Houllier - released from contract with FFF

[smokingzen]

Villa Shocker – Minority of Villa fans gag on media spunk after swallowing too much!

Our dirty little media rag can today reveal that a small but impotent section of Villa fans are today gagging on the media spunk that we have sprayed into their mouths over the last couple of days. Whilst trying to sell newspapers and picking up on any possible negative, real or otherwise, our exclusive articles were swallowed hook line and sinker by a handful of fans who were looking for something to swallow whole. After swallowing too much however these fans began to feel queasy in the pits of their stomachs and began to attempt the regurgitation of the large amounts of spunk they had swallowed. After successful regurgitation by some fans they then began the process of spitting out this icky goo back into the world, much of this spunk can now be found plastered over various Aston Villa fans sites and forums. Much of it however is still dribbling down their chins. We spoke to renowned Aston villa fan Mack Almond about the situation and he had this to say:

'Well I don't really know much about football but I do know first hand about the dangers of swallowing too much spunk and at the end of the day I really wouldn't advise it. No matter how attractive the donor might seem, and how much you really do want to swallow it, swallowing too much can serious damage your health. My advice would be to not suck this stuff up at all, but if you really have to, spit it out without swallowing, even then it will leave a slightly unpleasant taste in the mouth but at least you can say you didn't swallow it whole.'

Tomorrow – Randy Learner Exclusive: I used to be a Porn Star and made my millions by **** people, now I'm going to **** Villa, real hard.

Link

[JPAngel]

Villa Shocker – Minority of Villa fans gag on media spunk after swallowing too much!

Our dirty little media rag can today reveal that a small but impotent section of Villa fans are today gagging on the media spunk that we have sprayed into their mouths over the last couple of days. Whilst trying to sell newspapers and picking up on any possible negative, real or otherwise, our exclusive articles were swallowed hook line and sinker by a handful of fans who were looking for something to swallow whole. After swallowing too much however these fans began to feel queasy in the pits of their stomachs and began to attempt the regurgitation of the large amounts of spunk they had swallowed. After successful regurgitation by some fans they then began the process of spitting out this icky goo back into the world, much of this spunk can now be found plastered over various Aston Villa fans sites and forums. Much of it however is still dribbling down their chins. We spoke to renowned Aston villa fan Mack Almond about the situation and he had this to say:

'Well I don't really know much about football but I do know first hand about the dangers of swallowing too much spunk and at the end of the day I really wouldn't advise it. No matter how attractive the donor might seem, and how much you really do want to swallow it, swallowing too much can serious damage your health. My advice would be to not suck this stuff up at all, but if you really have to, spit it out without swallowing, even then it will leave a slightly unpleasant taste in the mouth but at least you can say you didn't swallow it whole.'

Tomorrow – Randy Learner Exclusive: I used to be a Porn Star and made my millions by **** people, now I'm going to **** Villa, real hard.

Link

Did you write that? Or it a really shit joke, or something seeing as there is no link provided?

Looks like a 7-year-old wrote it.

[HolteExile]

I think he was hoping for some "LOL! Lets slag our own fans!" type responses.

But it is a bit arse, isn't it?

[PompeyVillan]

Villa Shocker – Minority of Villa fans gag on media spunk after swallowing too much!

Our dirty little media rag can today reveal that a small but impotent section of Villa fans are today gagging on the media spunk that we have sprayed into their mouths over the last couple of days. Whilst trying to sell newspapers and picking up on any possible negative, real or otherwise, our exclusive articles were swallowed hook line and sinker by a handful of fans who were looking for something to swallow whole. After swallowing too much however these fans began to feel queasy in the pits of their stomachs and began to attempt the regurgitation of the large amounts of spunk they had swallowed. After successful regurgitation by some fans they then began the process of spitting out this icky goo back into the world, much of this spunk can now be found plastered over various Aston Villa fans sites and forums. Much of it however is still dribbling down their chins. We spoke to renowned Aston villa fan Mack Almond about the situation and he had this to say:

'Well I don't really know much about football but I do know first hand about the dangers of swallowing too much spunk and at the end of the day I really wouldn't advise it. No matter how attractive the donor might seem, and how much you really do want to swallow it, swallowing too much can serious damage your health. My advice would be to not suck this stuff up at all, but if you really have to, spit it out without swallowing, even then it will leave a slightly unpleasant taste in the mouth but at least you can say you didn't swallow it whole.'

Tomorrow – Randy Learner Exclusive: I used to be a Porn Star and made my millions by **** people, now I'm going to **** Villa, real hard.

Link

:yawn:

[Super-Villan]

To be fair to Thompson he also did well to ease the fears with regards the timing of the appointment. he quite rightly said that it would have been just as farcical for us to not announce it for a further 2 or 3 weeks when everybody already knows he is getting the job anyway. Le Tissier questioned the timing and asked if it would be better done in a few weeks when he can actually take charge and that's when Thommo gave his reply. Merson even said that it would have been stupid if Kev MacDonald had won the next 5 games and then they gave it to Houllier as it would have upset the fans too much, which is right IMO.

I don't see how. As I've said, the club could release a holding statement saying they are in negotiations with Houllier and the FFF, more information to follow when available. That's not farcical, it's sensible, as it lets everyone know what's going on without getting any hopes up or announcing thing before they are properly in place.

[Jon]

We just need a No 2!!

Don't worry.

I did one earlier. :oops: :winkold:

[Jez]

Gerard Houllier declares himself fit and ready to sustain the challenge at Aston Villa

“I’m a triple-decker stress sandwich,” Al Pacino’s character grunts to a reporter in Any Given Sunday, commenting on the strains that come with being an American football coach. The same pressures apply for Premier League managers, so Gerard Houllier’s return to the madhouse of front-line management with Aston Villa this week raised a few eyebrows.

By Sandy Macaskill

Published: 6:29PM BST 11 Sep 2010

The 63-year-old breezed into Villa Park on Friday looking bronzed and healthy — he’ll get another chance to top up his tan as he does not begin work in the Midlands for another few weeks — but supporters will be anxious to know that his history of heart problems whilst Liverpool manager are not likely to resurface.

The Frenchman underwent an 11-hour open-heart surgery after suffering from a condition known as dissection of the aorta at half time during his side’s 1-1 draw with Leeds in 2001, but he insists that he is now completely fit and healthy.

“When you go into this job there is pressure, hard work, you won’t sleep every night, so you need to make sure that your body is ready to sustain the challenge,” he said.

“But I would say I’m even fitter than when I was at Lyon.” Houllier was referring to his two years, from 2005-07, at Olympique Lyonnais, who hired him to turn domestic dominance into European success after winning their fourth successive championship.

“I would say that this was very demanding,” he says, with the unuttered coda that if he had dealt with that well enough, Villa will be a walk in the park.

Houllier, who was last given a check-up in early August — he likes to meet with his specialist in Liverpool “on a friendly basis” regularly — is understood to have hesitated from accepting the role because his wife Isabelle was worried about what a return might mean to his health.

Asked whether his family were happy, Houllier made a noise like a kettle coming to the boil. “Good question,” he joked. “They are happy because I’m doing what I want to do.”

Clicky

[JulieB]

We just need a No 2!!

Don't worry.

I did one earlier. :oops: :winkold:

I just new someone was going to drop that one out sometime!

[abdomlahor]

Travel to any of the distant outposts where Fifa or Uefa place their forums about football development, ask any of the elite managers in the world game, and the consensus about the new Aston Villa coach is pretty universal: Gérard Houllier is an admired football man with knowledge and ideas well worth listening to. Ask Sir Alex Ferguson or Arsène Wenger how highly they rate this particular peer. Consult the educators in poorer countries who feel indebted for the expertise he passes on. You will be hard pressed to find a single bad word. So why has Houllier's return to the sharp end of management been met with a degree more scepticism than enthusiasm?

It is not just in the streets around Villa Park that his appointment has been greeted with ambivalence. Back home, his protracted farewell from his job at the French football federation – with which he has been connected for decades and has performed the role of technical director for the past three years – has also been mixed. While the French are thankful for the valuable work he has done in overseeing the development of the next generation of players, his reputation took a fearful hit-by-association when the Raymond Domenech disaster came to such a damaging head at the World Cup in South Africa.

It has hurt Houllier deeply that he has taken a share of the flak – and the worst of it has been scathing – for the implosion that engulfed the national team over the summer. Even though he had no direct say in team affairs, the public and the media have been unforgiving about his role in keeping Domenech in place far beyond what should have been his sell-by date. It was Houllier who stood up to back Domenech after a dismal showing at Euro 2008. It was Houllier's word that carried enough weight for the federation to keep the lamest of ducks afloat for 2010.

The fact he backtracked once a woeful World Cup qualification campaign got under way, urging the powers that be to bring out the guillotine before the rot became incurable, did not get him off the hook. By then it was apparently too late and on France stumbled until they jumped off a cliff in South Africa. One of Houllier's nicknames in the aftermath of this mess was Pontius Pilate. He was perceived as the man who made the big judgment calls – and didn't call them well at all. "It is something funny," he reflects. "Suppose there was a plane crash and the black box shows the pilot made some mistakes. I was not the pilot. I was not the co-pilot. I was not the steward. I was not the hostess. I was not even a passenger on the plane, but I got blamed."

And this brings us to the crux of the Houllier image in France. On a technical level, he remains a figure to be respected. On a political level, he is seen as having bungled. Houllier is, by nature, a sensitive man, someone who struggles to conceal his emotions, and if there is any good to come out of what has been a painful and unexpected backlash, it is the fact it has pushed him into a new challenge. As he is fond of saying, "a crisis is always an opportunity".

The chance to get the hell out of French football politics has come at just the right time. The sanctity of the training pitch calls. The smell of the grass and the sound of leather boots thumping at footballs cannot come soon enough, and this invigorated 63-year-old intends to throw himself into the challenge at Bodymoor Heath.

After the comparatively sedate desk job and ambassadorial roles that have occupied him over the past few seasons, the obvious concern, with so much to launch into, is whether Houllier's health is robust enough for the physical and mental pressures ahead. He has always claimed an emergency heart operation in 2001 should not preclude him from his calling. "When people told me I had to stop being a manager, I told them I would rather stop breathing than give up football," he said.

At his unveiling as Villa manager in Birmingham, he explained he had no reservations whatsoever. "My last check-up was on August 4 and I was given a clean bill of health," he said. "I needed to make sure my body was ready for the challenge. I am fitter than I was at any stage when I was with Lyon. I am even fitter than when I was at Liverpool. I have regular check-ups and there have been no murmurs or any problems. Touch wood.

"I am still in contact with the same surgeon who did the operation when I was in Liverpool. He was with me to catch up in August. I meet him on a friendly basis as often as is possible."

He concedes he did have to convince his family that this was the right choice. "They are happy I am doing what I like to do. I wanted to be in a club again and with players every day," he says. "The pressure in the Premier League is probably higher. You don't sleep every night because sometimes you come home so late. But my family know I am fitter and healthier for what is maybe my last challenge."

Much of the judgment on his suitability to return to the Premier League has been clouded by his laboured latter days at Liverpool, a spell he concedes was difficult in the aftermath of his illness, but it is worth noting there are a couple of areas of France that have been loth to join in the Houllier bashing. In Lyon, where he won two French titles as recently as 2006 and 2007, and came within a whisker of a Champions League semi-final, and at Paris Saint-Germain, with whom he claimed Ligue 1 in 1986, he is fondly remembered. And not just for success. His teams played stylishly, too. In club football, he has won trophies everywhere he has worked in the past 25 years.

Houllier has another nickname in France – Culbuto. It is a children's toy, a figure with a ball-shaped bottom that always lands upright no matter how hard you throw it or in which direction it falls. Back on his own two managerial feet at Villa Park, Houllier is raring to prove he can stay that way.

Pretty good read.

[Gringo]

Houllier has another nickname in France – Culbuto. It is a children's toy, a figure with a ball-shaped bottom that always lands upright no matter how hard you throw it or in which direction it falls. Back on his own two managerial feet at Villa Park, Houllier is raring to prove he can stay that way.

Weebles wobble but they don't fall down. If only he can teach Ashley that trick we're flying.

[Hanky]

It's a joke if you ask me. You come to be manager of a football club with 'immiedate effect' (as what was reported) not when it suits.

[Qwpzxjor1]

Villa Shocker – Minority of Villa fans gag on media spunk after swallowing too much!

Our dirty little media rag can today reveal that a small but impotent section of Villa fans are today gagging on the media spunk that we have sprayed into their mouths over the last couple of days. Whilst trying to sell newspapers and picking up on any possible negative, real or otherwise, our exclusive articles were swallowed hook line and sinker by a handful of fans who were looking for something to swallow whole. After swallowing too much however these fans began to feel queasy in the pits of their stomachs and began to attempt the regurgitation of the large amounts of spunk they had swallowed. After successful regurgitation by some fans they then began the process of spitting out this icky goo back into the world, much of this spunk can now be found plastered over various Aston Villa fans sites and forums. Much of it however is still dribbling down their chins. We spoke to renowned Aston villa fan Mack Almond about the situation and he had this to say:

'Well I don't really know much about football but I do know first hand about the dangers of swallowing too much spunk and at the end of the day I really wouldn't advise it. No matter how attractive the donor might seem, and how much you really do want to swallow it, swallowing too much can serious damage your health. My advice would be to not suck this stuff up at all, but if you really have to, spit it out without swallowing, even then it will leave a slightly unpleasant taste in the mouth but at least you can say you didn't swallow it whole.'

Tomorrow – Randy Learner Exclusive: I used to be a Porn Star and made my millions by **** people, now I'm going to **** Villa, real hard.

Link

Do we have a 'Tried to be funny but failed miserably' award for our end of year presentations?

If so, this gets my vote.

[YankeeinMadrid]

Apparently GH hasn't even met the players yet. The day he came in and was introduced as new manager, the players had the day off. That's a cock up on the part of the club...

There's nothing to the rumors that some players despise him and would look to get out.

The only problem some players might have with him is that he's very very strict and discipline is extremely important to him.

[Jez]

Gérard Houllier learns to roll with the punches in face of flak

New Aston Villa manager still raring to go in the Premier League despite coming under fire in his native France

Amy Lawrence

The Observer, Sunday 12 September 2010

Article history

Gérard Houllier is all smiles after being introduced as Aston Villa's new manager. Photograph: David Davies/PA

Travel to any of the distant outposts where Fifa or Uefa place their forums about football development, ask any of the elite managers in the world game, and the consensus about the new Aston Villa coach is pretty universal: Gérard Houllier is an admired football man with knowledge and ideas well worth listening to. Ask Sir Alex Ferguson or Arsène Wenger how highly they rate this particular peer. Consult the educators in poorer countries who feel indebted for the expertise he passes on. You will be hard pressed to find a single bad word. So why has Houllier's return to the sharp end of management been met with a degree more scepticism than enthusiasm?

It is not just in the streets around Villa Park that his appointment has been greeted with ambivalence. Back home, his protracted farewell from his job at the French football federation – with which he has been connected for decades and has performed the role of technical director for the past three years – has also been mixed. While the French are thankful for the valuable work he has done in overseeing the development of the next generation of players, his reputation took a fearful hit-by-association when the Raymond Domenech disaster came to such a damaging head at the World Cup in South Africa.

It has hurt Houllier deeply that he has taken a share of the flak – and the worst of it has been scathing – for the implosion that engulfed the national team over the summer. Even though he had no direct say in team affairs, the public and the media have been unforgiving about his role in keeping Domenech in place far beyond what should have been his sell-by date. It was Houllier who stood up to back Domenech after a dismal showing at Euro 2008. It was Houllier's word that carried enough weight for the federation to keep the lamest of ducks afloat for 2010.

The fact he backtracked once a woeful World Cup qualification campaign got under way, urging the powers that be to bring out the guillotine before the rot became incurable, did not get him off the hook. By then it was apparently too late and on France stumbled until they jumped off a cliff in South Africa. One of Houllier's nicknames in the aftermath of this mess was Pontius Pilate. He was perceived as the man who made the big judgment calls – and didn't call them well at all. "It is something funny," he reflects. "Suppose there was a plane crash and the black box shows the pilot made some mistakes. I was not the pilot. I was not the co-pilot. I was not the steward. I was not the hostess. I was not even a passenger on the plane, but I got blamed."

And this brings us to the crux of the Houllier image in France. On a technical level, he remains a figure to be respected. On a political level, he is seen as having bungled. Houllier is, by nature, a sensitive man, someone who struggles to conceal his emotions, and if there is any good to come out of what has been a painful and unexpected backlash, it is the fact it has pushed him into a new challenge. As he is fond of saying, "a crisis is always an opportunity".

The chance to get the hell out of French football politics has come at just the right time. The sanctity of the training pitch calls. The smell of the grass and the sound of leather boots thumping at footballs cannot come soon enough, and this invigorated 63-year-old intends to throw himself into the challenge at Bodymoor Heath.

After the comparatively sedate desk job and ambassadorial roles that have occupied him over the past few seasons, the obvious concern, with so much to launch into, is whether Houllier's health is robust enough for the physical and mental pressures ahead. He has always claimed an emergency heart operation in 2001 should not preclude him from his calling. "When people told me I had to stop being a manager, I told them I would rather stop breathing than give up football," he said.

At his unveiling as Villa manager in Birmingham, he explained he had no reservations whatsoever. "My last check-up was on August 4 and I was given a clean bill of health," he said. "I needed to make sure my body was ready for the challenge. I am fitter than I was at any stage when I was with Lyon. I am even fitter than when I was at Liverpool. I have regular check-ups and there have been no murmurs or any problems. Touch wood.

"I am still in contact with the same surgeon who did the operation when I was in Liverpool. He was with me to catch up in August. I meet him on a friendly basis as often as is possible."

He concedes he did have to convince his family that this was the right choice. "They are happy I am doing what I like to do. I wanted to be in a club again and with players every day," he says. "The pressure in the Premier League is probably higher. You don't sleep every night because sometimes you come home so late. But my family know I am fitter and healthier for what is maybe my last challenge."

Much of the judgment on his suitability to return to the Premier League has been clouded by his laboured latter days at Liverpool, a spell he concedes was difficult in the aftermath of his illness, but it is worth noting there are a couple of areas of France that have been loth to join in the Houllier bashing. In Lyon, where he won two French titles as recently as 2006 and 2007, and came within a whisker of a Champions League semi-final, and at Paris Saint-Germain, with whom he claimed Ligue 1 in 1986, he is fondly remembered. And not just for success. His teams played stylishly, too. In club football, he has won trophies everywhere he has worked in the past 25 years.

Houllier has another nickname in France – Culbuto. It is a children's toy, a figure with a ball-shaped bottom that always lands upright no matter how hard you throw it or in which direction it falls. Back on his own two managerial feet at Villa Park, Houllier is raring to prove he can stay that way.

Clicky

[smetrov]

Could we be the fitst club to get a manager on loan !

[billy_loes]

The managers programme notes -

Sorry I cant be with you all this afternoon but with your backing and me on MyP2P I'm sure we can get the right result.....

[SafeHands]

Strange situation this, not actually being able to manage our team for a few weeks. Would this have happened at any other top six Premiership club, maybe not.

GH has my support as any new Villa manager would, but i'm more than a little concerned about his health issues. If we go on a bad run when GH finally starts to manage our team and both the fans and media get on his back, then his heart problems could re-surface?

I am looking forward to a few more Johnny foreigners coming to the club though, as long as they are of a quality to move us forward.

[Denis_B]

The health issue is getting on my nerves now .... he had a heart blockage 10 years ago which has been sorted, look above, he has checks and is fine.

If we had got Hodgson (a man of similar age) who knows what his health issues are, if any, bet it wouldn't have been raised with him, GH is being constantly monitored and has had no ill effects since his surgery. Give it a rest or find another excuse to moan about his appointment.

[Mantis]

Strange situation this, not actually being able to manage our team for a few weeks. Would this have happened at any other top six Premiership club, maybe not.

If they had got Houllier while he was under contract with the FFF then yes, most likely. That's the reason for the delay - it's nothing to do with the club or Houllier being slow.

And yes, I agree with Denis B. All this talk of Houllier's health is ridiculous. Doctors have said he's fine and if he wasn't 100% fit and healthy I doubt he'd be managing. People seem to be waiting for his health to decline just so they can say "I told you so". :?

[ryanvilla_1994]

The managers programme notes -

Sorry I cant be with you all this afternoon but with your backing and me on MyP2P I'm sure we can get the right result.....