Mandy Lifeboats

I've just ventured into the Steve Bruce thread......................... I shall not be repeating that mistake.

I haven't lived in Brum for over 15 years. Does anyone have any suggestions for parking at the Barclaycard Arena/NIA on a Tuesday evening? Does it get gridlocked around the arena at closing? I'll be heading South out of the city afterwards.

In China 4, or any number containing a 4, is considered unlucky. It's not uncommon for hotels to avoid having floors number 4, 14, 24 etc. That's why no-one had ever seen a car with Chinese number plates leaving the M4 at Junction 4. Fact.

Yesterday I took my car back to the main dealer for its first service. Everything was booked for 8 am and I arrived promply expecting to drop the keys and go. Instead I spent the next 20 minutes with a sales rep badly disguised as a mechanic. Did I want a service plan? Had I downloaded the dealers app? As I was a valued customer I qualified for a "free" valet and complimentary car wash. I declined to give me email address for marketing purposes. Apparently this meant I was missing out on "exciting opportunities" and wouldn't receive advanced notifications of VIP events. I'd also miss out on having a video of my car service emailed to me. The straw that broke the camel's back was when we walked arouns the car noting dents and scratches. "If you sign up for our super deluxe plan we'll get rid of that big scratch for free" he said pointing to the door. I leaned forward, wiped a spiders web from the door and explained in very blunt terms that I had no desire to buy a service plan from someone that couldn't tell the dfference between a bodywork scratch and a spider's web. Does anyone fall for this salesmen talk? It just annoys the hell out of me.

If he's released on a tag I hope it's on the correct leg. 33.3%

My grandfather was very proud that he shot down a German plane with just his service revolver. 1976- Birmingham Airport. LUFTHANSA.

Here's a fact that once you've read you'll just have to check out. Most (but not all) pedestrian crossings have a secret button. It's underneath the box towards the right. It's cone shaped and textured. It spins when it's safe to cross. It helps blind people when there is a lot of traffic noise. Or.........this might be an urban legend. You'll never know unless you check!

A young lady colleague was working on a case today where it was crucial to know if something happened in December or February. She foolishly asked for advice. My less than helpful reply was to ask the subject if they remembered it happening whilst everyone was wearing a red fur lined hat or carry 12 red roses. The joke caught on and others were soon suggesting forensic tests for traces of reindeer.......checking CCTV for anonymous deliveries of flowers......dusting for mince pie residue.......establishing the known location of all known dwarves etc. The joke apparently wore thin after 3 or 4 hours when she sent an email to everyone suggesting that we all travel and reproduce. One wag replied "To Lapland or a romantic weekend in Paris?"

Never buy a bomb from Acme. Especially if you are trying to kill a road-runner. Their Quality Control sucks.

I'd recommend the boardgame OGRE. It's a wargame where one side has a massive tank (OGRE) with loads of weapons and tough armour. The other side has lots of units but they are weaker. The rules are simple and its easy to learn. It's also pretty good for solo play. I played it a lot but was never able to beat the OGRE. By coincidence a colleague mentioned that he'd stopped playing it because the game balance was rubbish. He could never win with the OGRE. We set up a game and realised that it was only the tactics we were using and the game balance was spot on. That's the sort of game I like. Luck plays a part but tactics, counter tactics and adaptation are the key to winning.

Coins should have Lego studs on them. Instead of loose change in your pocket you could have a roll of coins. Great for the elderly. Keep 1 weeks pension with you in the shape of a walking stick. Trust me................this one's a winner.

I'm not sure how to feel about his death. At one stage he was clearly one of the worst terrorists and criminals. But on the other hand, he did brew a nice beer.

Monty Python was 5% genius and 95% awful. But the 5% is some of the best comedy ever. Much though I love the sketch, I could gladly kill anyone quoting the parrot sketch verbatim.

A colleague of mine once made a chocolate cake with a couple of bars of Ex-Lax chocolate. The thief was soon apparent to all. He tried to claim he'd been "poisoned". It was pointed out that if someone was constipated they can take the relevant medication in any way they wish. He left shortly afterwards. It's still talked about fondly as "Code Brown".

I'd noticed but was so impressed that my head fell off, thereby preventing me from congratulating you.

Nice to see a Blues win.

I am so glad that everyone in the Steve Bruce thread has ironed out their differences and come to a reasoned conclusion.

Why is most of Africa marked with the French Armed Forces flag?

Certain benefits stop as soon as someone undertakes 16 hours of work. Even if the work is unpaid. It could be that???

Fixed for you.

1. We overpay in wages. 2. There has been too much change over the past 3 seasons and we need a period of relative stability. 3. We expect success too quickly. This leads to managers making expensive and/or short term deals rather than investing in the medium to long term. 4. We now have the awful reputation with players and managers that we are a poisoned chalice for your long term career. The only reason to play for or manage Villa is for the cash. 5. We are a club that is perceived by all to be in deep trouble and on the way down. That's going to impact on the players we can attract, the sponsors we can attract, the money we earn and the desire of good players to stay.

Live for today but plan for tomorrow. Experiences are better than possesions. I should have admitted to my depression and sought help 10 years before I did. Never joke a trailing wire has given you a severe electric shock in front of your wife's boss who apparently lost her husband a few months ago when he mowed through the cable. True story.

9 of today's starting 11 weren't with us last season. Over the last 3 seasons we've had a ridiculous amount of change at all tiers of the club. It hasn't worked. Therefore we need to try something new.......... So.....let's stick with the current manager, coaches and core of players.....even if results are crap and the football is unattractive. It might not work but it's hardly a preposterous idea to install stability to a club that's been lacking it for far too long.

Guaranteed

People die and we find some but not all of the bodies. People can lie dead next to main roads and motorways for months if not years. Read the story of Chris McCandless. His body, camera and diary were only found because he died whilst sheltering in an abandoned bus on a wilderness trail. This makes it a tragic but interesting tale. It's not certain how he died but it's certainly not a mystery. Had he walked a couple of more miles and camped in the woods his body would probably still be missing. It would be a mysterious disappearance.