mjmooney Posted July 1, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted July 1, 2011 When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face.I'll meet you at the station. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Risso Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face. Cheer up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted July 1, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted July 1, 2011 When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face. Relative to the previous 2 pages, this is a masterpiece! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LondonLax Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 I saw a great film in France called "And". It was released over here also I think, you know the one with the Alien who said phone home" Painful. And stolen directly from last night's "Mock the Week"! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villanmike Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 A nun asked her class, What part of the body goes intoheaven first? A little girl raises her hand and says, I know, I know, the top of your head. The nun asks, Why do you say that? The little girl says, Because when you die, you go straight up, and the top of your head goes in first! The nun replies, That makes sense, anyone else? Another little girl says, I know, I know, the tips of your fingers. The nun asks, Why the tips of your fingers? The little girl replies, Because when you put your handstogether to pray, the tips of your fingers go into heavenfirst! The nun says, OK, anyone else? Little Johnny is in the back waving his hand. The nun says, OK, Johnny, please tell us what part of the body goes into heaven first? Your feet! Your feet do, for sure! yells Johnny. The nun, puzzled, asks, Why do you think your feet get to heaven first? Because I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night, and my mom was in there, and she had both her feet sticking straight up in the air, and she was yelling 'Oh God, I'm coming. Oh God, I'm coming!' and if my Dad hadn't been holding her down, I think she would have gone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 how do you wake up lady gaga? poke her face :oops: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 A few just for Steveo.... I had a friend who always wanted to get run over by a steam train, so when it happened he was chuffed to bits. One of my squaddies in my army came up to my bunk bed the other day during a game of hide and seek and he had a hairdryer against my duvet, I said “Don’t blow my cover” I’ve got a friend who has got a butler whose left arm is missing, serves him right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villanmike Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 What do you call a prostitute with white eyes? full. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villanmike Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 What do you call a prostitute with white eyes? full. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RunRickyRun Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face. Brilliant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saturdaygig Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face. Cheer up. Oh what does this mean? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitsend Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 My doctor e-mailed me asking if I knew my "blod group". I replied, "typo." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieB Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Someone emailed me this & it made me chuckle... An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly. "OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?" The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don't know shit?" And then she went back to reading her book. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anthony Posted July 1, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted July 1, 2011 Wrong thread Julie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieB Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 It's a joke! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted July 1, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted July 1, 2011 A Jehovah's Witness was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about God, or Heaven and Hell, or life after death?" as he smiled smugly. "OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?" The JW, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss anything at all, when you don't know shit?" And then she went back to reading her book. Same joke turned around 180 degrees. Still funny? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieB Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Ha you've forgotten to take the smiling smug Atheist out the joke Mike!! ..... and there's lots more jokes about Jehovah's Witnesses that I laugh at as well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 A JW once stood on my door step holding a book out with a picture of loads of people having fun in a paradise setting and asked 'what about this picture stands out to you'? I said 'probably the ocean in the background as I love being by the sea' He said 'what about the black child holding hands and playing with the white child without fear of judgement'? I said 'as im not racist that wouldnt stand out to me, it just looks normal, can you go now please' not a joke, but a true story and why I dont like JW's much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieB Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 I'm not even getting into this.. that was a joke emailed to me by my old next door neighbour who doesn't even go to Church as far as I know! Jasper Carrott takes the mick out of JWs ALL the time.... and I laugh ...... he's married to one! Water off a ducks back as far as I'm concerned! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Nothing personal Julie, reading back it sounds pretty harsh when I dont mean it to be, he was pretty much the only one ive ever met so everytime i see the words jehovas witness I instantly think of him and what a pillock he was, i know its an irrational baseless generalisation and that all JW's arent like him, but its like a switch that goes off. I need to meet a sane nice JW i guess to balance it out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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