Families

[markavfc40]

Not sure if this is the place to put this but it seems about the closest existing thread.

I've struggled a bit mentally this Christmas and can't say I've enjoyed it and I think the main reason is that now my kids are older it just didn't have the same feel. My eldest daughter is 23 and youngest is 15 and I think whilst the 15 year old stopped believing in the whole father Christmas thing 3 or 4 years ago she still played along. This year though it felt like it was adults celebrating Christmas and it just didn't feel the same. Having an 8 year gap between our two children means that since 1998 our Christmas has been completely built around them. 

 

I suppose it is not just Christmas but the whole adjusting to where the years have gone from the time our first was born. It is scary really how fast it all goes and I'd say to anyone with young children cherish every moment as it goes by so fast.

 

I'm actually looking forward to grandchildren hopefully coming along even though I'm 48 and I'd never contemplated I'd be this age and thinking having grandkids would be nice.

[mjmooney]

5 minutes ago, markavfc40 said:

Not sure if this is the place to put this but it seems about the closest existing thread.

I've struggled a bit mentally this Christmas and can't say I've enjoyed it and I think the main reason is that now my kids are older it just didn't have the same feel. My eldest daughter is 23 and youngest is 15 and I think whilst the 15 year old stopped believing in the whole father Christmas thing 3 or 4 years ago she still played along. This year though it felt like it was adults celebrating Christmas and it just didn't feel the same. Having an 8 year gap between our two children means that since 1998 our Christmas has been completely built around them. 

 

I suppose it is not just Christmas but the whole adjusting to where the years have gone from the time our first was born. It is scary really how fast it all goes and I'd say to anyone with young children cherish every moment as it goes by so fast.

 

I'm actually looking forward to grandchildren hopefully coming along even though I'm 48 and I'd never contemplated I'd be this age and thinking having grandkids would be nice.

All very recognisable and completely normal. And yes, in my experience, getting to retirement and grandchildren is great. Just hang in there and enjoy your midlife crisis (usually involves buying a Harley Davidson). 

 

[Seat68]

6 minutes ago, markavfc40 said:

Not sure if this is the place to put this but it seems about the closest existing thread.

I've struggled a bit mentally this Christmas and can't say I've enjoyed it and I think the main reason is that now my kids are older it just didn't have the same feel. My eldest daughter is 23 and youngest is 15 and I think whilst the 15 year old stopped believing in the whole father Christmas thing 3 or 4 years ago she still played along. This year though it felt like it was adults celebrating Christmas and it just didn't feel the same. Having an 8 year gap between our two children means that since 1998 our Christmas has been completely built around them. 

 

I suppose it is not just Christmas but the whole adjusting to where the years have gone from the time our first was born. It is scary really how fast it all goes and I'd say to anyone with young children cherish every moment as it goes by so fast.

 

I'm actually looking forward to grandchildren hopefully coming along even though I'm 48 and I'd never contemplated I'd be this age and thinking having grandkids would be nice.

Thankfully my daughter never fell out love of the whole thing of Christmas, but my grandson helped put an even bigger bang into it. 

[rjw63]

6 minutes ago, mjmooney said:

All very recognisable and completely normal. And yes, in my experience, getting to retirement and grandchildren is great. Just hang in there and enjoy your midlife crisis (usually involves banging a woman half your age). 

 

Corrected

 

[markavfc40]

8 minutes ago, mjmooney said:

All very recognisable and completely normal. And yes, in my experience, getting to retirement and grandchildren is great. Just hang in there and enjoy your midlife crisis (usually involves buying a Harley Davidson). 

 

Yes I'm thinking mid life crisis  I've always been a bit emotional about things like this and landmark realisations of the passing of time where my kids are concerned. I can remember my eldest starting senior school and getting proper upset about it and wondering where the years had gone. I think another thing is I worry whether I embraced and cherished enough all the things that I can't now repeat with them just simply because they have gotten older.

It is a bastard isn't it the passing of time and how quick it seems to go.

[mjmooney]

5 minutes ago, rjw63 said:

Corrected

Maybe that as well. I couldn't possibly comment.  

[sidcow]

As a continuation of the theme in the things that piss you off thread, but probably more suitable here, and perhaps touching a little on above themes. 

We lost my mother in law in September, almost exactly a year after my father in law. 

Obviously Mrs Sidcow has had her moments. And most especially when a certain advert comes on at the moment for a charity about lonely old people spending Christmas alone, my mother in law continued to isolate last Christmas as she was in a super high risk group. 

I must be really lucky.  I've never had any mental health problems and just tend to not dwell on things at all. Lockdown has been like water off a ducks back, I've never got upset or dwelt on death.  I'm happy in my own skin and happy with my own company. 

However we found out that on Christmas Day my daughter sent a text message to my mother in laws (her Grandma's) phone on Christmas day saying Happy Christmas and how much she misses her. 

We found out because my Sister in Law still has the phone just in case anyone rings or texts who we have missed. 

Fortunately they didn't respond to the text (how freaky would that be?) but my daughter is obviously still upset, or maybe it was just a passing thing be it was Christmas. 

I'm not sure if we need to do anything. She might just be embarrassed that her message was seen, she's not aware my sister in law has the phone. 

I was about her age when my grandad died and I didn't really dwell on it at all. I guess we're all built differently. 

So this year has been a very odd Christmas. The kids have totally stopped the Kiddy Christmas thing altogether indeed developed more adult themes, the lads been isolating, Mrs Sidcow father sad and me sat here just enjoying not being at work and happy in myself. 

Strange times. 

Edited December 28, 2021 by sidcow

[Seat68]

Think I have mentioned it but as we are on the subject, my wife's mum died in 2020. My wife hasn't shed a tear, didn't appear massively upset, was dry faced during the funeral. My wife is literally a monster. 

[markavfc40]

1 hour ago, Seat68 said:

Think I have mentioned it but as we are on the subject, my wife's mum died in 2020. My wife hasn't shed a tear, didn't appear massively upset, was dry faced during the funeral. My wife is literally a monster. 

I wouldn't read too much into the lack of tears mate. I lost my dad when I was 28 in 2002. He was 60 and as well as being my dad he was my best friend. I have never really shed a tear though not because I didn't care but because as mad as it sounds I felt like if I started to cry I'd never stop so I'd think about him up to a point and then stop myself before I tipped over an imaginary edge. I don't think a day has gone by since he died that I haven't thought about him but even now I struggle to think about him for too long for fear of completely breaking down. I have often thought it may be a good thing if I did let it out but I just can't.

Grief is a terrible thing and we all deal with it differently. 

[mjmooney]

17 minutes ago, markavfc40 said:

Grief is a terrible thing and we all deal with it differently. 

Very true. When my mother died (on my birthday, as I mentioned elsewhere) I remember getting the call from the hospice in the middle of the night. I remember going in the next morning, seeing the body and shedding some tears (partly of relief than her cancer hell was over). I remember going immediately to the funeral directors, and getting everything arranged. After that - nothing. My memory is a total blank. Don't remember the funeral at all - where it was, who was there, what was said, what we did afterwards. It's a complete void. My wife can tell me all the details, but nothing rings any bells. It's as if I've completely wiped it from my consciousness. Really strange. 

Edited December 28, 2021 by mjmooney

[Follyfoot]

4 hours ago, markavfc40 said:

Not sure if this is the place to put this but it seems about the closest existing thread.

I've struggled a bit mentally this Christmas and can't say I've enjoyed it and I think the main reason is that now my kids are older it just didn't have the same feel. My eldest daughter is 23 and youngest is 15 and I think whilst the 15 year old stopped believing in the whole father Christmas thing 3 or 4 years ago she still played along. This year though it felt like it was adults celebrating Christmas and it just didn't feel the same. Having an 8 year gap between our two children means that since 1998 our Christmas has been completely built around them. 

 

I suppose it is not just Christmas but the whole adjusting to where the years have gone from the time our first was born. It is scary really how fast it all goes and I'd say to anyone with young children cherish every moment as it goes by so fast.

 

I'm actually looking forward to grandchildren hopefully coming along even though I'm 48 and I'd never contemplated I'd be this age and thinking having grandkids would be nice.

I felt pretty much like this the last few years as my lads are 15 and 17. This year however they have interacted with us and our grandparents playing games , Pool tournaments and just generally staying off the Xbox. It made my Mrs Christmas watching me on the settee with both boys next to me holding my hands either side when doing the quiz, I never realised at the time I don’t think they did but looking back it’s quite beautiful. Helped my mental state immensely

Edited December 28, 2021 by Follyfoot

[TheAuthority]

14 hours ago, sidcow said:

 

However we found out that on Christmas Day my daughter sent a text message to my mother in laws (her Grandma's) phone on Christmas day saying Happy Christmas and how much she misses her. 

We found out because my Sister in Law still has the phone just in case anyone rings or texts who we have missed. 

Fortunately they didn't respond to the text (how freaky would that be?) but my daughter is obviously still upset, or maybe it was just a passing thing be it was Christmas. 

I'm not sure if we need to do anything. She might just be embarrassed that her message was seen, she's not aware my sister in law has the phone. 

I was about her age when my grandad died and I didn't really dwell on it at all. I guess we're all built differently. 

So this year has been a very odd Christmas. The kids have totally stopped the Kiddy Christmas thing altogether indeed developed more adult themes, the lads been isolating, Mrs Sidcow father sad and me sat here just enjoying not being at work and happy in myself. 

Strange times. 

Nothing strange here mate. A few months after my dad died my cousin (my dads brothers son) said "I came across your dad's number in my phone - how could I delete that?"

It's absolutely true - I have never deleted my dad's mobile number or his email from my phone or contacts. He's still there digitally in photo's etc.

I'm 46 and I understand that if your daughter sent a message to a digital version to her grandma it's just her expressing herself and her grief. It's just the world we live in nowadays that texting/social media pages are how we communicate. It's a really sweet gesture and nothing to worry about.

[bickster]

15 hours ago, sidcow said:

As a continuation of the theme in the things that piss you off thread, but probably more suitable here, and perhaps touching a little on above themes. 

We lost my mother in law in September, almost exactly a year after my father in law. 

Obviously Mrs Sidcow has had her moments. And most especially when a certain advert comes on at the moment for a charity about lonely old people spending Christmas alone, my mother in law continued to isolate last Christmas as she was in a super high risk group. 

I must be really lucky.  I've never had any mental health problems and just tend to not dwell on things at all. Lockdown has been like water off a ducks back, I've never got upset or dwelt on death.  I'm happy in my own skin and happy with my own company. 

However we found out that on Christmas Day my daughter sent a text message to my mother in laws (her Grandma's) phone on Christmas day saying Happy Christmas and how much she misses her. 

We found out because my Sister in Law still has the phone just in case anyone rings or texts who we have missed. 

Fortunately they didn't respond to the text (how freaky would that be?) but my daughter is obviously still upset, or maybe it was just a passing thing be it was Christmas. 

I'm not sure if we need to do anything. She might just be embarrassed that her message was seen, she's not aware my sister in law has the phone. 

I was about her age when my grandad died and I didn't really dwell on it at all. I guess we're all built differently. 

So this year has been a very odd Christmas. The kids have totally stopped the Kiddy Christmas thing altogether indeed developed more adult themes, the lads been isolating, Mrs Sidcow father sad and me sat here just enjoying not being at work and happy in myself. 

Strange times. 

I don't think there's much to worry about in the sending of the message but the text message will have a delivered or read status and that might be a little freaky for your daughter if she notices.

[sidcow]

 

Brothers drinking. That is all. 

 

Edited February 26, 2023 by sidcow

[Seat68]

So. had the weekly Facetime call from my parents last night. They are awful people who were abusive and neglectful all through my childhood, but still I foolishly try and be nice to them. Last nights call, the initial topic of conversation was a close relative who had been convicted for being a paedo. So immediately I cut them dead, I have my Grandson sat next to me, dont say anything inappropriate as he doesnt need to hear it. They chose not to listen to this so I had to cut them dead again, shut up, now is not the time to talk about this. Then as the sentence was a suspended one my father started telling us that the reason it was a suspended sentence was because the "blacks and p---" are filling the prisons, and that its only a matter of time before there is a civil war and they come for us, us being white people. Again, I said I will not have grandson listening to this, its not appropriate (grandson was engrossed in roblox thankfully) and then ended the call.

My point is, why the **** do I bother, they are awful people, have never exhibited any form of compassion or empathy, raised 3 kids, one is an out and out racist, the other is now on some anti trans crusade and then there is me, who isnt a horrible person, but has issues about his childhood.

Anyway, just a rant about parents being words removed.

[chrisp65]

28 minutes ago, Seat68 said:

So. had the weekly Facetime call from my parents last night. They are awful people who were abusive and neglectful all through my childhood, but still I foolishly try and be nice to them. Last nights call, the initial topic of conversation was a close relative who had been convicted for being a paedo. So immediately I cut them dead, I have my Grandson sat next to me, dont say anything inappropriate as he doesnt need to hear it. They chose not to listen to this so I had to cut them dead again, shut up, now is not the time to talk about this. Then as the sentence was a suspended one my father started telling us that the reason it was a suspended sentence was because the "blacks and p---" are filling the prisons, and that its only a matter of time before there is a civil war and they come for us, us being white people. Again, I said I will not have grandson listening to this, its not appropriate (grandson was engrossed in roblox thankfully) and then ended the call.

My point is, why the **** do I bother, they are awful people, have never exhibited any form of compassion or empathy, raised 3 kids, one is an out and out racist, the other is now on some anti trans crusade and then there is me, who isnt a horrible person, but has issues about his childhood.

Anyway, just a rant about parents being words removed.

You broke the cycle for you and yours. You are the **** winner.

No more complicated than that. 

[rjw63]

30 minutes ago, Seat68 said:

So. had the weekly Facetime call from my parents last night. They are awful people who were abusive and neglectful all through my childhood, but still I foolishly try and be nice to them. Last nights call, the initial topic of conversation was a close relative who had been convicted for being a paedo. So immediately I cut them dead, I have my Grandson sat next to me, dont say anything inappropriate as he doesnt need to hear it. They chose not to listen to this so I had to cut them dead again, shut up, now is not the time to talk about this. Then as the sentence was a suspended one my father started telling us that the reason it was a suspended sentence was because the "blacks and p---" are filling the prisons, and that its only a matter of time before there is a civil war and they come for us, us being white people. Again, I said I will not have grandson listening to this, its not appropriate (grandson was engrossed in roblox thankfully) and then ended the call.

My point is, why the **** do I bother, they are awful people, have never exhibited any form of compassion or empathy, raised 3 kids, one is an out and out racist, the other is now on some anti trans crusade and then there is me, who isnt a horrible person, but has issues about his childhood.

Anyway, just a rant about parents being words removed.

I’d have stopped seeing or talking to them years ago if I was you.

[Mark Albrighton]

Out of interest @Seat68, what’s the dynamic like between your parents and your siblings? Similarly strained?

 

edit -added the word “between” 

Edited November 17, 2023 by Mark Albrighton

[Seat68]

1 minute ago, Mark Albrighton said:

Out of interest @Seat68, what’s the dynamic like between your parents and your siblings? Similarly strained?

 

edit -added the word “between” 

Brother has barely a relationship with them. This is hearsay as I don't have a relationship with him at all, but from what I can tell they talk once a month but it is clipped and abrupt. My sister has the strongest relationship with them, she was prepared to have them live with her at one point. Politically, they are all on the same page, their world view is similar, so from that perspective, there isn't an issue. 

[luckyeddie]

46 minutes ago, Seat68 said:

So. had the weekly Facetime call from my parents last night. They are awful people who were abusive and neglectful all through my childhood, but still I foolishly try and be nice to them. Last nights call, the initial topic of conversation was a close relative who had been convicted for being a paedo. So immediately I cut them dead, I have my Grandson sat next to me, dont say anything inappropriate as he doesnt need to hear it. They chose not to listen to this so I had to cut them dead again, shut up, now is not the time to talk about this. Then as the sentence was a suspended one my father started telling us that the reason it was a suspended sentence was because the "blacks and p---" are filling the prisons, and that its only a matter of time before there is a civil war and they come for us, us being white people. Again, I said I will not have grandson listening to this, its not appropriate (grandson was engrossed in roblox thankfully) and then ended the call.

My point is, why the **** do I bother, they are awful people, have never exhibited any form of compassion or empathy, raised 3 kids, one is an out and out racist, the other is now on some anti trans crusade and then there is me, who isnt a horrible person, but has issues about his childhood.

Anyway, just a rant about parents being words removed.

That is a horrible situation. The hardest thing to do is go no contact with your family, but it'll change yours and your family's life. Your son doesn't need those kind of influences in his life and you need to protect your mental health. These kind of parents (narcissistic as an educated guess) will destroy anybody that will listen, as it seems they have done to your siblings.

You need to rant about them to process the pain. I have spent 30 years ranting (and therapy) and have gone no contact with every member of my family included extended. It is so liberating.

Your parents sound like mine, and they do not give a shit about anybody but themselves, it's hard to accept but it is the truth.

Good luck.

Edited November 17, 2023 by luckyeddie