wiggyrichard Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Yup I will talk to her. Cheers guys. I just feel selfish about having these issues after the horrors she has been through. It makes my issues feel a bit 'me me me' I understand why her and her family and friends are like this.It just makes me uncomfortable. But if your both not 100% happy then the relationship will never work out mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amsterdam_Neil_D Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Be yourself, you can't be an actor in life. If you trip up or make little mistakes as we all do I suspect that on her side life lessons have been learnt (her family as well). Or just send her a screen shot of your question from VT....... you can't actually lose with that one iMo. Good luck, just tread carefully with little nippers involved. When they call you Dad it's all fun and game until you leave ! (Happened to me a few times) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Just be honest with her. If that fails, tell her you love her. If that fails, tell her you're gay and run out of the door. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 Cheers Laura. Your right I do need to talk it through sensitively. Wiggy & Neil You are right. When it is just me and her (and little one) it is fantastic. I know hence why I am so worried. If she didn't have a kid I would always have in the back of my mind if it all went bad I could just do one. I am not wanting to/will not mess a single mum or a little boy around. Haha thanks Gareth, she lives too close for me to tell her that! haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC-Prideofbrum Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Just be honest with her. If that fails, tell her you love her. If that fails, tell her you're gay and run out of the door. and if that fails, do her up the wrong'un. can't believe it's got so long into a thread ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 Just be honest with her. If that fails, tell her you love her. If that fails, tell her you're gay and run out of the door. and if that fails, do her up the wrong'un. can't believe it's got so long into a thread ... Tamuff beat you to it.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brommy Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Sounds like you need to tell her what youve just told us mate, im sure she will understand as you understand why her parents are acting like they are. Send her a link to VillaTalk. That's Christmas sorted as well; and before you say it... you're welcome! Seriously though, if you know you're a decent bloke, just be yourself. Try to focus on your feelings for her and not on all the fuss/hassle from her family and friends. Whilst wishing you the best, you should talk to her from now, not us. As for meeting the parents early, after meeting on the Saturday night I was picking her up on the Thursday and was invited in to say hello. Gulp! 21 years later and we're still married so I must have passed their test. Note to self: must take GiftLink idea to the dragons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AValon Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 The girls definitely got some baggage.......probably some scars too. Its a very difficult area and, lets face it, women are complicated things. I'm still learning little things about my missus after 13yrs! Tread carefully, don't push or probe too much or the shutters will go up. You definitely sound as if you have the luuuurrrve, so simply let her feel as if you're as much of a friend as a partner. If its right, it will survive, but be prepared and willing to share the occasional pain. I've done it, its difficult and you don't always get the thanks you deserve, but sometimes the end result is worth the wait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 Sounds like you need to tell her what youve just told us mate, im sure she will understand as you understand why her parents are acting like they are. Send her a link to VillaTalk. That's Christmas sorted as well; and before you say it... you're welcome! Seriously though, if you know you're a decent bloke, just be yourself. Try to focus on your feelings for her and not on all the fuss/hassle from her family and friends. Whilst wishing you the best, you should talk to her from now, not us. As for meeting the parents early, after meeting on the Saturday night I was picking her up on the Thursday and was invited in to say hello. Gulp! 21 years later and we're still married so I must have passed their test. Note to self: must take GiftLink idea to the dragons. Haha cheers for the gift idea! Wow now that is a quick parent meet!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 The girls definitely got some baggage.......probably some scars too. Its a very difficult area and, lets face it, women are complicated things. I'm still learning little things about my missus after 13yrs! Tread carefully, don't push or probe too much or the shutters will go up. You definitely sound as if you have the luuuurrrve, so simply let her feel as if you're as much of a friend as a partner. If its right, it will survive, but be prepared and willing to share the occasional pain. I've done it, its difficult and you don't always get the thanks you deserve, but sometimes the end result is worth the wait. Yup she definately has baggage. But equally she doesnt wear it as much as her family does. It amazes me how she has bounced back from being in a refuge with a 9 week old baby and someone threatening her life. She is amazing. I will go carefully. Cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b6bloke Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 My GF got screwed over by an ex she lived with, she came home one day to find the locks changed and the guy she had been with for 4 years claiming that she was just a lodger even though she and him had been doing up houses together and selling them for some time. She lost £50 grand! Now in her own houses, businesess and equity she meets me, I hear all this and think there may be some distrust but she says that she is past that and feels so strongly about me that its not a problem, I was worried for the same reasons as you that her friends and family may be worried about me but they think I am the best thing thats ever happened to her and all say that when they see us together that we were meant to be. She did go through the mistrust things with her last couple of boyfriends but with me she is fine. We have just moved in together in her house, I thought her family and friends would freak out but they were all supportive and even had her dad and brother come and see me to give me their blessing and take me out for a beer. I think it helps that I have my own house with equity, ok no where near as much as her house but I do. All I could do throughout this time was be myself, I knew I would not rip her off so I just went about my business and just had enough faith in myself to know I would gain their trust which I did. I think you should do the same, you are as you are and if you are genuine then stop worrying because what I have learnt in life is that just because someone thinks you are a prick it does not make you one. I have seen the pic and she looks amazing, she has had it tough but in any relationship both parties have to earn each others trust so its no different for you so just go with the flow. I think a lot of guys would have been more worried about her having a kid and her ex being how he is. I will say this, her family will be watching your relationship with the child more than anything to get an idea of just what you are like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarewsEyebrowDesigner Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Pack your shit and head to Vegas. Forget the serious stuff until you are ready for it, and it sounds like you aren't just yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Wait... There's a pic? :winkold: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 Wait... There's a pic? :winkold: Not one I have put up! haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Wait... There's a pic? :winkold: Not one I have put up! haha Relax, I'm not a creep. Put one up. >_> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Never trust a man who never takes his hat off. What are you hiding under there?! WHAT?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 Wait... There's a pic? :winkold: Not one I have put up! haha Relax, I'm not a creep. Put one up. >_> Haha Roethlisberger. There is a man who does not take no for an answer.......allegedly. Awesome QB though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted November 29, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted November 29, 2011 "be yourself" I hate that advice. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b6bloke Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Wait... There's a pic? :winkold: Not one I have put up! haha Sorry i got him mixed with Brigger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarewsEyebrowDesigner Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 I don't get it either, the very least you should be is yourself. If not, you're a bit of a douche. Unless you are a superhero/assassin and need to tell a few porkies to protect the other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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