leighavfc

Kiyotake

Part of football mate! At least hes learning young ey! He will be buzzing being at VP soon, his true love ❤

My eldest Is crying himself to sleep he is absolutely gutted!

F*****g stutter penalties!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm with you brother!

"Great player"

Thanks mate, another day clean today for me! Yeah absolutely, I had to turn down a session with one of the neighbours earlier.. he has been nagging all week for me to pop round for a drink but I've had to stay away because of what the drink leads too. I was tempted, but again found the strength to say no and just explained the situation to him. I walked away with my held high, knowing I had stopped myself from dragging myself down again. Totally agree with you, it's about managing it day to day and situation by situation. For example I am supposed to be going down to Southampton in a couple of weeks for a double birthday party, there I will be fine because I know I wont have the access to the gear and i wont take any with me as I will be sober when i drive down and probably wont really think about it until I've had a drink. I have another party in a months time to go to but it will be with friends and family members where it will be so easy to get hold of... I at this stage want to go but nearer the time I will pull out in fear of what will happen.... It's a long slow process isn't it! Glad to hear your in control of things currently too mate! Each situation avoided is like the Villa boys grabbing an extra time winner In my head at the moment!

On a small positive after my mental health thread post... with all the rest of the stuff in my life going on... I have been clean for 3 weeks now.... how I don't know. Somehow I have found the strength to say no amongst probably the toughest period of my life so far. It's been very close, especially this evening but I'm hanging on in there. Hoping I'm at my lowest today and I don't have too many more days like this anymore anytime soon but I'm making a tiny step each day and that's a positive which is scraping me through the days currently.

Here I am again... i feel like that this is the only place to get my words out.. I struggle to talk to people I know, but this place is my sanctuary. I don't post on here often these days and when I do it's about me and my struggles which I'm sorry you all have to read. Another day of chaos for me personally... resulting in my partner walking out... As you may have read in the past I've struggled with drug addiction most of my adult life, and struggling secretly with my mental health. Then of course on top it's the day to day problems you get in every day life which grind you down even more. Around a year ago we lost the mother in law to covid which was obviously a real sad and bad time for firstly my partner, her dad and sister....then the rest of us around her also like me and the kids. My partner was coping as "well" as she could until a few months ago... but it's really hit her hard recently. This has obviously resulted in a lot of bad days for her and us both as a couple.. it's really been hell at home.. especially these last couple of weeks... arguments, crying, upset.. normal things but on a bigger than normal scale. Today we found out her sister has covid.... my partner was with her last night also! We've both been stressed about that and what to do etc. We had a bit of a row over.... god knows what tbh! It's been ok for the rest of the day but this evening when I got home she went absolutely mental... about her being depressed and thinking she has ptsd. I try my best to talk to her about it but I'm useless at it. I don't understand it myself and struggle to offer any reasonable advice as I struggle to cope with my stuff too... I haven't even discussed my troubles with her at any point and especially not during this past year. I suggested maybe professional help would help her and get her the proper advice and guidance through it... this was the match to the dynamite stick! She's laid into me big time tonight... really ripped me to shreds and then gone out the door. For a split second I wondered if ending it all would be easier... that's the first time I've ever had this thought in my entire life... I lost my best friend to suicide and quickly remembered the pain of that happening which snapped me out of it. I'm calmer now, especially since writing this. I bottle all my problems up all the time at the expense of helping others with theirs... that's absolutely the kind of person I am and always have been. It's all getting on top of me now though too and today has just brought it all up again to me. I have nowhere to turn, I struggle to open up, I'm trying to keep everything together at home whilst running a business and a kids football team also... work is so busy at the moment I barely catch a breathe.. it's so tough juggling it all. I don't hate my missus for what's happened tonight as I understand she is having a bad moment... the nasty stuff she has said to me whilst some of it is true, some of it is completely unreasonable... but again I can look past that due to her feelings/issues at the moment. Mentally though its another hammer blow to already badly damaged goods. I'm not good enough, I have baggage, I don't do enough for everybody.... life is not easy for any of us of course and I'm not the only one... I just feel it at the moment and god knows what's coming up in the days ahead. I'm so low at the moment... been sitting here for 2 hours in the dark in silence on/off crying. Life is not good at the moment for me. Sorry for the long me me me post I needed to put some of my thoughts down somewhere. Thank you for reading, it has brought me down a little and at least I've been able to write this and get it out somewhere. Thanks VillaTalk, your an unusual sanctuary for some like me in times I really need it

Thanks for that mate, i have read some of your posts of the time on here and see our stories are very similar. Yeah, everytime the word drink is mentioned i start to shudder inside... as i know the cravings and temptations are coming. Like i say im not a drinker these days.. but hammer it hard when i do. Its so hard for me as even just a couple of drinks at the in laws i have to turn down as i cant trust myself. Then this obviously causes issues as they think its them because i dont want to go... they dont know about my addictions. I literally cant drink without taking it.. Trying to avoid having a drink all the time is hard too as i will literally have no social life at all. Some of my friends understand and we do try and do other things from time to time but it always ends up going for a drink somewhere afterwards. Too many years caning it in Ibiza didnt help either.... I have cut out most of the bad people in my life, the rest are not bad people and are my genuine friends, but they will at times take drugs too. I dont crave for it when not drinking, i will occasionally think oooh a line would be nice but thats as far as it goes when sober. I am learning and getting better, for example normally i would be up most of the night, skipping work to recover and then going through the come down and all the rest of it. Yesterday i poured away what i had when i got in and had more drink before bed at 8pm.... nothing to be proud of but a tiny little bit more control at that time... thats wrong in some senses but in my world it is a small step forward being able to throw away and then getting myself to bed before doing anymore damage. Ive just been in daze all day today thinking about it... i genuinely dont know where today has gone ive been that deep in thought. Ive relapsed, out of pocket, and back to square 1 again. I have another tempting situation coming up at the weekend with the missus being away and a pal coming round. I have told him i wont be drinking so im hoping i dont cave in on the night. In all honesty it may be best i cancel but i havent seen him for about 9 months and his my best mate. I will definetly take your offer up for a chat mate... it really does help me!

Had a relapse yesterday on Cocaine after almost a year off the s**t.... i let my guard down in excitement at been able to go back to VP. My usual tactic is not to drink, and i dont even think about using. Ive not been a big drinker for a number of years now since i had the kids and kind of become a bit of a recluse due to me not wanting to tempt myself and many of my mates not wanting to do much else other than get on it most of the time. This has been hard to deal with over the years as i have kind of been left behind and forgotten about by some of these people... which in all fairness has made me realise and accept thay they aint my friends, more just associates. Yesterday i agreed to go the pub before the game for a couple of drinks... very bad move..and i knew it the second i agreed to go... no matter how much i told myself i was going to behave and not go mad it was always going to happen in reality. It didnt take long for me to get the taste of alcohol again and then the overwhelming urge not long after for a "pick me up". I tried to combat it by stop drinking but the damage had been done and the phone call was made.... so pissed off with myself today. Now back to day one again.... Ive had more of a problem with Cannabis most of my life, which in the last month i had really cut down my use in the millionth attempt to stop. Just f*****g hate this never ending circle of battling with drugs. My partner tries her best to keep me straight and narrow, she was well pissed off with me yesterday when i walked in.... she knew the second i looked at her what had be going on.

Got the email! Absolutely buzzing, my 7 year old is over the moon. He has been nagging to go back! I know the staff tickets are in upper trinity at "Standard league match prices".

It turns out that them numptys down the road gave 32 year old Jukiewicz a 3.5 year contract earlier this season without announcing it!!! This was also available a few weeks ago.... they actually sold out https://centralsportsuk.com/products/lukas-jutkiewicz-50-goals-for-birmingham-city-charity-frame-mustard-seed-project

Your absolutely right, it won't happen for the reasons as you say being home of UK Athletics, Birchfield Harriers etc. They would be throwing a whole lot of history and prestige away for them numptys to move in. It was just something i thought about when they sold their ground the other day, plus all the work they are going to need to do on the s***thole. Reading my post back the other day....i dont know what i was thinking advocating them ever moving into a venue such as the Alexander tbh!! It just felt that slowly things were lining up for them... as you rightly say though the venue itself has never been used for anything other than athletics and the odd concert here and there! Never has been and never will be any need for a football club.

It is interesting to see what will happen with the Alexander stadium after the commonwealth. At this stage i think it will go back to the 18000 capacity and carry on as it always has done and as planned.... saying that, the way things seem to be lining up over there you could see this happening. I wouldn't be that bothered in all honesty if they did, they are pratically on our doorstep currently anyway. North Birmingham has been and always will be Villa... when you come down the hill on Walsall road past the old clifton bingo you dont see Alexander stadium...... You see Villa park front and Center..... they would absolutely be right underneath our shadow if they moved there!

1 win in last 13 years vs these......

It was the Derby 4-0 game before them wasn't it? But even so to have them in the 10 game run was just brilliant... to top it off we beat the numptys the other side of town too made it the perfect scenario as a Villa fan that season.

Im sure we did something similar with Stephen Ireland when he went to Stoke

Well here we are another end of year.. Been my toughest yet I would say, for many reasons. This year has been the one where I've tried to face my demons and issues but ultimately lost numerous times too! I am still trying and determined to kick addiction ASAP. On and off relationship problems, family bereavements and my mental health have all contributed. I have also noticed this past year that something has changed upstairs and I don't feel right or as I normally would so to speak. I have become lazy, moody, horrible to be around, spoiling things and just not being much fun at all. I also feel as if I have been a crap dad to my kids this year, which absolutely kills me inside. I need help but I haven't had the balls to go to the doctors or seek help from a professional which is stupid, I must do that ASAP to try and understand whats going on. I don't feel as if anything has triggered it specifically but something isn't right. Haven't been on here much since around April/May but realised over past day or so how good a place this to be. I hope you all stay safe and have a better time of it next year, thank you all for being like a big family on here. It does help people like me even just get distracted for 5 mins from the daily problems. All the best and UTV

Same as I do every year... be a miserable git!! Can't stand new year at the best of times! In all seriousness had probably the worst year of my life for various reasons so at best will have a glass or two of something strong, enjoy my own company and the silence in the house and have a think about things going forward in 2021. Hope its better for us all and hopefully we get back to VP ASAP... I certainly need it!!

I can barely get the football phone in on the sounds app anymore? Last one on there is 24th september. Is it still on every night?

The press have got us hook, line and sinker here if this dont happen now...