Jump to content

General Chat


Stevo985

Recommended Posts

What is the best approach to making eye contact with somebody who has eyes that go in opposite directions when you're talking to them?

 

I say aim for the bridge of the nose.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So I've been upsetting my Missus lately with some of my views on the world. I don't intend to upset her, but whatever I rip into tends to be a favourite of her family. The problem is that I do like a good moan, and when I go, I tend to go all out. No holds barred.

 

I'll give you some examples:

 

1) The mirror newspaper is exclusively for idiots, with The Sun being even worse. Daily gossip rags designed for those who prefer to look at pictures than read words.

Her mum buys the Sun every day, and her dad has been a Mirror reader for most of his life.

 

2) Carling is made by distilling the devil's urine, only desperate alcoholics and children would voluntarily purchase it.

Her mum drinks the stuff religously.

 

3) In response to an advert for children's cereals filled to the brim with chocolate, I stated, "Who the hell gives their kids a bowl full of chocolate for breakfast".

Her sister gives said cereal to her children every morning.

 

4) Tattoos of animals and other random images plucked from the tattoo studio wall are ridiculous, lack imagination and are the trademark of tramps.

You get the idea by now.

 

5) Serial purchasing of scratchcards on a daily basis flies in the face of all logic and reasonable thinking, the past time of idiots.

 

6) There's nothing sadder than seeing people queued up outside the local labour club waiting for it to open.

This was particularly offensive, as the observation was made immediately after driving past her uncle (who I'd never met) waiting outside one such establishment. 

 

7) Nearly forgot this one; ITV is for idiots. Their shows are deliberately dummed down to cater for the jobless f*cks who spend all afternoon watching cr*p rather than getting off their arses to go and do something constructive with their lives.

Again, her mum is a serial subscriber to ITV, particularly during the day.

 

Am I being harsh? Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut, but that's just not me.

 

Can I subscribe to your newsletter? I agree wholeheartedly with your views!

 

I'd extend point 7 to all reality tv as well - its for the lowest common denominator. 

Edited by Xela
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My friend has been offered a job that pays £7 an hour, he is not sure whether to take the job or stay on job seekers allowance and housing benefits which combined gives him £130 a week. The job gives him £200 a week after tax, so not much difference, what should he do?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What is the best approach to making eye contact with somebody who has eyes that go in opposite directions when you're talking to them?

 

I say aim for the bridge of the nose.

 

Kiss both cheeks.

 

My friend has been offered a job that pays £7 an hour, he is not sure whether to take the job or stay on job seekers allowance and housing benefits which combined gives him £130 a week. The job gives him £200 a week after tax, so not much difference, what should he do?

 

The sense of Job satisfaction is always the best way I think.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My friend has been offered a job that pays £7 an hour, he is not sure whether to take the job or stay on job seekers allowance and housing benefits which combined gives him £130 a week. The job gives him £200 a week after tax, so not much difference, what should he do?

 

Work. Any person worth their salt would. He may not be much better off financially but he will be be contributing to society and have a better sense of self worth. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

A while ago the mother in law was showing me some pictures of a night out she had, and I asked why was Jabba the Hutt standing in the background? It was only one of her close friends

Luckily she has a good sense of humour and the whole family were pissing themselves at my comment

Reminds me of the time when former poster WiggyRichard was showing us his wedding photos. One particular poster made a remark about the back cleavage present on one of the Bridesmaids. Needless to say it turned out to be his sister.

That would be me :lol:

Once I'd established it wasn't myself, it was only ever going to be yourself, Ad or Eames.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My friend has been offered a job that pays £7 an hour, he is not sure whether to take the job or stay on job seekers allowance and housing benefits which combined gives him £130 a week. The job gives him £200 a week after tax, so not much difference, what should he do?

 

Is this actually a question?

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

My friend has been offered a job that pays £7 an hour, he is not sure whether to take the job or stay on job seekers allowance and housing benefits which combined gives him £130 a week. The job gives him £200 a week after tax, so not much difference, what should he do?

 

Is this actually a question?

 

 

 

If it quacks like a duck......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My friend has been offered a job that pays £7 an hour, he is not sure whether to take the job or stay on job seekers allowance and housing benefits which combined gives him £130 a week. The job gives him £200 a week after tax, so not much difference, what should he do?

The lazy word removed should take the god damn job.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My friend has been offered a job that pays £7 an hour, he is not sure whether to take the job or stay on job seekers allowance and housing benefits which combined gives him £130 a week. The job gives him £200 a week after tax, so not much difference, what should he do?

That's around £3.5k extra a year after tax

That's a lot of Stella ...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...
Â