Mandy Lifeboats

I note vegetarianism is a doorway to demonic possession but slaughter of animals is not. So when I sacrificed a goat last night, the GOAT was in the wrong.

Worry not. Our Foreign Secretary will sort these rascals out. This might be my last post on this site for a while. I shall be busy digging a bunker in my garden and lining it with lead.

Two men are sitting on a park bench watching the children play on the playground. "That's my little girl on the swings in the pink dress, which one is yours?" "I'm not sure. I haven't chosen yet." A tumbleweed enters - stage left.

Be very careful. I am sure there are some legitimate schemes but there are far more scams. The most common scam is that you buy the land (Land Registry deed included). You get a guanteed income for a few years. But after that the money dries up. All you own is a small bit of land purchased at a high price. Even worse you don't have any right of way over the land around the space. Therefore you can't even get there and might be charged for access. If it does not generate income you decide to sell on. If it's a scam are you likely to find many people willing to buy it? Think of it like this. I sell you a small piece of my back garden for £10,000 and guarantee you £2000 per year rent for 2 years. After that 2 years you have a small piece of my garden that you cannot access, cannot use and can't sell. I'll offer to buy it back from you for £4000. I'm still £2000 up on the deal and haven't done a damn thing. But here is the kicker - I haven't broken any laws.

I'd like to see him stay with Villa, obtain UK citizenship, lead Villa to promotion with a perfect record, celebrate his first England Cap by scoring a hat-trick at Wembley, become England Captain, end all those years of hurt by lifting the World Cup in what will become known as "The Bacuna Final", become PM and persuade USA to rejoin the UK and apologise for all that unnecessary revolution shenanigans that happened. But I think he might have bigger aspirations.

That's an interesting standpoint and not one that's shared in the report. It states that the existence of WMD was exaggerated and based upon intelligence sources that were given more credibility than they turned out to deserve. Please don't insult me personally by calling me a "shameful apologist". Firstly, I have not apologised for anything. I thought his decision to invade was wrong at the time. I also think it's wrong in hindsight. Secondly, I feel no shame in presenting a balanced argument.

My legal advisor Cherie has advised me not to answer that question.

I have had the "pleasure" of working with many MPs from all parties. Whilst some are in it for their own gains, most work exceptionally hard and shoulder huge responsibility. They are often in a no-win situations and Iraq was one of those situations. A single WMD against Israel might have lead to a much worse consequences than what actually happened. We now know it was not going to happen. But that's the benefit of hindsight. Whatever your opinion of MPs, in my experience they agonise long and hard about these decisions. Sometimes they get the big decisions wrong. But the vast majority of their decisions are made knowing that the press will ruin them for the few decisions that backfire whilst ignoring the good they do.

1938. Germany holds referendums that determine foreign policy. That turned out OK in the long run......didn't it?

No. Thanks for posting this.

8 PL starts for a team who shipped 67 goals.

Guzan: I would keep as I think he can be a decent keeper if he regains confidence and has a stable defence to work with. But I think Brad needs a fresh start and will leave. No great loss. Good luck. Losercott: We are stuck with him. Hopefully we can agree a pay-off. I'd play him if he's the best option. But we'll be in a dire position of he's in contention. Richards: I don't see him being with us at the end of the transfer window. He'll be picked up by a bottom 10 Premership team. Gabby: If he turns up for training looking like a Greek God AND he takes a pay cut he would be worth keeping. If not, I can't see anyone taking him off our hands. Bacuna: I have never seen why people rate him. He's a handy utility player to have on the bench but shouldn't be anywhere near the first team. Hopefully he'll be signed up by Barcelona as a big name signing. Or maybe Hull as a handy utility player to have on the bench.

Randy Lerner was driving along the motorway and suddenly pulls over to the side of the road, jumps out of the car and bursts into tears. By an amazing coincidence a coach of Villa fans sees this happen and stops to see what's going on. "I'm ruined" wails Randy. "My wife left me and took half my money. I had to sell my father's business, I ruined the Cleveland Browns and lost a load of money. Then I did the same with the Villa. I'm a laughing stock and haven'the got a cent to my name. I was going to drive to a secluded spot and end it all by pouring petrol over myself and setting myself alight. But I can't even do that right. I'm out of petrol." The Villa fans generously held a whip round for Randy to help him out. Do you know how much they raised? 27 litres of unleaded.

I'd take £5000 in 2p to a seaside arcade. To see if it is possible to make a profit on the coin push machine. I think if you insert enough you can eventually push that big pile of coins over the edge and win more than you have put in. I have to know!!!!!! Anyone know the answer?

It's very easy to predict our future if we stay in the EU. It will be very similar to now with a few changes, some good, some bad. But if we leave there is no way to predict what will happen. That is purely based on what OTHER countries decide and what agreements we can negotiate. For instance Spain could easily say that all English ex-pats living in Spain must leave, can only visit Spain for a maximum of 6 months and cannot work whilst in Spain (as is the normal rule with USA). That's just one minor example of decisions we cannot control that may or may not impact on us. I think we should leave the EU. But I also think that leaving is far too risky. Just like Scottish Independence.

Experience the ultimate adrenalin rush with the Lee Hughes Night-time Driving Experience.

"I Can Guess Your Age" hosted by Adam Johnson.

"Xia Out" 2020 protest banners shouldn't cost much to print.

Just the normal, run of the mill things that I'm sure we all dream of... A Navajo to run for US president with the main policy being the deportation of all immigrants. Sell By Dates to be abandoned for stilton cheese. Oxford and Cambridge to meet in the Semi Final of the boat race. How many years can they avoid one another right up to the final? Decimalisation of dice. All to become 10 sided by 2050. Stanley Unwin to be accused of historic sex-fiddly-o-feely-young-girls-up-jumper-front offenses. Nelson Mandela to be freed at last. Wolverhampton to stage the Olympics Steve Bull lights the Olympic Flame by throwing a discarded fag into a skip full of old settees sprayed with lighter fluid.

The Brown's are talking about trading away their #8 pick. If they do they stand a good chance of drafting 10-12 new starting players in the next couple of drafts. That should get them a winning team. I wonder how they will screw it up?

If your protest is not turning up - that's fine by me. If your protest is holding up a banner - that's also fine by me. BOTH standpoints are equally as valid. But as I have said many times in this thread - it's wrong to criticise the people organising the protest. They are giving up their time and money for something they care about. But hey........ The club is losing millions, players are refusing to play, staff are being made redundant, directors are quitting, managers are being sacked and we're relegated. If you think making disrespectful comments against a group of fans will help sort that out - feel free to continue. But personally, I think the disrespectful tone of your post isn't called for.

Great effort folks. But you need a change to continue getting publighty in the next game. "Where's Wally?" posters rebranded to "Where's Randy?" is still my preference. But whatever you choose.......thanks for giving a damn what happens to Villa and giving up your time and money.

The NFL want to get rid of kickoffs in order to make the game safer. A few proposals have been discussed but nothing finalised. I found this idea quite ininteresting. Instead of a kickoff (at the start of each half or after a score) a team would be given the ball on their own 20 (?) yard line. They would then get 1 down to get 20 (?) yards. Or they could punt. I'd be sad to see kickoffs go. But if they did this could be an exciting alternative. Imagine being 14 down with 10 seconds to go. Two Hail Mary passes to save the game. The only bad thing is that the Raiders could go for a entire match and only touch the ball once.

I grew up in Wolverhampton in the 70s. It was a grim existence. Very similar to purgatory but with ample supplies of pork scratchings. But I still vividly remember a day when I was 6 when my beloved grandmother bought me a tracksuit as a surprise present. It was 1976 and tracksuits had yet to be adopted by as fashion items. They were actually worn by professional sports people. The tracksuit was without doubt the best tracksuit in the entire world. Claret trousers with a light blue top and 3 claret stripes running along the arms. Even better it had loops at the bottom of the legs that kept the trousers in place and zips on the side of the ankles so you could take the trousers off without removing football boots. I can sense everyone who is reading this getting very jealous. But just get over it. I had the best tracksuit ever. Grasping my tracksuit with pride I asked my granddad “Which team wear these?” In that moment my granddad had power beyond his wildest dreams. At that moment he was going to decide what team I would support for the rest of my life. Would he say West Ham? Would he say Burnley? Knowing granddad he might have said Celtic as he wasn’t the sharpest tool. But no. He said it was an Aston Villa tracksuit. That was it. I was a Villa fan. I didn’t know where Aston was, who played for them or which division they were in. But I must be a Villa fan because I wore a Villa tracksuit. At school I was the only Villa fan. My classmates were split roughly equally between Wolves fans and glory hunting mercenaries supporting Liverpool because they were winning things. Playground football matches were the highlight of the school day. One day someone suggested a Wolves V Liverpool match. With the sides roughly equal in both numbers and abilities it seemed a great idea. But……but…….what about me? I couldn’t play for either side as I was a Villa fan. It might have been a school playground and a bunch of nine year olds but that didn’t matter. I wasn’t going to pretend to support someone else. Numerous offers of sweets, crisps, wagon wheels and tomato flavoured Snaps couldn’t convince me to sign for either side. As the top unsigned free agent in the playground I was in huge demand and the signing-on fee offers rose to the level of a huge bag of chocolate buttons. I turned them down with a heavy heart. That did turn to a feeling of relief a few days later when it was discovered that someone from our school had stolen a large bag of chocolate buttons made for dogs from the local pet shop. My teen years coincided with the height of Wolves hooligan problems. The “Subway Army” were the high profile firm and they walked around Wolverhampton Town Centre in their tight jeans, Pringle jumpers and Adidas trainers looking for trouble. One Saturday I was spotted in town and identified as a known Villa fan and therefore asking for a beating. Whilst completely surrounded I was asked who I supported. I’d seen movies and knew what would happen next. I would proudly proclaim my loyalty to Villa to the amazement of all. My bravery would immediately win the respect of the mob and they’d let me leave with my head held high. Unfortunately the mob weren’t big film fans and simply delivered a prolonged and vicious beating. I fought back but was vastly outnumbered. I soon found myself being used as a human football. But what has any of this got to do with Aston Villa’s current plight? Not much if I am honest. I want players who are as proud to wear the Villa shirt as I was to wear that Villa tracksuit. I want players who aren’t just interested in the chocolate buttons, nitrous oxide money. I want players when they are in a tight spot to fight as hard as I did when surrounded by those hooligans. I want Aston Villa back. I WANT LERNER OUT!

I doubt it. Looking at the fixtures there would be some matches with teams in almost identical uniforms.