Popular Post Stevo985 Posted August 12, 2014 Author VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted August 12, 2014 (edited) Match 1 - Chimps vs Polar Bears The Chimps got their 2014 SIFF world cup campaign off to a promising start as they stormed to victory over a hapless Polar Bears side who never really got to grips with the conditions. With the game taking place on the African Savannah, the site of last night’s spectacular opening ceremony, it was always going to be hard for the Polar Bears to adjust to the high temperatures. The game started quickly with the Chimps spraying the ball around, using their acceleration to keep a distance form their cumbersome opponents. Captain Caesar impressed early on with a searing run that ended with a wild shot from Bubbles, and the influential captain came close himself as he crashed a header against the bar from close range, his long arms giving him leverage in the air leaving Foxes Mints in the Polar bear goal stranded. The deadlock was finally broken on the half hour mark as Bam Bam slipped in a through ball, dissecting the Coca Cola brothers in the Polar Bear defence, which Bubbles ran onto and slammed home. Mere minutes later, Caesar used his opposable toe to shape a 20 yard curler around the flailing Polar Bears keeper to double the lead. The polar bears had their moments, Knut using his significant weight to bully the Chimp defenders, only to see his shot comfortably saved by the long arms of the Chimp goalkeeper. The German born polar bear again came close when he hit the bar after easily rising above the Chimp defence to get on the end of a hopeful long ball from Mints, just before the ref blew for the end of the first period and the teams went in to enjoy their halftime fish and bananas. The second half though saw all Polar bears hopes fizzle out. Bubbles doubled his tally early in the half with a long range effort and Cornelius made it 4-0 before the hour. By this point the Polar Bears were out on their feet, their thick fur enhancing the intense heat, and many of the bears started pulling up with cramp. A 5th goal, finished expertly by Bubbles to complete his hattrick put the icing on the cake of a convincing performance from the chimps. The Polar Bears thought they had a late consolation when Bear 71 had the ball in the net after rounding the Chimp keeper, but it was ruled out for offside, 71’s belly controversially being ruled to be in an offside position when he received the pass. A convincing victory for the early favourite for the tournament in a match where they never really looked troubled. They’ll be glad of a comfortable fixture in the early rounds to avoid over exertion with much tougher fixtures to come. Result: Chimps 5 - 0 Polar Bears Edited August 12, 2014 by Stevo985 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wainy316 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Paular Lambear out! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob182 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 You watch everyone pile money on the Chimps to win the whole thing now. Everyone has known for months that the Polar Bears wouldn't cope with the conditions. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
useless Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 I didn't see the game but well done to the Chimpanzees sounds like a really good performance. Commiserations to the Polar Bears, unlucky to face such tough opponents in the first round. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeyp102 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 It's a fix. Polar bears were robbed!! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Stevo985 Posted August 12, 2014 Author VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted August 12, 2014 Match 2 - Cheetahs vs Dolphins The initial optimism brought on by the start of the SIFF World Cup has diminished as the second game of the tournament descended into farce before being abandoned after only 27 minutes. The Dolphins, a late wildcard entry to the tournament after the Sea complained they were under-represented at the tournament, were always going to struggle given their physical inability to survive out of water for long periods of time, but they had insisted they would cope in the run up to the tournament. This was, however, quickly evident to be wishful thinking. The Cheetahs were 1-0 up after 2.1 seconds, their star striker sprinting directly into the goal, dribbling the ball with his nose as he went. The dolphins were barely able to kick off, Flipper just about managing to move the ball with an outstretched fin, but he was quickly dispossessed by the Cheetah captain, who again sprinted directly into the net to put the cheetahs 2-0 up in under 40 seconds. This pattern continued for much of the first 20 minutes. Despite Opo in the Dolphin goal making a number of saves by rolling into the path of incoming shots, the Cheetahs found themselves 26-0 up with the game barely a quarter complete. The Cheetahs then eased off, seemingly content to save their energy for upcoming fixtures and spent the remainder of the time played passing the ball between themselves. On 25 minutes several of the dolphins, having spent the whole game lying in the same spot a gradually dehydrating, started shutting down. The physios were called on and with fears over the lives of several of the dolphin players, the ref called off the game and awarded the victory to the Cheetahs. It’s understood that SIFF will be launching an investigation into proceedings to find out how the Sea Football Confederation were awarded a place in the tournament when they were so clearly underprepared. Result: Cheetahs 3 - 0 Dolphins 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post useless Posted August 12, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted August 12, 2014 A shame how it turned out but the safety of the Dolphins is more important than anything else. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wainy316 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 23 goals chalked due to the Dolphins lack of match fitness. Disgrace! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted August 12, 2014 Author VT Supporter Share Posted August 12, 2014 Tomorrow's games then? Kodiak Bears vs Zebras and Kangaroos vs Honeybadgers? My money is on the Bears and the Kangaroos. Zebras have potential but they won't be able to deal with the physicality of the bears. They have the 4 legged problem too whereas bears can stand on hind legs. Kangaroos, however, should walk all over the honeybadgers. They're my new favourites for the tournament I think. Big money being placed on them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted August 12, 2014 Author VT Supporter Share Posted August 12, 2014 New polls added Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post 8pints Posted August 12, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted August 12, 2014 Post Match Interview *Martin Tiger catches up with 8pints after his team cruised to a 5-0 victory today* MT: 8pints, a 5-0 victory for you today, what are your thoughts? 8P: I'm very pleased, I thought my team played very well against an opposition a lot of people were writing off a bit too readily in my opinion, they are a very physical side with ice-cool temperature temperaments and we had to be at our best to beat them today. MT: A hat-trick for Bubbles. 8P: He's got a lovely touch-- MT: --That's what Michael Jackson said! 8P: I'm not going to stand here and listen to this muck-slinging. MT: You encourage it between your players, literally. 8P: Behave yourself. MT: Okay, my apologies. What do you think about today's controversial second game? 8P: It was always going to be that way, it's no secret The Sea Football Confederation's ideals are all at sea, they've just been floating around, changes need to be made for any of their teams to make a splash at any tournament, if not, they'll drowned, that I'm 'shore' of. MT: Any words for Wainy316; The Cheetah's Chief? He was disappointed to have the huge goal difference chalked off, something everyone wants to keep in a tournament like this. *8pints thinks for a while* 8P: He's a great guy, I like him and he's in charge of a very good team. They're extremely quick and are a constant threat, they look ready to pounce at every moment. They'll be a tough match but one i think we can win. A lot of people seem to view this tournament purely in a physical sense, they forget about everything else. We're quick and strong too but we're also agile and possess the talent to showcase great ball control and passing ability. We have bags of stamina, which if the Cheetah's are honest, they'd have to say was their biggest weakness, yes they can run very fast but can they maintain it? I think the records have shown they can not. MT: Some incisive words from you there. What are your thoughts on some of the criticisms thrown at your team? That the chimps' defence and attack will probably spend most of their time swinging from the crossbars and nets in the various goals (either being much too deep defensively or constantly offside) means they'll get overrun in the middle of the park and I give it to the polar bears with a spectacular (though accidental) forty yard strike. 8P: None of that happened did it? MT: No but your concentration has been called in to question. 8P: Pardon, what? Sorry I missed that, I wasn't listening. MT: Such an obvious joke. Not much width there. Luckily the polar bears don't have much in the way of pace on the wings 8P: He's answered his own concern there. The formation I played today catered for how I thought The Polar Bears would shape up and it proved to be effective. Against The Cheetahs I may very well line up differently. The Cheetahs certainly are superb down the flanks. it would appear to be a morning kick off which would see the polar bears at the peak of their abilities. An evening game would have seen the chimps winning by three or four. 8P: Good job it wasn't an evening game then as we scored five at midday instead of three or four so I'll be thankful for that. WIth the African sun, I worry that Polar Bears are going to overheat, they really need to conserve as much energy as possible. MT: What do you think of this? 8P: In some aspects he was correct, so you have to respect him there and they possibly should have listened to him. They clearly didn't conserve their energy and because of that, the latter part of the game was the most fruitful for us. lack of unity in the chimps' camp MT: This has been a constant criticism thrown at you, that there's some real unrest and I know a lot of fans are going bananas about this rumour so would appreciate you squashing it. 8P: I know nothing of this. MT: Here's a report. More information on the problems in the chimps' camp from social media 'sources': Apparently, they are unhappy with some aspects of the training regime. The worst of it is reported to be them being served PG Tips after one session and doing 'upper body strength' work that included moving pianos. One first team regular commented, before rushing off to swing on a tire, "It's like being back in the '70s. No respect for the players." 8P: When the reporter can not spell 'tyre' correctly, I wonder about their credibility. MT: Your press conference didn't help matters. 8P: I wasn't upset with my team, I was annoyed at the presumption my mammoth posting was a negative thing. MT: Err......let's move on...Your Captain's getting a lot of plaudits. Caesar playing in the hole........ 8P: He's a phenomenal athlete and what's more, a phenomenal leader. He's the main reason I'm so confident, he can do it all. MT: Stan Collipaw has been very busy on Twitter... Stan Colliepaw @OfficialSIFF · 18h Our first team, and number one seed, are the #Chimps coached by a man only just beaten in height by giraffes, #8pints #SIFFWC2014 Stan Colliepaw @OfficialSIFF · 18h The #Chimps captain Caesar is a seasoned battle commander. Let's hope they don't slip on a banana peel in the early rounds! #SIFFWC2014 ....What are your thoughts on him? 8P: He's linked the Twitter to the Shangai Film Festival, so I'd debate his ITK status if I was you. MT: Fair enough, so overall, an easy game for you today and despite the Cheetahs having an absolute no contest, they are who you'll face in the next round and you're confident you can overcome them too? *8pints looks serious* 8P: That's the way some games go, although we've only got potentially three games left and they've...also got potentially three games left...that's a long way to go at this stage of the tournament MT: So it's all to play for still? 8P: I think so, do you want to bet against us? *8pints gives the reporter a steely look before departing, unaware the reporter's already stuck a monkey on the Honey Badgers and also as The Cheetahs and Chimps play each other in the next round, only one of them has potentially three games left, not both of him but don't let that get in the way of his plagiarising one of Villa's greatest managers.* *The Chimp's Manager is clearly confident bout his team's chances but may not realise people may want to vote for his team to lose so gigantic page covering posts will stop appearing if his team exit the tournament* 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArteSuave Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 I'm slightly concerned that there are people on this planet that think honeybadgers (with human brains) would beat kangaroos (with human brains) at football. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyh29 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 If Skippy doesn't win the whole event then it will be a sham Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wainy316 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Is Klose playing for Germany or is his international retirement factored in? Was going to stick a tenner on him for golden boot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 I missed the first two games! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowychap Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 23 goals chalked due to the Dolphins lack of match fitness. Disgrace! Certainly likely to see some questions asked in respect of the top goalscorer market. The asian bookmakers (aka Bengal Tigers) have come under a lot of suspicion for their level of influence on SIFF. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowychap Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 8P: When the reporter can not spell 'tyre' correctly, I wonder about their credibility. Ouch. The source was a large, blonde, somewhat hirsute Canadian lady called Paula Bayerr. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob182 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 I missed the first two games! Remember to set your Sky+ Box(fish) tomorrow, just in case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted August 12, 2014 Author VT Supporter Share Posted August 12, 2014 Who's winning the prediction league? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Folski Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Is this completely biased as only humans are voting I think we need to get some chimps, cheetahs etc on VT. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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