8P: *Looks devastated*...what? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted August 12, 2014 Author VT Supporter Share Posted August 12, 2014 I'd have preferred to keep the polls private so that only I could see who had won, so that the match reports would have been a surprise. But I don't think that's possible so we'll have to go with public. Polls will go on until at least midday for every game. Looks like they are private. They're private in so much as you can't see who has voted for who. But I meant you wouldn't be able to see how many votes had been cast for each team. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowychap Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 I'd have preferred to keep the polls private so that only I could see who had won, so that the match reports would have been a surprise. But I don't think that's possible so we'll have to go with public. Polls will go on until at least midday for every game. Looks like they are private. They're private in so much as you can't see who has voted for who. But I meant you wouldn't be able to see how many votes had been cast for each team. Ah, gotcha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowychap Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 I think I was originally siding with the chimps against the polar bears given the solitary nature of the latter and their obvious problems with the conditions but the apparent lack of unity in the chimps' camp is edging me towards an upset. That the chimps' defence and attack will probably spend most of their time swinging from the crossbars and nets in the various goals (either being much too deep defensively or constantly offside) means they'll get overrun in the middle of the park and I give it to the polar bears with a spectacular (though accidental) forty yard strike. Finally, as the poll is finishing at midday, it would appear to be a morning kick off which would see the polar bears at the peak of their abilities. An evening game would have seen the chimps winning by three or four. With the dolphins' request to move the fixture to a more suitable venue having been denied and the subsequently wished for rain looking unlikely, the cheetahs ought to stroll through (well not stroll, clearly). 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
useless Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 WIth the African sun, I worry that Polar Bears are going to overheat, they really need to conserve as much energy as possible. If the Chimpanzees can get any early goal then I'd have them down as clear favourites. Really it needs a strong defensive performance from the Bears and hopefully (from their point of view) they can get a late goal, possibly from a set piece, they've got the height advantage and need to make it count. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob182 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 As useless says, this year's destination is not the 'Bears preferred choice. If they get the vote to host the next SIFF World Cup, then my money will be on them. But Today, I feel they will be having early (ice) baths. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8pints Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 (edited) This is my starting eleven for CHIMP XI Our nickname is 'The Panzees' Our Motto is 'Beware The Beast, Man" (The comma is important in our version...this is not part of the motto, just an explanation) Çarli CJ Clara Evie Evo Bam Bam Muggs Kwanza Pankun Caesar (Captain) Bubbles Cornelius Edited August 12, 2014 by 8pints Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowychap Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 More information on the problems in the chimps' camp from social media 'sources': Apparently, they are unhappy with some aspects of the training regime. The worst of it is reported to be them being served PG Tips after one session and doing 'upper body strength' work that included moving pianos. One first team regular commented, before rushing off to swing on a tire, "It's like being back in the '70s. No respect for the players." 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFCforever1991 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Caesar playing in the hole........ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted August 12, 2014 Author VT Supporter Share Posted August 12, 2014 Not much width there. Luckily the polar bears don't have much in the way of pace on the wings 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
useless Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 I'm struggling to think of a good argument for the Dolphins against the Cheetahs. I know the Cheetah's can't play at full pace the entire match but still the Dolphins can hardly move at all they're going to have to perfect the tika taka style and make the ball do the work. Like the Polar Bears I worry for them in the heat, they're going to have to make sure they get properly refreshed at half time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob182 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Expect a few water breaks in the Cheetahs v Dolphins match. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hogso Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Who is in the human team? Is it the best players today, or, just some blokes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted August 12, 2014 Author VT Supporter Share Posted August 12, 2014 Who is in the human team? Is it the best players today, or, just some blokes Germany. Current world champs. But like I said, it doesn't really matter. We're assuming that brains are the same. So in effect, assume it's Germany representing every single team. The only difference is the bodies they are in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wainy316 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Humans represented by Villa would get turned over even by the Dolphins. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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