Paddywhack

It's happened to me before, I could tell they'd bulked my coke up with something else. I opened the bag and there it was, a great white shark. Nearly took my hand off.

I was getting on the monorail at Alton Towers last week with Mrs P and the two little Ps and we were joined in the carriage by an Asian bloke. Just as we were about to get off, my 4 year old pointed at the man and said quite loudly, "Look at that brown face!" Mrs Ps reaction was to shush him, whilst I pretended I didn't hear and immediately asked him if he was looking forward to going on the Postman Pat ride (my son, not the man). For some reason, he's obsessed with the colour of people's eyes, hair and clothes and they teach them about diversity at nursery. I don't think either of our reactions were particularly helpful, but equally, I'm not entirely sure what we should have said in that situation to be honest.

Best thing about Uber in my opinion, all the drivers I've had have been so pleasant.

Ah you poor sod

The winner of this is finishing 20th next season.

I completely forgot he was 29, I've been thinking he was youngster.

I would like to retract this statement, apologise to you all and confirm that I was talking bullshit. After years only having Coke Zero, I've just had a can of diet coke and it just tastes like sparkling water. Coke Zero is waaaay nicer than Diet Coke.

I just feel so sorry for the commentators

For the past month or so, I’ve spent my lunchtimes sat by the canal outside the NIA, watching a goose attack anybody that dare walk on the towpath. It’s been quite fun watching how different people react to getting a bite on the arse. It took me a while to notice the mother goose curled up on a plant pot nearby, obviously protecting her nest. Today, whilst trying to eat my cheese and onion sandwich, I watched a seagull, a crow and a magpie tear apart one of the goslings. The bum nipping daddy goose was nowhere to be seen.

This is my favourite so far

This thread has been so dry the last 12 months How’s everyone’s running going? Did anyone do the Great Birmingham Run on Sunday? What races you got planned for the year?

I've just been trying to find out if Dixie Dean knew our Pongo Waring as they were both born in Birkenhead, 3 months apart. They both started at Tranmere, but were there at different times (according to good old trusty wikipedia). They both died in 1980 as well, and although Pongo didn't die at Villa Park like Dixie did at Goodison, his ashes were scattered at the Holte End (according to good old trusty wikipedia). Anyway, back to work..

If my wife gets post when she's out, I'll display it nicely by the letter holder thing by the front door so she can't miss it and I'll try to remember to tell her. I'll find letters addressed to me from months ago shoved in a random drawer or amongst a pile of junk ready for the bin. But then again she does cook and clean and sorts the bills and basically keeps the kids alive and the household running, so I can't moan too much.

I've just added my 3 and 1 year old to the waiting list. You know, so they have a chance of getting £15k season tickets when they're pensioners.

bUt We WaS rUbBiSH

It was good thanks. I checked the score at the interval just as we got the equaliser. I didn’t see one other Villa fan all weekend though.

And it’s called a robe, actually.

No, I think we should actually all spare a thought for @lapal_fan Imagine being @lapal_fan

I'll be getting the train down to London early on Saturday morning to go and watch the Harry Potter play with my wife. I can't wait to meet up with fellow Villans on the train, sing a few songs and then go watch the Harry Potter play with my wife.

2 fun things to talk about. I’m really getting into chilli recently, I think I’ve undervalued it over the years. In fact I think Mexican food is generally underrated in the UK. I’ve stopped using shower gel and I’m now using soap. I got given some posh soap at Christmas and it smelt nice, lasted ages and I realised it’s probably better for the planet not using plastic bottles.

I know people probably won’t agree with me, but I liked it when we scored the goals

I love The Smiths, but I can very much understand why people wouldn’t, especially Morrissey. This is really about being able to separate the art from the artist, but I find it hard to listen to them now with Morrissey evolving in to a massive arsehole. But meh, I guess he always was.

I rather enjoyed that

I might just have my claret and blue specs on, but it’s taken 67 minutes for the commentators to give us a slither of a compliment.

One of my wife’s ex-bosses was called Bart Simpson. Another was called Bernard Matthews. Peter Griffin came in to our office to do a talk once.